Top100 Gossip Edition 7


Amid the ongoing crises at Milan, Liege manager Foster continues to show his forgetfulness by continually bidding on Beddow’s players. Many of the Rossoneri are though to want moves away from their increasingly erratic manager, however due to the unfolding situation at the San Siro, it seems they may have to wait until October at the earliest, should no more sanctions be served on the club and playing staff.

As Hertha Berlin repeatedly try and transfer Valentin Stocker away from the club, reporters have investigated the reasoning behind the move. It’s been discovered that manager Mark Stewart finds dealing with Valentin too difficult a reminder of a failed relationship with Lana Del Ray, which ended on Valentine’s day last year, and the increasing media coverage involving her and other managers has become too much to bare.
Heath Brown is looking to trim back the numbers over in Holland. The increasing cost of munchies after the post training recreation sessions has become too high for Heath Brown, with Ivan Santini, Bruno Moreira and Michel Morganella eating more than their fair share. PSV are hoping to move them on before they run out of crepes and a mutiny occurs.
A bit around the middle is the main problem for DP91 over at Juventus. A few too many 3 course meals at the exclusive Del Cambio has meant that Dan has had to postpone his football comeback and now seeks a new central midfielder, rated 90+ (He’s willing to offer the likes of Son, Castro and youth players). After wiping his face on the table cloth, onlookers were astounded at the uncanny resemblance to the Shroud of Turin, and conspiracy theorists promptly turned to internet forums declaring DP was actually Jesus Christ reincarnated. 
Mike Scallotti is Sadio after having Mane issues on the South coast of England. Southampton are struggling with form, and gaffer Scallotti is thought to have been in touch with Dear Deirdre for advice. After talking it over, they both came to the conclusion that it’s always the Sadio Mane’s fault and he should be forced out the club. Atletico Madrid are thought to have made an offer of Nani, Jackson Martinez and £6m and The Doctor is hoping to sweet talk his Mane into joining the Madrid outfit.
Gregory Van Der Wiel is the subject of an offer from Chievo Verona. A 3 for 1 deal has been mooted involving youth players from Paddy D’s Adige River bank crèche. In return Van Der Wiel is thought to be excited about becoming a hero to the 4,500 inhabitants of Chievo and can’t wait to explore the hill of the magic wood.
Levante are keen to shift Steve Mounie and Slavoljub Srnic for minimum cash. The duo have caused outrage at the training ground after becoming a rude Ant and Dec style double act. Each morning at roll call, as Mounie’s name is read out, Srnic has been bending over and baring his rear to manager Tom Parfitt as both roll around in hysterics. They need splitting up and placing at opposite ends of the league… Someone help him out?

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