2016
Youth Cup Mini Preview
With A. Madrid and Youth Cup King The Doctor on holiday in Tenerife it is the week which allows for the Youth Limelight to be taken by the others.
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| The Doctor has used the Tardis to go to Spain |
DP 91 v André Guerra this is a huge match - Juventus v Porto - with Villareal, the 5th Division side clearly running away with Group A it is almost certainly left to a straight fight for 2nd between this two high flying Division One managers. Wayne Bullough one of the GW's newer managers is enjoying his cup adventurs so far, flying high in the Churchill Cup and faces Villareal tonight.
GROUP B
Attila Olah (Udinese) and Sean Cass (Atalanta) will both be determined to get 3 points in their games respectively. Keyboard (Broon) Gangster whose Fenebarche are as good as out will not only be playing for pride but will also hope to have their day in the race to finish behind A.Madrid.
GROUP C
Greg Owen youth cup king and his Lokomotiv side will be hoping for 3 more points in their quest for an unlikely top place finish in Group C against the forgetful golden bear.
Both Schalke and Zenit are locked on 7 points a piece in a match up which could go a long way to deciding their future in the competition.
GROUP D
With Gordon as good as out he is set to play an experimental formation with strikers at right back et al as his side face no one but he wants to give them a run out anyway. ⚡⚡David The Fox Piero⚡⚡ and his Tottenham side need 3 points away to 2nd place Sassuolo and Bob «Groucho» Sal, whilst Walter Smith and his CSKA side will look to book their place in round two.
GROUP E
Beddows faces the perfect Newcastle United and Oran Robson but with new signing Origi set to start it could be the fire power that Milan need, but the lose of Cataldi to Juventus could have a determinant effect on Milan.
Struggling Stoke face Paris SG with both teams realistically out of the competition.
GROUP F
Roy Keane (Gold 1⭐️) has demanded at least 10 goals from his Youth side as they entertain Flamengo determined to cement their place in 2nd place and hope that Rahul W and his misfiring Villians can perform a Paul Daniels magic trick and win in Germany against Noisy's Leverkusen...
GROUP G
The top two spots are almost certainly going to Joe Jordan (Man Utd) and Lee Reynolds (Dortmund) and with the two clashing tonight at Old Trafford it is a huge game.
Crystal Palace and River Plate are both playing for pride in the other showdown
GROUP H
The group that continues to fascinate everyone...
ACF Fiorentina face Napoli and Chelsea face Benfica...
| GROUP H | |||||||
| P | W | D | L | F | A | Pts | |
| Benfica | 6 | 3 | 1 | 2 | 7 | 6 | 10 |
| Fiorentina | 6 | 2 | 4 | 0 | 7 | 2 | 10 |
| Chelsea | 5 | 3 | 1 | 1 | 15 | 5 | 10 |
| Napoli | 5 | 2 | 1 | 2 | 7 | 5 | 7 |
Cehenneme hoşgeldin Broon
Broon was welcomed with a great fanfare at Istanbul airport by the Fenerbache fans earlier this week as they welcome their 3rd manager in SM Top 100 and hope that this one will be as great as Noisy and Norman, with Norman Little seeing the job as too big he has stepped aside to move to West Brom which will involve a less crippling daily commute as he waits patiently for Mike Ashley to sack current Newcastle boss, Oran Robson.
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| Broon seen arriving at Istanbul Station |
So what do we know about Broon, Mr Broon, or Keyboard Gangster as he has legally changed his name to thanks to a legal loophole introduced by the Scottish government –
FACTS:
He is well-known for his anti-English stance, he explained that on several occasions Diego Maradona is his hero.
He is an avid walker and loves the Scottish highlands where he is regularly seen stag hunting
He was manager of Dortmund but was so poor a motivator that he quit before he could be sacked with the side eventually suffering the humiliating experience of relegation
As a direct descendant of Robert the Bruce on his paternal side and William Wallace on his maternal side it is said that he has more claim to the Scottish throne than one of his personal heroes Nicola Sturgeon.
Nicola Sturgeon in fact back in November upon the birth of Broon’s child granted him and all other new Scottish dad’s extended paternity leave for a period of 4 months (compared to a measly two weeks in England) Hence why he has only now returned to Top 100.
He is addicted to Irn-Bru – Drinking a 24 pact each week
It remains to be seen if Broon is capable of managing a football management career alongside parenthood but the people of Istanbul will be hopeful he can become the first male in history to be able to multi-task!
Connie Lingers Licks up Some Figures on Attendances
In its attempts to keep its managers superbly informed by bringing them incisive and deeply researched statistical analysis, not to mention the opportunity to post the odd horny photo, T100 has recruited yet another hot, I mean brilliant mathematician, Miss Connie Lingers, to cast her beautiful mind, not to mention body, over pertinent numbers.
Connie has a Masters in batory as well as Maths which she earned at the Godown Onme Institute in Stockholm. In her first in depth probe for T100 she has been looking into attendances for us, over to you Connie.
(Connie explaining Einsteins special theory of relativity to Frank in his office)
Thank you David and thank you to T100 for giving me my head on this, I promise I’ll repay the compliment, again. Yes I have been pumping the numbers to suck the facts out of attendances this season in T100’s top flight to see if clubs are getting the numbers of bums on seats their position in the league should warrant.
At just over the half way mark for the season we would expect to see a direct correlation between league position for a club and their average attendance with no great jumps in league position in any given week likely to skew the findings significantly.
Having worked hard on the problem I slid the relevant data into my computer, Deep Throat, and this is what it spat out at me.
Club | Stadium | Capacity | Average | % | League | Variance |
Manchester United | Old Trafford | 75,765 | 74,858 | 98.8 | 6 | 5 |
Bayern München | Allianz Arena | 75,000 | 73,339 | 97.8 | 2 | 0 |
Real Madrid | Santiago Bernabéu | 85,454 | 83,287 | 97.5 | 3 | 0 |
Arsenal | Emirates Stadium | 66,066 | 64,258 | 97.3 | 7 | 3 |
Barcelona | Camp Nou | 99,359 | 93,321 | 93.9 | 1 | -4 |
FC Porto | Estádio do Dragão | 58,938 | 51,670 | 87.7 | 5 | -1 |
Juventus | Juventus Stadium | 64,741 | 56,757 | 87.7 | 4 | -3 |
Chelsea | Stamford Bridge | 63,848 | 53,651 | 84.0 | 8 | 0 |
Atlético Madrid | Vicente Calderón | 65,272 | 54,081 | 82.9 | 9 | 0 |
Fenerbahçe SK | Şükrü Saracoğlu | 62,516 | 49,147 | 78.6 | 10 | 0 |
ACF Fiorentina | Artemio Franchi | 57,699 | 43,566 | 75.5 | 11 | 0 |
Liverpool | Anfield | 65,349 | 47,976 | 73.4 | 12 | 0 |
Manchester City | Etihad Stadium | 65,516 | 47,965 | 73.2 | 16 | 3 |
Bayer Leverkusen | BayArena | 60,050 | 43,232 | 72.0 | 13 | -1 |
Lyon | Parc OL | 64,411 | 44,440 | 69.0 | 15 | 0 |
AC Milan | San Siro | 80,018 | 52,427 | 65.5 | 14 | -2 |
Valencia CF | Mestalla | 64,945 | 40,997 | 63.1 | 17 | 0 |
Internazionale | Giuseppe Meazza | 80,018 | 50,354 | 62.9 | 18 | 0 |
Sevilla | Ramón Sánchez Pizjuán | 64,863 | 40,208 | 62.0 | 20 | 1 |
SS Lazio | Stadio Olimpico | 73,261 | 44,156 | 60.3 | 19 | -1 |
The table above shows clubs ordered by the size of their average attendance, that average expressed as a percentage of their capacity, their actual league position and finally the variance of that to their position in this table.
Twenty games into the season we would not expect to see much variance between a clubs position in the league and their position in the attendance table, I love positions don’t you, one day I’ll tell you all about my favourite and it’s effect upon the angle of the dangle, which is directly proportional to the lust of the thrust, but back to the member, I mean matter in hand.
All things being fair (coughs) in the SM Universe only minor deviations would be anticipated to account for a clubs sudden rise or fall in their league position as with A C Milan for whom the gravitational slide towards the black hole of the bottom four sees their attendance standing being above their league position by 2 places.
Things however are far more intriguing at the top end of the table where one would expect to see long time front runners Barca at the top of the attendance table. Not so, they languish an astonishing 5th in the table a deviation of 4 from their league position and are the main victims of what appears to be a faulty code in the SM game engine algorithms, closely followed by Juve who show a 3 place deviation despite their consistent league standing.
The main beneficiaries of this anomaly appear, strangely enough, to be English clubs, with the exception of Liverpool they all rank much higher in the attendance table than their league position warrants with Man Utd having a whopping 5 place variation followed by both Arsenal and Man City with 3, coincidence? SM bias? I’ll let you decide.
That’s all from me for now and thank you for reading, I’m off back to Franks office to explain that the fibonacci spiral is not a ring road in Istanbul.
THE THURSDAY BLOG Vol 2 No 6
Good day gentlemen and welcome to another Thursday blog where I cover both real life and fantasy courtesy of the Top 100 gameworld ran by Frank Hirst.
I have to start with the big news of the last fortnight and that is the parting of ways between my daughter Janene and her now ex-boyfriend Ross/Russ/Shrek. This came as a surprise to me as I thought they were getting on so well together but it turns out that she wasn’t keen enough to continue the relationship. I was, of course, last to know and even then I heard it from her sister and not her. When I asked her what was wrong she just said it was by mutual agreement and she says that she thinks he liked her more than she liked him That’s my girl. Get rid of the dead beats. A bit unfair to say that I suppose since I never made an effort to get to know him. It was a bit strange though since he had stayed here on the Monday night and then they split on the Tuesday but I assume that she decided that night. Unfortunately Janene would rather tell you things they way she thinks it should be rather than the way it was. I say this because when asked how she split up with him, she said that she phoned him on the Tuesday and after talking it over they decided to end it. That sounds fine and fair. Later on we find out from her friend Joanne that she actually dumped him by text. Cringe! In my opinion that is the worst possible way to be dumped and I let her know about it.
Ross after receiving the text
This is becoming a bit of a habit with Janene and she is tending to not tell the whole truth with things. I don’t want to say she is lying a lot but I suppose when it comes to the bottom line then yes she has been lying. I feel there will be more to this ‘lying’ and I am determined to get to the bottom of it. To be continued…
Janene is also the headline maker in another happening this week. On Monday she passed her driving test at the first time of asking. This makes her the final member of the family to pass her test but with it also comes the problem of space outside the front door. We live on a relatively busy road mainly because we have a couple of shops across the road and about 100 yards along the road there is a primary school. If you include all the houses then it becomes a road that is too busy for its original purpose. A lot of houses means a lot of cars parked along the road also. To try and combat this we turned our front garden into two driveways, one for my car and one for the wife’s. Now with Janene on the road as well as the other two kids we are going to need space for five cars. We can get away with it at the moment with four cars as we can have two in the driveway and two parked in front of the driveway but when Janene gets her car in about 8 weeks time, we are going to have overspill. Hopefully our neighbours wont mind if we can squeeze into their airspace when we need to. It won’t need much room as we are getting her a Fiat 500.
Janene’s chosen car
They are quite small but it is what she wants so that is what she gets. We don’t mind getting her the car but she will be responsible for her own insurance and then fuel etc. I don’t know if there is any road tax for that car but if there is then it is her expense.
I am not in the best of moods at the moment and it’s all to do with the horse lorry. The time has come for it to be plated and Alison has told me it will cost about £1000 for the stuff that needs done to it and passed through it’s MOT. This lorry is the bane of my life as I don’t think they use it enough to justify the cost of keeping it on the road. To be fair, she does do hires where someone needs transport to move horses about but she doesn’t charge nearly enough. Alison’s problem is that she is too kind hearted. She has no business sense and is easily manipulated. She may plan to charge someone for example £120 to move the horse but ends up agreeing to £80. I try and take nothing to do with it but it isn’t easy when you say money being thrown at it with little return.
On a personal front it has all been quiet with everything involving myself rolling along quite nicely. I am enjoying the run in to the Premiership title and it always helps when you want no team in particular to win it although Leicester would be my last choice. Talking of football my attention is more on the Championship with Derby finding new ways each week to make an arse of themselves. On Saturday they drew 3-3 at Rotherham or as the website said ‘on form’ Rotherham as they tried to make the draw out to be a decent result. The problem was that they were 3-0 up with 8 minutes to play and somehow managed to lose 3 goals. The clueless manager, Darren Wassell, tried to blame the players and didn’t take one ounce of responsibility however when you look at one particular moment in the game then it is quite obvious who is to blame. Leading 3-0 with 20 minutes to play Mr Wassell felt the game wasn’t yet won (how true that turned out to be) and decided to change things by taking off the holding midfielder, George Thorne, and also striker,Chris Martin, who had scored earlier to make it 4 goals in 4 games. He replaced them with two strikers who couldn’t hit a barn door at the moment and with they puzzling changes he also had to change the shape of the team, the shape that had Derby 3-0 ahead and playing some of their best football of the season. The result was of course, as I have already said, was the loss of 3 goals and two points.
Darren Wassell with his backroom staff
The owner of the club, who had sacked Paul Clement and replaced him with his own puppet, is now seeing that maybe he has made a huge mistake but instead of holding his hands up and removing Wassell from his position, he has persuaded Harry Redknapp to come in as a mentor. I don’t know whether this is a good thing or not. I am glad Harry is there as he will be able to organise the team and get them playing consistently but I also hope that the owners are looking at getting a proper manager in for next season and Darren Wassell can return to his duties with the youth academy.
Soccer Manager still continues with the old interface option and I, for one, am delighted with this. I do wish, however, they would come out with a statement that tells us if the old interface option is now always going to be there or if they are still planning to drop it. If they said that the choice will always be there then I would consider going gold once again. I have always said I will not give them another penny but if the option for the old interface was to be there indefinitely then I would go back on my word.
The new match engine has not changed the way I thought it would have. Last night in The Churchill Cup (report coming tomorrow) my Liverpool side inexplicably went down 3-0 to Newcastle of which I will talk more about later on. The problem I had with this was that Newcastle played with 10 men for 86 minutes. If Newcastle had won 1-0 it would have been fair enough but to win 3-0 is just ridiculous and tells me the red card problem is still alive and well. Getting a player sent off is pointless as it doesn’t affect the game. All it does is get a player suspended for 1 or 3 games which is no big deal to be honest. In my opinion, the whole discipline part of the game needs overhauled as I also think that 5 yellows equalling a one game suspension is very weak. If they are happy with 5 yellows before a suspension then they should try and fix it so that after the five yellows, then another 3 would men a two game suspension and also carry yellow cards over to the next season. That may not be the best answer to the discipline side and I am sure there will be better ways but whatever the case, I think suspensions need to be more severe the more times a player gets booked.
Life at Liverpool in the Top 100 has been mixed recently. The league performances have been much improved but the Youth Cup and the Regional Cup have been a disaster. Their has also been movement in the transfer market that I think will benefit the club.
In the league we are on a run of 6 games without a loss. Admittedly 4 of they games have been draws but when you are near the bottom end of the table then every point counts. Last time out we had our best performance of the season as we won 2-0 at Real Madrid. Goals from Lucas and Skrtel gave us the win but I have to mention the defence that has tightened up tremendously in the last month and has played a huge part in our current run. The introduction of Erkin to the left back position seems to have made a big difference and the decision to let Sakho move on is becoming a good decision.
Erkin has been a pleasant surprise
Tonight, at Anfield, we take on a struggling Inter Milan side that has been banned from transfer dealings for a month(?) after pulling out of an agreed deal earlier in the season. As is every game in Division 1, this will be a tricky match as they will be fighting for every point they can get but I have held a meeting with the players and have told them that there is no point in winning in Madrid if they lose to Inter tonight. This game also marks the start of the second half of the season and I will be looking for a marked improvement on the 3 points that they took from the first 6 games in the first half.
The Churchill Cup, which is our section of the Regional Cup, has been a disaster. We have lost 3 games out of 3, scoring just 1 goal and conceding 7. Last night we went down 3-0 at Newcastle, a complete embarrassment to the club with the performance being the low point of my time here. The players just don’t seem to be able to get up for this competition and with just one game to come against Celtic, I will be fielding a reserve side and tell them that whoever plays well will get a chance to show what they can do in a league match.
The Youth Cup has also been poor with just one win and a draw in six games, effectively eliminating us from the competition. I accept that some of the youth players are out of their depth and still have a lot to learn but there were players that should have performed better and been an inspiration to the rest but simply were not up to the task. One of these players, Divock Origi, has been sold on. This has brought it’s share of criticism but as far as I am concerned he did not show any enthusiasm in a role that a lot of players would give their right arm for. He has now moved on to AC Milan and maybe Mr Beddows can get something out of him that I couldn’t or maybe even the warmer climate may be more to his liking. While Origi was going to Milan along with another youngster, Sheyi Ojo, a legend was coming the other way. We are delighted to welcome Nigel De Jong to Anfield. We have been searching for a suitable midfielder to play along with Lucas in the centre and Nigel fits the bill. He brings with him a wealth of experience and he has also picked up a lot of that experience playing in relegation battles since he has been at AC Milan. I think this could be the final piece that we need to make sure we finish in a safe mid-table position this season and then we can start looking at kicking on and trying to spend more time challenging for a top six position than trying to get away from the bottom end.
Nigel De Jong. The final piece?
The next thing I am wanting for Liverpool is to try and look at strengthening the youth team all over the park. We will once again be entering the Youth Cup next season but this time I want a team that is capable of going all the way and the scouting for that begins now.
Finally, still on the transfer front, Martin Skrtel and I had a disagreement and it has resulted in Martin wanting away. I have granted his wish but have told him that he wont go cheaply. In return I will be looking for a replacement central defender that is a bit younger than Martin but with a rating of 87/88 being acceptable. Martin still has 3 or 4 seasons ahead of him and will be a good purchase for a side that are playing in a lower league.
Well that will do it for today. Probably not as entertaining as some previous blogs but when you are not in the best of moods and suffering a hit of a grand for something that is of no interest, it is difficult to get motivated. Anyway, as always, I would like to thank you for reading and I hope it wasn’t to tedious. Next week will be another Fannie Licker interview and I believe the next subject will be chosen within the next hour.
Once again thank you for taking the time to read and I will see you all in a fortnight.
Ciao
Things turn tasty in France...and its not the cuisine...
So there you are, chugging along in France with the inevitability of Lyon's dominance and then suddenly out of nowhere...BOOM (copyright Jurgen Klopp 2016)
At the Parc des Princes in front of 11,056 supporters, Monaco, the Division Three side with a Golden Bear in charge decided to unleash their Golden Bollocks on Gary Naylor's PSG side.
An even and hard fought match with possession shared started well for the home side with Pastore giving PSG the lead in only three minutes...things looked bleak for Monaco but one thing we are learning about the side from the principality is that they are plucky, they keep going and they can grind out a result when needed. Level at Half Time thanks to Moutinho hitting the net on 13 minutes this game had the look of yet another draw all over it...but whatever the half time team talk consisted of it worked as Monaco proved sharper than their Division Two rivals where it mattered most...Moutinho in 63 minutes and Gabi on 77 seeing Monaco run out 3-1 winners and with events elsewhere taking a turn for the worst for Lyon there was a grand view awaiting Monaco from the table summit upon the final whistle...they are daring now to dream big in Monaco...two games to go and still unbeaten in the group could they be on the brink of advancing against all the odds.
And to help them their Division Three compatriots Marseille pulled off a shock at the Velodrome with a 1-0 win against Lyon...yes Lyon...the team who two games ago must have thought this was going to be a walk in the park are now having to look up at Monaco above them in the table and looking down to see PSG and Marseille both snapping at their heels a couple of points adrift.
Lyon dominated, they tackled hard and that was maybe their undoing on the night...Marseille took the lead completely against the run of the game on 43 minutes through Rekik...Lyon's Grenier being sent off just after the restart on 46 minutes gave Marseille hope of clinging on and they did with some excellent defending against increasingly desperate Lyon attacks...Marseille's Kevin Wallace had written off their chances and made three changes to the starting line up to allow a bit of fringe player game time...their only slim hope was the fixtures that gave them three home games now to try and rekindle their tournament...after last night they might once again be in the mix to advance and if they don't they may yet play a big part in who does.
Two games to go, Monaco top on 8 points, a positive goal difference and still unbeaten after 4 games...would anyone now bet against them??
Lyon are second on 6 points with PSG & Marseille on 4 apiece...suddenly things look a lot different in France and its all back in the mix going into the final two midweeks.
Next week its Lyon v PSG and Monaco travel to Marseille.
Achilles Cup - Match Day 3
Galatasaray 0 – 1 Fenerbahce
With the teams joint bottom with just a point each from their previous endeavours in the competition this promised to be a blood and guts affair, however the only thing hot on offer proved to be the tea served at the Turk Telekom Arena.
It appeared that both teams were intent on not losing rather than winning with the first half dominated by the defences however on 37 minutes a rare foray forward from the visitors lead to a corner which Souza whipped into the box and was met by Callejon whose header was powered in off the post.
This should have been the signal for Gala to open up and look for an equaliser and 2 minutes later a speculative long range effort from Melo that Casilla did well to turn over the bar seemed to signal a change of intent by the hosts.
But that turned out be the sum of all the attacking intent from both teams for the night, if the first half had been short on goal mouth action it was none existent in the second with both keepers being virtual spectators for 45 minutes.
The result virtually ends Galatasaray manager Princes hopes of silverware in this competition whilst for Fenerbahce supremo Little it keeps them on the coat tails of the pack leaders.
Olympiacos 1 – 0 Besiktas
The Greeks went into this game needing a victory to put some distance between at least one of the bottom two clubs who faced each other over in Istanbul whilst Besiktas had the opportunity to put a country mile between them and the rest of the group if they could take 3 points.
As many higher league opponents have found in various competitions this season Olympicaos are a tough nut to crack and so again it proved. The Besiktas cause wasn’t helped however when a reckless challenge from behind by Toivonen on Kasami earned him a straight red on 37 minutes.
The hosts however struggled to make their numerical advantage count until just after the hour mark when a slick ball through to Pavoletti from Fortounis was struck with ferocity by the Italian which gave Zengin with no chance of stopping.
The home team had goalkeeper Lopez to thank though for helping them to all t3 points with a late save from an Ozyakup free kick which looked destined for the back of the net but for an acrobatic save from the veteran Spaniard.
The win puts Olympicaos a point behind Besiktas who still hold on to top spot despite the defeat.
The Turks manager Vogeleer will see the Toivonen dismissal as being crucial to the outcome but can have no complaints whilst opposite number McLean will take his side to Fenerbahce next week with even greater confidence.
Putin Cup - Match Day 4
CSKA Moscow 1 – 0 – Lokomotiv Moscow
Whilst the Putin Cup has been short on goals and thrills this game conformed to the former but bucked the latter.
CSKA bouncing off their first win of the competition last week against Dynamo hosted a Lokomotiv side also on the up after their victory of Zenit.
Whilst the visitors had the lions share of the possession and created the majority of opportunities they came up against a keeper in outstanding form in the shape of Leali who pulled off a number of outstanding saves to keep out a string of efforts from Samedov and Soldado who on another night could have had a hat-trick.
Loko’s inability to convert their opportunities was punished on 73 minutes when a free kick by Antonelli was floated across the penalty area and met by Raman who left Guilherme stranded as the ball hit the back of the net.
7 minutes later however Ramans contribution was over after a second yellow card and he had to watch nervously with the rest of the bench as CSKA saw out the remaining 10 minutes.
Lokomotiv boss Owen will walk away from this with one word on his lips, “How”, whilst the home team gaffer Smith will be happy at the defensive steel shown by his side and delighted at leaping over their opponent in the table.
Spartak Moscow 0 – 1 Dynamo Moscow
The curse of the Putin Cup struck again with little on offer to warm the spectators in this chilly Moscow derby.
Table toppers Spartak were hoping to put distance between themselves and second place Dynamo but the visitors were determined to take the opportunity to leap frog the hosts.
The game was decided in favour of the Dynamo in the 24thminute when Valbuena fed a ball through Ari who decided to take a shot early which caught Alvardo off guard and left him helpless to prevent the ball hitting the roof of the net.
Whilst on the balance of play Spartak boss Houston will have thought his side should have come away with at least a share of the spoils Dynamo supremo Razzaque will not be looking at the stats as his team now sit at the top of the pile.
Didiers Diving Dilemma, a tongue in cheek guide to Drogbas Deutschland Demise .
When he took charge of Vfb Stuttgart in January Feargal A Hickey appointed some of his countrymen to key positions in his back room staff . Jerry “the gloves O’Reilly” became goalkeeping coach .O’Reillys work with Ospina and Caballero has paid dividends with both showing marked improvement in form since the start of the season.
In defence Hickey hired Bertie “The Bus” Butler as coach. Once again the results have been immediate,with Stuttgart boasting on of the meanest defences in the devision,despite having to replace the veteran central defensive partnership of Mario Yepes and Gareth McAuley .
Larry “Lefty” Lawlor became midfield coach with the task of bringing discipline and focus to the Reds engine room . Upfront the Irishman chose Andy “The afterburner"Byrne , famous for his lightning speed when bearing down on terrified defenders , when he lined out for Bray “Unknowns"in the mid seventies.
With all the coaching roles filled, Hickey in an effort to ingratiate himself with the Stuttgarters , made his most controversial appointment. The club were on need of a new physio so Feargal A chose none other than alpine skier and winter Olympic champion Fannie Chemeler as club physiotherapist.
Fannie’s work with the squad has been outstanding with players reporting that their spirits are lifted and other members are stiffened in their resolve to perform better following sessions with Fannie , You dear reader would be forgiven for thinking that life at Vfb is one never ending virtuous circle of pleasure, but you’d be wrong.There is one player who’s form has suffered under the new regime, suffered so badly that he has seen his career at Stuttgart nose dive ,as it were. That player, now departed for Aston Villa,is Didier ‘Bentekers ' Drogba.
The Ivorian has long been associated with simulation and diving throughout his career, but the effect Fannie has had on him has brought him to newer depths on the pitch. I caught up with him after a recent session with Fannie at Stuttgarts training complex. I asked him about the perception among some of his teammates that his diving is costing the team vital points at a crucial time in the season .
In broken English the beanpole striker explained “wen ze ball she comes across I like to dive into ze box.Wen I dive I like to have my tongue out coz it ‘elps me come into ze box quicker..Wen I touch ze box my tongue is ticketed by ze short grass on ze pitch. He continued, “It is den that I hear ze mowenz and as I slide deepeur into ze box ze mowening becomes louder, but it is not ze gid mowening, it is ze crowd mowenig ‘coz I have missed my balls in ze box .
Needless to say his manager is having none of it, Hickey says “I’ve sold him on because he contributes sweet Fanny Adams to the cause.So Didier has moved on to pastures new at Villa Park . Let’s hope his career reaches new heights at his new home .After all this excitement I think Need a quick massage myself , later!
Gino Kinnearo meets...
Rahul (Aston Villa) and Mark Hewitt (Montpellier) have referred to him as a poor man’s Lukaku, while David Senior (Valencia) and Mark Stewart (Hertha) compared him to being as nothing more than a Kenyan long distance runner with about as much pace as a hippopotamus but Beddows was delighted to allow one of his 5 new signings Origi to sit down for a public interview.
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| Milan have made 5 new signings in the last 48 hours |
Origi sat down this afternoon ahead his possible AC Milan debut this evening in Germany in the Top 100 Shield to speak to the No 1 journalist in Italy and Top 100, Gino Kinnearo…
1) “Origi, welcome to The San Siro, how does it differ from Liverpool?”
Well there is no sign of dirty Scousers and I already fully understand everything that I have been asked to do in training, Liverpool, was a difficult environment for me, I had 4 cars stolen in my time there, my house was burgled 3 times and I had 2 managers who made no sense, I just couldn’t understand their instructions, and Gordon Kinnear for example was commuting from Glasgow every day and didn’t even know about the Liverpool Superlambananas – culturally and tactically inept is how I would describe him!
2) “What are your first impressions of Milan and Beddows?”
Milan and Beddows for me are everything that I have ever dreamed of… for me the excitement of flying with Ryanair bound for Orio al Serio and then taking the shuttle bus to Milan city centre, visiting the Duomo and the Castello… it is all a dream and when I walked out on the San Siro pitch the feeling that I got can only be comparable with that feeling you get when you step into your first strip club at age 16… so many possibilities!
3) “Some said that you were bound for Genoa and the Don Frank Hirst?”
I don’t speak or read well in English but it is my understanding that in my contract a clause was entered when Gordon Kinnear got given the Liverpool job, despite their being a number of other candidates – it was something like IF I ‘Frank Hirst’ give you Gordon Kinnear the job then I get first refusal on Origi and Ojo… so I think this was the intention – Liverpool as a club stinks of corruption with that Hirst at the very top!
4) “Were you not linked to Juventus at one point as well?”
Ah… DP… A strange example of a human being – at one point he was following me around, after training he was there with his sunglasses, newspaper and iced tea – he never said anything – but I knew it was him – he was apparently checking that no one else was talking to me- I believe he paid off managers like Kevin Wallace (Marseille) Robert Downing (SC Internacional) and Josh McMillan (Sao Paulo) with promises of future stars… In the end with the aid of a translator I convinced Gordon to forcibly remove him.
5) “Some managers reacted angrily to your move to Milan, Greg Owen of Lokomotiv Moscow for example claims that you should be banned from professional football due to the doping crisis in Kenya, stating that as your father is Kenyan you yourself are therefore guilty by association. What do you say to this?”
LOL… it wasn’t only Greg Owen, both David Piero (Tottenham) and Tom Parfitt (Levante) have written strongly worded letter to Frank asking for me to be banned by association… ironic that all 3 of those managers are failures and places I would never ever consider going to…
6) “Do you expect to see much football at Milan this season?”
Beddows has been very clear that he doesn’t anticipate much of a first team chance this season but has said that I will lead the line in the Youth Cup and might get some Pavarotti Cup action as well. Both of these competitions excite me a lot.
Gino Kinnearo that proceeded to give a 5 hour long interview to Sky Sports News Italia about the merits of Beddows’ approach to football management and his tremendous dealings in the transfer market…
TOP 100-Division 1: Mid-Season Review
TOP 100:Division 1
Mid-Season Review
We are at the half way stage of Season 2 in TOP 100. Barcelona, Bayern, Real Madrid and Juventus are in the top 4 while Inter Milan, Valencia, Lazio and Sevilla are in the relegation zone.
Season 2 of TOP 100 is now in its midway. Each of the 20 teams has played 19 games and all teams have another 19 to play. Defending champions Manchester United are in 6th place and potentially out of the title race with a 16 point gap from leaders Barcelona. In addition to Barcelona, there are four other teams that sit in the best position to challenge Barcelona for the title in Division 1.Whereas, teams like Sevilla and Lazio have a lot to do to remain in the top division of TOP 100. A look at the League table is given below followed by a brief review of all the teams.
League Table
Barcelona
Barcelona are leading the table with 47 games and are unbeaten for a record 33 games in the league under Scott Mckenzie.However, they were knocked out of the cup by 4th Division side Dynamo Moscow on penalties in the second round. Barcelona have a lot to look forward in this week with a fourth round shield game against Real Madrid followed by league games against Fenerbahce and Bayern Munich. Barcelona have often been classified as a one man team and this week they have a chance to prove their critics wrong with Messi being injured for 9 days,he has provided 8 assists and 15 goals in as many games this season. It remains to be seen how Barcelona cope up with these issues with the likes of Bayern and Real Madrid breathing down their neck.They are one of the favourites to lift the division one trophy.
Gursimran brar has built a brilliant team this season. They are now sitting second, just four points from the top. The whole team has been performing very well to give a nice balance to the team. They have scored the highest amount of goals in the division with all players stepping up to the take responsibility. However, they have failed to turn up in the big games with recent losses to Juventus and Real Madrid fresh in the mind. The recent acquisition of Vincent Kompany from Chelsea is giving them stability at the back pairing alongside the ever reliable Jerome Boateng. Moreover, the recent signings of Felipe Anderson, Danny Welbeck, Max Meyer, Andre Gomes and Abdul Rahman Baba goes on to show the will of the management to build for the future but simultaneously keep the squad competitive to regularly challenge for trophies. They are very much in the title picture but i reckon the management would be happy with a cup or shield trophy to add to the SMFA Super Cup and a top 3 finish.
Real Madrid
Real Madrid are the bookie's favourite to win the league. They are now four points behind the leaders Barcelona. They have a very strong team making expectations very high at the Santiago Bernabeu every time the players step out they are expected to win. They have brought in a few big names with the likes of Diego Godin, Juanfran Torres, Harry Kane and Cesc Fabregas being lured in by Roy Keane. Real Madrid were knocked out of the cup by their local rival Atlectio Madrid. Roy Keane would be looking to defend his shield trophy and now faces a daunting away game in the fourth round against an in-form Barcelona, Madrid are favourites to emerge victorious as a wounded Roy Keane would be after blood following the recent loss to Liverpool in the League and an injury to Messi definitely helps his cause.
JUVENTUS
DP is one of TOP 100's fiercest negotiators and his tactics meant Juventus got the deal of the season with Leroy Sane and Ricardo Rodriguez coming in to consolidate the squad for the departing Pierre Emerik Aubameyang. He moved quickly enough to replace Auba with potential future ballon d'or winner Antoine Griezmann. DP is out to disprove the theory that titles cannot be won with kids. The Juventus boss has combined youth and experience to create a squad that sits eight points off the top of division one and plays Hamburg in the fourth round of the shield on Tuesday. Juventus suffered recent losses to Barcelona and Leverkusen which has upset their title charge but have bounced back this week with a solid 4-0 victory over Fiorentina. They have one of the best defensive records in the division with the centre back pairing of Bonucci and Chiellini often shutting the door on oppositions. Juventus look on course to get the 4th SMFA spot but would be pushed for it by Porto.
FC PORTO
Porto has been the surprise package of this season. Andre Guerra has done wonders for Porto working on what could be called a shoe string budget or an average squad in terms of the other Division 1 sides. He took over the reigns last season when then manager Dan Wallace quit the game altogether for reasons best known to him but it came as a blessing in disguise as Guerra stuck to the task and eventually ensured that Porto were promoted into Division 1 via the playoff's where Europe's elite belong. This season Yacini Brahimi has been excellent in a well drilled unit, which has one of the best defensive records this season. Andre Guerra has been hailed as a genius by both the management and the fans for keeping hold of key talents Ruben Neves and Alex Sandro, whereas utilising his vast network to procure key signings of Lukaku,Martins Indi and Julian Weigl since his arrival. He has been producing fair results from his limited options on the pitch. The management would be very happy with a fifth place finish this season and if they manage to leapfrog Juventus into fourth position it would be the icing on the cake.
Manchester United
Manchester United boss Joe Jordon is in deep trouble with a lot of fans calling for his head. Joe Jordon has accused the Manchester United fans of being Glory Hunters and blamed them for not sticking with the team in hard times. They are now sixth with 31 points. Star players like Rooney, Mata and Herrera are underperforming and the manager has brought in no new big signing to assure the fans. Manchester United have been almost non active in the transfer market which have added to Jordon's woes. The qualification for the SMFA competitions looks highly unlikely and speculation is rife that the board are looking for a replacement for Jordon only three months after he led them to the division 1 title. This season they have failed to create something upfront on a regular basis and have scored even less goals than 14th placed Milan led by the controversial Beddows. Moreover, the early exists in the cup and shield have not gone down well with the supporters especially the 4-0 drubbing at the hands of PSG in the first round of the shield has seen fans turn on Jordon.
Arsenal
Michael Bowes had a tough job at hand when he took over the reigns at Arsenal, he has not done much to help his cause amongst the Arsenal faithful. The fans may still be recovering from the loss of their beloved stars Alexis Sanchez and Mesut Ozil to their biggest rivals Chelsea and Tottenham Hotspur. A challenge for the top 4 does not seem anywhere in sight and would be happy if they manage to win the cup or shield. Although, beating Chelsea in the recent derby gives them the bragging rights they might just have to contend with a top half finish. The lesson has become clearer over the years but the London based club never seem to learn it; if you are to compete for the highest honours, you cannot keep selling your best players to rival clubs. Hopefully, they finally learn their lesson and can keep hold of Ross Barkley and Anthony Martial for the years to come with the likes of Real Madrid, Juventus and Atletico always sniffing around for young talent.
Atletico Madrid
The Doctor it appears is non concerned about the league and is hell bent on creating a legacy of flourishing in the youth cup.He is very pragmatic and continues to make the best of his youthful squad. Moreover, there has been a lot to cheer for the fans with Atletico knocking Real Madrid out of the cup competition and having the bragging rights in the derby. The doctor would be looking forward to rallying the troops for the league encounter against Real Madrid on Thursday as they look to shedding their image of being the second best club in Madrid. However, the recent victory over Arsenal would give them confidence going into the game and with Real Madrid involved in a shield tie with Barcelona and injury to top goal scorer Robert Lewandowski this tie could not have come at a better time for Atletico. A manager in Top 100 on the promise of anonymity recently commented with regards to Jorge Koke sale that 'The Doctor will squeeze you till your balls hurt'. The acquisition of Bernardo Silva, John Stones, Keita Balde, Marco Asensio this season will ensure that the club remain on course to defend their youth title.
Fenerbahce SK
Fenerbahce had a very successful season last year under the leadership of Noisy now at Leverkusen, and there was speculation whether they would be able to improve and hold their own in division one but they have been phenomenal under Norman Little this season. Fenerbahce don't have a very good goal difference, and their defence is not leak-proof either but they have managed to get results, which matter. Kiko Casilla has had a strong showing under the bars which has seen him win the MOM award quite a few times and has won points for Fenerbahce on his own. If they could keep up their performances, they should be able to make a very respectable mid-table finish considering they were the favourites to go down at the start of the season.
Chelsea
As Scott Mckenzie's Barcelona are cruising in Division one lets spare a thought for James Mckenzie a manager who has been stuck under the shadow of his brother this season. Out of all the teams in Division one it can be clearly said that Chelsea have been the biggest under performers thus far. Midfield has been the weak spot for the team with the duo of Jordon Henderson and Charles Aranguiz pulling the strings, in such circumstances the sale of Cesc Fabregas clearly highlights a bad management decision who was by far one of their best performers last season and has slotted nicely into the Real Madrid team. The team still has enough experience and it would be unwise to predict that their poor run will continue for the rest of their season. I expect them to kick on their campaign from now on and look at a top eight finish. Moreover, they would be looking at the shield for some silverware this season having lost in the final of the SMFA Super cup to Bayern.
ACF Fiorentina
It is a rocky time for Fiorentina. Star players are ageing, and high profile signings Daniel Baier and Valter Bisla are proving as flops. Consistently inconsistent this should sum up the season for Fiorentina. The vulnerability may be somewhat explained by the defensive tactics adopted by the manager. They are a fine team playing against stronger teams so they sit back, wait for opportunities to come by and exploit them in the counter attack. But against teams struggling at the foot of the table like Sevilla, La viola have failed to drive home the advantage as they refuse to change their tactics and choose to sit back to defend rather than breaking such teams down. Fiorentina have one of the oldest starting eleven over the course of the first half of the season but time is running out fast on some of these players and the management should strongly consider looking into investing in some youth to avoid problems at a latter stage.
Leverkusen
They were cautioned for engaging in a relegation dog fight but they have been the giant killers of the division having the scalps of Juventus and Bayern to name a few. Their transition from Division 2 has been rather smooth and rarely have they looked out of place. However, the manager has at times shown his inexperience by fielding a youth side in some league fixtures and jumping at the first chance to managing a bigger side after winning the title with Fenerbahce. In hindsight if only he had waited a few weeks he could have potentially been a front runner for his dream job with Arsenal. However, the have been very impressive in the Youth cup being the table leaders of Group F ahead of giants Real Madrid. They find themselves just outside of the top half of the table at this time and should finish around the same position if the maintain their composure for the rest of the season. They have a very impressive young squad and should be able to compete in the coming seasons should they be able to hold onto their younger stars and the manager spends more time with the team in training.
Liverpool
Liverpool don't take to kindly who pushes him too hard on a deal. When the doctor had the arrogance to post on the news feed that Juventus had the better offer on Koke to kickstart a bidding war he publicly decided to pull out of the deal as he had offered what he deemed fair. Gino's positive approach to Liverpool squad has unified and reenergised the squad at his disposal. Liverpool have recently been turning up for big games recently handing a 2-0 defeat to the bookies favourite Real Madrid, hopefully they can carry their league form into the cup quarterfinals next week where they face Division 4 side Dynamo Moskva who had earlier on in the tournament eliminated Barcelona. A lot of people have questioned his transfer dealings most notably the sale of club captain Jordon Henderson immediately after arriving at the helm and the sale of future midfielder star Emre Can but he has been able to prove his critics wrong with the team slowly responding to his methods.
AC MILAN
The managerial record of AC Milan manager Stephen Beddows does not represent a very rosy picture, he had less than glorious time at Zenit and our sources reveal that it was his intimate relationship with Vladimir Putin that he has landed the Milan job. Beddows is one of the cronies of league chairman Frank Hirst and is clearly being groomed to succeed him should he decide to step down one day. AC Milan have been very poor at home this season winning only one game at home against Liverpool and they lie just outside of the relegation places. They are just three points ahead of seventeenth placed Inter Milan. The club lie in sixth place in terms of goals scored this season, Mario Balotelli is the fourth highest scorer in the league and has done well leading the line alongside the legendary Andy Caroll. However, a little bit of consistency in defence would do a world of good for the manager and his team. Staying in the first division would be a priority for the manager but an extended run in the shield would be good for the morale of the team.
Olympique Lyonnais
With only three wins this season to their name this season, Lyon find themselves just above the drop zone. They have drawn 9 times out of the 19 times they have played this season and cant seem to find a goal scorer in their ranks. The manager has turned to Haris Vuckic for the goals and the 82 rated youngster has responded with 2 goals in as many starts, he is not the only youngster Giovani Cabrioli has replaced Anthony Lopes in goal with lesser known 23 year old Jakob Haugaard who has put in 3 Man of the match performances in six games. Lyon have certainly lacked goal with them being the joint lowest scorers in the league thats why the decision to sell star striker Davy Klaassen came as a shock to many. Moreover, star names such as Moreno Rodrigo, Francesco Totti, Sofiane Feghouli, Clement Grenier and Kolarov regularly find themselves on the bench his style of management has certainly left a lot of people confused. However, a lot of top managers believe unless he starts playing the top players the club could find themselves battling to stay out of the relegation places and with top clubs like Inter Milan andManchester City just two points behind them and Valencia finding form with the appointment of David Senior its not long before Lyon would constantly be looking over their shoulder.
Manchester City
Manchester City with only one win in their last 15 games, things must change quickly for them if they wish to remain in the first division. Will Trafford was paraded as the new manager of the club during the pre-season tour of the club, things have never really kicked on for the manager and now he finds the club just out of the relegation places on goal difference. Despite the abundant talent available at the managers disposal they have not been able to grind out the results, even though they have been linked with a lot of good players the only signing the manager has managed to bring in has been of ageing star Andrea Pirlo but even he with all his experience has not been able to lift the morale of the squad. The manager really needs to step up his game as relegation with Manchester City and he might struggle to get another job in the league. The fans were prepared to give the manager time but they might soon be coming to the stadium with 'Trafford Out Signs'. Its such an irony that Will Trafford has landed the job at Manchester City with the united fans grinning from ear to ear.
Inter Milan
The Inter Milan fans are fuming ever since the new manager has taken over they have fallen into the relegation places. A fan went as far to say his only qualification for the job was that he was Roy Keane's brother look how Darren Ferguson turned out how could we expect any better from Brian Clough. The Manager has also been banned from any transfer dealings for the next month for retracting on an offer for Mats Hummels. The Bayern Munich manager was furious and said, ' the Inter Milan manager talks a lot but when the time comes he goes back on his word. Brian Clough has become something of an embarrassment to Inter since taking charge and he could become the first casualty of Top 100 should he finish in the bottom two. However, it has been reported Roy Keane shall be personally coming and taking training sessions of the team on his off days, so Inter could surely hope to get some good form going and move up the table through a crowded bottom half of the table.
Valencia
Valencia manager David Senior has confirmed that there is a re-join clause in his contract with Valencia should he not manage to keep Valencia from being in the bottom two. However, the club has had a major turn around since Senior took charge having won the last two league outings and steadily climbing up the table. The Manager is convinced he would be able to pull of this second half rescue mission and hopefully the club would be saved from relegation. The signs certainly look very encouraging with a 5-1 rout of fellow relegation battlers Sevilla with both new boys Lallana and Morata getting a brace each and the prior 4-2 mauling of the Doctor's young Atletico side.
They have been hammered a few times, particularly away from home but have managed to hold onto their one goal advantage, quite a few times. They have the second worse defensive record in the division but the new manager is confident that his training methods would have a total turn around in the clubs fortunes and next season they would be up there competing with the best. The manager has moved quickly to put his stamp on the team with plenty of new signings.
Lazio
Fred Dodger has decided to jump into the frying pan by taking over the vacant Lazio job. Lazio alongside Sevilla are joint favourites to go down. However, Dodger has revealed that prior to taking up the job the owners had discussed the possibility of him continuing even in the event of a relegation. He has taken over a club who in their last 10 home games have not managed to register a single win and is the only club to do so. The manager would look to turn to talismanic goal scorer Arjen Robben if they are to have any chance of staying up in Division one. Dodger has inherited an ageing squad but one which still has a lot of playing time left in them with the likes of Biglia, Candreva and Perotti big names that other managers have targeted in the past. The major problem of the team is the balance of the squad and the manager would have to move quickly to address the issue at hand in their bid for survival. Its still very early on in Dodger's stint as manager but we would love for a cinderella story to come out of it with him being the man to guide them out of the relegation mess. If not we could traditionally see Lazio placed in the same division as its biggest rivals Roma next season.
Sevilla
There is not much to write about Sevilla. Traditionally, 40 points has been thought as an entry to safe zone. This time around, 35 points seem good enough. With their poor defence, lacklustre attack and no real leader on the pitch, even getting to that point would be a tough task. Jamie Aldridge has to dig deep to find some crucial points in the second half of the season. Moreover, the Sevilla fans are demanding the head of the current manager and even carrying banners to all the games, team rooted to the relegation places throughout the season. The sale of James McCarthy to an external club was probably worst transfer decision of the season and although sad you can understand the reason for the current plight of the football club. Any team would fancy their chances against this Sevilla side and its time to bid adieu to the first division of Top 100. If they are to have any chance of survival Machim Vitolo, Yevhen Konoplyanka and Kevin Gameiro need to stand up and be counted.
Mid Season Review Predictions
Champions- Real Madrid
Runners up- Barcelona
Top 100 Cup- Bayern
Top 100 Shield- Juventus or Bayern
Youth Cup- Atletico Madrid
SMFA Places - Barcelona and Juventus
Relegated sides- Sevilla, Lazio, Lyon and Inter Milan (maybe)
Top Goal scorer- Messi
Transfer of the season- Alvaro Morata
Worst transfer of the season- James McCarthy
Fannie to Fannies: The Interviews, number 4, TOM PARFITT (Levante UD)
Tom Parfitt
Good day guys and it is time for another Fannie Licker interview where the well enhanced, yes enhanced is probably a good word for her, Fannie gets to meet a manager from the Top 100 Game World. Once again Fannie has been going all out to improve her looks and this week she got what we have all been waiting for. Yes she has had boob implants and after a lot of persuasion and a lot of vodka and Red Bull, Fannie has agreed to get her tits out for the boys. We have an exclusive photo that she has kindly given us of her ( o Y o ) and to cap off a great week for Fannie, she has been offered a contract to work for Babestation, whatever that is :/ Anyway lets get things started and here is Fannie Licker to introduce us to her guest.
Hiiiii guys, and welcome to another interview chaired by little meeeee. Before I introduce you to this week’s manager, I have agreed to show a photo of my new boobs that I had put in this week. At first they didn’t look great but now that everything has settled and the swelling is away I am happy to show them and here they are:
Ohhhh I love them and I am so happy I spent £7500 to get them done and what do you think of my new hair colour :) . So, let’s get on with today’s guest. Today’s guest is the manager of a small Division 4 club and he has had to work hard for this club to succeed. The club play their home games in the Spanish city of Valencia where they live in the shadow of their bigger local rival. It’s a tough job but someone has got to do it and the manager that is doing this difficult job is Tom Parfitt of LevanteUD.
Welcome Tom, I love your beard xx
Let’s get started then and before the questions we can find out a bit more about Tom
TOM PARFITT - PERSONAL PROFILE
Full Name: Thomas (but only to my mum) Parfitt
Born: 8th Sept 1978
Height: 5ft 10"
Marital Status: Engaged to Zoe. Getting married in Cyprus in 2018
Nickname: Loads over the years. Marxy, Parf Daddy, Thomas the Tank
Favourite Sports teams: Peterborough Utd, and Ferrari in the F1
Favourite food: Indian, Thai, Mexican, Chinese, Italian. All really, that’s why I’m fat
Favourite drink: Coffee, JD, Pedigree Ale, most beers with the exception of Budweiser to be honest
Favourite band/singer: Tame Impala, Temples, Lana Del Ray & Kasabian, but again, I could go on for hours listing names.
Favourite Colour: Blue
Favourite animal: Flamingo, not very manly, but I think they are stunning creatures.
Favourite film: Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Hobbit
Your Car: As befits the manager of a Spanish La Liga football club, I have a 10 year old Fiat Punto. I have an old (1966 vintage) Land Rover project as well.
Best Friend: Paddy (ed - Power?)
What phone do you have: The Nokia Windows one. Lumia maybe….?
Best sport to watch: F1 for me. Love it.
What scares you most: Not really scared of anything. Just a very easy going individual really.
Phone, iPad or laptop to play SM: Desktop as preference, and phone in an emergency.
Embarrassing moment: Many. One time in Liquid nightclub in Peterborough, I went to the mens. We’d been out all day, and it was about 1.30 in the morning. Of course I fell asleep on the throne, got thrown out by a couple of bouncers and found myself in the street with me keks around my ankles.
Ever won anything on the lottery: A little, £10 a few times, but I once won £500 on the Lucky Stars variation
If you could have any job in the world what would it be: Rock Star, Sportsman or Astronaut. Essentially anything that could be considered a hobby, and didn’t involve the general daily grind.
Who would you most like to meet (dead or alive): Depends what we’d be getting up to. If I can get to ‘know’ them, Fearne Cotton or Lana Del Ray. More seriously, I would love to meet Neil Armstrong, Keith Richards and Barrak Obama.
If you could attend any sporting event in the world what would it be: The Indianapolis 500. As a race fan, it’s one of the events on the bucket list.
Thanks Tom and now let’s get down to business (chuckle)
FL: Tom, life at a small club like Levante is always going to be hard and it takes a manager of patience and an understanding that a club like this will forever be in the shadow of the Barcelonas and Real Madrids of the world. What is your aim for the club and what constitutes a successful season?
TP: Something as big as planet Earth spends half its time in the shadows, so Levante will not be forever in the shadows of Barcelona, the Madrid boys, or any other pretender. Success at the moment is survival. As time goes by, success will be winning promotion, and eventually one day, success will be going a whole div 1 season without dropping a point, crushing the trophy collectors in Madrid & Barcelona, showing the likes of Beddows how it gets done.
FL: Last season seen you manage to consolidate in Division 4 but this season has seen the team struggle and they lie in the relegation places. What is the difference from last season that has seen the club going through a tough stage?
TP: Honestly, we were in a tighter spot last season. The thing is, my chairman invested none of his pile of escudos in the club, so I had to wheel & deal to bring in the right faces. I am confident we will survive though, and start planning for a better finish next season.
FL: The acquisition of Adriano from Barcelona was a huge signing for Levante. Do you feel he has been a disappointment and that you expected him to do more for the team and be a leader on the park?
TP: Funnily enough, we have had a club looking to sign him just this week. That said, his presence in the dressing room is massive to the younger players at the club. You could say he maybe hasn’t had the best of starts, but on the other hand you could say that leaving Barcelona for Levante is quite a culture shock. We are happy to have him around, and are happy with what he brings to the club.
FL: Do you think your job will be in danger should Levante be relegated to Division 5 or are the board prepared to give you time to finish the job that you started here?
TP: No, I don’t think my job would be in danger. As it happens, I think that managers at clubs like Real Madrid, AC Milan, Juventus etc should be more in fear for their jobs. Anybody should be able to win with those clubs, even somebody like Frank Hirst would get AC to the top. The managers of those clubs should be ashamed really. Levante pound for pound are outperforming all of those sides mentioned on almost every match day.
FL: How do you see your own future? Do you agree that if Levante are relegated that it might give you a better chance to show what you can achieve with a small club in the lower division? What I mean is, Division 5 would probably give you a better chance to show that you could guide a team to promotion.
TP: Maybe, but I’d rather be promoted from a group of superior teams. There are clubs in div 5 who should be further up the ladder but aren’t. If we were down there I am confident we could win the league, but id rather get out of the div 4 sunroof rather than the basement.
FL: In the alternate competitions, it was always going to be tough in the Regional Cup with teams like Barcelona involved but in the Youth Cup, Levante have put up a good performance. Do you think this augurs well for the future? How difficult would it be for Levante to hold on to their youths?
TP: Yes, I think we have a lot of young players at the club. We have a lot of interest in several of them. Matt Miazga for one. We got him in quite a while back, and we have rejected offers of £4m+ for him already. I think the young players here are happy as they know that we are happy to let them play in the first team rather than bringing in a loan player. They will be given a chance to improve, and wont be just another squad player. We wont have any issues keeping the ones we want to keep.
FL: If you are to escape relegation, what players are going to have to stand up and lead the way forward and take responsibility on the park?
TP: You have to look at the experienced players. The likes of Adriano, Alejandro Gomez, Diego Souza and Gareth Barry. These are the leaders when the boys cross the line, and they do what they can. It is difficult, we are a provincial club with no money, but we are battling hard, and as stated previously, we will eventually be like the Hulk & smashing everybody
Adriano
FL: The final question is standard for all managers. If you could manage any club in the Top 100 who would it be?
TP: Honestly, nobody. I turned down the Bayern job a while ago, and I am happy where I am. Maybe one day Santos, because it’s Pele’s club, but not until Levante have won all of the pots there are to win. I just want to say this, Keane, Beddows, DP, Kinnear, Fox, every single one of you. Take note, Levante are coming, and one day they will crush each and every one of your clubs.
Erm, ok Tom. And there we have it. A very confident Tom Parfitt. A man on a mission, representing the little pishy clubs of the set up. Oh sorry, I meant the smaller clubs that are just as important to the league as the Barcelona’s, the Bayern Munichs and the Argentina’s. Will we be seeing Levante climbing the leagues until they take the Division 1 title. Hahahahaha pmsl, who writes this stuff. Come on get a grip, we all know that only big teams like Liverpool, Juventus and Brazil will ever win the title.
So that is it for another interview and I would like to thank Tom for coming along and letting us into the life of a manager at a tiny club.
Next week is the Thursday blog with Gino and then I will be back for interview number 5 with another manager facing my questions and trying to answer without staring at my boobs. You hear me Tom Parfitt, do you hear me!!
Remember and look out for the PM that invites you to be the next manager to be interviewed.
Thank you for taking the time to read
Slaters
SM Game World Improvements - A Spark to a Flame or Another Damp Squib?
When Michael Hudson posted in the News Feed about SM asking for suggestions relating to Custom GW’s, I suggested there that a blog be posted to which we could all add our thoughts and comment on others suggestions so that, potentially, these be combined or submitted as they stand by someone who has access to the Forum.
To kick it off I thought I’d put down my thoughts and hopefully stimulate opinion, comment and additional ideas. This is extracted from a draft I was writing on SM improvements generally, but now seemed the right time to finish off this section at least.
As the subject of Custom GW’s is also inevitably linked in with the whole GW structure and how I perceive it could be improved these are also mentioned.
Whilst each suggestion can be linked into another I have tried to divide them in a reasonably logical manner for reference.
Suggestion 1
Transport yourself back in time to that heady day when you logged onto SM for the very first time, you registered, you got your “Soccer Manager Registration Confirmation”, you clicked the link provided and you were ready to select your first club.
No doubt you were like a kid in a sweet shop, you could select and manage any club in the World, brilliant, fantastic, hang on, you mean to say that as new manager with no experience or track record whatsoever you are able to manage Barcelona, Bayern, Man Utd or any top club?
At the time you probably didn’t give that a thought, possibly you were like the vast number of “newbies” that jump at the biggest club that’s available. But on reflection doesn’t it seem somewhat flawed to allow a newcomer to jump right in at the top, wouldn’t it be more realistic for a newcomer to be limited to starting out at the bottom and for there to be some sort of “career development”?
I hear the cry that this would deter players from joining if they couldn’t select a top club, well having witnessed dozens if not hundreds of new arrival 40 rated managers join leagues at top clubs never to login again I would suggest that it would be a good thing to be deterring them in the first place.
I would hazard a guess that at least 95% of the managers here in Top100 would not have hung up their sheepskins on Day 1 if they had had to start in Division 4 or 5, that they would have relished and enjoyed the challenge. As we see from the constant drop out of newbies the “non-challenge” of managing top clubs doesn’t keep them in the game anyway.
So my initial suggestion would be that new managers don’t get to select clubs in Standard GW’s, instead SM offer them available clubs in the lower divisions of active, populated GW’s.
Managers I suggest could then achieve advancement not only through getting clubs promoted but also through experience and achievement. Dispense with the current, frankly pointless, achievement system “Congratulations you have unlocked getting 5 men sent off in the same game” and replace it with a system where league points, giant killing in cups, league positions achieved and other factors contribute to their ranking. Obtaining higher ranking then being the criteria to become eligible to be offered or apply for clubs of higher league status.
In essence this would create three levels of manager an “Amateur” level for new managers, “Semi-Pro” for those working their way up the achievement ladder to the Nirvana of becoming “Pro” level with unrestricted access to apply for any managerial vacancy.
An alternative to this would be to split Standard GW’s into “Amateur” and “Pro”, with the Amateur GW’s staying as they currently are whilst the Pro GW’s operate under the aforementioned system for those managers looking for a more realistic challenge.
Suggestion 2
A bi-product of the current “open access” in Standard GW’s appears to be an apparent need to feed the greed for top clubs by having an endless production line of GW’s being generated. When I originally wrote the draft for this some weeks ago English Championship 32217 was about to be rolled out.
Assuming that each is 92 clubs it would require 296,396 active managers to populate those English Championships based upon each manager having 10 clubs.
Does SM have that many active managers? If it does I wouldn’t be worrying about advertising revenue I’d be looking to find a way to get £10 out of each of them pronto!!!
I know in my calculation I have ignored dead GW’s but that begs a further question as to why create new ones when un-populated ones are being erased?
Why create new ones at all in fact, surely quality over quantity would be a far better model, a smaller number of well populated GW’s would provide a far more competitive and rewarding experience than having the vast number of thinly populated GW’s we have at present.
By limiting the number of GW’s and condensing the active managers into those GW’s as would happen naturally in the “Pro Standard GW” concept you would end up with more fully populated and challenging game environments.
Understanding the commercial needs of SM part of Gold Membership could then be to offer managers wishing to fast track into an open access environment that opportunity, this being possibly a greater incentive than exists at present where in all honesty the benefits of GM are minimal.
Suggestion 3
Understandably SM does not have the time to manage individual Standard GW’s it cannot be expected to, they are what they are and they do what they do. In my opinion the one thing that SM should look at promoting is quality Custom GW’s.
I believe that by encouraging and assisting Custom GW Owners in creating unique environments they can take the game to another level.
Here at T100 we see what can be achieved by a committed Custom GW Owner, they attract responsible committed Managers who in turn recruit others, a breeding ground for innovation and development is created, even within the constraints and restrictions in place.
The recent “sweetener” that SM gave to managers as an attempted customer damage limitation exercise in the wake of the botched introduction of the new interface and update of a free Custom GW is in my opinion one of the worst ideas of many truly bad ideas SM have had.
Not only is the game now full of sparsely populated Standard GW’s but also now sparsely populated and I would imagine poorly run Custom GW’s and the managers now using News Feeds and PM’s “advertising” their“ best ever” Custom GW’s have become to put it mildly a nuisance.
Whilst I haven’t had the opportunity to think through the how’s I believe that SM should again look at a tier system for Custom GW’s, for arguments sake lets say “basic” and “elite”, recognising those owners who go the extra mile to create something special.
Custom GW Suggestions - 4
To enable Custom GW Owners to take the game to another level SM should provide them with the tools to do so, this means delegating responsibilities to them and providing them with greater control and flexibility.
For brevity I have reduced this to a list format. Some of these admittedly would require an SM appeal process.
1. The power to sack as well as recruit managers.
2. Wider scope of rules applicable to the league, squad limits, etc.
3. The power to adjudicate on suspected cheats and illegal transfers within the GW.
4. The facility to modify the structure of cup competitions or create additional ones with various criteria.
5. Greater admin tools, facility to PM multiple managers, etc.
6. The ability to appoint Admins within the GW with powers they can assign.
7. Provision of a separate GW News Feed so important messages do not get scrolled out of existence by transfer news, Manager posts, etc.
8. The ability to hard link an external blog or other news feed to the GW.
9. If SM decide to make the Forum automatic access for Managers rather than a separate entity, a GW Forum which is hard linked on the league page.
I’m sure this final section is something that others can add to as I do not have experience of running a Custom GW and cannot comment first hand on the restrictions that “hamstring” the running of it.
Having somewhat rushed to get this written out I am certain in the coming days additional thoughts will come to me and I will add as comments rather than editing this text.
I hope other will similarly feel free to add in the comments their ideas and suggestions.
Thank you for reading.
France finally comes alive in the Regional Cups...
Just when you though French sides had decided to numb each other into submission and allow top dogs Lyon to march on as their standard bearer it all came alive last night as match-day three took hold.
Crowds increased as interest rose and those who attended last night saw a bit of fire enter the guts of the sides chasing Lyon…well two of them at least, as Marseille finished their third consecutive away game with a defeat that almost certainly ends their participation in the event in anything other than a run out for the second string in the remaining three home matches.
Marseilles defeat at the Parc des Princes in front of a healthy 11,492 crowd was only remarkable in that it was only 2-0 and not a massacre as the stats suggest…PSG dominated…61% possession and 18 shots on target suggesting that Mandanda had a better game in goal than the meager 4 rating he received from the press corps. Marseille tried to attack down the flanks and were ripped apart down the middle by a PSG side who are slowly starting to show some promise. It was a lesson in football and a harsh one for Marseille to accept but that is what they must now do…one point from nine means little chance now of progression and for some of the fringe players an opportunity must now exist to make a stake in the remaining games for some league starts.
The game was won by half time…strikes by Di Maria in the 20th minute and Luiz in the 37th the deciding factors…Paris St Germain 2…Marseille 0.
In all its inevitability in Paris, what was happening in Lyon was anything but…
Lyon went into the match with Monaco knowing a win would probably see them over the line in the group…but someone hadn’t sent the script to Monaco, or if they did it was ripped up and dispatched to the bin quite quickly. Monaco knew that this was their last chance to get in the mix and after a battle of a first half but no breakthrough the home fans were stunned when Gabi put Monaco ahead in the 49th minute…they spat their wine out in the 61st minute when Moutinho then stepped forward to make it 2-0 and suddenly the inevitable Lyon march was looking a bit ropy. Monaco were adventurous, dominated possession and just would not let Lyon get into the match. The Parc OL hadn’t seen this much pluck in all its years of existence, in fact had it been the site of an annual bird feather plucking tournament one would doubt the finest of pluckers could have matched up to Monaco last night. Wakaso gave the home fans in the 11,652 crowd some hope with a goal back on 75 minutes but too little too late as the side from the principality held on strongly to blow this group wide open now going into the second half of the round.
Lyon still top the group with 6 points but Monaco on 5 and PSG on 4 are all in the mix, Marseille may have three home matches now but it looks like this battle is a straight 3 way fight and right now its hard to predict which way it will go.
Next Wednesday its Marseille at home to Lyon and PSG entertain Monaco…game on in France….
Coppa Del Burro - Match Day Three
Match Day Three brought with it the now expedted combination of goals, excitement, magnifficent team and individual performances, and others who really could have done better.
Every team in the competition has now played two group games, and we are now half way to finding out which four sides will progress to the knock out stages.
We start the round up of last nights games in Group A, where Andrew Kelly took his division 5 promotion hopefuls Villarreal to the Bernebeau to face the might of Roy Keane's Real Madrid.
Group A - Real Madrid v Villarreal Att: 15,856
It didnt take long for the deadlock to be broken. As early as the 9th minute, Villarreal gave away a corner in a dangerous spot just outside the area, which was expertly dispatched by Robert Lewandowski.
Just 11 minutes later, the Welsh Wizard, Gareth Bale madfe it 2 - 0 to the home side. It wasnt all one way traffic though, a couple of minutes after Bale scored, Villarreal went on the offensive, and Moreno saw his effort miss by inches.
On 38, the game was effectively over as a contest. Neymar slotting home to make it 3-0 to Real, and that's how it stayed until HT.
Real came out in the second half, and immidiately showed they were in no mood to take the foot off the throttle. Marcello making it 4 - 0 just 4 minutes after the restart.
Lewandowski finished the game off with his 2nd, and Madrid's 5th just before the end. Truthfully, Keane's side may have had 8 or 9 on another night, but he will be concerned as Villarreal had their chances, and a better team could well have made the home side pay.
Group B - Barcelona v Levante Att: 18,231
The biggest attendance of the night was at the Nou Camp, as Barcelona took on Parfitt's Levante. The crowd were looking to be entertained, and from a home perspective, they certainly were. Although to be fair to the visitors, it could have been one each after 5 mins. Messi spurned a decent opportunity for Barca, whlst Beausejour was equally guilty at the other end.
Messi finally got a chance which he converted on 25mins. De Bruyne teeing up the little Argentine magician to secure the for Barca.
The game was becoming steadily more and more one sided, with Barcelona collectuvely, and Messi individually, pulling the strings. The pressure finally told just before half time, Isreal Juminez continuing his nightmare in the Del Burro, with an OG to add to the red card he picked up in the clubs opening game at Bilbao last week.
2 - 0 Barca at HT, and 3 - 0 just after, Pique scoring on 49mins. That was how it remained until the end, although Neuer in the Barcelona goal was forced to stop Clinton N'Jie's spot kick 5 minutes from time.
Group C - Sevilla v Porto Att: 12,898
Probably the tightest game of the night came in Seville, as Porto came to town.
The game certainly started with a bang though, Brehami putting the visitors 1 up after only 3 minutes, his dipping effort beating the keeper all ends up.
It really should have been 2 - 0 soon after, but Beto saved from the spot, and Lukaku joined N'Jie in missing a penalty last night.
The next real piece of action didnt come until the hour mark though. Banega picking up a red card for his second bookable offence. The first bookable offence was conceding the penalty in the first half.
The 10 of Porto were able to see the game out though, and despite a couple of minor scares, were never in any real danger. In fact, if Romelu Lukaku had been a bit more clinical, they may even have extended their lead.
Group D - Espanyol v Celta Vigo Att: 7002
The final game in last nights fixture list saw Espanyol entertain Celta Vigo. Only 7002 hardy sould braved it, but those that did go witnessed a lively affair with a couple of goald, a couple of bookings, and a red card. All that can really be asked for in 90 minutes.
The first of the goals arrived on 16 minutes, and went to the visitors. Iago Aspas was slipped in by Nolito, and smashed it home for the visitors. The game remained 1 - 0 to the break.
Just before the hour mark, the experienced Tomas Rosicky almost had Doug Earle's side level. His clever free kick striking the frame of the goal before going out.
Just a couple of minutes later, the home side were left to rue that missed opportunity, with Etienne Capoue making it 2-0 to Celta.
As the game petered out, Nolito recieved his marching orders for a second yellow, and in all honesty the visitors looked the most likely to add to the score sheet.
2-0 is how it finished though, and Ryan Chisholm was last seen consulting the Stephen Beddows guide to half hearted excuses.
Team of the week
The team of the week for match day three is a a bit of a Barcelona / Real Madrid love in, although given that both sides put in such convincing performances, albeit against lower league sides, this will come as no real surprise.
Beto - Porto
Juanfran - Real Madrid (2nd TOTW appearance)
Marcello - Real Madrid (2nd TOTW appearance)
Pique - Barcelona
Godin - Real Madrid (2nd TOTW appearance)
Kroos - Barcelona
Neymar - Real Madrid (2nd TOTW appearance)
Rosicky - Espanyol
Messi - Barcelona (2nd TOTW appearance)
Klose - Espanyol
Bale - Real Madrid (2nd TOTW appearance)
Putin Cup - Match Day 3 Reports
Lokomotiv Moskva 2 – 0 Zenit
Zenit visited the Lokomotiv Stadium hoping to register their first points of the tournament against the hosts who were looking to keep in touch with groups pace setters.
In a first half of few opportunities Zenit thought they had broken the deadlock on 17 minutes when Rondon latched onto a through ball from Dzyuba and drilled past a stranded Guilherme however the visitors celebrations were cut short by the assistants flag raised as Rondin had strayed marginally offside.
Lokomotiv had to wait a further 19 minutes before they registered their first serious attempt to trouble Lodygin the Zenit goal when Soldado drove a shot from the edge of the are which the keeper did well to get a strong hand to push the ball away for a corner.
Soldado however only had to wait 5 minutes into the second half to open the scoring with a smartly taken shot that curled past a despairing Lodygin and in off the post.
5 minutes later Kiyote spurned the chance of an equaliser when in on goal he chose to place his shot rather than go for power and Guilherme was able to save comfortably.
Soldado nearly made it 2-0 a couple of minutes later with a carbon copy attempt of his earlier goal however this time Lodygin was equal to it.
With the game petering out into a stalemate I burst back into life in the last 10 minutes when Soldado turned provider after some clever interplay with Corluka set the Croatian up to strike a sweet shot Lodygin could on admire as it whistled past him into the net.
Zenit nearly pulled a goal back at the death when Polis ball through to Rondon was hit first time but Guilherme reacted smartly to make the save.
The result virtually ends Zenits hopes in the competition whilst it keeps Lokomotiv well and truly in the mix .
Dynamo Moskva 0 – 1 CSKA Moskva
This Moscow derby saw the hosts hoping to take advantage of Spartaks night off to top the table whilst the visitors were looking to break their duck.
The Putin Cup has certainly thrown up some tight games with chances being at a premium and this game didn’t buck that trend.
CSKA were the first to try and draw blood on 9 minutes when Benteke latched onto a ball from Obi to fire a shot goalwards that that Gablov did exceptionally well to push away to safety.
On 18 minutes the Belgian turned provider played on Emenike whose shot was too powerful for Gabulov who despite getting a hand to the ball couldn’t stop it from hitting the back of the net.
Razzaque had obviously told his Dynamo side to get stuck in and Ferri was the first of four Dynamo players to find their way in to the refs notebook on 39 minutes. Obi whipped in the resulting free kick which was met by Ramiro but Gabulov was equal to the Brazilians header.
The second half got off to a lively start when Boateng slid a ball through t Antonelli whose low drive was well saved by the diving Gabulov.
On 71 minutes Gabulov was called into action again, this time saving a snapshot from Vazquez.
On the stroke of full time Dynamo thought they had found the equaliser when Ari hit a curling shot from the edge of the area but with Leali beaten the ball drifted the wrong side of the post for the hosts.
Dynamo gaffer Razzaque will rue his side not being able to convert their greater share of possession into goal scoring chances whilst his opposite number Smith will be delighted to have 3 points on the board and be back in the hunt in the tournament.
But There is no Spoon
The words “its only a game” often pop up in News Feed threads, especially in times of stress and disagreements, I for one confess to having nodded inwardly and having agreed to that sentiment when the proverbial soother is being tossed forcefully from the perambulator by one protagonist or another.
This morning however on my daily commute from Huddersfield to St Helens I found myself analysing this a bit deeper, I tend to do my most profound thinking and deepest navel cleansing at 5am on the M62.
The internal mind nut being crunched this morning being that if it is only just a game why does it in reality matter so much to people?
Logic says it’s a game, nobody dies, nobody starves, nobody other than you gives a flying turd in an tumble dryer about your team coming back from 3-0 down to win 3-4. Your significant other tuts and tosses their eyes skywards when you tell the truth as to why you are swearing at the computer or why you spend an entire day staring at player listings.
That same logic would also say that the game is pointless, it brings no material benefit, it does not put food on the plate, it certainly does not put money in the bank, so what does is it do, why do we play it?
This is where the finger grubbing around for fluff in the navel of my brain came up with the reality of it.
The game is real!!!
Not real in the sense that we are all in an alternate Universe and actually are football managers, even I am not that far over the chair (yet), it is real in as much as it fulfils emotional needs of enjoyment, challenge, competition and most of all in T100’s case I believe in belonging to a “tribe”, a tribe of individuals we can relate to has having the same emotional needs as ourselves, we feed in to it and we feed off it.
As such what affects us in this “virtual” World carries effects into the “real” world, otherwise why would be hurt by a stinging comment from A, a rebuffed transfer bid from B, an unexpected defeat against C, etc. Why, and I challenge anyone to deny it, have they given a post match interview when having a shower after their match result has come in!!!
As individuals we invest a lot of time and effort into this game, as such when that time and effort fails to reap the hoped for rewards our reaction is a tangible one in the same way as if we had planted wild flower seeds in a garden only to see weeds grow.
In this sense the game is real, it matters to us, it is a non-physical world that we inhabit, in which our emotional responses to situations are the same and get carried into the physical world.
For those facilitating our existence in this “virtual” World the reality of it must be even more profound.
We are all real people, we are not pixels, we are not projections, we have neither taken the red nor blue pill, we must remember that we are interacting with real people with real feelings and as such I reiterate this game is real.
The Return of The Prince!
RSC Anderlecht wasted no time this evening in appointing a legend of SM, Mr Prince Michael William as their new manager.
Indeed Prince Michael William the former Inter Milan manager, who left the Italian giants under a cloud of mystery in December 2015 bound for a period of reflection in confined solitude at a Spanish monastery on the outskirts of Madrid where Roy Keane kindly let the Prince stay alongside his younglings.
With that period of self-reflection now clearly over the Prince has returned to the glorious world of SM Top 100 in Belgium.
“Reflecting on my time away I must state that I learnt alot about self-medication and self-meditation… in fact I found my inner-self in those dark months. It was true the Inter job was a club to big for me and I couldn’t cope with Beddows' arrival at Milan or the intense pressure of finding DP (Juventus boss) at my doorstep every morning and evening enquiring about my players… the stress was too much but now I am cured."
The Prince then explained that he had been looking forward to the Belgian Derby against his old friend Mr Gordon Kinnear but is shocked to learn that he has been given the Liverpool job… “What an absurd appointment…” he exclaimed.
Upon his arrival at the club he received many welcome messages from such friends as Josh McMillan, one of PMW’s greatest allies in all SM!
PMW explained that coming to a club with the name “Royal” in its name was a no brainer and that he is the rightful Prince to take them into battle. He dismissed suggestions that the new Galatasaray manafer, Nathan Prince was more of a Prince than he…
“What codswallop!"
The Prince then was happy to show that in his time of solitude and self-reflection he has lost none of his modesty and vanity, happily displaying a few pictures of himself in the olden days.
Antoine Arrives!
Antoine Arrives!
Juventus are delighted to announce the arrival of Antoine Griezmann to Turin tonight in a deal that gaffer DP has hailed as a real statement of intent from the club.
"Antoine has displayed tremendous talent so far in his career & at the age of 24 he has the world at his feet. He has showed that he is capable of playing in a vast array of positions to which he dominates opponents across the board but I believe we'll be seeing him adapt a trequartisa role with Paulo leading the line more often than not. I have absolutely no doubt that he will slot right in amongst the team whom all have that winning mentality that Juve is built upon."
In a busy night for Valencia, the club whom Griezmann is departing, they have additionally announced a further departure as David Senior puts his stamp upon the squad in their bid to move out of the relegation zone. Alvaro Morata & Roberto Pereyra will be linking up with Senior at the Mestella, Juventus wish them all the best for the future.
Antoine himself commented on the move.
"I'm delighted to be moving to a club fighting for the Top 100 title this season & to be working under DP whom was a big factor in the move. I had spoken to Paul & Kingsley about life in Italy & I'm excited for the move as well as to link up with my compatriots along with Mouez. I hope to repay the faith Juventus have shown me in their pursuit & I can't wait to play in front of the Old Lady faithful."
BREAKING NEWS: Inter Milan pull out of deal to sell Mats Hummels
22:00 Saturday 5th March 2016
Inter Milan who were set to sell Mats Hummels to Bayern Munich have pulled out of the deal, it has been confirmed late on this evening.
The statement from the Bayern Munich Management said: 'We are sad to announce that Mats Hummels shall not be joining the club.It was further revealed that the Inter Milan management were very unprofessional and unpleasant people, we refuse to deal with them in TOP 100 or any other setup unless they honour the agreement.'
Gursimran Brar has said they were left 'angry and pissed off' at Inter Milan's conduct
The German club's manager Gursimran Brar has confirmed that he got a message from Brian Clough "Sorry had a better offer followed by 4 stupid smileys", after Mats Hummels had travelled to Bayern Munich for a medical.
Gursimran Brar has launched an attack on Brian Clough, saying the Inter Milan manager is "unprofessional beyond belief",has an inability to correct a wrong and does not care about being ethical with fellow managers.The Bayern Munich manager has also reiterated the stand of the Management that he will never deal with Inter Milan Manager Brian Clough unless they change their attitude and the way they conduct their transfer business.
He further confirmed that the club shall be making an official complaint to the chairman of the TOP 100, Mr. Frank Hirst and expects some sort of sanctions to be imposed on Inter Milan.
Inter Milan who were set to sell Mats Hummels to Bayern Munich have pulled out of the deal, it has been confirmed late on this evening.
The statement from the Bayern Munich Management said: 'We are sad to announce that Mats Hummels shall not be joining the club.It was further revealed that the Inter Milan management were very unprofessional and unpleasant people, we refuse to deal with them in TOP 100 or any other setup unless they honour the agreement.'
The German club's manager Gursimran Brar has confirmed that he got a message from Brian Clough "Sorry had a better offer followed by 4 stupid smileys", after Mats Hummels had travelled to Bayern Munich for a medical.
Gursimran Brar has launched an attack on Brian Clough, saying the Inter Milan manager is "unprofessional beyond belief",has an inability to correct a wrong and does not care about being ethical with fellow managers.The Bayern Munich manager has also reiterated the stand of the Management that he will never deal with Inter Milan Manager Brian Clough unless they change their attitude and the way they conduct their transfer business.
He further confirmed that the club shall be making an official complaint to the chairman of the TOP 100, Mr. Frank Hirst and expects some sort of sanctions to be imposed on Inter Milan.
Under the Hammer
Welcome back for another instalment of Under the Hammer with me Timmy Mallet.
First thing I would like to apologize for the long wait instead of your Sunday slot we got pushed back to Thursday night after Gordon ‘Gino’ Kinnear (Tweety) wrote to Frank asking to put ‘Birds of a Feather’ on instead. I am now sort of worried or confused as his nickname is Tweety and after his latest review on the Churchill Cup he wrote on a pigeon the whole first half. So I am coming to the conclusion that he likes the ‘birds’ and not the FEmale kind, more the FEather kind and I think he is trying to groom Frank a double flight date.
Right back to West Ham related stories. First the FSFA (Frank Stephen Football Association) have given Nicky Thomson a warning and made it his last if it happens again then he will be given a touchline ban. So we go back a week and a half to West Ham against Chievo Verona, who had just signed there new manager Patrick D. So welcome to the frying pan. Well the started a well placed free kick by Naismith. The lead was short lived well two minutes after Gil squared the game up. West ham regained the lead on the half hour mark thanks to Valencia. Then a questionable decision was made by the ref in awarding Chievo a penalty which they capitalized on to square the game back up right before half time. Second half the Hammer never showed up and gave away a free kick and Chievo scored from it and held on to win the game for there new manager. After the game Mr Thomson was enraged by the lack of effort made in the second half. We can report that after the match that Andreas Bjelland had to go to hospital after he broke his nose. We have heard reports that Mr Thomson had kicked a water bottle and Bejelland had tried to defend the cross coming in and it connected right on his nose causing it to break. When asked why he tried to head it he replied he thought it was Mr Thomson new training technique.
So next up for West Ham was Tottenham in the Churchill Cup. Mr Thomson was glad to get a game away from the league matters. But he was going to use these games as experimental tactics as he saw Tottenham, Chelsea and Arsenal to finish above us and to scrap it out with Villa for last place. So the game started how many hammer fans thought going behind in the first 8 mins. The surprise was when Payet equalized. Then came the onslaught and somehow were still in the game at half time. Then Icardi showed his scoring credentials, by scoring 2 in the second half and in turn winning it for Tottenham 3-1. Mr Thomson was happy with the performance and showed that they can hang with the big teams and cause problems for them.
Then it was the battle of the West in the East. Where West Ham meet West Bromwich Albion. The game started fast and frantic. The West Ham defence was in a panic and found themselves a goal behind. It took the Hammers right up until half time to get the equalizer thanks to a Valencia free kick taken quickly. Mr Thomson went down the tunnel after this and said to the reporter he was glad that we had scored because “I have no idea what i could do to change the match, because I have tried everything and nothing seems to work. So I am going to try something.” The game restarted and what ever was said in that dressing room worked as the Hammers raced there way to make chances for the goal that they never left an defenders and found our self behind again. So Mr Thomson changed his tic-tacs and 7mins later Obiang found the back of the nets and then Damia scored 10mins later and then held on for a 3-2 victory. Then after the game all that Nicky said was “We’re out the relegation zone”
West Ham next opponent was Espanyol. Who had the out going Nathan Prince going to Galatasaray. Which maybe had Nathan thinking what he would do with Galatasary than Espanyol as they went behind thanks to Winnie scoring a rare goal then Klose had a goal ruled offside. The rest of the game just fizzled out into to a schoolboy game. Mr Thomson said “I would take that score line and scrappy game with that result anytime. A win is a win. No matter how they come. " After the game Mr Thomson caught a flight to Edmonton to take in a ice hockey match. Is he looking to manage over in Canada and in a different sport who knows, but we will keep any eye on this as he has started to turn the West Ham ship around and I can see them wanting to keep hold of there manager.
The following game saw them entertain Arsenal in the Churchill Cup which saw every man for West Ham on the goal line bringing a new form of arming the bus. Is this the new tactics that Nicky was experimenting on? When West Ham did have a break away attack they were able to find the back of the net. Thanks to Cech doing chin ups on the crossbar. So a very surprised victory for West Ham in the cup which gives them hope however small it is of qualifying.
That is all we have time for this week. We will be back to your usual Sunday slot if that ok with Tweety aaahh mean Gino. So thanks for reading this and we will have a new member joining us on Sunday so tune in to meet him
So thanks again Timmy Mallet