Top100 Gossip Edition 6

The exit door is open over at the Hawthorns. Mark Deadman has told first team players Oscar Duarte and Pierre-Michel Lasogga to find new clubs after they were caught enjoying themselves in the Aston Villa club museum, sparking a midlands diplomatic nightmare. Lasogga is thought to be interesting Sassuolo and Sampdoria, Duarte is being tracked by Milan, Liege, Genoa, Twente, Hellas Verona, Sevilla and Malaga, whilst Dortmund and Sunderland are interested in taking both as a package.

Over in Italy, Manager, President and Duce of Fascism, sorry Milan, Stephen Beddows, has refused Juventus permission to speak to alleged drugs cheat and serial self imploder Mario Balotelli. Juve manager DP 91 had agreed a deal with Barbara Berlusconi after an illicit evening at the Opera, however Beddows has overruled his girlfriend’s decision declaring that from now on, she will have no say in the running of her family’s club, ‘It’s good to trust others but, not to do so is much better.’
Malaga chief Greg Bilboa has declared himself Catholic after putting in bids for Hamburg midfielder Carlos Sanchez, then withdrawing them shortly after. Then putting it in. Then pulling out. David Marsden is desperately hoping that Bilboa can keep it in long enough to see the climax of the offer and finally have some proper transfer relief. It’s been weeks apparently.
Liege narrowly missed out on potential prodigy Diaz Mariano after Olympiakos submitted a late bid for the forward whilst Foster was asleep in bed. It’s though that Alex McLean is in desperate need of someone who can bend over to help pick up all the false teeth and carry out bed baths for all the OAP’s over in Piraeus.
The race for Liege’s top Belgian keeper Matz Sels has intensified after FC Twente placed a rival bid to Stuttgart’s offer. Foster has indicated to staff at the club that he will only accept an offer that involves 2 players joining and improves his first team, and there is no guarantee he will sanction a move at all. The Liege manager also advised the Director of Football to find new clubs for Salzano, Rojas, Leckie, Hinterseer, Acosta, Rescaldani and Ginczek.
Gareth Crisp refuses to win anything with kids after making multiple youth players available at Athletic Bilbao. After a disappointing Youth Cup performance a host of youngsters could see their careers in tatters. Won’t somebody please think of the children?!
After bringing in Moussa ‘the haircut’ Sow and youngster N’Gouma, Warren Livesey has turned his attention to a young Norwegian player from the EPL. Joshua King is thought to be at the centre of a tug of war between Lyon and Crystal Palace. The pacy Norwegian failed to pull up any trees at Bayer Leverkusen who sold him back to Bournemouth for a small profit, however both clubs will be hoping that the player can help them sit on the throne of their respective divisions.
Gino Kinnear faces a battle to keep hold of Laurens De Bock, with Club Brugge and Olimpiakos the latest sides to be sniffing around. The Liverpool hierarchy are thought to be keen to hold on to the player however as he makes a mean Belgian waffle.
AS Roma have decided enough is enough and have made Adem Ljajic available for exchange. Frankland has been overheard complaining about the difficulty in how to pronounce the Serbians surname, and the club shop have ran out of letter J’s. The Roma chief is keen on replacing Ljajic with a CB of similar age and rating.
Espanyol continue to dip their figurative toes in the transfer market with bids for Gustavo Cabral and Geoff Cameron. Doug Earle seems eager to follow the Greek model of Olimpiakos and increase the average age of the squad, knowing full well that this could adversely affect the club’s spending on tea bags and Werther’s Originals.

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