Youth Cup and Shield 3rd Round

Youth Cup and Youth Shield 3rd Round Draws are below.


Some explanation needed I feel.

Arsenal progress automatically as Flamengo withdrew due to holiday commitments.
Flamengo were therefore disqualified and I needed another team to go into the Youth Shield. 

Therefore like last season a lucky loser was sought from the teams who lost in the 2nd round of the Youth Shield. The format was the same as fictional extra time - possession + shots on target, Genoa (60) Augsburg (53) - means Genoa are the lucky loser again.

Teams who lost in youth cup round 2 dropped into the youth shield and have HOME TIES - However both Inter and Atletico Madrid "cheated" in youth cup round 2 so will not have the reward of a home tie in the Youth Shield - therefore they will be away. 

The following 2nd round ties were settled AET, Mounchenglabach-West Ham, Napoli-Milan, Lokomotiv Moscow-Hamburg

Dates for 3rd Round is 17th June.

A juicy Liverpool derby and Belgian derby stand out. 



youth cup

3rd round

Saturday 17th June
1
Real Madrid

Arsenal

2
View Match
Athletic Club

Monchengladbach

3
Liverpool

 Everton

4
Bayer Leverkusen

Lokomotiv Moscow

5
Barcelona

Wolfsburg

6
Chelsea

AC Milan

7
Bayern Munich

Juventus

8
Valencia

Borussia Dortmund


youth shield

3rd round

Saturday 17th June
1
West Ham

Hellas Verona

2
Feyenoord

Atletico Madrid

3
Napoli

Dynamo Kiev

4
Hamburg

Sporting

5
Benfica

Genoa

6
Cruziero

Aston Villa

7
Shakthar

Inter

8
Anderletcht

Standard Liege


Playing with the Kids

Playing with the Kids



Well we're just over halfway through the season, and we find ourselves in a similar position. Around the playoff places again, albeit a much tighter proposition than last year. This year, however we’ve done it with a younger, lower rated squad. A squad that in theory should grow with the club.




Youth has been at the forefront of my mind as I look to move the team from a club that utilised higher rated but older players, to a club that brings through players from within. Not an easy feat when the older players you have aren't worldies to begin with. The youth team now boasts prospects from all corners of the globe and should hopefully mature into high quality first team players. Of course with any young player, potential is just that, the capacity to develop into something in the future. Some will fail, and join the likes of Sir Francis of Jeffers, or the American Messi, Freddy Adu. Others will take a slower route to stardom, Oriol Romeu struggled at various times, however has gone on to become the player of the season for a side at the top end of the non-elite Premier League table as he reaches his middle twenties. Hopefully a sprinkling of the current youth crop will take the short cut past mediocrity and become the hype and talent that the media bestows upon them, players such as Alphonso Davies and Alex Grimaldo.



An overview of some of the new young signings at Liege;

Will Hughes has consistently been one of the best players in the Championship, linked with moves to Liverpool and Man United. His performances this season however have done little to reinforce that promise. The second half of the season has seen the player fall out of favour at various times as his contribution has waned slightly. As they say though, form is temporary and class is permanent.

Bjorn Engles has long been mooted as a potential solution to Arsene Wenger’s central defense problems, lord know he needs all the help he can get… Whilst fairly injury prone (another trait Wenger looks for), he’s played the full second half of the season for Brugge now that he’s fit again, and the club finished a close second in the league behind Anderlecht.

Swiss winger-cum-wing back (aren’t they all these days?) Jordan Lotomba has been scouted by Juventus as they look to continue their dominance of Serie A by supplementing superstars with young prospects. First choice when fit at the tender age of 18, he’s been one of the highlights of a very poor, although just promoted, Lausanne-Sport side.

Oriol Busquets – a concatenation of 2 of La Masia’s midfield anchors, has been talked about as a player that could eventually go on to play for Barcelona’s first team. A key figure for Barcelona’s UEFA Youth League side, he shares the same position, surname and build as the current master. Long legs allow him to steal the ball from opposing players before they’ve realised he’s even close, whilst his passing under pressure is already sublime. Pacey and strong, his only real glaring weakness at the moment is his inability to ping those long through balls, but come on, he’s a number 6 and he’s only 18…


Geronimo Rulli got his big move (that was never announced) to City in August 2016 from Maldonado and was promptly loaned back to the club he was currently on loan at, Real Sociedad. Keeping up? An agreed transfer fee of £5.95 million was exercised by the Spaniards that saw him join permanently in January, with a mooted buy back clause for City of around £12 million. 10 clean sheets over 38 games, and 53 goals conceded has seen him reinforce his reputation as one of the best young keepers in Europe.

Gonzalo Maroni has finally broken into the first team at River Plate (I’ve been sat on him for just under a year now) and scored a cracker of a volley against Arsenal de Sarandi. Likened to Juan Roman Riquelme, the young Argentine should hopefully continue to get first team minutes, and if he turns out to be half as good as his illustrious compatriot, I’ve spotted an absolute gem.


Another Argentine, Santiago Colombatto, has been playing well for the Under 20’s in the current tournament, creating 2 goals in 3 games. Lazio have been consistently linked with a move for the Cagliari youngster, who unsurprisingly has also been compared to Lucas Biglia and Fernando Redondo (you’re no-one if you’re not compared to someone it seems…). My first signing as Liege manager (I think?), and I’m glad that I’m finally seeing the fruits of my labour.

Reece Oxford has been lauded as Rio Ferdinand’s great successor. Jaap Stam didn’t seem to think so during his loan spell at Reading though, due to concerns around his attitude. Reece has been given a second chance to prove his worth however over at Borussia Monchengladbach, and we all know they love a young defender over there. Linked with a move to Manchester United every summer since he was only 3 days old, hopefully he’ll get some game time in Germany and become the classy centre back he should be.

Ajax midfielder Frenkie De Jong managed 8 minutes in the Europa final the other day, was a regular for Ajax under 21’s, and broke into the first team for the last couple of games of the season for the Ajax first team. Whilst physically lacking, his technical ability more than makes up for this, showing an unwavering ability to break a defence with a pass. Hopefully the loss of Peter Bosz will not slow down his development, but I’ve got high hopes for him.


Laszlo Benes, David Carmona and Aymen Barkok are all set to join from Genoa in a move that see’s the prodigious Pietro Pellegri move the opposite way.

Benes has been getting minutes for Borussia MonchenGermanTeam over the last 10 or so games of the season and should be playing alongside Oxford next season. A creative midfielder with great vision, and loves taking a shot, has recently been called up to the Slovakian national squad.

David Carmona has been a regular for Sevilla Atletico for 3 seasons now, but has been hampered by the consistency of Mariano in his attempts to break into the first team. Mariano however is no spring chicken. Alongside Sergio Rico, Clement Lenglet, Luciano Vietto and Joaquin Correa, Carmona can become a key player in an ever more youthful Sevilla side.

18 first team games by the time you’ve just turned 18 is a good record for any young player, even more so when you’re playing in one of the top divisions in Europe, the Bundesliga. Aymen Barkok has been a consistent performer for Eintracht Frankfurt since breaking into the first team on the 20thNovember 2016. 1 goal and 1 assist in his 3 games for Germany under 19’s also show that he’s definitely on the right track.

Alphonso Davies is the MLS new great hope. Scouted by Europe’s top clubs from 15 years old, you can’t help but be reminded of Freddy Adu. Fast, technically gifted and strong, he’s not shirked from playing with the big boys and has consistently been Vancouver Whitecaps stand out player.

Some of the more well known names now at Liege are Marcos Llorente (voted one of the breakout players of the season behind Mbappe, Naby Keita and Caldara), Mitchell Weiser of Hertha and Calum Chambers of Aresenal. I’m hoping that now Arsene has moved to 3 at the back, Chambers can capitalise on solid performances for Middlesbrough and stake a claim for a first team place.



Whilst we might not be pulling up any trees over here in Belgium at the moment, I’ve tried to remain competitive whilst the rebuild is being carried out. Time will tell if I’ve made the right decisions with regards to players, but long term I’m quietly optimistic.

The Prince of Portugal and the Cuttlery King – A Parfitt & Wheels Affair

They say that Romeo & Juliette is the greatest love story ever told. The feuding Montague’s and Capulet’s. That’s what they say, and to be fair, they are probably right. Although 50 Shades must be in the running too……


This isn’t about the Montague’s or the Capulet’s though. It’s not even set in Italy. It’s the story of Wheels of the mighty Spoon Army of Sao Paolo, and Parfitt, finding his feet in Lisbon with Benfica.


The two sides came together a couple of weeks back in the most eagerly awaited Youth Cup match in T100 history. On the one side, the always eccentric, often amusing Nick Wheels, and on the other side, a man who has enjoyed 5 seasons of back to back abject failure, before somehow ending up in one of the most coveted jobs in all of the league.


This tale is not about the match however, it centres around the night two of the greatest figures in Top 100 history and a night on the Portuguese tiles with Alex McLean of Inter.


We’ve had known each other for years, we all attended the same school and had had our fair share of alcohol related misfortunes.

We went drinking in a bar/club (the kind of bar with a small dancing area) and as per usual, Wheels smuggled some homemade Brazilllian hybrid stuff in. You know, the kind that’s good at degreasing engines. He’s one cheap motherfucker so he doesn’t pay for alcohol in bars beyond one or two beers.

Anyway, this particular night i was celebrating my first win with Benfica so i do the logical thing that every fresh-into-success manager does and i buy everybody drinks, and have a few more than usual myself. To top it off I slip into the bathroom every now and again and help myself to a solid serving of Wheels magic moonshine.

Fast forward to a few hours later and I’m pretty spannered. I’m hitting on all the cougars in the place, my speech is slurred and I feel like I’m the king of the world. This is when Alex decides I’ve probably had enough and it’s time for us to leave. Between them they more or less drag me out of the place and I eventually submit and agree to come along. We all walk home and after about a mile or so Alex goes his own way and it’s just me and Wheels.

Wheels and I live close to each other and the road home takes us past our old school. So as we walk past the school grounds, I come up with the genius idea of jumping the fence, breaking in, and taking a dump in the staff room room. Wheels is pretty hammered himself, so he doesn’t see a problem with this plan.

Getting in is easy, the front fence is pretty low and there’s another fence behind it, but that one has a hole in it. We get into the courtyard only to realize that there are two guards, Beddows and Frank, patrolling it. We both panic and decide to bail on the whole plan. While any sober human with even a limited capacity to reason would’ve just gone out the way we came in, we decided that that is no longer an option and we went for the back exit that leads to a different street. 5 minutes of sneaking around through the shadows later, we are at the back gate of the school and decide to jump it.

I help Wheels up and over since I figured I’m the more athletic one and I can jump the gate on my own. This was a huge mistake. I manage to get up on the gate, but i end up being exhausted by the time i have to actually go over. Now, the gate has some spikes at the top precisely to prevent people from scaling it. Kinda like the one in this picture.






My arms give out and i end up putting the family jewels to the spike, since I was basically straddling the gate at this time. I do my best not to scream, so as to avoid alerting the guards. Somehow I manage to jump over, but my jacket is now ripped, my trousers are literally shredded in half from the crotch to my knees, and my arse and gonads are bleeding profusely. After deciding that I don’t have any life threatening injuries, other than turning my nuts into a kebab. we make our way home, but my adventure was not quite over yet.


I used to live in a house that my parents built in the back yard of the old house. To get home, I had to go through the front yard, which was turned into a pizza place. Of course at the time I got home, the pizza place was full so I had the pleasure of exposing my near-naked anus, and balls that looked like tinned tomatoes to all the pizza enthusiasts of that fine establishment. I did my best to avoid any of the employees seeing me, since that would’ve almost certainly led to an awkward conversation.

The next morning I woke up with a massive headache, some nasty cuts, and a very bruised ego. I got rid of the clothes, since I had no reasonable explanation for the damage (and blood), and prayed that my mum doesn’t go around asking where that nice jacket I had disappeared.


T100 Investigates

An impartial undercover report has just been unleashed onto the T100 community, one which will stun everyone and show clearly how some managers have absolute no regard for local talent, zero interest in promoting national success and absolutely no relationship with their own fans who will stunned by the findings!

Yes, tonight Mr Gino Kinnearo goes undercover across Italy - finding which clubs have young fans who have no heroes - not one local name which the young bambine and raggazine can aspire to be whilst planning football in the park, no one to put on the back of their replica shirts and no panini stickers which they crave to have in their collection!

Beware Mr Kinnearo will uncover a horrific tale of neglect, abuse of fans by Italian based managers and teams with no heart!

FOR EFFECT PLEASE PLAY THE VIDEO BEFORE CLICKING READ MORE

Good evening everyone I am Gino Kinnearo and in tonight’s special edition of Breaking News I am scouring the clubs of Italy - discovering how much they all dedicate to local talent - I begin by giving you the bare facts to digest - the truth.

How many Italian players does each Italian club have? 


AC Milan

I will begin our journey in Milan with the greatest manager in T100, Mr Stephen Beddows who has an Italian backbone at the club and has recently bought two great friends together.

Two of the greatest friends in all of football - together at Milan
"At Milan part of our philosophy is to develop home grown talent for the team and for the national side - in fact of our 16 Italian players at Milan 10 of them are full internationals and won the World Cup, including rookies such as Calabria and Barreca. This creates a great feeling of togetherness within the side." 

"Our fans love it - when you walk around Piazza Duomo, of Corso Buenos Aries or Via Padova you see fans young and old wearing the replica Milan shirts, names like Balotelli, Benassi, Bonadventura, Soriano adorn them - there are also many with Beddows, Benassi and Petagna."

Gino Kinnearo then questioned as to how much of a role Beddows has in the recruitment of players or is it down to the Chinese orders. 

"100% me!" he said. "It brings a tear to my eye to see the youngsters in Parco Sempione pretending to be their heroes and it is always the Italian players they want to be - youngsters pretending to be Balotelli or Calabria or even being Beddows on the sidelines - marvelous to see!" 

In addition a core of Italian players is key to local community Beddows explained. "We do lots of work - coaching in local schools, volunteering at food banks or litter picking with the criminals - with all of this crucial community work the ability to relate to the people of Milan in their native Italian or Albanian is so important. 

Our philosophy is part of our core identity - one city one club - the club for the people! 


AS Roma

Next Mr Kinnearo travelled down to Roma to meet with new Roma boss Marco de Angelis.

Marco is very Italian, at Sampdoria he was evidently one of the most patriotic Italians where he had a huge core of Italian players and his charity work in the old port of Genoa and on the streets and the along the Ligurian coast will be forever remembered.

"Io credo che e molto importante che uno allentore deve avere un cuore di giocatori Italiani!"

He then broke into English - "at Roma we will a try to a make same - we want very much Italy players!"

Roma have 10 Italian players in their side presently but under Marco this is only set to increase.

Napoli

Mr Kinnearo then flew down to Napoli - the heart of southern culture in Italy, the home of spazzatura and a team that has just 2 Italian players! 2!

Rob Ryan refused to speak to Mr Kinnearo - claiming that his report was biased against everyone but the managers who were not a threat to AC Milan!

Mr Kinnearo though decided to do some more snooping setting an extra secret candidate to watch Napoli training and he was amused to see 12 overweight men on the training field, clearly not footballers upon investigating further it was discovered that Rob Ryan has to employ 12 different translators in the team - absurd.

So absurd that, the Czech translator has to translate the instruction into French-Malian as Rob Ryan refuses to spend the millions on a further translator due to Napoli considering 13 an unlucky number.

There is no community interaction at Napoli - Mr Rob Ryan does not allow his players to interact with the public - as such, Napoli - once a one club city - has become awash with AC Milan, Roma and Hellas Verona shirts - the people of Napoli want familiarity!

Hellas Verona and Chievo Verona

Next stop Verona the two Verona teams - first Hellas - Mr Kinnearo was overjoyed to find the official club language being Italian - 20 Italian players, plenty of talent, lots of joy amongst the fans that some Hellas players will one day play for Beddows' national team.

Gino said: "Andre has built a great ethos at this club - an amazing identity. This is how to build a football team."

As for Chievo Mr Kinnearo was stunned to find 1 Italian player - the player who didnt want to be named for fear of losing his place in the team spoke exclusively to BREAKING NEWS...

"Io non sono capace a parlare inglese per cui non capisco nulla! Gav Harmer parla solo inglese e io sono Italiano - vivo in mio paese - ma non capisco nulla!"

This horrendous situation for this poor Italian player bought tears to the eyes of Mr Kinnearo - how could a poor Italian player, playing his T100 football in his native country have to try to understand English to communicate with his teammates! Another example of absurdity.

Torino and Juventus

Torino's falls down the divisions has been well documented - led by a bouncing kangaroo who has finally said he will leave if he fails again. Is there any connection between the lack of Italian identity and their failure? Perhaps so?

3 Italian players in the Torino team - such stars like Barreca left Torino to join Beddows in part due to the Aussie's inability to relate to the fans and the city!

Barreca: "He lived in Piedmont - in Barbera - the place where they make win. Every day he would turn up to training late - his translator having arrived 2 hours prior... always, I think you say 'drunk' becuase of the red wine"

This report of foreign managers not making it in Italy clearly has a pattern - but what of Mr DP - a manager who Gino Kinnearo has not always seen eye to eye with in the past.

"DP has 7 Italian players and he is not as short sighted as the others - I have a certain level of respect for him!"

Kinnearo described DP as a sort of chameleon - a creature who adapts to his surroundings to make friends and to fit in.

"He is quite effective as an individual. He is almost successful as a T100 manager and keeping that core of Italian players has been key - Buffon, Bonucci and Rugani has been key to the DP PR machine - he knows how to manage the media."

Very often the front pages of the Torino newspapers feature images of DP eating gelato alongside Torino natives, or eating gnocchi con sugo in the favourite haunts of the Turin elite - he is a man who likes to be seen with his people - very shrewd!

Genoa

Mr Hirst loves Genoa and it is true he is loved by his fans - Mr Hirst plays on his Genovese origins in truth he has done a good job of having 8 local players in his squad.

Perhaps his weakness is his love of Perin - Frank and Perin are like Mulder and Sculley, Batman and Robin or David Senior and Tom Parfitt - a combination that is yet to bring any real success - promotion is one thing but the real glory is in silverware and despite his domination of the mafia Hirst has - as yet - be able to achieve this.

In addition many of the Italian media have been critical of keeping players like Federico DiMarco against his wishes - Di Marco - a native of Milan is said to want to return to Milan as soon as he is allowed.

Frank tries at Italian and the Genoa natives appreciate this - but compared to Beddows he is a complete amateur and this reflects on his relationship with the fans - they like Hirst - but they don't love him like the Milanese do Beddows!

Inter

Finally Mr Kinnearo returned to Milan, where his journey began - expecting to find a similar story to AC Milan at Inter - as he arrived at il stazione he was greeted by many Milan shirts, a 4 year old boy with Soriano on his back, a 12/13 year old girl with a Balotelli shirt, an 18 year old man with a half and half Milan - home and away shirt with Bonadventura and Barzagli - but no Inter shirts at all - how could this be?

And then it hit Kinnearo - Inter Milan have 0 Italian players in their ENTIRE squad!

What is their philosophy? How can this be? How can a small club like Inter accept such a state of affairs we asked some famous Inter Milan fans.

Andrea Bocelli:
"Every weekend I sing my heart out for the team - I sing them songs like Nessun Dorma but I do not think they understand - there is not one Italian in the team - I feel lost - I cannot relate to this team - success may come but I will not celebrate with them - in fact if Beddows keeps Milan against all odds in Division One I will sing with him"

Valentino Rossi: 
"I think the wheels have come off the hierarchy at Inter - how can they allow this man - this beast to rip the heart out of our team!"

Upon further investigation there is no community projects at Inter - no work to promote unity across the city - apparently Mclean has authorized the setting up of an Inter community project in Glasgow though. 

What hope is there in this world for clubs like Inter with managers whose approach is so set in stone that they can not see the wood from the trees and the fact that the fans need heroes they can relate to!

Alex Mclean did comment but unfortunately due to a combination of poor language and an inability of Gino to understand his accent it was not recorded in the documentary.  

This is Gino Kinnearo for Top 100 news in Italy! 


olympiacos season report so far





                                               



                                                     olympiacos review



with over half the season gone. the season so far has turned out to be very frustrating with 9 draws out of the 20 games so far and 7 so far at home its been a tale of not finishing games of enough.with remy rossi and gignac all brought in recently it was hoped they would help turn these draws into win but this has not happened
this has meant we have fallen 5 points of the promtion places which was the target at the beginning of the season. inless we can get a top 7 finish then this season will be a failure and big changes will need to be made at the end of the season be that with transfers or even a new manager.


this needs to start tonight with our visit to James standard liege.who occupy that last play off place. this will be a tough game and i will be giving some players a chance to prove there worth tonight.hopefully the second half of the season can be better than the first half and we must keep working hard to do this and achieve our goal of a play off position.


its likely that no transfer will take place in the second half of the season so all players will be free of transfer bans to give me options at the end of the season. but if something to good comes up then this of course could change.



Inter - Half Season Report ' A SEASON OF SACRIFICE'.

INTER ARE FLYING HIGH ATOP DIV2. THERE SHOULD BE CONGRATULATIONS AND WARMTH. INSTEAD THERE IS ANTIPATHY AND ACRIMONY. WHAT IS BEHIND INTER’S STORMING RISE?


Staff Writer Cesare Tagliatelle Reports
Saturday 3rd June 2017




Last season, with arguably the strongest team in the division (after some transfer activity), Inter finished a creditable 4th under new manager McLean. Despite exiting the play-offs Inter had been set some very difficult targets, which the team accomplished with some aplomb. McLean should have been very happy, but there were reports from inside the club that, despite offering a public face of a ‘job well done’, that all was not well with the former Olympiacos boss.
I went to investigate further and was granted an interview. A somewhat disturbing interview that has possibly reinforced what others have been too frightened to say openly - that Inter’s rise is down to McLean being a ‘devilish and terrible cunt’.
First some background.
Inter started the season minus their best player, 94 rated CB Giorgio Chiellini. McLean stated at the time that more squad depth was required. In came young talent Caleta-Car and top  class defender Stefan De Vrij. Quality signings both. Their 1st match ended a 2-2 draw at home to Spartak. This was followed by another dull draw against Fiorentina and then a 1-4 mauling by Southampton. Then it all changed. The results started to improve massively and the club went on a 10 match unbeaten run in all comps. During this run 92 rated Fernandinho was similarly sold, with 87 rated Koziello and 90 rated Sissoko joining.
I spoke to long-serving kit man Hablo No Inglese on condition of anonymity. ‘Et furst ze gaffer waz being very calm after ze poor start. But e woz inzenzed by ze beating from Scallotti. I ‘ad to go to iz office vor zomezing an’ all I ‘eara iz zome kind of chanting. Zer woz smoke acoming thru ze bottom of ze door. I woz being very afraid sir’!
This was quite a statement. I enquired further. This from Head Of Security Billy London - ' I ‘ave ta ferry the gaffer abaat the place of course. Afta’ tha’ Saint’s match ‘e was fackin’ livid mate! ‘E was proper on one innit. Anywaay ‘e aksed me ter stop at a farm not far from ‘is ‘ouse. ‘E was gone abaat 20 minutes all in, an’ wen ‘e came back ‘e ‘ad shit on ‘is mug. I woz then surprised ta see a pig, a fackin’ pig mind you, big as an ‘ouse flyin’ over’ead. I fackin’ shit mesel’ mate no word ov a lie’!
Smoke coming through doors! Strange chanting! Flying pigs! What devilry was this?
I noted that McLean was a highlander, and that there were rumours of modern day paganism, witchcraft and Celtic rituals abounding across the valleys and Glens. Could this be the source of the strange happenings at Inter? I put it to McLean himself.

Tagliatelle: Thank you for the interview Alex, and congratulations on a good campaign so far.
McLean   : That’s very kind of you Cesare. Yes, it’s a long way to go yet, but thank you, we’re quite happy with how things are progressing.
Tagliatelle: You’ve sold Chiellini, Fernandinho, Sneijder, Evra, Tevez and Diarra. That is 6 quality players that would strengthen any team. Is this madness or devilry?
McLean   : I’m not sure what you mean
Tagliatelle: Well the players you’ve brought in as replacements aren’t quite of the level of the players you’ve sold. Yet you sit 5 points clear. Is there more going on than what you’re telling us?
Mclean    : Look, I’ve made a conscious decision to freshen the squad, add depth and lower the age and I’ve come out the other end with a nice lead and some first class performances. It’s all down to good management. That is it.   
Tagliatelle: I have here (brings out a dusty, hard-backed tome) a copy of the ‘Dummy’s Guide to Paganism and Celtic Ritual’. You will note on p.68, under the heading ‘Success Spells And Magick’,  it says that ‘If a Druid can inflate a pig through lifting it’s tail and blowing through its anus, success will follow that Druid for at least 180 days’. Isn’t it the case that YOU have blown into a pigs arse? Isn’t it the case that all your recent success at Inter is based on sorcery and devilry!
McLean    : Fuck off you twat. Where are you gettin’ this shite? Fuckssake ah’ve heard it ‘aw now.
Tagliatelle ; Your Security man saw you with faeces on your face. Fact!
McLean    : I asked him tae stop so’s ah could go fir a pish for fucks sake. I stumbled in the dark and fell face first intae some cow shite. That is it. Now pack yer bags an get tae fuck ye wee shite.
Tagliatelle : What about the smoke from the door and the chanting from your office after the Saints match?
McLean   : Christ! Some people are so fuckin’ gullible. I wiz annoyed an put on some Enya tae relax. The smoke wiz fae a puckin’ josstick. Honest tae Christ! Can ah no jist get some bloody credibility fer daein’ a decent job?

With that McLean ended the interview. And told me never to come back. Ever. Again. The cunt.





Milan Destroy Juve!

Milan’s incredible manager Beddows was modest in victory tonight as his amazing AC destroyed Juventus at home tonight to move 14 points clear of 19th spot (the sack spots), currently occupied by Ajax.

Beddows post-match said: “This was a big result for us - but it wasn’t totally unexpected. We have prepared very well - our tactics if you study them were unique - we do expect to survive this season and would love to add the SMFA Shield as well - but again circumstances and an unfair draw count against us in that respect."

Milan had stated that the No 1 aim pre-season was to finish 18th or higher - a result which would mean that Milan and Beddows would be safe - so far so good!


Tonight Milan were superb from the off, Balotelli and Gervinho (on his debut) were excellent, Juventus and Mr DP could not cope, Mr Buffon kept Balotelli and Co at bay but it was not to be… a masterful tactical change on 60 minutes from Beddows saw Deulofeu enter the fray - Bonadventura moving back to sit in a two in the middle and BOOM… the two combine for Bonadventura to score a stunning goal to snatch all 3 points for Milan as they move up the table!

DP was left stunned, his face at full time was comparable only to that of an Empoli fan last Sunday in real life when they failed to beat Palermo away from home! DP is rumored to on his way out of the Stadio del Alpi ;) with Frankbet offering odds of him being 3/1 to becoming the next t100 manager of Crystal Palace.

Beddows was reluctant to add to pre-match comments concerning the brown envelope scenario but did state that valid news sources from Russia, USA and North Korea had all confirmed the image of DP meeting with the ref was 110% not photo shopped.

Despite being delighted with the achievement of beating Juventus Beddows encouraged the gathered media to not focus 100% on Beddows' brilliance - but urged focus on the upcoming games including the crucial match against Rubin Kazan in the youth cup on Saturday - a group with DP and Juventus have already won at a canter.



Youth Cup Final Day (Part 3)

Remember Top 4 go through! 

Best 8 group winners will get a bye to round 3
Other group winners + 6 best runners up will be at home in round 2 against
4 other runners up + 4 best 3rd place finishers

the other 6 3rd places will be at home in round 2 of the Youth Shield
where they will face 2 worst 3rd places + all 4th place teams


IF the pre-determined draw throws up matches which are replicas of the group stage they will not be changed. Hopefully this is highly unlikely to happen.


Group 9

GROUP 9 P W D L C F A Pts
Bayern Munich 9 7 0 2 2 25 14 19
Everton 9 6 0 3 0 19 6 18
Hamburg 9 5 2 2 0 16 11 17
Santos 9 2 1 6 0 12 21 7
Man City 9 3 0 6 2 5 17 7
Roma 9 2 1 6 1 15 23 6

Saturday 3rd June
......... Hamburger v Bayern Munich .........
......... Roma v Everton .........
......... Man City v Santos .........
Well this group is very tight. ALL 6 teams could move places on the final day.

Bayern know it is in their own hands if they win in Hamburg, but if they slip up in anyway Everton, can with a win in Roma snatch top spot.

Santos overtook Man City on goal difference in the last match and the Prince will be hoping his side can make the knock out stages. IF Man City and Santos draw and Roma win it will be Roma who go through. 

Group 3

GROUP 3 P W D L C F A Pts
Valencia 9 9 0 0 0 29 3 27
Borussia Dortmund 9 6 0 3 1 14 11 17
West Ham United 9 5 0 4 0 19 14 15
Shakhar Donestk 9 4 0 5 2 15 16 10
Sampdoria 3 1 0 2 0 3 4 3
Southampton 1 0 0 1 0 0 3 0
Beskitas 6 1 0 5 3 3 14 0
Stoke City 4 0 0 4 0 3 14 0
VFB Stuttgart 4 0 0 4 3 0 11 -3
Saturday 3rd June
......... Sampdoria v Shaktar .........
......... Valencia v West Ham .........
......... Dortmund v Stoke City .........

Probably the most clear cut of groups - Valencia could be the No 1 seeds of all of the group winners - with 2nd place arguably up for grabs it is likely to go to Dortmund considering the incredible record of Valencia.

Therefore by default 4th spot will go to Shakhar and a place in the youth shield. 

Group 7


GROUP 7 P W D L C F A Pts
Bayer Leverkusen 9 8 0 1 1 23 8 23
Arsenal 9 3 3 3 0 15 13 12
Feyenoord 9 3 2 4 0 14 18 11
Villarreal 9 2 4 3 0 15 14 10
Twente 9 3 1 5 1 15 24 9
Sunderland 9 2 2 5 0 12 18 8
Saturday 3rd June
......... Feyenoord v Sunderland .........
......... Arsenal v Twente .........
......... Leverkusen v Villarreal .........
Anyone can go through in this lot - this is the tightest group of them all. Bayer Leverkusen have won the group by a mile but Arsenal, Feyenoord, Villarreal and Twente can all still finish second (although it is unlikely that Twente will due to gd. 

Sunderland know a win in Feyenoord could still see them finish top 4 - but they would need Arsenal and Leverkusen to win. Feyenoord will fancy their chances though of making the knock out stages and it is perhaps Villarreal most at risk with the Yellow submarine away at Leverkusen they must get some sort of result as Twente's form of late has been excellent.  

The Lisbon Lion

After leaving his spirtual home behind, Parfitt ended up at Benfica. He has managed to bring a few of the youngsters with him, namely Aniello Viscovo, Matheus Pereira, Ezequiel Ponce, and Ryan Sessegnon.

Sessegnon & Ponce arrived in a deal that saw the highly talented Nelson Semedo head to Spain. Parfitt noted that the price was indeed very high for theplayers that have arrived, but having worked with them both at Levante, he is sure that they will be pushing for first team opportunities at Benfica sooner rather than later, and that in the longer term the deal will look an absolute steal.

The only other deal was with Standard Liege. This one saw yound Spanish full back Alex Grimaldo head to Belgium, with Ghanian Abdul Rahman Baba come to Portugal. The African is another that Parfitt feels ties in with the ethos already in place at Benfica. Youthful enthusiasm combined with talent, and bucket loads of potential.

Various other moves have been discussed with multiple clubs, most notably for Egyptian wide man Mohamed Salah, but nothing has been agreed. A couple of youth players are transferlisted, and unless a bid has been made earlier today, but that aside the man in charge has decided to keep the squad as is now until the end of the season, unless something dramatic pops up.

The Lisbon Lion was asked for a half term assessment, amd responded with a couple of lines. “Levante were brilliant. We were bottom briefly, and I got them turned around to knock on the play off door. I dont doubt I’d have taken them up this season, and it broke my heart to leave. I just hope Dario knows what he’s doing, but so far it just looks like he’s tearing the heart from the side. It’s a bit like when you split up with your missus and she ends up with a wife beater, or even worse, somebody like Beddows. You feel like you want to go back and help, but you cant. Sorry, you meant a half term report on Benfica? Well all I can say as that despite Nuno’s best efforts to balls things up, they are still in and around the sharp end, and with a bit of work on the training ground, I’ll be doing my best to have them in div 1 next season. Not an easy task, but I reckon I can get the job done”

Parfitt was also asked what he would do should the side go up. Would he look to break the youthful squad up with the aim of swapping potential for ready made older talent, or would he stick? Parfitt is non commital at this stage. He said that his thoughts are solely on this season at present, and what happens next season will be decided at a later date. One thing is for sure though, young Renato Sanches and Kylian Mbappe, AKA Bap Man, will stay in Portugal no matter what.

Kylian’s company car

So what are the aims for the second half of the season? As stated, promotion is one of the targets, but also some silverware in the shape of youth cup football. Again, not an easy competition to win, and given the previous managements best efforts to sneak in a bunch of ringers on a couple of occasions, it will likely be 3rd in thr group if they qualify, ande a difficult route from there on in. Parfitt feels his youngsters are up to the challenge, and points to the fact that several of the youth side are regulars at first team level, and several others are knocking loudly on the door.

A double in the first half season, even if it turns out to be a youth cup / play off double, would certainly be welcomed by a man who has so far managed to get relegated, and then rattle around in the middle of division 5 for the vast majority of his Top 100 career.





Youth Cup Final Day Scenarios (Part 2)

Remember Top 4 go through! 

Best 8 group winners will get a bye to round 3
Other group winners + 6 best runners up will be at home in round 2 against
4 other runners up + 4 best 3rd place finishers

the other 6 3rd places will be at home in round 2 of the Youth Shield
where they will face 2 worst 3rd places + all 4th place teams

IF the pre-determined draw throws up matches which are replicas of the group stage they will not be changed. Hopefully this is highly unlikely to happen.



group 1


GROUP 1 P W D L C F A Pts
Real Madrid 9 9 0 0 0 32 4 27
Inter Milan 9 6 2 1 0 19 12 20
Levante 9 5 0 4 0 16 16 15
Dynamo Kiev 9 2 2 5 0 12 18 8
Newcastle United 9 2 2 5 0 10 18 8
Chievo Verona 9 0 0 9 0 3 24 0

Saturday 3rd June
......... Newcastle v Levante .........
......... Real Madrid v Inter .........
......... Chievo Verona v Dynamo Kiev .........
The ultra confident Greg Billington looks surely set for a fall? Newcastle face Levante on the last day knowing they have to win AND hope Chievo Verona actually do something they have never achieved in 3 seasons on youth cup football - Get a point against Kiev. 

Real Madrid play Inter in a nothing match but again both teams will want to win to ensure as easy a tie as possible in round's 2 and 3. Some though are calling this the derby of the most hated managers in the gameworld. 

Levante meanwhile under new leadership of Dario will want to ensure as many points as possible and get a place in the Youth Cup as opposed to the Youth shield which looks a likely possibility. 

Group 5

GROUP 5 P W D L C F A Pts
Chelsea 9 6 2 1 0 23 7 20
Wolfsburg 9 5 1 3 2 12 8 14
Espanyol 9 3 3 3 0 10 12 12
Sporting 9 3 3 3 1 13 10 11
PSV 9 1 5 3 0 8 11 8
Bordeaux 9 1 2 6 3 5 23 2
Saturday 3rd June
......... Chelsea v PSV .........
......... Sporting Lisbon v Bordeaux .........
......... Wolfsburg v Espanyol .........

Another tight group which is unlikely to see their 3rd place side make it to the youth cup so in all likelihood the top 2 will be in the youth cup, 3rd and 4th the youth shield. Wolfsburg v Espanyol in truth will decide who finishes 2nd . 

Lisbon will fancy their changes against wooden spoon winners Bordeaux and they no a win will give them home advantage in round 2 of the youth shield. 

PSV have a very big outside chance and will be hoping group winners and defending champions Chelsea will play the kids. 

Group 2

GROUP 2 P W D L C F A Pts
Barcelona 9 9 0 0 0 29 6 27
Aston Villa 9 3 3 3 0 18 19 12
Augsburg 9 4 0 5 0 13 14 12
Cruziero 9 3 3 3 0 11 14 12
Fiorentina 9 1 4 4 1 11 18 6
Lyon 9 1 2 6 0 12 23 5
Saturday 3rd June
......... Aston Villa v Barcelona .........
......... Cruzeiro v Fiorentina .........
......... Augsburg v Lyon .........
Another massive final day in group 2 - Fiorentina and Lyon are definately out but both have the ability to not finish wooden spooners and inflict devastating results on their opponents. 

Augsburg who started so well are in freefall but will surely fancy their chances to finish second by beating Lyon and hoping Barcelona beat Villa. 

Cruziero meanwhile also know a big win could see them snatch second. All to play for. 



Youth Cup Final Day Scenarios (Select groups)

Remember Top 4 go through! 

Best 8 group winners will get a bye to round 3
Other group winners + 6 best runners up will be at home in round 2 against
4 other runners up + 4 best 3rd place finishers

the other 6 3rd places will be at home in round 2 of the Youth Shield
where they will face 2 worst 3rd places + all 4th place teams

IF the pre-determined draw throws up matches which are replicas of the group stage they will not be changed. Hopefully this is highly unlikely to happen.



group 6 - final day scenarios - youth cup


GROUP 6 P W D L C F A Pts
Juventus 9 6 3 0 0 24 15 21
Flamengo 9 5 1 3 0 21 7 16
AC Milan 9 3 4 2 0 20 17 13
Partizan 9 3 2 4 1 14 17 10
Rubin Kazan 9 3 0 6 1 10 21 8
Hertha Berlin 9 1 2 6 0 8 20 5

FIXTURES: Saturday 3rd June
......... Flamengo v Juventus .........
......... Rubin Kazan v Milan .........
......... Partizan v Hertha Berlin .........

Flamengo and Juve have both secured top 2 spots (barring a huge goal swing) but both will want to win to ensure an easier tie as possible in round 3 (in Juve's case) and round 2 in Flamengos.

Milan should finish 3rd barring a massive defeat - but the chances of them being in the top 4 3rd place teams hanging on a knife edge nothing but a win will do! Rubin could still finish 4th and qualify for the youth shield IF results go their way and they beat Milan.

Partizan know a win will secure Youth Shield football against Hertha who will win the wooden spoon award.

group 8 - final day scenarios - youth cup


GROUP 8 P W D L C F A Pts
Anderletcht 9 6 3 0 0 15 3 21
Monchengladbach 9 6 1 2 1 23 11 18
Atletico Madrid 8 4 1 3 1 10 7 12
Standard Liege 9 3 2 4 0 11 14 11
Atalanta 8 1 4 3 0 9 17 7
Tottenham  9 0 1 8 4 4 20 -3

Saturday 3rd June
......... Standard Liege v Tottenham .........
......... Anderlecht v Atletico Madrid .........
......... Atalanta v Monchengladbach .........

With Atletico and Atalanta having to play their game in hand on Wednesday this group is not quite as cut and dry as it appears at the bottom.

The other fixtures perhaps favour Monchengladbach who travel to Atalanta but in truth 1st and 2nd could still change as the GD is almost identical, if it comes to goals scored surely the German side will be favourties. Tottenham have won the wodden spoon. 

group 4 - final day scenarios - youth cup

GROUP 4 P W D L C F A Pts
Liverpool 9 7 1 1 0 20 9 22
Lokomotiv Moscow 9 6 2 1 0 20 6 20
Benfica 9 5 0 4 2 18 17 13
Sassuolo 9 3 2 4 0 12 9 11
Fenerbarche 9 3 0 6 2 6 14 7
Celta Vigo 9 0 1 8 1 3 24 0

Saturday 3rd June
......... Lokomotiv Moscow v Benfica .........
......... Liverpool v Sassuolo .........
......... Celta Vigo v Fenerbarche .........
If Liverpool win they will be top - if they draw and Lokomotiv win then Liverpool will finish 2nd. Either way it is likely that they will have a home tie in the knock outs - whether that be in Round 2 or 3 remains to be defined. 

Benfica's dramatic win against Sassiolo puts them in the driving seat for finishing 3rd - but again only the top 4 3rd place sides go to the Youth Cup - the remainder dropping to the Youth Shield... 

Celta are bottom and despite a good start Fenertarche are also out.

group 10 - final day scenarios - youth cup

GROUP 10 P W D L C F A Pts
Athletic Club 9 6 1 2 0 16 12 19
Napoli 9 5 3 1 0 20 8 18
Hellas Verona 9 4 3 2 0 14 12 15
Genoa 9 3 2 4 0 9 12 11
Club Brugge 9 2 2 5 1 7 15 7
Swansea 9 0 3 6 0 7 14 3

Saturday 3rd June
......... Hellas Verona v Genoa .........
......... Club Brugge v Napoli .........
......... Swansea v Athletic Club .........

Swansea and Brugge are out but could have a say in the final shake up. 

Genoa last years finalists will finish 4th, Hellas Berona should finish 3rd. 

Napoli are surely the strongest team in the group yet have produced some poor results. 


Espanyol on the Road to Recovery!


Image result for espanyol kit away 16/17Image result for espanyol kit away 16/17Image result for espanyol


Since dropping to Division 5 three seasons ago Espanyol have had one long term goal in mind and it looks as though this season could be their best opportunity to attain it. The goal in question is the promotion of the Barcelona based club back up to Division 4 while developing an improving squad.

Anthony Modeste
(Teams top scorer)
At the start of the season the season the squad looked strong with good first team choices and appropriate depth. Along the course of the first half of the season changes have been made and several new stars have joined while a few have also departed. The season started with fans excited to see how their side would do with Demba Ba and Raul Garcia both starting their first full seasons at the club. The pairing seemed to work well with the forward bagging 4 goals and 4 assists in 11 games and helping the side to second in the table, however, following the signing of Anthony Modeste the Senegal striker was deemed excess and was used as part of a deal to get in the experienced Wesley Sneijder. Having seen great form from Ba some fans were unsure what to think of his French replacement up front, but since then Anthony Modeste has netted 9 times in 10 games and picked up 5 man of the match awards, he is the second highest scorer in the league behind Cheick Diabate who has scored just one more goal in 19 appearances, 9 more than Modeste. The midfield partnership has also worked well with Garcia picking up 3 goals and 4 assists in the opening half of the season while newcomer Sneijder has provided 3 assists with one goal in his 8 games. Younousse Sankhare and Yannis Salibur were also both brought in to add to the midfield options and have both played well when called upon. The defence was also tightened up with the acquisitions of Antonio Luna, Luca Rossettini and Andrea Masiello along with the surprise signings of Fredreic Guilbert and Jordy Gaspar from Napoli. The squad has been improved but some areas are still falling short. Earle has openly said he is still looking for an improved right back and still alternates between the two starting goalkeepers. Unfortunately, neither has been able to find consistent form and both could soon face competition from Fernando Pacheco who is yet to make his debut. If one was to step up and nail his place in the starting role it would surely help the defence improve while giving the Spaniards the boos the desperately need.

At the mid-point of the season it would look as though the Spaniards are having a good campaign, they sit in 3rd with 29 points along side 4 other teams, they are ahead on goal difference and are fighting for automatic promotion and arguably have the strongest side out of the surrounding teams. They have the 4th best attacking record and joint 2nd bet defensive record. However, Earle has says it is not good enough. They are 9 points of the top two and have conceded to sloppy defeats in games they expected to win. The manager has stated that for any chance at automatic promotion the slip ups must stop and consistency must be established week in week out. He believes the key lies in goal and expects that when one of the three options establish a more permanent place the team will improve. 

Bafetimbi Gomis
(6 goals in all competitions)
In the Cup competitions, the side has had mixed results. They were knocked out in the first round of the Top 100 Cup by Crystal Palace and, despite picking up some good results, couldn’t progress through the group stages of the World Club Cup. However, they have found some good performances to progress to the 4th round of the Top 100 Shield where they will face Stoke City on Tuesday. It is expected that Bafetimbi Gomis will be back in the cup squad after a short stint in the first team following some good form in all competitions. The Espanyol youth team are also in a good position to progress from the group stages for the first time in their history.

With the season hotting up Earle is looking to bring in more impact players, specifically in defence and goal. The Spaniards have had advances for several keepers refused including the likes of Marco Sportiello and Peter Gulacsi. The club still have two or three options which they may be forced to take if their current three don’t improve. Approaches for wing backs have also been made with similar results. Daninlo D’Ambroso, Allan Nyom and Conserva Fagner were all options for Espanyol but all 3 have had offers for them rejected. Rumours suggest bids for Brice Dja Djedje or Neto Zeca are being prepared but the club has yet to make a formal bid. They also said they would entertain offers for youth defender Issa Diop in the hope of improving the first team. There are believed to have been many offers but Earle wasn’t interested in any of the initial bids, Hamburg are now the leading for the Frenchman although it seems the 20-year-old has no intention of leaving.
Issa Diop
(Youth sensation)
I love it here, I think the club is moving in the right direction and I want to be part of that. I have friends here and the atmosphere is so positive. I think as a team we are constantly improving and some of the recent signings have shown that. I think I have shown my ability when I’ve played and want to stay and push for a first team spot”.
The youth captain is one of several French youngsters in the Under-21’s side who are tipped for greatness. Boubacar Kamara, Andrew Gravillon, Safwan Mbae and Jordy Gaspar all offer defensive options while Tristan Muyamba and Jean-Victor Makengo play in midfield. Earle has worked hard to develop the youth which was virtually non-existent last season and believes two or three of them could be first teamers within two seasons. However, he also knows his main aim is first team success, and that the league is the priority. He was asked about the season so far and the offers received for Diop, this is what he had to say;
“We know what our goals are and we know what we have to do to get them. Obviously, the league is the most important thing to us and promotion is our target. We feel we have put together a squad which can compete in several competitions without issue and I think so far, we’re doing that well. We’ve had a few unwanted results which we need to eliminate and if we do that we should be fine. But currently we’re our own biggest enemy. In terms of Diop he’s not one that we ‘want’ to sell, it’s more that we are aware of the interest from other clubs and are always open to offers. If there’s nothing that we aren’t 100% sure of he won’t be leaving, but if there’s the chance to improve the team on a whole then we may go ahead with it if he player is happy”.
The Spaniards have also launched bids for new attacking options with Bonfim Marlos and Nicola Kalinic both being targets. It is expected that Ozan Tufan may be used in a deal to bolster the attack while Miguel Danny may be heading for the exit.

Fans will expect the second half of the season to improve with promotion looking likely but not for certain. Anthony Modeste, Raul Garcia and Wesley Sneijder will be heavily depended on and will be key to the Spaniards campaign. If the French forward can keep up his form he may be heading for a record season. Only time will tell if Espanyol can pick up their season and perform to their full potential and finally restore themselves to a Division 4 side once again.

Big Barbs Diary #3

Yes it's...Big Barbs Diary #3



#3... Score in a Brothel



Hi everybody. I'm Victor Big Barbs Ibarbo & I play centre forward for a cute little Brazilian club known as Sao Paula, no, Sao Paulo that's the one. 

And yes, it is your lucky day cos.... this is my Diary! Yay!!

Hi there commoners & welcome to another 'Big Barbs Diary.

YOU COULDN'T SCORE IN A BROTHEL is the chant that was viciously aimed a me by those disgusting, uncouth Marseilles street rats yesterday. And it hurt. Which is why I walked off after 20 minutes & didn't come back on till just before half time. Yes, you heard me, I walked off the field of play, if Montari can do it why not Big Barbs? I was hurting, it was a protest at the slanderous chants against my goal scoring abilities, I was in the RIGHT!.
Try telling that to that excuse of a manager Wheels - he bollocked me so hard - in front of the dressing room at half time I might add- that his false eye fell in Cesar's pot noodle. 
Eye eye! Where's me other one gone then?

A pot noodle today









Tell that to FIFA who are on about making an 'example' of me. And tell that to the Spoons fan who sent me a whole dead duck through the post - yes, that really happened, saved me popping to Brazilian Aldi though.

Enough of your favourite player for now, it's time for some 'behind the scenes beans at Sao Paulo.


Gildarno
Gilds signalling to the bench

Well it's been a long time coming but Gilds pelvic floor has finally given way & totally prolapsed.

Manager Wheels at the press conference
It's no secret in the game that Gilds anal bead use was at a scary level & he's finally paid the ultimate price. Can't see him playing again, especially since he's now glued himself into his commode.



Wheels
The fuckwit with the Spoons kit is under pressure & boy does it show. His drinking has become almost constant & he's always on the phone those arestrology lines trying to pick a winning side. He may as well just roll a dice cos most of the squad think he's a fuckin retard & couldn't give a toss anyway. Well, that's my opinion at least.

Managers Breakfast



Some chillies today
Sansone
The tossboss has gone & signed some young kid from Arsenal, some cocky fuckin big knob I'll bet. We've had 'em here before. Some Dragons Breath chillies in his undercrackers, verucas in his porridge and LSD in his energy drink will soon sort 'im out. 12 hours mentally tripping with Big Barbs gyating around you to the sounds of Telly Savalas is enough to break any young mind.





Sansone prior to his move
Sansone after a week at Spoons


We'll soon having him drooling into his cornflakes & playing like a shit banjo, he'll fit in nicely then.



T100
That clown Beddows should be happy, he's finally won a trophy, well his 'fans' have - fans, they're more like hired goons - yes the annual worlds ugliest fans has been won by Milan this year, just pipping Celtic & Liverpool to the prize. Villa fans will be distraught after winning it the last 2 years on the trot but thats what you get when you let women shave.

   


Some Milan Fans today


                         

Bruin as Simon Cowell didn't go down well on set

David Senior at Valencia is rumoured to be auditioning for a part in the new Spice Girls reboot. This tells the modern day story of 5 young, fiesty women who form a band that scores chart success with bubbly
girl powered pop until they get ripped apart by Spice, eventually being responsible for some of the most odious & depraves sex crimes in British history. I've heard David's got a good chance of playing bABY sPICE.  
Senior in a earlier casting shoot

Broodin' Putin


That's about it from me, can't write much more cos I'm on a train filled with Lokomotiv fans who are all jumping up & down cos their poxy team is top of some league. I've just sent an email to Putin informing him all about their new song 'Crimea belongs to Ukraine's democratically elected Government' with the whole 6 verses 
in full so we'll see how long they're celebrating for.




Well that's it from me Big Barbs,
see ya soon, tarra a bit kids

Torino Mid Season Report

As we reach the half way point of the season it’s time to review Torino’s season. After narrowly missing out on promotion through the playoffs last season the Torino board issued a simple ultimatum to the Aussie manager this season…..

The message was promotion or don’t let the door hit you on the way out. Not wanting to be known as the Blunder from Down Under Huddo went about ensuring the Italian clubs demands would be met.

So as we head towards the half way mark Torino’s thereabouts for promotion occupying 7th place in Division 5 and the last promotion playoff spot with a modest return of 26 points from 18 games played.

In terms of transfers the biggest move was trading out top scorer from last season Eder for defender Knoche as we looked to add some more steel to a leaky defence and hope that the likes of Negredo and Origi up front would ensure that the departure of Eder would not be felt.

 Overall we have managed to bag 23 goals which is a bit below most of the top teams but the defence has improved with less goals conceded as we averaging just over a goal per game.

There has been speculation in the Italian press that manager Huddo has been distracted by expressing interest in vacancies in recent jobs like Benfica and Dortmund the bookies have not had short odds on offer for the Aussie as you could have got 200/1 for either vacant job.

In terms of odds to retain his job and avoid being the Blunder from Down Under the bookies are offering decent odds of 8/1 for Torino to gain promotion so the Torino fans will be hoping that by the end of the season the Aussie manager can become the King of Turin!


The 'LPF'


‘Level Playing Field’ - ‘The LPF’


The idea can really only go ahead if people within T100 are on board, what with those in the GW being the elite & trustworthy managers that we’ve come across in our time on SM. The idea is to make it less time consuming than T100 but different so it can offer some originality. I’ve come to terms that standard, public game worlds are far too riddled with cheats & alike to bother with now so dropping them & having 1/2 great custom worlds along with T100 is where I’m headed personally.

The basic idea for the GW I have constructed below, but alike to the creating of T100, I’d like to have a rounded collection of ideas for rules & such. The more original & different to T100 perhaps the better for longevity & appeal so I’m opening up the idea to everyone to see what kind of things we can come up with additionally to what I’ve knocked together so far.

  • Initial 5000 seats in stadium capacity difference. (Potential changes to 7500, but of course they need to be within as close capacity as possible as after all it’s the ‘LPF’.
  • Initial rating difference 78 - 81 (3) 10 x 78, 13 x 79, 11 x 80, 6 x 81 (Teams found below)
  • £20m starting budget (I believe the lower the better to start with, more concentrated & tactical plus of course budgets long term can be strained due to the lower & more level stadium sizes. 
  • I want this to be a long term project that dedicated managers need to put time into before we get to a point where all the top players are at managed clubs, therefore with the starting squads, budget & stadium capacities it should take time to get to that point.
  • 4/5 Divisions of 10 teams depending on demand.
  • 2 Fixtures v opponent (Home/Away)
  • 2 Relegation spots per division
  • 25 man first team & 25 youth team - Cap to ensure no hoarding of either. Due to the lower budget, team starting ratings & such I’m sure some managers would certainly horde for the long term in youth players. The work around is that teams might just take 50 under 21s but separate 25 & 25, might need to enforce something more so here?
  • No transfers until all 40/50 teams are controlled, preferably have all 40/50 teams & managers arranged much before the date the GW starts.
  • No managerial sackings for the first 5 seasons to allow squad building, (Shorter seasons anyway) then 1 per season potentially, maybe sackings with the way this GW leads towards time, effort, squad building & such, sackings is something that shouldn’t come into play for quite some time, to be revisited, potentially no sackings.
  • Shouldn’t be many 86+ players at start (Believe ‘Terek' (Extra swap side) to have the only 87 but Brighton being promoted could soon change that & so the quicker the GW is created the better)
  • There are certainly some sides that are better than others due to squad depth & ability to quickly manipulate a better Avg. rating from selling 70 rated players at the club.
  • No additional competitions at least for the first season which I believe should be focussed on team building & getting confident positions with those sides, something else to be revisited. 

Sister Blog to T100
  • Due to all the above, I think there is a need for a blog to keep the GW fun & interactive in the first season & moving forward as without any competitions in between the generic league & cup games it will be one where there’s unlikely to be a lot happening, which is good as I don’t want to take away from Top 100.
  • In terms of blog content, I wouldn’t want to steal ideas from T100 so any kid of TOTW based things to be different in whatever ways we could possibly come up with, lets keep it original.
  • Perhaps all managers invited should be blog posters on T100, a willingness to do so for The LPF, increased chances of interaction & dedication to the GW.
  • The T100 blog has quietened over time but is at the exact place the ‘LPF’ blog would want to be where you see the occasional team post, updates on transfers & club development as such.

Managers
  • Managers - Of course similarly to T100 the managers that are invited into the GW need to be legit, trusted, active managers, good core likely to be taken from T100 itself more than likely.
  • 10 day login limit of course, 7 doesn’t seem to work because SM are useless.  
Teams
So team list I’ve put together, admittedly around Brighton, as I would like to manage them being from & a fan of the club, & the stadium size is average so it suits. 

Of course preference to you guys throwing together ideas should the GW go ahead on whom you would like, if there’s swap sides or alternates within or very close to the initial / current 40 criteria we could adapt. 

Some quite quirky / different sides currently which makes it unique & different. Certainly sides involved that the majority will have never managed before.

40 teams, 78-81, stadiums 28,000-33,000, at this point very few squads have any 87 players.

  1. Wolverhampton - 31,700 - Avg. 78
  2. Duisburg - 31,500 - Avg. 79
  3. Blackburn Rovers - 31,367 - Avg. 79
  4. Bochum - 31,328 - Avg. 81
  5. Dynamo Dresden - 32,066 - Avg. 78
  6. Malmo FF - 30,000 - Avg. 80
  7. Boavista FC - 28,263 - Avg. 79
  8. Maccabi Haifa - 30,874 - Avg. 81
  9. Nottingham Forest - 30,602 - Avg. 80
  10. Anzhi Makhachkala - 30,000 - Avg. 79
  11. Real Oviedo - 30,500 - Avg. 81
  12. Ipswich Town - 30,311 - Avg. 78
  13. Brighton - 30,750 - Avg. 81
  14. Birmingham City - 30,009 - Avg. 79
  15. Hurcules - 30,000 - Avg. 78
  16. Wacker Innsbruck - 30,000 - Avg. 78
  17. Karlsruher - 29,699 - Avg. 80
  18. Brondby IF - 29,000 - Avg. 80
  19. RC Strasbourg - 29,230 - Avg. 80
  20. FC St Pauli - 29,063 - Avg. 78
  21. Hansa Rostock - 29,000 - Avg. 78
  22. Sanliurfaspor - 28,965 - Avg. 79
  23. Bolton Wanderers - 28,723 - Avg. 80
  24. Rapid Wien - 28,000 - Avg. 80
  25. Perugia - 28,000 - Avg. 79
  26. FK Qarabag - 31,200 - Avg. 79
  27. FC Astana - 30,000 - Avg. 79
  28. EC Vitoria - 30,146 - Avg. 79
  29. Academica De Coimbra - 30,210 - 79
  30. Steua Bucuresti - 28,365 - Avg. 79
  31. Grasshopper-Club - 30,000 - Avg. 79
  32. FC Zurich - 30,000 - Avg. 80
  33. Hammarby - 33,000 - Avg. 78
  34. CFR Cluj - 30, 335 - Avg. 78
  35. FK Partizan - 32,710 - Avg. 78
  36. Kayserispor - 32,864 - Avg. 80
  37. Levski Sofia - 29,200 - Avg. 80
  38. Antalyaspor - 33,000 - Avg. 80
  39. Young Boys - 32,000 - Avg. 81
  40. Valerenga - 28,000 - Avg. 78

Potential alternate clubs still within good range of the initial 40;

  1. Parma - 27,906 - Avg. 75
  2. Slavia Sofia - 32,000 - Avg. 77
  3. Gornik Sabre - 31,871 - Avg. 76
  4. Calcio Padova - 32,336 - Avg. 78
  5. Real Murcia - 33,000 - Avg. 77
  6. Reggina - 27,763 - Avg. 77
  7. Terek Grozny - 30,597 - Avg. 81
  8. Servette FC - 30,084 - Avg. 78
  9. Brescia - 27,547 - Avg. 77
  10. MK Dons - 30,500 - Avg. 77 
  11. Coventry City - 32,602 - Avg. 77 
  12. Charlton Athletic - 27,111 - Avg. 78
  13. Derby County - 33,597 - Avg. 81
  14. Real Sporting - 29,538 - Avg. 81
  15. PAOK - 28,703 - Avg. 80
  16. Sheffield United - 32,702 - Avg. 78 
  17. Bristol City - 27,000 - Avg. 78 
  18. Arminia Bielefeld - 27,300 - Avg. 80 
  19. Cardiff - 33,280 - Avg. 80
  20. Wisla Krakow - 33,268 - Avg. 79 

In terms of the teams & divisions I’m open to suggestions, random, drawn, higher ratings D1, lower ratings D1 etc. 

Should there be numbers that are interested & committed to the new GW the plan would be to designate clubs to managers ASAP with creation of the GW coming at some stage this month / early June.

Big Barbs Diary #2

                           Yes it's...Big Barbs Diary #2

Welcome to.....Big Barbs Diary


Hi everybody. I'm Victor Big Barbs Ibarbo & I play centre forward for a cute little Brazilian club known as Sao Paula, no, Sao Paulo that's the one. 

And yes, it is your lucky day cos.... this is my Diary! Yay!!

Hello bastards, well you would not believe whats been going on round 'ere since I last wrote.
Firstly Sao went on a jolly to Genoa for some cup game or other. Now anyone who's ever seen me knows I looove Italian fashion, and yes, you'r right, it loves me. So I'd packed me bags, all me pills, me fags, me 'roids, the bloody lot & the gaffer only turns round to me & says 'your not coming Barbs, you're looking a bit tired, I'm resting you bab'. 
Well, I couldn't believe me ears but before you could say sloppy seconds they'd foocked off & left me at the airport!

Image result for metal anal beadsI was livid, tired my arse. I'd only been out at Club Rouge till 3am for fucks sake, & I went home alone - well, I say alone, the bastard collapsed face down in 'is kebab so I fooked off & left 'im there.
But that bastard Wheels wasn't finished there. He only went & signed that old crock Gildarno to play in my place. The fooking liberty! I know this cos he came through airport security while I was there.
Well he tried to anyway. Now the thing about Gilds as anyone that's been in the game as long as me knows is that 'es famous for one thing & one thing only. That's right, Anal Beads. And he only had the fuckers in on the plane didn't he!  Well 3 hours and 6 cavity searches later he finally joined me in the bar. I was on my 15th Guinness by then so not too smashed to drive so I took him back to my place & gave him some Mamba horlicks to calm 'is nerves. Meanwhile Spoons had pulled off a 'famous' victory in Genoa apparently, that little runt Gregoritsch scored & if I know 'im, that wasn't all that got pulled off either.
Image result for black mamba drink
Next 'ome game the gaffer only goes an' starts Gildy, what the fuck?  I'd shat in 'is boots & put caustic soda in 'is jockstrap but even then that fookin joke of a gaffer didn't bring me on till the 60th minute.
Fook this for a game of soldiers I said to myself, Barbs, you've gotta do something now to make the gaffer realise how valuable you are to this team, to get those fans singing your name again - so I went down with extreme period pains & got myself stretchered off and I'll be fooked if I'm coming back for at least a week - fuck 'em.

The King is dead, long live the King


Yes it's...Big Barbs Diary #1

Welcome to.....Big Barbs Diary


Hi everybody. I'm Victor Big Barbs Ibarbo & I play centre forward for a cute little Brazilian club known as Sao Paula, no, Sao Paulo that's the one. 

And yes, it is your lucky day cos.... this is my Diary! Yay!!

Well, I've got a right cob on and it's not my fault, it's these ruddy 'ormones, can't get 'em right. I went to the club doctor & you know what he said? He said 'piss off Barbs, I've got nothing that will help you, you fat twat'. Can you believe that?
Well, that's just the tip of the iceberg that is, things at this club have been going proper down hill in my opinion.

Apparently the gaffer has been sniffing round some striker called 'Sanmartin', Sanmartin for fucks sake, what sort of name is that? Well St. Etienne were offering the jug eared pisspot for my mate Miguel (Britos) plus some cash. Well me & Migs weren't 'avin that. We nipped into the gaffers office, hacked his email, not hard, his passport is Spoons – what a nonce – then fired off a mail to Etienne saying the deal is off. Gaffer has no idea, well he never does, too busy trying to fuck things up round 'ere, can't leave well alone.

I mean, I scored last game but that cnut of a ref gave it offside, offside for fucks sake, probably only half my left tit was in front of the last man & that's the hormones fault that is, can't blame me.
Gaffer keeps banging on how I was top scorer last seasons but this season nothing. That's gratitude for you that is, he knows it's a balancing act with these hormones, one tweak & I'm all over the place like a leper in a gale

Anyway, I went to B&M Bargains today to stock up on my pills and those multi packs of Roysters & who did I see in there but Beddows & Frank going down the women's products aisle with their bag on wheels. Now I'm not one to nose but it wasn't until I was right behind them that I heard em slagging off T100 managers left right & centre. I couldn't believe my ears so I gathered up my medication, pulled my Burkha down low & followed behind.

It didn't take long before I heard them saying that Alex (McLean) can't take his drink & is regularly seen sleeping rough round Milan in piss soaked tramps trousers & that Gino did time for spiking his youth team's sherbet dib-dabs with ketamine cos he hates the kids, and maybe the worst, that cos PMW wanks so much, his eyesight is now so bad he once went on a date with Del Piero thinking he was Del Ray. I could go on but I'm no gossip & after watching them empty the shelf of sanitary products & mace I headed out and down the boozer for a much needed fag & Guinness.

Well that's me done for today, remember if you can't eat it, it's probably not food.
                                                me after that bastard offside decision

Tarra babs....

Big Barbs

P.S. Even I can't believe what they said about Roy Keane.


Levante press conference

Following last seasons heroics, and missing out on the play offs on the last day, Levante have made a slow start to the new season. The club have registered 3 draws and 3 defeats in the league, and defeats to Besiktas & Feyenoord in the World Club Cup.



The youth team have registered the only win for the club so far this season, beating Italian side Chievo Verona 2 - 0 last weekend. The youth side are in action again tonight against Dynamo Kiev, and before the game, Parfitt answered questions to the press.

Press: You only just missed out on the play offs last season, why are you not fighting at the top of the league right now? 

Parfitt: Because we havent got enough points dickhead. 

Press: So is this how you see the rest of the season going?

Parfitt: No. We've made some major additions to the squad in Gervinho, Fernando Torres and Vedran Corluka. Give them a few weeks to bed in and we'll be flying. Look back a couple of years to when Olympiacos went up. They were absolute gash at the start of the season, far worse than we are right now, but they did the job. I'll be surprised if we dont finish somewhere up at the sharp end.

Press: Do you think that the big name like Gervinho and Torres coming in will upset the balance and spirit of the squad?

Parfitt: No, absolutely not, Torres will probably be top scorer in the league, even though he's only signed 5 games in, and Gervinho should hit double figures as well once he gets going. 

Press: Last season, in the WCC, you were sleighing giants week in, week out, what's gone wrong this season?

Parfitt: We've played 2 games, both against higher league opponents. We can't be expected to win them all. That said, we have Juventus still to play yet, so we should be good for some points in those games.

Press: Last season, you said you would stand down if the club didnt improve in every area on the season before, you're still here. Care to explain.

Parfitt: We had our highest ever league finish, we had the best goal difference we've ever had, we scored more than the season before, we had better cup runs at first team and youth team level. The only thing was goals against, and we only conceded one goal more than the season before. I felt that overall, last season represented an improvement on the one before, so here I am.

Press: You didn't make any bold predictions pre season, scared?

Parfitt: Scared of what? The only ones that should be scared are the other 99 managers in Top 100. We are strengthening the first team squad, we've got kids who will be in the first team soon as well. I think we are in a great position to push on, and when, not if, but when we go up, we'll be in with a decent shout of going straight up again. 

Press: The youth cup tonight will be the first time the kids have played since Isaac Success left. Do you think they'll be weakened by his loss?

Parfitt: Any team will miss their best players, but Che Adams will probably come in for his debut tonight. He's a decent talent. Well obviously he is, I signed him, and I dont sign pups. I might ask a few girls if they want to see some though.....

Press: You got Jorritt Hendrix in on loan from Arsenal. What was the thinking behind that?

Parfitt: He gives us a bit versatility as he can play in defence, and anchor the midfield. Also, I want to learn the guitar, and who better than the greatest guitar player of all time to learn from? I'll probably play Foxy Lady for the lads in the dressing room tomorrow night.

Press: Talk is that AC Milan will be looking for a new man at the end of the season. Any chance of you casting your name into the hat?

Parfitt: What, and have Beddow's sloppy seconds? I'd rather spend the night shaving my gonads with a cheese grater. I'd win the league with that AC side, but I think I'll still be here next season. I wouldnt mind a crack at Santos one day, who doesn't fancy looking after Pele's club? Not many others really stand out at the moment though.

Press: One final question Tom, which managers would you compare yourself to?

Parfitt: Other managers compare themselves to me.
   

Division 5 season 5 stats and facts

50% of D5 sides are still in or have landed back in D5 after 5 seasons.  Who will do better than the 50% who remain this season.

The current standings are a tale of 4 teams. West Ham and Espanyol who are living up to expectations at the top of the league , and Levant or Torino who are doing less well.

The top 4 in D5 should be able to cope 2 divisions higher and therefore should seek to make rapid progress.  Torino are the best equiped statistically and as the season progresses , like Levante can only improve.

But they have given West Ham a huge lead and other than lacking a little depth they are a strong side. Espanyol have more depth but a weaker back line, perhaps where the 4 point gap the Hammers have has come from.

Hertha Berlin, Cologne and River Plate are doing well as expected, any or all could challenge for the final automatic place.  Augsburg and Kazan are over performing at the moment.  Kazan have no depth and Augsburg a weak defense so it will interesting to see how they cope in the long term. The cut off for D4 is around 87 , so anyone down to Independiente could hope for a playoff spot.

With no relegation spot ,only the sack race is a problem for thw worse 2 teams.

In theory that should be Kazan and Augsburg but they already have a good number of points.  West Brom and Anderlecht will therefore have to pull something out of the fire to avoid that spot, with argueably better teams below them.


GK DEF MID ATT Top18 Average Fin
Torino 89.0 88.3 88.5 88.5 87.0 88.3 1.0
RCD Espanyol 88.0 87.5 89.0 89.0 87.0 88.1 2.0
West Ham United 88.0 88.3 89.0 88.5 86.0 88.0 3.0
Levante UD 88.0 88.3 88.5 89.5 85.0 87.9 4.0
H. Berlin 88.0 88.3 87.7 88.5 86.0 87.7 5.0
Cologne 89.0 87.3 88.0 88.5 85.0 87.6 6.0
River Plate 88.0 88.3 88.3 88.0 85.0 87.5 7.0
FK Partizan 88.0 88.0 87.5 87.0 86.0 87.3 8.0
Málaga CF 87.0 87.5 87.3 87.5 87.0 87.3 9.0
Montpellier HSC 87.0 87.7 87.0 88.5 86.0 87.2 10.0
Lille OSC 88.0 87.3 87.7 88.0 85.0 87.2 11.0
Bremen 87.0 87.0 87.0 87.5 87.0 87.1 12.0
Independiente 87.0 87.7 87.7 88.0 85.0 87.1 13.0
FC Twente 87.0 86.5 87.7 88.5 85.0 86.9 14.0
Club Brugge KV 87.0 86.5 87.7 87.0 85.0 86.6 15.0
Flamengo 86.0 87.5 87.5 87.0 85.0 86.6 16.0
RSC Anderlecht 87.0 87.0 86.5 86.5 86.0 86.6 17.0
West Bromwich Albion 87.0 86.5 87.0 87.0 85.0 86.5 18.0
Augsburg 88.0 85.5 87.3 86.5 85.0 86.5 19.0
Rubin Kazan 88.0 86.0 87.0 87.5 83.0 86.3 20.0