The Duel for Del Ray


The game of the week in div 5 this Sunday see’s Tom Parfitt’s Levante take on PMW’s Anderlecht. The game is already being dubbed the “Duel for Del Ray” in some quarters, and both managers will be chomping at the bit to take all 3 points, along with Lovely Lana’s heart. Prior to the game, both managers had a few words to say in a hastily arranged pre match press conference.

You made the front pages of the press by stating you only slept with Lana Del Rey to piss off Parfitt. His response was that it’s all in your head. How do you react to that?
PMW: Allin my head he says? Well maybe he should check out Youtube. I uploaded the video two day’s ago and it’s had over 35,000 hits so far, and quite a few compliments from the viewers. And thanks Hewitt, I know.
Parfitt: Lana has been at home in Spain with me the whole time. Princess Marshmallow Wonderbra has clearly invented the whole thing, even going to the expense of hiring a body double. My bet is the double is one of David Senior, James Foster or Frank Hirst in a dress by the way. 
Levante are rumored to be interested in Andy Najar. Is there anything init, or just antics to unsettle the player?
PMW: Do you know Andy Najar is an anagram of Lana Del Rey? It’s not, but I bet you looked! Andy looks a little like Lana though so maybe there is something in it. Seriously though, I think Parfitt has been looking at all of my players as any would be an improvement on what he has at the moment. I can’t imagine any of them banging on my bedroom door requesting a transfer to Levante though.
Parfitt: Actually, Andy Najar is an anagram of Najaryand. Najaryand is an ancient inca word which translates as Parfitt my leader, so really, if Anderlecht and Prince have anything about them, they will allow the young man to head here ASAP. At the end of the day, i’m sure every single pro worth his corn would rather play for me than live in the shadow of football’s answer to Peter Stringfellow.
Given the issues between you both recently, how big a game has this become?
PMW: The game is huge for both of us regardless of recent issues. The game is about more than just us two though. There are 22 players on the pitch who don’t even know who Lana Del Rey is. They’ll be playing for 3 points.
Parfitt: The game is massive. Not just for me and Prince. Not just the players who take part. This game is massive for the people of Spain. If we win, it would be the greatest victory ever achieved by a team, or individual from Spain. 
Is it just Prince you have beef with, or are there others too?
Parfitt: Oh, there are others all right. Stephen Beddows at AC Milan. Relegated with a club like that, nailing the bosses daughter, and he has the nerve to offer me £4 million for Isaac Success. He’s still in a job? Unreal. DP. Named after an act performed by a particularly athletic young lady in grumblevids and he’s still running Juve? Shocking. Roy Keane. I’d have won all there is with that Madrid squad. He hasn’t even come close. Still working at the Bernabeau though. Disgraceful. Broon, only took the job because he mis-heard and thought somebody asked if he wanted a turkey sandwich. Oh, and Hewitt. Calls himself theKing. Well he wasn’t so regal when we kicked his sorry little ass out of the cup earlier this season. Sorry King, sorry Prince, there is only one royal here, and he’s running Levante.   
What will you be discussing over thepost match glass of wine?
PMW: I doubt Parfitt will be there as he’ll be running allover looking for a hand dryer. I’m having them all removed before the game as a precaution. He’s very fond of them. If he does accept though he’ll be in for a surprise. Lane will be there, and she’llkiss anybody after a few drinks, so he might just get lucky.
Parfitt: Bwwaaahhhaaahhhaaa, only a fool would believe that. She has very exacting standards that only the best, ie me, can match. I’ll be inviting Prince in. Ive got a bottle of that girly pink wine cooling in preperation. Being a man’s man though, i’ll be getting stuck into a crate of Tennents Super. I’ll probably have a mate or two around as well in case Prince Big Ball’s gets a bit leary. 
Parfitts drinking partner
Finally, can we have a score prediction?
PMW: Which game? Haha, I’ll be bold and say 4 – 0 to us. They just wont be able to handle thepurple train, FULL STEAM AHEAD!
Parfitt: I’ll be nice to Anderlecht and say it’ll finish 2 – 1 to us. We’re scoring a few, and due a result. It’ll be nice to take 3 points and start to aim for the top half of the table. 

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