Top100 Gossip Column

Top100 Transfer Gossip Column

In unsurprising news, Jordan Veretout wants out of Rahul’s Aston Villa side. Linked to everyman and his dog, he’s issued a come and get me plea after declaring he is unable to understand the local dialect.

Michael Bowes is rumoured to be overseeing a clear out at The Emirates. Enzo Perez, Gio Dos Santos, Marcos Rojo and Willian have all been linked with moves away after Bowes declared he hates South America. Carl Jenkinson has also been linked with a move to Schalke after becoming as confused as he does on the pitch, thinking that he will no longer be able to dine at Fazenda.

Manchester City have a bid in place for Cristiano Ronaldo, however there is no guarantee that should the bid be accepted he would join the blue side of Manchester. It’s thought that he has concerns about the width of the clubs door frames and the ability to get his head through them.

Marouane Fellaini could be moving to Moscow to join Jason Hines red revolution. It’s thought that both managers are keen on a deal, with United’s defence looking forward to moving the visual obstruction that is Fellaini’s hair, allowing them to see oncoming attackers, and Hines happy that Fellaini comes with an inbuilt head warmer for the colder climate in Russia.

Roy Keane is looking to improve his youth policy at Real Madrid, both Renato Sanches and Dele Alli meet the galactico criteria. Offers of 2 bags of Haribo and a go on Roy’s tricycle have so far been rebuffed by the kids.

DP is desperate to bring in a young striker at Juventus and has recently been linked with moves for both Alvaro Morata and Mauro Icardi, both of whom are thought to be open to a move back to Italy, and would be happy to squeeze into an opening of an old lady…

Both Aston Villa and Liege are attempting to work out a deal for Manchester City’s Jese. Out on the sidelines at the Etihad it’s thought he could be keen on a move that would guarantee him first team football, without realising he’s not actually as good as he thinks he is.

Espanyol gaffer Doug Earle failed in a bid for Celta Vigo’s Fontas, the offer of £3m plus Demir and Schoofs was rejected on the basis of it being ‘a bit shit’.

Meanwhile over in Milan, Beddows has been rumoured to be stalking Gigi Buffon making daily offers to the legendary stopper. He’s also been linked with a dodgy move for Celta’s Ceballos, citing ‘family first innit’. Ceballos himself has been designated as a makeweight for a striker, could a deal for Villa’s Eder be on the cards?

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