THE THURSDAY BLOG Vol 3 No 3

Good afternoon guys and welcome to a very difficult Thursday Blog. Very difficult because it has taken me all my time to come and put down all the recent stuff in my life in print. Emotions have run high and there has been enough tears shed to fill the River Thames. I will come back to it later, if I can that is, but I will start with the latest escapades of Janene.



Last time out I believe we had the shock of her almost dating a 26yo guy. Over my dead body that, that would be happening. As it turns out, nothing came of it I am glad to report but she still continues to frustrate me. Her latest was that she was being very secretive with her phone once again and we all know what that means. Something to hide Janene? Not at all of course but it turns out another boy was on the scene. Nothing is straightforward with her. She can't go out and get a boyfriend without there being some sort of controversy. She can't go out and get a boyfriend that I like. Ok, I am not the easiest person to please when it comes to daughters boyfriends but it can't be too hard to find a boy that likes Rangers, Derby County and Dallas Cowboys, and of course is gay and wouldn't want to sleep with her. Anyway, to cut the story slightly shorter, his name is Jamie and he works at the stables (of course). He is 20yo, which is fine, but as I say nothing is ever simple. I managed to find three things wrong with this potential boyfriend. Number 1 is an unwritten rule as far as I am concerned and that is 'never date a friends ex'. Unfortunately that rule has just been thrown out of the window as this Jamie guy was dating one of Janenes friends at her work. It may only have been for six months but I believe the break up wasn't too great and the way he treated her was very poor. Alarm bells already going off in my head. Number 2 is more straightforward. He is ginger and apologies to any ginger guys reading this. I have nothing against you as long as you don't try date my daughter. Number 3? He has this big thing on his face that Janene says is actually his nose. Wow, don't swing round to quickly with that thing son, that is definitely an dangerous weapon. Honestly it is that big that when it rains I believe everyone shelters under his nose.
Jamie, the new boyfriend (for now)
He was very unfortunate that when I first met him, there were other things going on and I wasn't in the best frame of mind. When Alison introduced him I was way too rude, that I later apologised for. She said 'This is Jamie' and I said 'whatever'. The fact he was also sitting on MY seat didn't help his case. Are there no manners at all nowadays? When I was dating as a teenager, I would always, first of all, check on who usually sat where I was sitting and if it was, for example, the fathers seat, then I would certainly stand up and offer if he came into the room. Jamie just sat there though like Gonzo out of the muppets. I did come downstairs later and apologised for seemingly being rude and, to be honest, he is quite an ok guy. Last night he stayed overnight in her bedroom. No problem as he is an ok guy. He even slept in the same bed. No problem as he is an ok guy. Am I lying? Damn right I am. I don't care if he is fucking Lionel Messi, he just made a complete mess of there being any chance I would like him. Alison was doing a nightshift last night so it was just me as the responsible parent in the house. Do you know what? Janene was too scared to ask me if Jamie could stay overnight. She text Alison instead knowing she would say ok. Alison then texted me saying 'don't be alarmed but Jamie is staying overnight'. I wasn't alarmed at all. Livid would be a better word. I said it was s bit disrespectful not to ask me as I was the one that was here. Alison said that Janene thought I would say no. I will give Janene this, she knows me too well. Yes I would have said no so she would have to build a bridge and get over it. As it is Alison had already said yes so I left it. Janene had the audacity to come in a little bit later and ask if Jamie could stay (obviously prompted by the wife). I just said 'You have already asked mum so don't come in here and pretend that you are giving me the respect that should have happened a while ago' She just left but knows I am not happy with her. I now have to stay out of her way because I know, and she knows, it only takes one cuddle for me to forgive her.
The last month has been very difficult. Stress, anxiety, tears, uncertainty have all reared their ugly head as everything came to a head. The shit didn't only hit the fan, it splattered it across all four walls. In my last blog I told how I had made the choice of staying where I am, in the house, with the wife and kids. My on/off girlfriend for about six years, Gemma, was finally being given the red card. I done it the cowards way and sent her a message telling her that I had made the choice of staying with Alison and that I couldn't see her anymore. Her response was to block me from sending any messages and I wasn't sure whether that was a 'fuck you then' or a heartbroken response. Well, my attempt at dumping her was an epic fail. She soon unblocked me again and she told me how heartbroken she was and how could I do this after all this time. I have to be honest, I love her and I couldn't bare to see her upset. We arranged to meet after I had finished work and I gave in. I was in no mans land. I was struggling to cope and with that got careless. One Monday afternoon while talking by text to Gemma, Alison text me saying that I had left my facebook open and she had seen all the messages between me and Gemma. That was it, caught for the tenth time. How could I even begin to try and get out of it this time. I decided not to try and thought there was no point as even if I made up with Alison then I would probably put her through it all again later on. I decided to be honest with her and I told her that I loved Gemma and was going to find somewhere else to stay.
That sparked off a 5 days that will be with me the rest of my life. Understandably, Alison was devastated. Gemma instantly blocked me because she cant do confrontation. I was on my own here. Alison and I exchanged messages as I tried to explain what I was going to do. I didn't want to go home. Alison text me that she was away in the car with all her tablets. Fucking hell, what have I done? Elise was trying to phone me and probably Alison and was sending 'what the hell is going on' messages. I didn't respond to any. I, myself, was under so much stress that I was also threatening to take the easy way out. I kind of knew Alison was bluffing as she looks for attention in these kind of situations. The thing was that I wasn't. Gemma had blocked me so I don't know what is going through her head and Alison and the girls will almost certainly not want to listen to me. Eventually Alison said she was heading home and that I should do the same. I went and sat in the car for a while trying to clear my head, all the time checking if Gemma still had me blocked. I headed home but only to collect my tablets because I wasn't clear in what I was going to do and the tablets seemed the easy way out. I got home and collected my tablets while Elise gave me hell. I couldn't blame her for that as I was the one that was to blame for all of this. I headed out to the car with Elise running to her room in tears. Janene sat in the living room, with me having no idea what she was thinking and Alison was in her bed obviously stunned.
Elise gave me hell
I headed up the braes not knowing what I was going to do. It was a right fucking mess that I had created but I was fed up sneaking around. I found a place to stop and just sat for a while trying to decide what I was going to do. Elise phoned me to make sure I hadn't done anything yet and told me to get home. I declined. It was about half eleven now and I tried Gemma to see if I was still blocked. I wasn't!! She unblocked me so I messaged her and I told her everything that was happening. She was a bit upset but more so that I was up the braes with all my tablets. I seriously would have went for it but two things stopped me and once again I thought of others and the effect on them. Elise and Janene have already been through someone very close to them taking their own life so how could I put them through that again and Gemma's cousin had committed suicide at the beginning of the year so again, how could I put her through another. I went home and slept in Janene's bed while Janene slept in with Alison. The next couple of days was all about tears. No one was exempt. Alison was sent home from work early as the reality of what I was doing was beginning to set in. I told Alison that she was probably getting the better end of the deal as all I ever do is break hearts and fuck up peoples lives. I was in love with Gemma and even though she was 31 years my junior, something I was reminded of far too many times, I couldn't help it. My day off on the Thursday arrived and everyone went off to work while I decided to go out with Gemma and her kid. Everything went well as Gemma talked about going to the local council and getting a house quite quickly due to her little girl and then I would come and live with her. I then dropped her off at her Aunt's house and headed home. Unfortunately I was out longer than anticipated and Alison was home before me. When she asked where I had been, I had no answer ready so told her the truth. She went mental and all of a sudden the tears had gone and the anger had now set in. I let her get on with it as she called me everything and was ably backed up by Elise. I had to get out of the house ASAP and spoke with Stuart who had not long got his own flat. He said I could stay there until I had somewhere to move to. I was going to move out the next day and I went out to see Gemma and tell her what was happening. I went to sleep that night with a nagging doubt in my head that I was doing the right thing. The doubts became more and more as I thought to myself 'what if I move out and then Gemma gets cold feet at the last minute and says she is staying with her boyfriend?' Wow, my head was fucked. I need a psychiatrist or someone. The next morning was weird to say the least. I still had my doubts but was going through with it. Alison was just about to leave for work but she couldn't find her car key which was strange to say the least. During that time I got a bit upset as my head kept playing games with me and Alison asked what was wrong. I didn't say anything at first but then somehow said that I wondered if I was making a mistake. Too much water under the bridge now anyway. However, she suggested that I stay for a couple more days and think about things. Was she giving me a way out? I said, to be honest I didn't need a couple of days. I said I had been stupid and to move out of somewhere that is secure, safe and where I don't have that bad a life was senseless, especially to take a jump into the unknown with a young girl who could be gone within a few years. It was decided then. I was staying. Of course no contact with Gemma. I agreed to that knowing it was never going to happen anyway. So, that was it sorted ...... except, I now had to tell Gemma that I was staying with my wife. More tears on the way. I had had enough tears to last a lifetime but would come across some more I was sure. I told Gemma that I had seen her face and how uncertain she had looked about everything that had went on and how stressed and worried she had looked. I told her I couldn't put someone I loved through all the hassle that would surely be coming our way. She went mental. Ffs not again!! I was a waste of space, talked utter bullshit and she didn't know why she believed me in anything I had said. I felt awful but I had to be strong this time. I said how sorry I was but I also wasn't 100% sure that it would work and it was far too much for me to risk for something that she might not be happy with after a year or two. She, of course, said she would be happy but I honestly didn't think she would. More tears. More stress. More sadness. I had caused so much upset that I actually started to question who I was. Eventually I said goodbye and headed home. When I got home I said to Alison that I had been to see Gemma and told her that I couldn't be in contact with her ever again. That will be impossible as she will come on my bus at some point and since I am neither rude or ignorant, I will say hello. I hope that isn't soon and that I have had time to get over her because it is going to be a while and I still think about her every day. Myself, Alison and the two girls go to Bulgaria 4 weeks on Monday and hopefully that will bring us as close together as we used to be.
The Top 100 has reached the halfway stage and the question is who can stop Barcelona? At the start of the season I was quite confident that Bayern Munich were going to be the team to do just that but it is seemingly less likely that it is going to happen. The Spanish team are just too strong and dropping points is as rare as a Fiorentina win. The bottom of the table looks a lot more interesting and especially Will Trafford's amazing recovery with Manchester City. His hopes of staying in the top flight were dead and buried as he tasted defeat after defeat but a run of three wins on the spin has sparked a possible sensational recovery. If he survives this season after being dead at the bottom then he will have to change his name to Jesus Trafford.
The race for promotion from Division 2 is starting to heat up with Beddows' AC Milan all of a sudden dropping points all over the place. Rumours that the players have been more focused on trying to catch the Pokémon's dotted around the pitch are apparently untrue although why some of them seem to celebrate when the opposition score a goal is strange to say the least. It would certainly be a disaster if AC Milan fail to get promoted after the position they were in and once more Beddows' job would be in question. Frank Hirst's 'its my ball' attitude continues as he finds himself on track for a second promotion on the spin. Other teams in Division 3 are too scared to beat Genoa in case they are slapped with a transfer ban or some sort of obscure rule that permits them only to field an under 11 side. In Division 4, everything that Nick Wheels touches seems to turn to gold as his Brazilian outfit top the table. These hairless boys seem to be enjoying life under Nick, well the rumour is that Nick always likes to be on top, and that promotion could see them being allowed to eat out at McDonalds for a week. Nick Wheels, I gather, is not his real name. I am assuming that he comes from Liverpool with a name that is also a profession in the Merseyside city. Division 5, which has become famous due to its Belgian connection, has more shady managers than a rappers convention on the west side. That's all I can say about that due to the fear of repercussions.
At Liverpool, our season has went from strength to strength as we find ourselves loitering around the top 6 to 8. We have lost just four games of the 20 played and that is all down to having a more or less settled side. There have been 3 or 4 upgrades during the season but compared to Season 2's upheaval everything has went smoothly. We have seen the benefit on the pitch, especially in defence and only Barcelona and Juventus have a better goals conceded record than we do. If we can turn some of the draws into wins in the second half of the campaign then a top four place is possible and that would be huge for a club that escaped relegation on the last day of last season.
I apologise that the Soccer Manager part of the blog is not as full as it has been but doing the real life part was a struggle as it brought it all back to me on how hard it was. Hopefully things have all settled down now although I still have the fear that it could come back and bite me in the bum some time in the future. All I can say now is thanks for taking the time to read and I am hopeful of getting back to normal with my head screwed on the right way.
Until next time
Ciao

THE TOP 100 - DIVISION 1 - HALFWAY REPORT

Good afternoon gentlemen and welcome to the halfway report on how each club has fared compared to the TOP 100, DIVISION 1 PREVIEW. Before the season started I done a preview that included a prediction of where each team would finish and this report will let us know how they predictions have so far played out. I have also graded each side from A to E on their season so far. The teams are in order of league position after 19 games.






1st   BARCELONA          50pts       Predicted Finish    3rd

Champions Barcelona have shown that they are in no mood to relinquish the Top100 crown and have lost just one game in the first half of the season. On their travels they have picked up 28pts from a possible 30 and look a better team than they were when they won the title last season. Who can stop them?

Best result:  Bayern Munich 2-3 Barcelona              Grade:  A



2nd   BAYERN MUNICH         47pts      Predicted Finish    1st

In almost any other set up, 47pts would be more than enough to be top of the table but for Bayern Munich, the tally is 3pts short. My pre season tip for the title are still very much in the race which is becoming more and more between the top two. The home defeat to Barcelona is why they lie second so they will likely have to reverse that result in Spain to win the title.

Best result:  Bayern Munich 2-1 Juventus              Grade:  B+



3rd   JUVENTUS          39pts      Predicted Finish   4th

Juventus have been steady and have lived up to their pre season hopes. On the downside they are 11pts behind Barcelona and it is unlikely the current champions are going to drop as many points as that meaning that Juve will have to concentrate on making sure they earn a Champions Cup place for next season.

Best result:  Juventus 3-1 Real Madrid              Grade:  B+



4th   BORUSSIA DORTMUND          35pts      Predicted Finish   10th

Borussia Dortmund have exceeded all expectations with a superb first half of the season. I expected Dortmund to manage a top half finish but on this form a Champions Cup place can be within reach. Their first match ended with a 5-0 defeat at home to Real Madrid which suggested a difficult season but some great away results has seen them being labelled as this years FC Porto. Can they keep it going or will they start to falter?

Best result:  Borussia Dortmund 1-0 Juventus              Grade:  A



5th   REAL MADRID          34pts      Predicted Finish   2nd

After a bright start, Real Madrid have lost their way and have picked up just 7pts from the last 18. I expected Real to up challenging Bayern and Barcelona but boss Roy Keane has taken his eye off the ball and claims of conspiracies against his side have fallen on deaf ears. Roy needs to concentrate on his team and try and get them back into the top 4 and a place in the Champions Cup next season. Roy is the bookies favourite to be the next 1st Division manager to be sacked.

Best result:  Borussia Dortmund 0-5 Real Madrid              Grade:  D



6th   LIVERPOOL          33pts      Predicted Finish   14th

After two seasons of struggling at the wrong end of the table, Liverpool look to have finally got their act together. A big improvement on home form with just 1 defeat in 10 games and a much more solid defence has been the main contribution to their success so far. Lacazette was shipped out and Alexis Sanchez and Javier Hernandez were brought in with positive results. The second half of the season will be tough but a place in Europe was the aim and that should succeed.

Best result:  Borussia Dortmund 0-3 Liverpool              Grade:  B



7th   PARIS SAINT-GERMAIN          33pts     Predicted Finish   9th

An excellent first half of the season for PSG included the very rare double of beating both Barcelona and Bayern Munich. Only a poor run of 4 defeats on the bounce has prevented them being up with the top two and if they can stay consistent throughout the second half of the season then a top 4 place is a strong possibility. Home form will have to improve for this too happen but no matter what, Gary Naylor must be delighted with their showing so far.

Best result:  Barcelona 1-2 Paris Saint-Germain              Grade:  B+



8th   SS LAZIO          30pts     Predicted Finish   19th

Lazio have fared a lot better than I expected. They have played above their level after having a slow start. A good run of just 1 defeat in nine games has been the main contributor to their top 10 position but they will have to maintain their high level if they have European ambitions. Hard team to beat and very unpredictable.

Best result:  SS Lazio 1-0 Juventus              Grade:  B



9th   ARSENAL          28pts     Predicted Finish   8th

After failing to win any of their first six games, Arsenal have now recovered and have settled into their annual league position, give or take a place. Mixed form has been the undoing of Arsenal since the TOP100 first started and they can expect to stay in and around their current position. Improving a poor home record of 5 defeats in 9 games should be the main priority

Best result:  Arsenal 2-1 Real Madrid              Grade:  C



10th   SSC NAPOLI          25pts     Predicted Finish   17th

For Napoli you can read Lazio. Another side that have mixed success but are certainly coping better than expected. Napoli have the potential to become even better than their league position suggests but likewise also have the potential to go on a bad run and find themselves slipping down the table. The win over Manchester United broke a run of 10 games without a win. More of the same could see the board and fans fall out of love with Rob Ryan.

Best result:  SS Lazio 1-1 Barcelona              Grade:  B



11th   FC SCHALKE 04          24pts     Predicted Finish   16th

Schalke complete the teams that were promoted last season and considering they are 11th in the table speaks volumes for the teams that came up. Schalke are very much relying on home form and have picked up 17 of their 24pts there. One win in ten away games means that they can’t afford to let their home form slip or they will be battling against relegation come the business end of the season.

Best result:  Real Madrid 0-0 FC Schalke 04              Grade:  C+



12th   FENERBAHCE SK          24pts     Predicted Finish   18th

I tipped Fenerbahce to be relegated but they started the season like a house on fire and two fingers were stuck in front of my face. Five wins and a draw suggested that they were in for a great season but they then went on a horrendous run of just one win in twelve games. Relegation form.A win at home to Real Madrid has arrested the slump but Fenerbahce still have a bit of work to do to stay away from the relegation fight.

Best result:  Fenerbahce SK 2-1 Real Madrid              Grade:  B-



13th   CHELSEA          22pts     Predicted Finish   7th

Chelsea have been one of the disappointments of the season so far and manager James McKenzie would be first to admit it. Two home wins from 9 games is simply not good enough for a club their size and unless their is a big upturn in performances on the park then there is little chance of a top ten finish. Changes in personnel looks the obvious way to go but it is not really the time to be experimenting and it would probably be better trying to get the best out of the current staff. Worrying times for Chelsea.

Best result:  Paris Saint-Germain 3-5 Chelsea              Grade:  D



14th   VALENCIA CF          22pts     Predicted Finish   12th

Valencia’s season has went pretty much as expected with form being unpredictable and a mid table position constant. Avoiding relegation was always the main priority for David Senior and although not completely safe it is hard to see Valencia being caught up in the battle at the bottom. More of the same should see them finish safely in mid table

Best result:   Arsenal 0-1 Valencia CF              Grade:  C



15th   FC PORTO          21pts     Predicted Finish   6th

FC Porto were always going to be hard to predict what kind of season they would have. They took everyone by surprise last season but have struggled to make an impact in Season 3. They have been given much more respect and this has seen more teams working harder against them. They always say that the second season in the top flight is the hardest and this is proving to be correct. Porto will be looking over their shoulder during the second half.

Best result:   Juventus 1-2 FC Porto              Grade:  D-



16th   ATLETICO MADRID          17pts     Predicted Finish   11th

Atletico Madrid overachieved last season and a more difficult season was expected but they have struggled more than anyone predicted. The squad didn’t look strong enough and that has been proved with results at home especially disappointing. Atletico are very much in a battle against the drop but it is one they can win if they can pick up wins against the teams around them.

Best result:   Fenerbahce SK 0-1 Atletico Madrid              Grade:  D-



17th   MANCHESTER UNITED          14pts     Predicted Finish   5th

Easily the ‘WTF??’ of Season 3. Champions in Season 1, United have fallen apart and nothing has went right for them. To be sitting in the bottom 4 at the halfway point is inexcusable and Joe Jordan is hanging on to his job by his finger nails. What can be done to make sure United don’t go down? To be honest I don’t know and I fear for them going into the second half. United have to try and find the determination and spirit that seen them win the title in Season 1

Best result:   Liverpool 0-3 Manchester United              Grade:  E



18th   BAYER LEVERKUSEN          13pts     Predicted Finish   20th

The one thing that stuck in my mind pre season was the comment from Noisy that there was thing he knew for certain and that would be he wouldn’t finish in the predicted bottom place. I suppose he is technically correct but there is still time for the prediction to come true. Leverkusen don’t have a Division 1 squad and it was always going to be difficult to survive. Still plenty of time for them to recover but I doubt they will.

Best result:   SS Lazio 0-2 Bayer Leverkusen              Grade:  C



19th   MANCHESTER CITY          11pts     Predicted Finish   15th

It’s been a difficult first half of the season for Will Trafford and his Manchester City side. Survival was the biggest challenge they were going to face and for most of the season they were lying bottom of the pile, unable to buy a win. Two wins on the spin, including a stunning 6-0 win at Schalke, have given new hope to the Etihad Stadium faithful and it is not beyond City to go on a run that can take them out of the bottom four. Could be the most interesting campaign to keep an eye on.

Best result:   FC Schalke 0-6 Manchester City              Grade:  D



20th   ACF FIORENTINA          9pts     Predicted Finish   13th

It’s been a long hard season so far for Mister Malcolm at Fiorentina. Just one win in the 19 games by a squad that should be performing a lot better is going to cost the manager his job. The fans are furious at the lack of action by the board and the signings have been less than attractive, suggesting that the club is already focusing on Division 2 football. They will get their wish.

Best result:   Manchester City 1-3 ACF Fiorentina              Grade:  E




That’s it for the first half of the season and my prediction grade is probably about a C. There is still plenty of time for the league to change and there is a good chance it will look a lot different outside of the top 3 come the end of the season. The second half gets underway tonight so good luck to everyone.

Ciao



Football Facts Quiz #1




Just for fun & to test your general football knowledge & guess work I've put together a quick Football Fact Quiz, if it goes OK I'll look at posting one on a regular basis, on varying football themes, so close down Google, take the quiz & if you want post your score in the Comments section below, good luck & enjoy.


Quiz #1 – The English Premier League


1. Which of the clubs listed below has never had an English Manager whilst in the EPL?

A) Norwich
B) Cardiff
C) Swansea
D) Stoke
E) Arsenal

Show


2. Who was the EPL’s first ever Player of the Year?

A) Jurgen Klinsmann
B) Alan Shearer
C) Robbie Fowler
D) Les Ferdinand
E) Andy Cole

Show


3. How many English Managers have won the EPL Manager of the Year Award?

A) 0
B) 1
C) 2
D) 3
E) 4

Show


4. How many Penalties have been awarded since the first EPL season in 1992-93?

A) 1730
B) 1830
C) 1930
D) 2030
E) 2130

Show


5. Since its inception the French have provide the EPL with the most International imports (187) but which club fielded the LEAST foreign players whilst in the EPL?

A) Coventry
B) Burnley
C) Bournemouth
D) Oldham
E) Swindon

Show


6. Which player has scored the most hat-tricks in the EPL since it commenced?

A) Robbie Fowler
B) Michael Owen
C) Alan Shearer
D) Thierry Henry
E) Wayne Rooney

Show


7. Who is the only player in EPL history to score, have an assist, score an own goal and get a yellow card in the same game?

A) Wayne Rooney
B) Michael Owen
C) Olivier Giroud
D) Gareth Bale
E) Kevin Davies

Show


8. Which goalkeeper in his EPL career, scored was credited with an assist and also won a penalty?

A) Peter Schmeichel
B) Paul Robinson
C) David James
D) Shay Given
E) David Seaman

Show


9. Who was the first player to receive a red card in the EPL?

A) Niall Quinn
B) David Batty
C) Vinny Jones
D) Eric Cantona
E) Brian Deane

Show


10. On the opening day of the EPL how many foreign (non-British) players were fielded?

A) 3
B) 7
C) 13
D) 19
E) 21

Show

Youth Cup Permutations (by Stephen Beddows)

Group A:
The scenario is pretty simple in Group A, Liverpool have already won
the group thanks to some suspect team picking in quite a few cases and
they will be delighted to go into the last game knowing they will play
a 3rd place side in Round A at Prenton Park. Galatasaray will also
finish 2nd but what is interesting is at present Gala are not in the
top 4 2nd place sides and as such will require a win to potentially
win a home tie in round 2. Atletico Madrid (Youth Cup winners in
Season 1) are guaranteed a 3rd place qualification spot and at present
will be facing Borussia Dortmund away but all that could change
dependent on results of other 3rd place and group winners on the last
game day.




Group B:
An intriguing group this one with Leverkusen clearly having won the
group and at present are 5th best group winners so will face no doubt
one of the stronger 3rd place finishers. The fight for 2nd and 3rd
really could not be tighter in truth. If Cruzeiro win it is likely
that they will go through to round 2, whilst Augsburg have to win and
hope Cruzeiro lose to stand any chance. The bookies make it 1/10 shot
that the vodkas will be flowing in Germany Saturday night as it is
likely that Mounchengladbach will go through.

Group C:
Another group with endless possibilities this one. Real Madrid have
won and will play a 3rd place finisher (yet to be decided) and Aston
Villa will progress even if they lose in all probability but the game
between Standard Leige and Malaga is an interesting match. Leige at
present are outside the top 8 3rd place sides (just) so realistically
a win will give them a decent chance of progressing, Malaga too have a
“chance” win well and they could mathematically creep into the best
3rd place sides, a draw in truth will probably not be good enough for
Leige so expect fast flowing attacking football. Paris have
disappointed again but should be noted for being excellent
participants as always.

Group D:
This is one of the least complicated groups. PSV have won the group
owing to Olympiakos having completed their fixtures, but a PSV victory
may give them an easier tie in round 2 as 3 points could push them
higher up. Levante face PSV and will finish 3rd come what may barring
a massive victory. They are also guaranteed a place as one of the best
3rd place sides so it remains to be seen if Levante will experiment
resting his better players ahead of their first taste of Youth
knock-out football whoever that may be. CSKA and Hertha have had
difficult Youth Cups and it will simply be a case of playing for pride
and avoiding the wooden spoon in the second match in Group D.

Group E:
With Schalke (last season 2nd round) out it is West Ham who have
everything to play for in a match up at the Nou Camp. The Hammers are
currently clinging onto a place in the top 8 3rd place sides but face
a difficult task knowing they really need a point at least to
guarantee knock-out football. Bayern Munich on the other hand are
surely the team everyone wants to avoid in round two as they currently
have a relatively weak points total in respect of everyone else but
should expect to boost their points total against Chievo Verona in
match day 10.

Group F:
Perhaps the biggest game of Gameday 10 will be in Italy where 3rd
place Sampdoria face 4th place Villarreal (I know its messed up atm)
Both sides know that 3 points “could” mean knock out football come the
following Saturday, yet a win might not be enough for either to finish
in the Top 8 3rd place sides. A draw is almost certainly not going to
be good enough for either side in truth. The other game is in someways
meaningless as Werder can’t finish any higher and neither can
Feyenoord.

Group G:
This is an intriguing group with an interesting set of last day
fixtures with something riding on both games. Top spot is secure for
Chelsea but they face a side currently in 3rd and who are NOT
mathematically yet guaranteed a Top 8 3rd place spot. Sassuolo
meanwhile have to hope Twente lose or draw and that they beat the
constant rule breaking Sporting who might actually remember to set
their side next Saturday to ensure they finish 2nd and if they do win
they could possibly get a home tie by being 1 of the Top 4 runner’s up
to receive home matches in the knock outs.

Group H:
Juventus boss referred to this seasons Youth Cup as 1 of 2 halves with
Juventus (Winners in Season 2 and therefore defending champions)
starting poorly but they have regrouped and now realistically have a
good chance of finishing 2nd if Dortmund can do they a favour. However
it is far from straight forward, Dortmund face Valencia and if the
Spainards can win they will win the group at Dortmunds expense and
force Juventus into 3rd and a tie that none of the group winners would
want. Safe to say that Juventus will be more concerned about the game
in Germany than beating Basel which they should expect to do at a
canter but do not write off Basel who would love to finish their
campaign by spoiling the chances of the defending champions.

Group I:
Huge game for Athletic Club in Italy where a win could see them
qualify for knock out youth football. Milan meanwhile will want to get
the 3 points to ensure that they retain home advantage in the knock
out stage as 1 of the 4 best runner’s up, safe to say Milan are
unlikely to be experimental in what has been a good Youth Cup campaign
so far. Shakthar and Espanyol have both been massive credits to the
Youth Cup this season and both will hope to end on a high with a win
in Ukraine.

Group J:
Fiorentina had started so well and like in previous campaigns they
refused to leak goals but of late they have struggled and even though
they are definitely through a defeat against Celta could condemn them
to finishing 3rd. Sao Paulo could pull of a miracle and beat Napoli
opening up a chance for Fiorentina to win the group but this is still
unclear.

Group K:
Last years surprise side Lokomotiv have once again done very well in
the Youth Cup and have won the group at a canter. Anderletcht will
finish 2nd come what may and may choose to help local rivals Club
Brugge by playing a weakened side in the last group game. Newcastle
Utd meanwhile have really disappointed this season and they have to
win to have any chance of progressing this season against the already
eliminated Beskitas.

Group L:
Hamburg have won the group already and Sunderland have finished 2nd
meaning both sides could choose to rest players in the last game. Man
Utd  have a lot to prove I this seasons competition and a 3rd place
finish is guaranteed but they could still not qualify if they were to
lose to Hellas Verona at Old Trafford.

Division 4 mid-season review

DIVISION 4 

The mid-season review



                               
Division 4 has been called a lot of things this season, competitive, close, inconsistent. It's certainly the most interesting league in that any team can beat any other on their day.
With the much quoted 11 points currently separating very bottom from very top it's the league where anything really is possible.


Bottom

One of the biggest surprises this season has been seeing West Ham languish around the foot of this division. Just 5 wins & 31 goals conceded has manager Thompson pondering their lack of form whilst murmurs of discontent can be heard in the pubs around their new stadium. Is the loss of atmosphere in the new ground to blame or is it niggling injuries & suspensions to key players?
West Ham have the big name players in Mertesacker, Payet, Adrian & Cresswell but if they don't start performing soon might Thompson have to sell young starlet Reece Oxford to bolster the 1st team?

AZ are a Jekyll & Hyde team. One one hand they are the league's top scorers with 34 goals, but on the other they have shipped a whopping 36 goals, the worst in the division. Clearly defence is a problem for the leagues bottom side & if manager Guttmann can find the solution then AZ could fly up the table.

Torino have a team with strength in depth but recent losses to Malaga, Feyenoord & River Plate has seen them slip down the table. With tough fixtures to come manager Hudson will certainly be earning his wages in the dugout.

Lille got off to very poor start, winning only 1 of their first 6 league games. However their form, although inconsistent has seen them climb above the relegation zone by a point.

Manager Paddy D's season at Chievo Verona has been one of big change at the club. Not only have they resurfaced their car park but as many as 20+ players have been brought in by the gaffer. Verona also have a player who is constantly the source of transfer bids & speculation, Jean Marie Dongou.
Verona clearly have some talented players, but asking them to gel as a team may prove a goal too far for Paddy this season.

Mid Table

Feargal Hickey at Stuttgart is another manager who has invested in a wholesale change of personnel to improve his team. However although they sit in the lower reaches of the table they lie second in the form standings with 13 points from a possible 16 & will be hoping that marquee signing such as Doumbia & Hulk will help turn some of those draws into 3 points.

Sampdoria manager Marco has also bought in a slew of new players but he is fast becoming the division 4 draw specialist as Samps rack up those single pointers. Discipline is also a problem with needless bookings costing Marco key players.

Dynamo Moscow are currently THE form team of Division 4 although you wouldn't think it from their attendances. A measly 20,600 average attendance has seen them gain maximum points from all but one of their last six league games, maybe it's the state of the halftime pies?

Das Hamburgers have some real quality in their side with Chiriches gaining player of the week awards like nectar points & Gignac topping the scoring charts with 12 goals in 18 appearances. However the reality is that manager Marsden has his work cut out to halt their recent side which before yesterday saw them notch only one win in six games. However a massive 2-1 win against Feyenoord gives them a great base on which to build their recovery.

Top

Both Hellas Verona & Malaga are teams that have seen inconsistency hamper their drive for the division 4 summit. Both Libras-Boas & Bilboa have well organised teams with decent youth set ups but have lost points where they would have expected to pick them up. However they are right up there just behind the leaders and at this stage of the season anything is indeed possible.

River Plate are unusual in this league in that they only have a small 1st team and a large youth set up. The 1st team is strong & has done them proud so far this season but one can't help wondering what will happen if injuries & suspensions take their toll.

Feyenoord are having a good season, only losing top spot due to a defeat at home to Hamburg. Griffin has assembled a well drilled, youthful squad with the obvious exception of Kazu Miura who at 49 must be older than most of the fans & the pies. Griffin also has a strong youth team with the likes of Vilhena & Basacikoglu on the 1st team fringes. When asked what's the secret of Feyenoords great team spirit manager \Griffin cited the weekly bingo sessions hosted by Miura, in Japanese of course.

Sao Paulo stand out as the surprise package this season, promoted last year & sitting atop the division at the half way stage. Despite their many publicised fan problems 'The spoons' have managed 9 wins with only 18 goals conceded, the lowest in the division. Manager Wheels will cheerfully admit that spoons are not the strongest team in the division, in fact many of their victories are by a single goal to nil but 3 points are 3 points. Much of the plaudits must go to Victor Ibarbo, scorer of 11 goals this season & keeper Onur Kivrak, signed from Trabzonspor he's been a revelation between the sticks.
However success rests on keeping a fit squad with few bookings as without a few key players, the spoons could start bending.

Tip for the Top

Villarreal despite having Villa in their name have a strong & capable squad & I fancy manager Kelly to spur them on in the second half of the season to become real contenders. They have quality right through the team & in joint top scorer & MoM front runner Sigurdsonn have a star player to lead from the front.




Outside The Box #4




Benfica gaffer Nuno Bento is said to be furious after pictures were released of his latest transfer target. Show


Sporting head honcho The Good Doctor Fox is reportedly livid after it was revealed that Liverpool manager Gordon Kinnear is pushing the Anfield board to back him in aquiring their 1st Team coach. Show


Ruts66 shrugged off Celtics current financial difficulties after the Scottish club failed to pay the Company contracted to clean their kit, "You have to look on the bright side" said Ruts, "today we had over 10,000 girls watching training". Show


Atletico chief The Doctor is keeping tight lipped over leaked training ground photo's which appear to show the teams tactical set up for tomorrows game with Barca. Show


And finally Valencia manager David Senior has stated he has turned down the offer of a sainthood from the Vatican after he miraculously appeared before astonished onlookers in a Guatemalan landslide. Show

Outside The Box #3







Reports coming out of Turin seem to indicate that Heung-Min Son was not too keen on being shipped out to CSKA, apparently Juve supremo DP91 and his assistant had to use all their persuasive tact and guile to get the Korean off the training ground and into the Chairmans office.





Outside The Box #2





Despite concerns expressed by the Liege board regarding manager James Fosters obsession with US Presidential candidates Donald Trumps trouser rocket credentials and the potential effect it may have on the clubs hopes of expanding their US fan base the infatuated, if not obsessed Foster has pushed ahead, if you pardon the euphemism, in changing the clubs mascot, will this have implications on his tenure as Liege manager? I’m cock sure it will.










SM LOGIC (or not)


Top100 Gossip Edition 7




Amid the ongoing crises at Milan, Liege manager Foster continues to show his forgetfulness by continually bidding on Beddow’s players. Many of the Rossoneri are though to want moves away from their increasingly erratic manager, however due to the unfolding situation at the San Siro, it seems they may have to wait until October at the earliest, should no more sanctions be served on the club and playing staff.

As Hertha Berlin repeatedly try and transfer Valentin Stocker away from the club, reporters have investigated the reasoning behind the move. It’s been discovered that manager Mark Stewart finds dealing with Valentin too difficult a reminder of a failed relationship with Lana Del Ray, which ended on Valentine’s day last year, and the increasing media coverage involving her and other managers has become too much to bare.

Heath Brown is looking to trim back the numbers over in Holland. The increasing cost of munchies after the post training recreation sessions has become too high for Heath Brown, with Ivan Santini, Bruno Moreira and Michel Morganella eating more than their fair share. PSV are hoping to move them on before they run out of crepes and a mutiny occurs.

A bit around the middle is the main problem for DP91 over at Juventus. A few too many 3 course meals at the exclusive Del Cambio has meant that Dan has had to postpone his football comeback and now seeks a new central midfielder, rated 90+ (He’s willing to offer the likes of Son, Castro and youth players). After wiping his face on the table cloth, onlookers were astounded at the uncanny resemblance to the Shroud of Turin, and conspiracy theorists promptly turned to internet forums declaring DP was actually Jesus Christ reincarnated. 

Mike Scallotti is Sadio after having Mane issues on the South coast of England. Southampton are struggling with form, and gaffer Scallotti is thought to have been in touch with Dear Deirdre for advice. After talking it over, they both came to the conclusion that it’s always the Sadio Mane’s fault and he should be forced out the club. Atletico Madrid are thought to have made an offer of Nani, Jackson Martinez and £6m and The Doctor is hoping to sweet talk his Mane into joining the Madrid outfit.

Gregory Van Der Wiel is the subject of an offer from Chievo Verona. A 3 for 1 deal has been mooted involving youth players from Paddy D’s Adige River bank crèche. In return Van Der Wiel is thought to be excited about becoming a hero to the 4,500 inhabitants of Chievo and can’t wait to explore the hill of the magic wood.

Levante are keen to shift Steve Mounie and Slavoljub Srnic for minimum cash. The duo have caused outrage at the training ground after becoming a rude Ant and Dec style double act. Each morning at roll call, as Mounie’s name is read out, Srnic has been bending over and baring his rear to manager Tom Parfitt as both roll around in hysterics. They need splitting up and placing at opposite ends of the league… Someone help him out?

Top100 Gossip Edition 6




The exit door is open over at the Hawthorns. Mark Deadman has told first team players Oscar Duarte and Pierre-Michel Lasogga to find new clubs after they were caught enjoying themselves in the Aston Villa club museum, sparking a midlands diplomatic nightmare. Lasogga is thought to be interesting Sassuolo and Sampdoria, Duarte is being tracked by Milan, Liege, Genoa, Twente, Hellas Verona, Sevilla and Malaga, whilst Dortmund and Sunderland are interested in taking both as a package.



Over in Italy, Manager, President and Duce of Fascism, sorry Milan, Stephen Beddows, has refused Juventus permission to speak to alleged drugs cheat and serial self imploder Mario Balotelli. Juve manager DP 91 had agreed a deal with Barbara Berlusconi after an illicit evening at the Opera, however Beddows has overruled his girlfriend’s decision declaring that from now on, she will have no say in the running of her family’s club, ‘It's good to trust others but, not to do so is much better.’

Malaga chief Greg Bilboa has declared himself Catholic after putting in bids for Hamburg midfielder Carlos Sanchez, then withdrawing them shortly after. Then putting it in. Then pulling out. David Marsden is desperately hoping that Bilboa can keep it in long enough to see the climax of the offer and finally have some proper transfer relief. It’s been weeks apparently.

Liege narrowly missed out on potential prodigy Diaz Mariano after Olympiakos submitted a late bid for the forward whilst Foster was asleep in bed. It’s though that Alex McLean is in desperate need of someone who can bend over to help pick up all the false teeth and carry out bed baths for all the OAP’s over in Piraeus.

The race for Liege’s top Belgian keeper Matz Sels has intensified after FC Twente placed a rival bid to Stuttgart’s offer. Foster has indicated to staff at the club that he will only accept an offer that involves 2 players joining and improves his first team, and there is no guarantee he will sanction a move at all. The Liege manager also advised the Director of Football to find new clubs for Salzano, Rojas, Leckie, Hinterseer, Acosta, Rescaldani and Ginczek.

Gareth Crisp refuses to win anything with kids after making multiple youth players available at Athletic Bilbao. After a disappointing Youth Cup performance a host of youngsters could see their careers in tatters. Won’t somebody please think of the children?!

After bringing in Moussa ‘the haircut’ Sow and youngster N’Gouma, Warren Livesey has turned his attention to a young Norwegian player from the EPL. Joshua King is thought to be at the centre of a tug of war between Lyon and Crystal Palace. The pacy Norwegian failed to pull up any trees at Bayer Leverkusen who sold him back to Bournemouth for a small profit, however both clubs will be hoping that the player can help them sit on the throne of their respective divisions.

Gino Kinnear faces a battle to keep hold of Laurens De Bock, with Club Brugge and Olimpiakos the latest sides to be sniffing around. The Liverpool hierarchy are thought to be keen to hold on to the player however as he makes a mean Belgian waffle.

AS Roma have decided enough is enough and have made Adem Ljajic available for exchange. Frankland has been overheard complaining about the difficulty in how to pronounce the Serbians surname, and the club shop have ran out of letter J’s. The Roma chief is keen on replacing Ljajic with a CB of similar age and rating.

Espanyol continue to dip their figurative toes in the transfer market with bids for Gustavo Cabral and Geoff Cameron. Doug Earle seems eager to follow the Greek model of Olimpiakos and increase the average age of the squad, knowing full well that this could adversely affect the club’s spending on tea bags and Werther’s Originals.

Leverkusen win relegation battle in Florence.

A good end to the week for the German club Leverkusen after manager Noisy re-emerged from the shadows to take back control and focus over the club and the results have been to a positive note.




Thursday night saw us draw to relegation rivals Manchester United and we have followed up that point with a superb comeback win in Florence against Fiorentina.

Gomez put Fiorentina ahead in the 13th minute and it looked like they would lead at the break until David Silva who was recently linked with a move away from Leverkusen drew the Germans level.

Silva on the move again?

Then a unlikely goalscorer won it for Bayer when Omer Toprak buried the ball in the back of the net in the 70th minute and Bayer held on in the closing stages with Gomez receiving his marching orders in the 89th minute for a wild lunge on Calhanoglu.

Toprak with the winner

In recent Transfer news we have seen interest in Kucka after he impressed for Slovakia at the Euros 
but he is a vital part of the Leverkusen setup and we need to keep versatile players like him for the battle ahead.

Silva is another who is rumoured to be unhappy in Leverkusen but only one club moved for him and it wasn't to what we wanted for the player.

This afternoon has seen another club come in for Leno a offer which we will mull over before deciding but again he is a young player with a lot of potential in a position which is hard to fill in SM.

Very little action has happened in the transfer market this season and it is something we will look at addressing in the coming weeks, One thing is certain however the books are very healthy and we do have 120m+ to spend on the right players.





Top100 Gossip Edition 5




Sao Paulo have been forced to drop out of a move for Auckland City stopper Jacob Spoonley in the wake of recent crowd troubles. Nick Wheel’s and his team have been placed under a transfer ban as part of a package of punishments and sanctions by the Top100 FA. It’s thought that Nick’s appearance at the FA hearing made matters worse as he threatened the panel of investigators that they were on a knife’s edge if they carried out the proposed punishment, then proceeded to tell the lead investigator to fork off.



Stuttgart are on the lookout for 2 new players, a defensive midfielder and a new goalkeeper. Unfortunately due to overspending at the Porsche and Mercedes garages using the clubs transfer kitty, Feargal can only now afford one of them. It remains to be seen which will take priority.

Foster Sels is the rumour coming out of Liege, with talk of star goalkeeper Matz Sels being linked with a host of clubs including Club Brugge, Hamburger, AC Milan, Sevilla, Twente and the afore mentioned Stuttgart. At present only Stuttgart have made a concrete offer of a 2 for 1, with Foster thought to be on the fence about accepting the excellent bid. Massimo Bruno is also thought to be close to leaving after an offer from Aston Villa. A player plus cash deal has been mooted for the young versatile Belgian prodigy. Jorge Rojas, Matthew Leckie, Lukas Hinterseer and Luciano Acosta are also thought to be available for transfer.

Alongside Rahul’s public appeal to Foster and Massimo Bruno, Villa have also expressed an interest in bring Marten De Roon to Birmingham. The Atlanta midfielder would slide into the Aston Villa midfield, with Pablo Hernandez expected to make De Roon by leaving. Terrible.

Superstar striker Gonzalo Higuaín could be on the move from Napoli. His impending rise following a real life move to Juventus has had a negative effect on the rest of the squad and Gli Azzuri chief Rob Ryan is seeking more balance to his side. Expect plenty of offers to be forthcoming from sides such as the Manchester clubs, Wolfsburg, Bayern Munich and Italian rivals Juventus.

Spurs midfielder Mesut Ozil is the subject of a transfer tug of war between English rivals Arsenal and Liverpool. 4 goals and 7 assists in 14 games could make a huge difference in both Gino Kinnear’s and Michael Bowes push for the top four.

Other transfer news at the Emirates involves a potential trade involving Olivier Giroud and wonderkid Max Meyer as Bowes looks for an AM RLC. Arsenal are really pushing to bottom out a deal. It’s shit or bust over in North London.

Right back at the bottom of the league is an ongoing issue for West Brom manager Mark Deadman, who is willing to use Jonathan Biabiany in a deal for a RB or DML 85 rated plus and younger than 27 years old. Mark is desperate for some defensive cover in an attempt to stop haemorrhaging goals as he props up the rest of Top100.

A new winger is the medicine required over at Atletico Madrid. The Doctor is keen to upgrade his final third options by offering Jackson Martinez, Raul Garcia and Nani for the right player in his bid to move up the table and stave off the relegation threat.

Greg Bilboa is looking to offload Costel Pantillimon and Vladislav Ignatyev, but with no interest in sight, it looks like Greg’s stuck paying for them to get a great Malaga tan. Bids have also been received for Taras Stepanenko and Sergi Darder, but the Malaga chief is likely to cling onto them as much as he clings onto his final few hairs on his head.

Shame in Spain for Sao Paulo

Hundreds arrested as Spoons fans rampage in Spain



Following Sao Paulo's 1-0 Youth Cup defeat to Celta Vigo last night hundreds of their infamous self styled 'Spoon Army' fans went on a orgy of destruction in the famous old Galacian city, causing 1000's of Euros of damage, with fighting going on into the early hours between groups of spoonigans & local riot police.



Sporks 

The game itself was a tense affair with Celta Vigo fans reigning Sporks down on the visiting Paulo fans in the stand below. The away fans also complained of heavy handed policing inside the ground with fans being searched for weapons on entering the stadium & at half time.


Found on the terraces
A home made spoon-knife

Weapons Haul


A converted firing pistol
Plans found on a Spoons fan
Chief Inspector Valdes of the Vigo police revealed that his officers had confiscated over 200 weapons from Spoons fans, including modified knives, catapults & even firing pistols altered to fire spoons, deadly at close range.

Golden Spoons

Trouble flared when members of the Spoon Army hardcore ultras known as 'Los Chucharas' ransacked an antique shop in the City's prestigious Bouzas area, a carefully planned operation that resulted in the theft of the Golden Spoons of Paulista. These priceless spoons were bought back by the Spanish conquistadors from South America & have immense cultural significance, both in Spain & in South America. 
From then onwards it was mayhem, shops, restaurants, even public toilets & kiosks were smashed, looted & set on fire. 
Golden Spoons of Paulista

Powerless

Although the Vigo riot police deployed water cannons & mounted police, the sheer numbers of Spoon fans meant they were powerless to contain the carnage. The Spoon Army had been drinking since noon and were heavily armed with various spoons despite the searches at the stadium. Each volley of spoons at the police riot shields found a new victim, 55 police were hospitalised, most with spoon gashes, some had been struck by ladles & one unfortunate officer had a teaspoon forcibly inserted up into his rectum.

Weapons recovered from Vigo streets

President

Sao Paulo President's Limo after attack
At one point the president of Sao Paulo Football Club, Mr Hugo Forks, drove into the centre square in an attempt to halt the violence. With the aid of a police megaphone he appealed for the fans to lay down their spoons & return to their hotels quietly. The President, who frequently over estimates his own popularity with his own fans was showered with spoons, mostly landing on his car, but a few caught him in the face & he had to be given emergency treatment when a caviar spoon became wedged in his medial tonsil.

Investigation

As of now all is quiet, police have made over 300 arrests & the local ambulance, fire services & scrap metal collectors are turning in after a very busy night indeed.
The local mayor has declared her outrage at the 'wanton destruction & vandalism caused by these barbaric utensil wielding fans from Brazil'. 'They may carry dessert spoons & French sauce spoons but they act like animals' she probably said.
The FA have announced an investigation but as most of the trouble occurred outside the stadium & after the match had ended there may be little it can do.

A spoon today

Who are the Spoon Army?

The Spoon Army were formed in the late 1980's in response to attacks by gangs of Botafogo fans known as 'The Chisels' as they carried & often hurled chisels in their attacks. In one particularly violent encounter in 1988 Botafogo & Gremio fans (known as The Steam Irons' due to their use of these as weapons) joined forces to chisel & steam the Sao Paulo fans & many were injured that day.
'Terrifying' Spoon Army
It was after that incident that the spoon in it's many forms was adopted by the Sao Paulo Ultras & since then they have become the most feared firm in South America, even more so than the infamous Gremio 'Secateurs', the River Plate 'Plates' & of course the Racing Club 'Fish Slices'.

Sepp Blatter

Drugs on a spoon
More drugs on a spoon
Since then they have gone on to become the major drugs cartel in Brazil, transporting an estimated 13 million euros of drugs through the region. They own & operate a legitimate spoon factory and have even presented the visiting FIFA president Sepp Blatter with his own personalised silver spoon.

Deaths Head Spoon

Everywhere they go they are accompanied by the clatter of spoons & often when they leave the ground is festooned with them. Victims, whether opposing fans, police or even looted shops are left with the Spoon Army calling card, possibly the most feared spoon today, the Deaths Head Spoon, 

Spoon Army calling spoon

SM Top 100 TV (Episode 12)

Click Read More to watch SM Top 100 TV Episode 12 as the expert pundits dig into the last 7 days in SM Top 100 - SM's Top Gameworld. 


[youtube=[www.youtube.com/watch](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GvBAqc4shU&w=320&h=266])

Outside The Box #1



Welcome to the first edition of “Outside The Box” bringing you exclusive stories from within the World of Top100 that you couldn’t make up, well maybe I could.







Breaking news from Spain where Levante boss Tom Parfitt has suffered a freak needle felting accident which resulted in his beard becoming velcroed to Lana Del Rey’s Schnauzer.

Miss Rey’s Schnauzer had to undergo an emergency Brazilian and by way of apology Tom whipped her up a soft toy from the resulting fleece. 
  






The Dalai Lama came out this week and claimed that Real Madrids recent run of poor form was not the result of an SM vendetta against manager Roy Keane but was simply karma for all the vengeful things that he had done during his football career.

Keane was unavailable for comment as he was crop dusting Tibet with anthrax.





Meanwhile David Ike has come out claiming that Sao Paulo's league form is evidence that Nick Wheels is a high ranking member of the Alien Lizard Illuminati, a claim Ike maintains is backed up after the Mars Rover sent back a picture of a giant spoon on the planets surface.





Fenerbahce ground staff have requested that manager Broon refrain from wearing his kilt during home matches having had to replace the second dug out seat this season.





Gursimran Brar has denied reports that a Nazi cloning device found in a bunker deep within the Black Forest has been installed and re-commissioned successfully in the Allianz Arena.






Judging by this leaked photo of the latest Olympiacos target it appears that in response to criticism of his aging squad manager Alex McLean is looking to bring in some younger blood to freshen it up.





And finally after an impressive goal scoring week Hellas Verona supremo Andre Libras-Boas will do well to hold on to the in-form Pavoletti with Stephen Beddows having reportedly sacked his secretary at AC Milan following a typing error on a transfer form yesterday.




Bild catch up with Noisy on the current Leverkusen crisis.





 



German newspaper Bild has rated the Leverkusen season so far as 0/10 - fans are chanting for you to leave - how do you respond to such vocal and public criticism?




Well we have had a difficult start to the season in all honesty, The Manager Noisy went off to the Euros and had a few private issues to deal with so the interest in the squad has dwindled and this has certainly shown on the playing field. Is it acceptable? NO. 

But we will certainly try our best to put it right in the upcoming weeks.

Will Noisy quit? Never, We will be here until we are fired.

I understand the fans concern as without the fans we are nothing.

58 games in charge in Germany now and a points return which is not even half of the T100 greats like Keane and Beddows, can you explain the lack of success? 




I agree with the Keane comparision we have been slacking compared to Roy and his Galaticos, but as for Beddows... 

pffft We all know full well he is a specialist in failure, firstly with Zenit where he was performing below standard in Division 2, Suddenly gets offered the Milan job in Division 1 and does a fantastic job at getting them relegated. 



You were a cult hero at Fenerbache... you won the league and the people of Istanbul only as recent as last week when celebrating defeating the Coup were chanting your name in Taksim Square - where do you stand (as a former Turkish resident) on the whole Coup thing? Fan of Erdogan or not?


I don't like to get involved in political matters as everyone has a different opinion and most think that theirs is the only opinion.

They're all corrupt each and every one of them.

But to answer the question NO, I am not a fan or Erdogan or of Turkey joining the EU not that matters to me much anymore. 

Obviously most of your players have been about as useful as a grave robber in a crematorium this season - but are their any that have given you the slightest hope for saving your skin?



 I have faith in this group of players that they will indeed turn around the results and move Leverkusen up the table.

We will gamble in the upcoming weeks by playing a few more youths who seem to be having more success in the current Youth Cup. 


Of the other managers down there in Division One are there any with a future more bleak than your own? Any justification as to why?




Yes, of course. I was surprised to see someone below us in the table in Manchester City a side who well should be well and truly away from the relegation zone.
It's good to know that despite how bad we have been their is a shitter manager still in the division.

It's a case of Blue Moon Sinking rather than Blue Moon Rising!!!


And finally how have your Youth team coped with Beddows nemesis ÇALHANOĞLU?  

  
Well it was a difficult start as Hakan was a vital member in the Youth Cup and we started with a draw and defeat but we have finally found our feet to lead the group and look destined for the knockouts.

Brandt has now taken over from Hakan as the midfield leader and who knows where the talented bunch can go, they are putting the first team to shame that is for sure.

Davy Van der Sar and The Brugge Project

A story about the season and the squad so far at Bruges . From the first moment we get Bruges in our hands, we try to grow step by step . Finding the young talents in Belgium, or the unknown stars who still had to be discovered. Our goal this season was trying to get a season without any problems, so a decent spot between place 8 and 12 . Not a problem normally with the quality in our squad. After 15 matches , we are in the top 6 , even a few weeks back on the top of the division, together with Standard and Anderlecht. Belgium Up ! 


Davy celebrating another Brugge victory with Mrs Davy in the far distance

The team then. Though the manager was not really convinced about the number 1 Volkan Babacan ( TUR,27 ), he gives him the confidence he needed , with 2 young talents after him with Sondre Rossbach (NOR,20) , and Davy Roef ( BEL,22 ) (who will be expected to be soon at the heels of Volkan 
In right defence we have a player that a lot of managers want in their team, Thomas Meunier              ( Thomas just told me he just wants to stay at the Venice of Belgium, till we have a decent replacement ) , and there is a lot to be expected from Dutch young star Timo Letschert , who will be excepted to send Guillaume Gillet to the exit . For the replacing of Thomas we try to negotiate with the Ajax Manager to sign Ricardo Van Rhijn, but at the moment it is still “a no go” from the Dutch Manager. In the Central of the defence we are quite good for the next years , although some opportunities we will never let go. For the moment we have Bjorn Engels ( BEL, 21 ), Stefano Denswil (NET,23 ), Jakub Brabec (CZE,23 ) who are fighting for the 2 spots. In the Youth team we expect a lot of Matthias Bossaerts ( BEL,20 ) and Karim Essikal ( MAR,20 ). On the left defence there is a untouchable Luca Antonelli ( ITA,29 ) with Lorenzo Melgarejo ( PAR,25 ) as a replacement. And for the future we hope on the further developing of Dario Van den Buijs ( BEL,20) 
Thomas Munier
Our midfield is our strongest and our weakest spot from the team . Our captain Sven Kums ( BEL,28 ) the most importing player, followed by box-t-box player Ruud Vormer ( NED,28 ) and rising star Hans Vanaken ( BEL,23 ) . The rest of the players are on this moment all very talented , but too weak to compete in 5th division. Rob Schoofs ( BEL,22 ), Lucas Schoofs ( BEL,19 ), Bryan Heynen ( BEL,19 ), Joher Khadim Rassoul ( SEN,20 ), Sander Coopman ( BEL,21 ), Ismail H’Maidat ( MAR,21 ), so we are good for the future, but need some quality injection for the rest of the season in case of injury or suspending .

Ruud Vormer - Top Player - Davy's favourite and a Iceman look alike
 On the attacking wings in the A-squad are running experienced people like Arouna Kone ( ICO,32 ) , Lior Refaelov ( ISR,30 ), Matthieu Dossevi ( CON,28 ) as big talents like Jose Izquierdo ( COL,24 ) and Felipe Gedoz ( BRA,23 ) . In Youth only big talented guys like Ramadan Sobhi ( EGY,19 ) ,Dodi Lukebakio ( BEL,18 ) and Leandro Trossard ( BEL,21 ).

In attack will disappear some players to the transferlist,  because strikers ( only 13 ) enough in the squad. Most of the time it’s Jelle Vossen ( BEL,27 and ranking 3th in scoring list ) who is standing in point of the attack, or Abdoulaye Diaby ( MAL,25 ) , with as a replacement Nicola Castillo ( CHI,23 ) and Mbwana Samatta ( TAN,23 ) and Andraz Sporar ( SLO,22 ) who came both of Hellas Verona. Biggest names in youth are Moses Simon ( NIG,21 ) and Moraes Wesley ( BRA,19 ).
Jelle Vossen - Mrs Davy's favourite
So still on the transfer market looking for 2 midfielders and the team is good for a couple of seasons  . Let’s hope the chairman will keep faith in the guy who adores the team he is managing!

HOWEVER: Some Division 5 managers are claiming that this Belgian dominance is nothing more than an example of corruption. 

Tom Parfitt said: "If those three sides work together they have the power to defeat everyone else and its just not fair. I'm not having it I tell you..." It is not 100% clear whether Parfitt's lastest outburst is related to his jealously of Princess Marshmellow...

Ruts said: "I am not prepapred to miss out on promotion again due to a triumvirate of mangers manipulating the results. It is not on. I am contacting Frank to break up this racket!

Ryan Chisholm said: "Its is kinda ironic that the 3 teams within a 5 mile radius of each other are dominating a division. A Prince, A bloody Mascot and an alcolholic... Nah something is not right here. Celta should be top of the Division... we should be 10 points clear such is the quality of my management. 

Gav Harmer said: "If I get sacked for the 2nd season in the row they I know that I will need to blame those 3 Belgian clubs who have manipulated everyone to ensure they are all 1,2,3... 


By Davy Vandendriessche




SM T100 meets Mark Hewitt





MARK HEWITT HAS ALWAYS BEEN A MAN WHO HAS DIVIDED OPINION. A MAN LOVED BY VERY FEW AND HATED BY ALMOST EVERYONE, YET A MANAGER WHO HAS ACHIEVED UNRIVALLED SUCCESS IN THE GAME AND HE EARNT HIS JOB IN T100 ON THE BACK OF THIS AMAZING RECORD BUT HOW IS HIS GETTING ON IN THIS GAMEWORLD, WELL WE SENT OUR SPECIAL REPORTER SUSAN BOYLE TO FIND OUT AS SHE FLEW TO MONTPELIER TO MEET HIM. 
Susan was very excited about meeting Mark


SUSAN:  Evening Mark thanks for inviting me to your villa. Nice place this? Did it come with the job? Or are you renting it so as and when you'll be able to up sticks?

MARK: You should have seen the place they offered me when i first arrived. A tramp wouldn't have lived there i can assure you, although some managers would have taken it as they would have thought it was luxury in comparison.

No i have to supplement this place with my own money but the thing that made me want to live here was the Greek water feature over in the corner....yes the one with the water coming out of the guy's willy.....made me laugh as it reminded me Prince Michael....small with little effect or purpose.


SUSAN: So Mark You've been at the club since Jan 2016 how is the French lingo coming along? Or have you not bothered to learn?

MARK: Well when i got offered the job i must admit i had my reservations. I didnt really want to try something new but the owners (Franco) were very persuasive and sold me the club. But i did learn a few phrases

"baise bien pourquoi suis-je ici" is one i say alot

"etaient puis-je acheter de l'alcool pas cher" is another frequent saying to my local shop owner
and i have got very lonely whilst i have been here as my wife stayed 6 weeks and then decided it was a 'shit hole' so my new phase is "combien pour un coup d'empoli" which for those that dont know is 

"how much for a blow job"

Boyle: how much is a blow job here?

Mark - i dont know how much do you charge????????

Susan:  'Moving on' Rob Ryan was massively more successful than you both on and off the field winning promotion in Season 1... since then Montpelier under you have become a side fighting relegation do you consider your tenure her as a failure?

Mark: Do you consider that answer fair? I certainly don't see that as a fair comparison. This Ryan bloke got promotion, WELL DONE. Then what did he do....ran off like a big fairy and didn't stick around to see if his balls were big enough to fit the sack.

The first season I was here I had an ageing side with little or no major talent.

I've still got an ageing side and very little talent but they aren't fighting relegation like you tipped me to be doing this season. We're mid table and right in the mix son. We're 3 points of 2nd...........but 3 points of 18th so tough league.

Its a long project and i am here to try and make a difference...which may i add is difficult when other managers wont loan you players cause "they want them for the youth cup each week so you will have to send them back"

...SOD OFF is what I said to "them managers" i want to give them game time, play a full season whilst you use them in a tournament that 1) is made up in fairy land 2) doesn't do anything for the players morale at all......yeah thats a dig at you Roy Keane. Marcus Rashford could have been playing weekly instead of sitting on you bench, 1 game and Who the hell names themselves after that pleb....unless of course that's your name and then UNLUCKY.

SUSAN: This season, season 3 - high points and low points?

MARK: This interview and this interview

The high point will be proving you wrong at the end of the season but that is a future image i have.

SUSAN: What is your relationship like with the other French managers? Gary Naylor, Dave T and those others?

I have no relationship with the other French managers. Its the first time i have heard their names so shows what impact they have made with me. I am an experienced manager with hundreds of cups, titles etc under my belt and I've learnt that there are only a few people i actually like or get on with and i want to keep it that way.

No point being nice to people cause their dicks when they want to be.....Look at that Josh bloke - the Villain McMillan. Nice guy, Young, hungry but offers you nothing for your best players??????? WWWHHHYYYYYYY......

I get on well with PMW. Top, top bloke

SUSAN: Best player in the dressing room? Worst? Any immediate priorities in the squad if changes could be made?

Look my team is good. Toure is my favorite cause he makes me laugh...doing that little jig..you know the one..

"kolo, Kolo kolo, kolo, kolo, kolo kolo Toure
YAYA, YA, YA YAYA, YA, YA......

Sit down Boyle your making the house shake....

Toure is my leader which didn't go down well with 38 year old fart Hilton but then he is as old as me and so i didnt need his crap. Still here though cant shift him.

MAURI is really talented. 8 games 3 goals 1 assist and he is wanted Really wanted but he ain't gonna leave so.

I plan on building the youth. Got money to do it. All i ask is to all those managers out there. If you want a youth player 85/86 rated to play games ill play him. I will give him 75% of the game time he requires just like my mentor MR KLOPP.

Worst well i get rid of all the worst performers or those that smell. I love Cardozo as well and Defoe as they score the goals and my keeper gets bummed if he doesnt keep a clean sheet...not by me...i let the tramps have their go

Just signing another striker but I will always look to take what I can, I ain't picky.

Now it's time for my massage with Linda and kerry......if you want you can stay...kerry has brought her mate Big Bertha. ...right up your street.

Top100 Transfer Gossip Ed4




In fair Verona where we lay our scene, Levante are still wining and dining Chievo Ezequiel Ponce, however his manager Paddy D is playing hardball. Paddy is thought to have warned Ponce away from moving to Spain, advising him ‘Everyone has their fate and the more people try to avoid it, the more trouble they get into.’ In response, Parfitt has told the young Argentinian, ‘Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight! For I ne’er saw true beauty till this night.’ It’s becoming a real Romeo and Juliet affair.



Parfitt is also thought to be monitoring Andy Najar of Anderlecht, although conspiracy theorists on that there interweb have postulated that ulterior motives may be at play. Is the interest real, or is Tom Parfitt merely trying to get a spy in PMW’s camp in the battle of Lana Del Ray? 

Liege continue to look for a new attacking midfielder. Foster is thought to be getting more desperate than Dean Gaffney at 3am in a nightclub and could be willing to offer a combination of Massimo Bruno, Ruben Rochina, Lukas Hinterseer, Omar Mascarell, Jorge Rojas, Mubarak Wakaso and a number of youth players for the right man.

After a brief mid-season holiday (although club sources say it was a breakdown brought on by the stress of a relegation dog fight), Lyon gerante Warren Livesey is on the lookout for a striker. After a chance encounter with a fan in Rhodes, the penny dropped that he needed to score more goals. Cash is on offer, although Livesey may offer players aswell should the deal require.

Rahul’s transfer merry go round shows no sign of stopping anytime soon. Eder is likely to be exchanged for a younger defensive midfielder (N’Diaye and De Roon have been mentioned in the corridors of Villa Park), freeing up Marcelo Diaz for a move away from Birmingham. Moving on Diaz may not be easy however as his agent has secretly admitted that he’s not on a single Top100 shortlist, ‘He’s as popular as Rolf Harris at a childrens party…’ Other targets for the Bastion of Aston include Ryan Shawcross of Shakhtar Donetsk, with an offer already placed involving a Drogba–esque player and 130495828.32 Hryvnia.

Speaking of Shawcross, rumours of an existing deal with an unnamed Russian club are rife, although said manager of the club that sounds very much like Dynamite Kev, has been MIA for 5 days now, potentially nullifying any pre-agreed trade.

Fans of German Division 5 team Werder Bremen have protested outside the clubs training ground this week, begging manager Gav Harmer to sign both a striker to improve the attack, and a new goal keeper outerer to help stem the bleeding of goals. Whether Gav will move for Villa’s Eder, Liege’s Lukas Hinterseer or Manchester United’s Sergio Romero however remains to be seen.

Frank Hirst’s Genoa are thought to be on the lookout for a home grown striker. After Pavoletti’s hat trick in the World Club Cup, Hirst’s match notes has a little love heart with some scribbles in the middle. Analysts poured over the doodle to try and decipher it, and came to the unanimous assumption that it said ‘FH *hearts* LP’. Once Frank has a man in his sights, he pulls out all the stops to take him in the, sorry, to the Marassi.

Doug ‘Lean out of the Range Rover Window’ Earle has announced that Jon Ander is up for sale over at Espanyol following the arrival of fellow Spaniard Alex Remiro. Claudio Pizarro may be allowed to leave the club, however sources in France indicate interest in Yannis Salibur and Jimmy Cabot, so don’t rule out a part exchange involving grandpa Claudio. That’s only if he can make it all that way without having to stop for multiple toilet breaks.

Having lost out on one deal lately due to chairman incompetence, West Brom head honcho Mark Deadman is expected to travel to Sunderland in the next few days to personally negotiate with Wayne Bullough. A number of deals are on the table, with discussions set to take place over a nice Isaac Cofie and an Ivan Piris of cake.