That was the week that was

Tell you what, I was a bit nervous before that game against Augsburg last week. Augsburg may well be gash, but they beat us twice last season. Obviously they’re one of those sides that raise their game for the big matches, but don’t fancy it the rest of the time.

We sorted them out good and proper this time though. 3 – 1, and a 10/10 performance from big Leo D up top. Honestly, signing him was one of the best things I’ve done at this club, although bringing in Filip Djuricic is pretty sensational as well.the price we’re paying too. Clearly we’re sad to see Gezza and Bolanos go, they’ve been good servants, but Filip is someone who’ll be around for years to come. He’s one of the players I can see still turning out for us when we make division 1 in a few seasons time.


Clearly we’re good enough for that level already. We smashed Lyon 5 – 0 in the World Club Cup, and they are a div 2 side. If we can do that to a div 2 side, we’d be alright in div 1. We’re flying in the World Club Cup too. 3 – 0 win in Verona tonight.


And don’t forget our youth program too.They were mugged off good and proper with the group they were given. Dortmund, Wolfsburg, Everton, Udinese and Broon’s Fannybashers. Well, we’ve already taken a point each from both the German sides, and 3 from Broons mob. I reckon my youths could win the competition, but again, as with the senior side, things will probably conspire against us in some miraculous manner later on in the competition.


Now as you know, I’m not one for hyperbole, not like PMW and the like. He’s been a bit quieter this season actually. To be fair, all that BS he was spouting last season, and look what happened. We above them, and he doesn’t even pick up the phone to say hello. Ever since we battered his side last season, and his naive attempts to lure Lana failed, I haven’t seen him. He’s been like the invisible man.


Reminds me of this time around James Fosters’s house actually. I wasn’t really invited exactly. To be fair, none of us were invited, but Davy V’s a bit of a lad, and he put something on Facebook about a party there.


Well you know how it is. Somebody says party, mentions free booze, including, but not restricted to everything you can find in the house, you go along to see what it’s like. Well, for a start Frank Hurst & DP were locked in a tender embrace in the greenhouse. I’m not sure exactly what they were doing, it was hard to tell through all the condensation on the glass, but from the moans and groans I heard, they were happy enough and best left to some privacy.


Shereiff was letting his hair down too. Him and Broon were getting stuck into a bit of snakebite. Not the booze, no, they had stolen Percy, Dave Senior’s pet Diamondback Rattler. They were taking turns to bite it while trying not to get bitten themselves. Look liked they were getting about a 50% success rate. Not bad given the situation I guess. Honestly, it was crazy. All sorts going on, and none of it the sort of thing you want to tell your mum about.



Anyway, Foster came home, and I’ll tell you what, he wasn’t angry. He wasn’t upset. He completely lost his tits over it. He went absolutely Jurassic. I’ve never seen a man so angry since that time Greg Earle was taken to task by your boy Ryan Chisholm over that private photo leak.

Foster had been out with his missus for a bit of tea. He treats her proper, took her to her favourite restaurant in the whole World, Nandos. They were both dressed to the nines as well. Her in this sexy little red dress, and him like the number 9 from Numberjacks. Looked a proper class couple.

You can tell who wears the trousers though. She went straight to bed and told him to sort it. Well he gave it his best shot.


I say he gave it his best shot, as soon as Mrs F was up the stairs, the only shot he was interested in came out of a JD bottle.


He was cracking out the acid with old Wheelsey, Senior and Kinnear. The boys were absolutely blasted and having the time of their lives. Just because it was something funny to do, while they were tripping I rustled a horse, stuck an ice cream cone on its head, got it inside and told them I’d found a wild Unicorn. They were going ape shit over it. Unbelievable scenes.

Anyway, it came to an end, as all good things must, when Foster went upstairs and caught PMW in bed with his missus. I honestly thought Foster had shot him. There was this loud bang, and PMW was bleeding like a bastard. Well it looked like that anyway, but in the end it turned out that the Royal fella had fallen asleep, fallen out of bed and landed on his part used fanny pad collection, squeezing out some of the moisture.