SM T100 meets Mark Hewitt




MARK HEWITT HAS ALWAYS BEEN A MAN WHO HAS DIVIDED OPINION. A MAN LOVED BY VERY FEW AND HATED BY ALMOST EVERYONE, YET A MANAGER WHO HAS ACHIEVED UNRIVALLED SUCCESS IN THE GAME AND HE EARNT HIS JOB IN T100 ON THE BACK OF THIS AMAZING RECORD BUT HOW IS HIS GETTING ON IN THIS GAMEWORLD, WELL WE SENT OUR SPECIAL REPORTER SUSAN BOYLE TO FIND OUT AS SHE FLEW TO MONTPELIER TO MEET HIM. 

Susan was very excited about meeting Mark



SUSAN:  Evening Mark thanks for inviting me to your villa. Nice place this? Did it come with the job? Or are you renting it so as and when you’ll be able to up sticks?

MARK: You should have seen the place they offered me when i first arrived. A tramp wouldn’t have lived there i can assure you, although some managers would have taken it as they would have thought it was luxury in comparison.

No i have to supplement this place with my own money but the thing that made me want to live here was the Greek water feature over in the corner….yes the one with the water coming out of the guy’s willy…..made me laugh as it reminded me Prince Michael….small with little effect or purpose.


SUSAN: So Mark You’ve been at the club since Jan 2016 how is the French lingo coming along? Or have you not bothered to learn?

MARK: Well when i got offered the job i must admit i had my reservations. I didnt really want to try something new but the owners (Franco) were very persuasive and sold me the club. But i did learn a few phrases

“baise bien pourquoi suis-je ici” is one i say alot

“etaient puis-je acheter de l’alcool pas cher” is another frequent saying to my local shop owner
and i have got very lonely whilst i have been here as my wife stayed 6 weeks and then decided it was a ‘shit hole’ so my new phase is “combien pour un coup d’empoli” which for those that dont know is 

“how much for a blow job”

Boyle: how much is a blow job here?

Mark – i dont know how much do you charge????????

Susan:  ‘Moving on’ Rob Ryan was massively more successful than you both on and off the field winning promotion in Season 1… since then Montpelier under you have become a side fighting relegation do you consider your tenure her as a failure?

Mark: Do you consider that answer fair? I certainly don’t see that as a fair comparison. This Ryan bloke got promotion, WELL DONE. Then what did he do….ran off like a big fairy and didn’t stick around to see if his balls were big enough to fit the sack.

The first season I was here I had an ageing side with little or no major talent.

I’ve still got an ageing side and very little talent but they aren’t fighting relegation like you tipped me to be doing this season. We’re mid table and right in the mix son. We’re 3 points of 2nd………..but 3 points of 18th so tough league.

Its a long project and i am here to try and make a difference…which may i add is difficult when other managers wont loan you players cause “they want them for the youth cup each week so you will have to send them back”

…SOD OFF is what I said to “them managers” i want to give them game time, play a full season whilst you use them in a tournament that 1) is made up in fairy land 2) doesn’t do anything for the players morale at all……yeah thats a dig at you Roy Keane. Marcus Rashford could have been playing weekly instead of sitting on you bench, 1 game and Who the hell names themselves after that pleb….unless of course that’s your name and then UNLUCKY.

SUSAN: This season, season 3 – high points and low points?

MARK: This interview and this interview

The high point will be proving you wrong at the end of the season but that is a future image i have.

SUSAN: What is your relationship like with the other French managers? Gary Naylor, Dave T and those others?

I have no relationship with the other French managers. Its the first time i have heard their names so shows what impact they have made with me. I am an experienced manager with hundreds of cups, titles etc under my belt and I’ve learnt that there are only a few people i actually like or get on with and i want to keep it that way.

No point being nice to people cause their dicks when they want to be…..Look at that Josh bloke – the Villain McMillan. Nice guy, Young, hungry but offers you nothing for your best players??????? WWWHHHYYYYYYY……

I get on well with PMW. Top, top bloke

SUSAN: Best player in the dressing room? Worst? Any immediate priorities in the squad if changes could be made?

Look my team is good. Toure is my favorite cause he makes me laugh…doing that little jig..you know the one..

“kolo, Kolo kolo, kolo, kolo, kolo kolo Toure
YAYA, YA, YA YAYA, YA, YA……

Sit down Boyle your making the house shake….

Toure is my leader which didn’t go down well with 38 year old fart Hilton but then he is as old as me and so i didnt need his crap. Still here though cant shift him.

MAURI is really talented. 8 games 3 goals 1 assist and he is wanted Really wanted but he ain’t gonna leave so.

I plan on building the youth. Got money to do it. All i ask is to all those managers out there. If you want a youth player 85/86 rated to play games ill play him. I will give him 75% of the game time he requires just like my mentor MR KLOPP.

Worst well i get rid of all the worst performers or those that smell. I love Cardozo as well and Defoe as they score the goals and my keeper gets bummed if he doesnt keep a clean sheet…not by me…i let the tramps have their go

Just signing another striker but I will always look to take what I can, I ain’t picky.

Now it’s time for my massage with Linda and kerry……if you want you can stay…kerry has brought her mate Big Bertha. …right up your street.

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