Hi all, Wheels here, new manager of Saint Pauli in fuckin Brazil – yes Brazil not bloody Germany, how many Paula, Pauli, Paulistas can there be?
Anyway, I digress.
I was emptying the old colostomy bag yesterday evening when I got to wondering, spoons…where would we be without them?
‘No Spooons?’ I hear you cry, ‘surely not Wheels, that’s beyond the pail’.
While you have my sympathy, the sad fact of the matter is that yes, spoons could be a thing of the past, if they all like disappeared what with the EU & all that.
I’ll break it down into click bait form for all you simpletons out there;
1) Training – my daily training always starts with the team running around various spoons laid on the ground. It’s vital for match sharpness & I fear if spoons disappear we could be facing relegation & financial ruin next season.
2) Stirring the tea – Managers need a hot steaming cup of traditional British tea, with spoons gone we’d all have to drink coffee & then where would we be?
3) Egg & Spoon Race – You ask your Ronaldos’, your Messis’, your Rooneys’ & your Drinkwaters’ & what’s the one thing they’ve all got in common? That’s right. they all started with the Egg & Spoon race. With spoons gone those talented lads would be wasting their skills working in Currys or Greggs instead of pleasing millions with their silky skills ….thanks to spoons.
4) Greasy Spoons – What better way to prepare for a tough away game than a full fry up with extra toast & a mug of hot tea, I’m getting peckish just thinking about it! Without spoons there’d just be grease, no good for getting the 3 points away at Venezuela Utd on a cold Tuesday night.
5) Spooning – There’s nothing me & Mrs Wheels like doing more of an evening than Spooning. The minute we’ve had our teas we’re at it, spooning in front of the telly, spooning doing the washing up, spooning feeding the cat. In fact I can safely say there’s nothing we like more than a good hard spoon. Now those bureaucrats in Brussels wants to put a stop to good old British spooning. It’s a travesty, it really is & no-one will be more upset than me & Mrs Wheels.
Well, it’s been fun musing about Spoons but all good things have to come to an end, just look at the M6! Until next time merry managers, tarra a bit!