Vladimir Putin officially severed all ties with Dynamo Moscow today, in the wake of the team’s spectacular collapse last season.
“Mother Russia is about winning. Razzaque is about whining. I was going to arrange a little accident for him but a good friend offered a better solution. I am officially signing an executive order selling Dynamo Moscow to an overseas buyer.”
And with that proclamation, they sealed the deal, even if the buyer appeared to misjudge Russian kissing protocol.
5 minutes later, on Amazon.
The Donald’s first act as owner will be to review his new club’s season and determine Razzaque’s fate.