Fannie to Fannies: The Interviews, number 4, TOM PARFITT (Levante UD)

Tom Parfitt

Good day guys and it is time for another Fannie Licker interview where the well enhanced, yes enhanced is probably a good word for her, Fannie gets to meet a manager from the Top 100 Game World. Once again Fannie has been going all out to improve her looks and this week she got what we have all been waiting for. Yes she has had boob implants and after a lot of persuasion and a lot of vodka and Red Bull, Fannie has agreed to get her tits out for the boys. We have an exclusive photo that she has kindly given us of her (  o  Y  o  ) and to cap off a great week for Fannie, she has been offered a contract to work for Babestation, whatever that is :/  Anyway lets get things started and here is Fannie Licker to introduce us to her guest.

Hiiiii guys, and welcome to another interview chaired  by little meeeee. Before I introduce you to this week’s manager, I have agreed to show a photo of my new boobs that I had put in this week. At first they didn’t look great but now that everything has settled and the swelling is away I am happy to show them and here they are:

Ohhhh I love them and I am so happy I spent £7500 to get them done and what do you think of my new hair colour 🙂 . So, let’s get on with today’s guest. Today’s guest is the manager of a small Division 4 club and he has had to work hard for this club to succeed. The club play their home games in the Spanish city of Valencia where they live in the shadow of their bigger local rival. It’s a tough job but someone has got to do it and the manager that is doing this difficult job is Tom Parfitt of LevanteUD.

Welcome Tom, I love your beard xx

Let’s get started then and before the questions we can find out a bit more about Tom


Full Name:  Thomas (but only to my mum) Parfitt
Born:  8th Sept 1978
Height:  5ft 10″
Marital Status:  Engaged to Zoe. Getting married in Cyprus in 2018
Nickname:  Loads over the years. Marxy, Parf Daddy, Thomas the Tank
Favourite Sports teams:  Peterborough Utd, and Ferrari in the F1
Favourite food:  Indian, Thai, Mexican, Chinese, Italian. All really, that’s why I’m fat
Favourite drink:  Coffee, JD, Pedigree Ale, most beers with the exception of Budweiser to be honest
Favourite band/singer:  Tame Impala, Temples, Lana Del Ray & Kasabian, but again, I could go on for hours listing names.
Favourite Colour:  Blue
Favourite animal:  Flamingo, not very manly, but I think they are stunning creatures.
Favourite film:  Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Hobbit
Your Car:  As befits the manager of a Spanish La Liga football club, I have a 10 year old Fiat Punto. I have an old (1966 vintage) Land Rover project as well.
Best Friend:  Paddy  (ed – Power?)

What phone do you have:  The Nokia Windows one. Lumia maybe….?
Best sport to watch:  F1 for me. Love it.
What scares you most:  Not really scared of anything. Just a very easy going individual really.
Phone, iPad or laptop to play SM:  Desktop as preference, and phone in an emergency.
Embarrassing moment:  Many. One time in Liquid nightclub in Peterborough, I went to the mens. We’d been out all day, and it was about 1.30 in the morning. Of course I fell asleep on the throne, got thrown out by a couple of bouncers and found myself in the street with me keks around my ankles.
Ever won anything on the lottery:  A little, £10 a few times, but I once won £500 on the Lucky Stars variation
If you could have any job in the world what would it be:  Rock Star, Sportsman or Astronaut. Essentially anything that could be considered a hobby, and didn’t involve the general daily grind.
Who would you most like to meet (dead or alive):  Depends what we’d be getting up to. If I can get to ‘know’ them, Fearne Cotton or Lana Del Ray. More seriously, I would love to meet Neil Armstrong, Keith Richards and Barrak Obama.
If you could attend any sporting event in the world what would it be:  The Indianapolis 500. As a race fan, it’s one of the events on the bucket list.

Thanks Tom and now let’s get down to business (chuckle)

FL:  Tom, life at a small club like Levante is always going to be hard and it takes a manager of patience and an understanding that a club like this will forever be in the shadow of the Barcelonas and Real Madrids of the world. What is your aim for the club and what constitutes a successful season?

TP:  Something as big as planet Earth spends half its time in the shadows, so Levante will not be forever in the shadows of Barcelona, the Madrid boys, or any other pretender. Success at the moment is survival. As time goes by, success will be winning promotion, and eventually one day, success will be going a whole div 1 season without dropping a point, crushing the trophy collectors in Madrid & Barcelona, showing the likes of Beddows how it gets done.

FL:  Last season seen you manage to consolidate in Division 4 but this season has seen the team struggle and they lie in the relegation places. What is the difference from last season that has seen the club going through a tough stage?
TP:  Honestly, we were in a tighter spot last season. The thing is, my chairman invested none of his pile of escudos in the club, so I had to wheel & deal to bring in the right faces. I am confident we will survive though, and start planning for a better finish next season.

FL:  The acquisition of Adriano from Barcelona was a huge signing for Levante. Do you feel he has been a disappointment and that you expected him to do more for the team and be a leader on the park?

TP:  Funnily enough, we have had a club looking to sign him just this week. That said, his presence in the dressing room is massive to the younger players at the club. You could say he maybe hasn’t had the best of starts, but on the other hand you could say that leaving Barcelona for Levante is quite a culture shock. We are happy to have him around, and are happy with what he brings to the club.

FL:  Do you think your job will be in danger should Levante be relegated to Division 5 or are the board prepared to give you time to finish the job that you started here? 
TP:  No, I don’t think my job would be in danger. As it happens, I think that managers at clubs like Real Madrid, AC Milan, Juventus etc should be more in fear for their jobs. Anybody should be able to win with those clubs, even somebody like Frank Hirst would get AC to the top. The managers of those clubs should be ashamed really. Levante pound for pound are outperforming all of those sides mentioned on almost every match day.

 FL:  How do you see your own future? Do you agree that if Levante are relegated that it might give you a better chance to show what you can achieve with a small club in the lower division? What I mean is, Division 5 would probably give you a better chance to show that you could guide a team to promotion.

TP:  Maybe, but I’d rather be promoted from a group of superior teams. There are clubs in div 5 who should be further up the ladder but aren’t. If we were down there I am confident we could win the league, but id rather get out of the div 4 sunroof rather than the basement.

FL:  In the alternate competitions, it was always going to be tough in the Regional Cup with teams like Barcelona involved but in the Youth Cup, Levante have put up a good performance. Do you think this augurs well for the future? How difficult would it be for Levante to hold on to their youths?
TP:  Yes, I think we have a lot of young players at the club. We have a lot of interest in several of them. Matt Miazga for one. We got him in quite a while back, and we have rejected offers of £4m+ for him already. I think the young players here are happy as they know that we are happy to let them play in the first team rather than bringing in a loan player. They will be given a chance to improve, and wont be just another squad player. We wont have any issues keeping the ones we want to keep.

FL:  If you are to escape relegation, what players are going to have to stand up and lead the way forward and take responsibility on the park?

TP:  You have to look at the experienced players. The likes of Adriano, Alejandro Gomez, Diego Souza and Gareth Barry. These are the leaders when the boys cross the line, and they do what they can. It is difficult, we are a provincial club with no money, but we are battling hard, and as stated previously, we will eventually be like the Hulk & smashing everybody


FL:  The final question is standard for all managers. If you could manage any club in the Top 100 who would it be?

TP:  Honestly, nobody. I turned down the Bayern job a while ago, and I am happy where I am. Maybe one day Santos, because it’s Pele’s club, but not until Levante have won all of the pots there are to win. I just want to say this, Keane, Beddows, DP, Kinnear, Fox, every single one of you. Take note, Levante are coming, and one day they will crush each and every one of your clubs.

Erm, ok Tom. And there we have it. A very confident Tom Parfitt. A man on a mission, representing the little pishy clubs of the set up. Oh sorry, I meant the smaller clubs that are just as important to the league as the Barcelona’s, the Bayern Munichs and the Argentina’s. Will we be seeing Levante climbing the leagues until they take the Division 1 title. Hahahahaha pmsl, who writes this stuff. Come on get a grip, we all know that only big teams like Liverpool, Juventus and Brazil will ever win the title.
So that is it for another interview and I would like to thank Tom for coming along and letting us into the life of a manager at a tiny club.

Next week is the Thursday blog with Gino and then I will be back for interview number 5 with another manager facing my questions and trying to answer without staring at my boobs. You hear me Tom Parfitt, do you hear me!!

Remember and look out for the PM that invites you to be the next manager to be interviewed.

Thank you for taking the time to read


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