Youth Cup and Youth Shield 3rd Round Draws are below.

They say that Romeo & Juliette is the greatest love story ever told. The feuding Montague’s and Capulet’s. That’s what they say, and to be fair, they are probably right. Although 50 Shades must be in the running too……


This isn’t about the Montague’s or the Capulet’s though. It’s not even set in Italy. It’s the story of Wheels of the mighty Spoon Army of Sao Paolo, and Parfitt, finding his feet in Lisbon with Benfica.


The two sides came together a couple of weeks back in the most eagerly awaited Youth Cup match in T100 history. On the one side, the always eccentric, often amusing Nick Wheels, and on the other side, a man who has enjoyed 5 seasons of back to back abject failure, before somehow ending up in one of the most coveted jobs in all of the league.


This tale is not about the match however, it centres around the night two of the greatest figures in Top 100 history and a night on the Portuguese tiles with Alex McLean of Inter.


We’ve had known each other for years, we all attended the same school and had had our fair share of alcohol related misfortunes.

We went drinking in a bar/club (the kind of bar with a small dancing area) and as per usual, Wheels smuggled some homemade Brazilllian hybrid stuff in. You know, the kind that’s good at degreasing engines. He’s one cheap motherfucker so he doesn’t pay for alcohol in bars beyond one or two beers.

Anyway, this particular night i was celebrating my first win with Benfica so i do the logical thing that every fresh-into-success manager does and i buy everybody drinks, and have a few more than usual myself. To top it off I slip into the bathroom every now and again and help myself to a solid serving of Wheels magic moonshine.

Fast forward to a few hours later and I’m pretty spannered. I’m hitting on all the cougars in the place, my speech is slurred and I feel like I’m the king of the world. This is when Alex decides I’ve probably had enough and it’s time for us to leave. Between them they more or less drag me out of the place and I eventually submit and agree to come along. We all walk home and after about a mile or so Alex goes his own way and it’s just me and Wheels.

Wheels and I live close to each other and the road home takes us past our old school. So as we walk past the school grounds, I come up with the genius idea of jumping the fence, breaking in, and taking a dump in the staff room room. Wheels is pretty hammered himself, so he doesn’t see a problem with this plan.

Getting in is easy, the front fence is pretty low and there’s another fence behind it, but that one has a hole in it. We get into the courtyard only to realize that there are two guards, Beddows and Frank, patrolling it. We both panic and decide to bail on the whole plan. While any sober human with even a limited capacity to reason would’ve just gone out the way we came in, we decided that that is no longer an option and we went for the back exit that leads to a different street. 5 minutes of sneaking around through the shadows later, we are at the back gate of the school and decide to jump it.

I help Wheels up and over since I figured I’m the more athletic one and I can jump the gate on my own. This was a huge mistake. I manage to get up on the gate, but i end up being exhausted by the time i have to actually go over. Now, the gate has some spikes at the top precisely to prevent people from scaling it. Kinda like the one in this picture.

My arms give out and i end up putting the family jewels to the spike, since I was basically straddling the gate at this time. I do my best not to scream, so as to avoid alerting the guards. Somehow I manage to jump over, but my jacket is now ripped, my trousers are literally shredded in half from the crotch to my knees, and my arse and gonads are bleeding profusely. After deciding that I don’t have any life threatening injuries, other than turning my nuts into a kebab. we make our way home, but my adventure was not quite over yet.


I used to live in a house that my parents built in the back yard of the old house. To get home, I had to go through the front yard, which was turned into a pizza place. Of course at the time I got home, the pizza place was full so I had the pleasure of exposing my near-naked anus, and balls that looked like tinned tomatoes to all the pizza enthusiasts of that fine establishment. I did my best to avoid any of the employees seeing me, since that would’ve almost certainly led to an awkward conversation.

The next morning I woke up with a massive headache, some nasty cuts, and a very bruised ego. I got rid of the clothes, since I had no reasonable explanation for the damage (and blood), and prayed that my mum doesn’t go around asking where that nice jacket I had disappeared.

An impartial undercover report has just been unleashed onto the T100 community, one which will stun everyone and show clearly how some managers have absolute no regard for local talent, zero interest in promoting national success and absolutely no relationship with their own fans who will stunned by the findings!

Yes, tonight Mr Gino Kinnearo goes undercover across Italy - finding which clubs have young fans who have no heroes - not one local name which the young bambine and raggazine can aspire to be whilst planning football in the park, no one to put on the back of their replica shirts and no panini stickers which they crave to have in their collection!

Beware Mr Kinnearo will uncover a horrific tale of neglect, abuse of fans by Italian based managers and teams with no heart!

FOR EFFECT PLEASE PLAY THE VIDEO BEFORE CLICKING READ MORE

Two of the greatest friends in all of football - together at Milan

AS Roma

Next Mr Kinnearo travelled down to Roma to meet with new Roma boss Marco de Angelis.

Marco is very Italian, at Sampdoria he was evidently one of the most patriotic Italians where he had a huge core of Italian players and his charity work in the old port of Genoa and on the streets and the along the Ligurian coast will be forever remembered.

"Io credo che e molto importante che uno allentore deve avere un cuore di giocatori Italiani!"

He then broke into English - "at Roma we will a try to a make same - we want very much Italy players!"

Roma have 10 Italian players in their side presently but under Marco this is only set to increase.

Napoli

Mr Kinnearo then flew down to Napoli - the heart of southern culture in Italy, the home of spazzatura and a team that has just 2 Italian players! 2!

Rob Ryan refused to speak to Mr Kinnearo - claiming that his report was biased against everyone but the managers who were not a threat to AC Milan!

Mr Kinnearo though decided to do some more snooping setting an extra secret candidate to watch Napoli training and he was amused to see 12 overweight men on the training field, clearly not footballers upon investigating further it was discovered that Rob Ryan has to employ 12 different translators in the team - absurd.

So absurd that, the Czech translator has to translate the instruction into French-Malian as Rob Ryan refuses to spend the millions on a further translator due to Napoli considering 13 an unlucky number.

There is no community interaction at Napoli - Mr Rob Ryan does not allow his players to interact with the public - as such, Napoli - once a one club city - has become awash with AC Milan, Roma and Hellas Verona shirts - the people of Napoli want familiarity!

Hellas Verona and Chievo Verona

Next stop Verona the two Verona teams - first Hellas - Mr Kinnearo was overjoyed to find the official club language being Italian - 20 Italian players, plenty of talent, lots of joy amongst the fans that some Hellas players will one day play for Beddows' national team.

Gino said: "Andre has built a great ethos at this club - an amazing identity. This is how to build a football team."

As for Chievo Mr Kinnearo was stunned to find 1 Italian player - the player who didnt want to be named for fear of losing his place in the team spoke exclusively to BREAKING NEWS...

"Io non sono capace a parlare inglese per cui non capisco nulla! Gav Harmer parla solo inglese e io sono Italiano - vivo in mio paese - ma non capisco nulla!"

This horrendous situation for this poor Italian player bought tears to the eyes of Mr Kinnearo - how could a poor Italian player, playing his T100 football in his native country have to try to understand English to communicate with his teammates! Another example of absurdity.

Torino and Juventus

Torino's falls down the divisions has been well documented - led by a bouncing kangaroo who has finally said he will leave if he fails again. Is there any connection between the lack of Italian identity and their failure? Perhaps so?

3 Italian players in the Torino team - such stars like Barreca left Torino to join Beddows in part due to the Aussie's inability to relate to the fans and the city!

Barreca: "He lived in Piedmont - in Barbera - the place where they make win. Every day he would turn up to training late - his translator having arrived 2 hours prior... always, I think you say 'drunk' becuase of the red wine"

This report of foreign managers not making it in Italy clearly has a pattern - but what of Mr DP - a manager who Gino Kinnearo has not always seen eye to eye with in the past.

"DP has 7 Italian players and he is not as short sighted as the others - I have a certain level of respect for him!"

Kinnearo described DP as a sort of chameleon - a creature who adapts to his surroundings to make friends and to fit in.

"He is quite effective as an individual. He is almost successful as a T100 manager and keeping that core of Italian players has been key - Buffon, Bonucci and Rugani has been key to the DP PR machine - he knows how to manage the media."

Very often the front pages of the Torino newspapers feature images of DP eating gelato alongside Torino natives, or eating gnocchi con sugo in the favourite haunts of the Turin elite - he is a man who likes to be seen with his people - very shrewd!

Genoa

Mr Hirst loves Genoa and it is true he is loved by his fans - Mr Hirst plays on his Genovese origins in truth he has done a good job of having 8 local players in his squad.

Perhaps his weakness is his love of Perin - Frank and Perin are like Mulder and Sculley, Batman and Robin or David Senior and Tom Parfitt - a combination that is yet to bring any real success - promotion is one thing but the real glory is in silverware and despite his domination of the mafia Hirst has - as yet - be able to achieve this.

In addition many of the Italian media have been critical of keeping players like Federico DiMarco against his wishes - Di Marco - a native of Milan is said to want to return to Milan as soon as he is allowed.

Frank tries at Italian and the Genoa natives appreciate this - but compared to Beddows he is a complete amateur and this reflects on his relationship with the fans - they like Hirst - but they don't love him like the Milanese do Beddows!

Inter

Finally Mr Kinnearo returned to Milan, where his journey began - expecting to find a similar story to AC Milan at Inter - as he arrived at il stazione he was greeted by many Milan shirts, a 4 year old boy with Soriano on his back, a 12/13 year old girl with a Balotelli shirt, an 18 year old man with a half and half Milan - home and away shirt with Bonadventura and Barzagli - but no Inter shirts at all - how could this be?

And then it hit Kinnearo - Inter Milan have 0 Italian players in their ENTIRE squad!

What is their philosophy? How can this be? How can a small club like Inter accept such a state of affairs we asked some famous Inter Milan fans.

Andrea Bocelli:

                                               



                                                     olympiacos review



with over half the season gone. the season so far has turned out to be very frustrating with 9 draws out of the 20 games so far and 7 so far at home its been a tale of not finishing games of enough.with remy rossi and gignac all brought in recently it was hoped they would help turn these draws into win but this has not happened
this has meant we have fallen 5 points of the promtion places which was the target at the beginning of the season. inless we can get a top 7 finish then this season will be a failure and big changes will need to be made at the end of the season be that with transfers or even a new manager.


this needs to start tonight with our visit to James standard liege.who occupy that last play off place. this will be a tough game and i will be giving some players a chance to prove there worth tonight.hopefully the second half of the season can be better than the first half and we must keep working hard to do this and achieve our goal of a play off position.


its likely that no transfer will take place in the second half of the season so all players will be free of transfer bans to give me options at the end of the season. but if something to good comes up then this of course could change.

INTER ARE FLYING HIGH ATOP DIV2. THERE SHOULD BE CONGRATULATIONS AND WARMTH. INSTEAD THERE IS ANTIPATHY AND ACRIMONY. WHAT IS BEHIND INTER’S STORMING RISE?

GROUP 9	P	W	D	L	C	F	A	Pts
Bayern Munich	9	7	0	2	2	25	14	19
Everton	9	6	0	3	0	19	6	18
Hamburg	9	5	2	2	0	16	11	17
Santos	9	2	1	6	0	12	21	7
Man City	9	3	0	6	2	5	17	7
Roma	9	2	1	6	1	15	23	6

After leaving his spirtual home behind, Parfitt ended up at Benfica. He has managed to bring a few of the youngsters with him, namely Aniello Viscovo, Matheus Pereira, Ezequiel Ponce, and Ryan Sessegnon.

Sessegnon & Ponce arrived in a deal that saw the highly talented Nelson Semedo head to Spain. Parfitt noted that the price was indeed very high for theplayers that have arrived, but having worked with them both at Levante, he is sure that they will be pushing for first team opportunities at Benfica sooner rather than later, and that in the longer term the deal will look an absolute steal.

The only other deal was with Standard Liege. This one saw yound Spanish full back Alex Grimaldo head to Belgium, with Ghanian Abdul Rahman Baba come to Portugal. The African is another that Parfitt feels ties in with the ethos already in place at Benfica. Youthful enthusiasm combined with talent, and bucket loads of potential.

Various other moves have been discussed with multiple clubs, most notably for Egyptian wide man Mohamed Salah, but nothing has been agreed. A couple of youth players are transferlisted, and unless a bid has been made earlier today, but that aside the man in charge has decided to keep the squad as is now until the end of the season, unless something dramatic pops up.

The Lisbon Lion was asked for a half term assessment, amd responded with a couple of lines. “Levante were brilliant. We were bottom briefly, and I got them turned around to knock on the play off door. I dont doubt I’d have taken them up this season, and it broke my heart to leave. I just hope Dario knows what he’s doing, but so far it just looks like he’s tearing the heart from the side. It’s a bit like when you split up with your missus and she ends up with a wife beater, or even worse, somebody like Beddows. You feel like you want to go back and help, but you cant. Sorry, you meant a half term report on Benfica? Well all I can say as that despite Nuno’s best efforts to balls things up, they are still in and around the sharp end, and with a bit of work on the training ground, I’ll be doing my best to have them in div 1 next season. Not an easy task, but I reckon I can get the job done”

Parfitt was also asked what he would do should the side go up. Would he look to break the youthful squad up with the aim of swapping potential for ready made older talent, or would he stick? Parfitt is non commital at this stage. He said that his thoughts are solely on this season at present, and what happens next season will be decided at a later date. One thing is for sure though, young Renato Sanches and Kylian Mbappe, AKA Bap Man, will stay in Portugal no matter what.

Remember Top 4 go through! 

Best 8 group winners will get a bye to round 3
Other group winners + 6 best runners up will be at home in round 2 against
4 other runners up + 4 best 3rd place finishers

the other 6 3rd places will be at home in round 2 of the Youth Shield
where they will face 2 worst 3rd places + all 4th place teams

IF the pre-determined draw throws up matches which are replicas of the group stage they will not be changed. Hopefully this is highly unlikely to happen.



group 1

GROUP 1	P	W	D	L	C	F	A	Pts
Real Madrid	9	9	0	0	0	32	4	27
Inter Milan	9	6	2	1	0	19	12	20
Levante	9	5	0	4	0	16	16	15
Dynamo Kiev	9	2	2	5	0	12	18	8
Newcastle United	9	2	2	5	0	10	18	8
Chievo Verona	9	0	0	9	0	3	24	0