Fannie to Fannies: The Interviews, Number 1, MARK PHELPS (FLAMENGO)


Today sees the start of a new series where I have managed to tempt respected journalist Fannie Licker to come and do some work for the Top 100. She previously worked for Gold Championship 279 doing some press conferences and I do believe slept with Stephen Beddows and Frank Hirst in an interesting foursome. I am not at liberty to name the fourth participant due to legal reasons but do note that I didn’t say fourth person. The old parlour game Animal, vegetable or mineral comes to mind.

Fannie has agreed to do a series of one on one interviews with randomly selected managers of the Top 100. This is how it works. A RNG will select a manager from the list of Top 100 managers and they will be contacted asking if they wish to take part. There is no obligation to do so and if you decide not to participate then the next manager will be selected and there will be no issue of who didn’t want to take part. It will stay private. After the manager has agreed to take part, he will be sent a personal profile to fill in and while that is going on, questions will be constructed about his career in Top 100 and current situation. They will be no holds barred and nothing will be sacred. The manager can choose how to answer them. He may want to answer them seriously, comically or even eccentrically. Anyway he wishes. Once the answers are received then they will be published to the blog on a Thursday. These interviews will be published every fortnight with Gino’s Thursday blog on alternate Thursday’s. Ok? Now that it is clear we can move on to today’s first interview.

Fannie Licker loves football


Good afternoon and welcome to the first in a series of interviews featuring managers of the Top 100. To start we have a quick word from the interviewer, Fannie Licker who will explain away her controversial series title.

Fannie Licker:  Hi guys and welcome to my cute little new series of interviews. I am delighted to be invited to such a successful gameworld filled with little fannies of it’s own. The title of the series is Fannie to Fannies but please don’t be offended as it is just my little joke. I am looking forward to meeting some of you and please do not flirt with me as I don’t like it. If I think you are worth a shag then I will let you know after the interview in private.

Anyway, let’s get started and I am delighted to have as my first manager, Mark Phelps who is manager of Flamengo in Division 5. Mark has been manager since the introduction of Top 100 and just on Tuesday there, the cup win over Athletic Club was his 50th competitive match in charge of the Brazilian outfit. He has decided to only have Brazilian players in his squad, hoping that the legendary skill of the country’s players can carry them to promotion in his second season.
To start things off, here is his personal profile where you can learn a bit more about his likes and stuff.


Full Name:  Mark Phelps
Born:  Northallerton 1968
Height:  5′ 8”
Marital Status:  Single
Nickname:  None
Favourite Sports teams:  Darlington FC / Durham Cricket Club
Favourite food:  Indian
Favourite drink:  Tea, Guinness, Red wine
Favourite band/singer:  The Smiths
Favourite Colour:  Green
Favourite animal:  GSD/ Tropical Fish
Favourite film:  Jaws (plastic shark? I think not)
Your Car:  Alfa Mito
Best Friend:  Cousin David

What phone do you have:  It’s called a Doro 612. It is an old thing (looks like something the Roman’s left behind) but I like it.
Best sport to watch:  Football
What scares you most:  Finishing in the bottom two
Phone, iPad or laptop to play SM:  Laptop
Embarrassing moment:  Difficult to say there have been so many. I guess the most recent thing was the works Xmas party. A couple of drinks and I think I am John Travolta
Ever won anything on the lottery:  Played for about 20 years. Won peanuts.
If you could have any job in the world what would it be:  Director of Football. You get paid a fortune for doing nothing
Who would you most like to meet (dead or alive):  Two answers for this. Safe answer, Marilyn Monroe (lovely smile). Controversial answer (if you want one) – Robert Black (the child killer). Specifically I would have liked to meet him an hour after he was born. With a bucket of water.
If you could attend any sporting event in the world what would it be:  Monaco Grand Prix. Event I am most looked forward to attending? Whitby Town away. Will be a good day out.

Now for the interview. 8 questions for Mark so let’s see how he copes with them.

FL:  Flamengo have made a good start this season in the league. After finishing 13th last season, what would you say was the difference this season?

MP:  My starting squad wasn’t the strongest (Flamengo..are they even in the top 100 clubs anyway?). Last season I prioritised the cups and I may do so again but I have quite difficult draws.
I have some higher rated players now but Division 5 is something of a lottery. There wasn’t much between 3rd and 13th last season and I expect it will be a similar story this season.

FL:  Brazil is known for it’s silky soccer and it’s passionate fans. Is this the reason you decided to take on the job at Flamengo?

MP:  In a word, yes. It is my ambition to be the top Brazilian team one day but it will be difficult as the other managers are giving their all.

FL:  Do the fans seem happy at the direction you are taking the club? They couldn’t have been impressed with a below average first season in the Top 100. The 5-1 home defeat to Rubin Kazan must have had them calling for your head.

MP:  They may have also been pleased that I made the Shield semi final. The league is not a priority for me and I think people understand that. It is more important at this time to find good youngsters and undervalued players e.g. Dyanfres Douglas. I have 100m in players and nearly 50m cash and few clubs in Division 5 can boast that.

FL:  You have opted to make Flamengo an all-Brazilian club. What is the reason for this? Do you not think that foreign players settle well enough in Brazil. I mean, I have a Brazilian and I have had no problems getting used to that. Are you not worried that you will be looked upon as being prejudiced against foreigners?

MP:  I had a couple of higher rated foreign players here but I moved them on. They were on big wages and seemed to spend more time in the beach bar than on the training pitch. The Brazilians are progressing well and the squad is a good mixture of youth and experience. Prejudiced against foreigners? Mmmm…well… everybody gets a warm greeting in Rio.

FL:  Your best player Renato Augusto is out injured at the moment. How important is he to the club and will the injury mean you change your style of playing and your formation on the park?

MP:  Renato Augusto played two games – two wins. Next two games – no wins including a defeat by Brugge! Yes he is important to me. I am short in CM so went out and bought Mauricio.
I have a lot of AM / Wingers so I may have to switch to a more attacking formation in the next game or so.

FL:  Looking at the squad you have put together, it would be pretty obvious that Flamengo are a Division 5 club. Are the board not backing you with cash? Do you think they have full confidence in you to take the club up through the leagues or are they already searching for your successor?

MP:  I got 1.4m this season. Chairman says all his money goes to his ex-wife and he is broke hence my wheeling and dealing in the transfer market. Attendances are up this season so I think fans are happy enough. Can’t say I have seen too many people banging on the chairman’s door wanting the Flamengo job either.

FL:  Is there anyone in your youth squad that you think we should keep an eye on for the future?

MP:   I went over to Chile recently to watch the young Brazilians in the semi-final of the u17 World Cup. Evander was our best player so I was pleased to pick him up for a small fee. Leo Bonatini has been scoring more than Yolanda Squatpump recently so he may be the first to break into my starting XI.

FL:  Finally Mark, if you could manage any club in the Top 100, who would you choose and why?

MP:  There were plenty of bigger teams I could have managed. I wasn’t interested then and I am not interested now. I am patient and here for the duration.

FL:  Thanks Mark

So, that’s my first interview over and done with and Mark done quite well with his answers. I see Yolanda Squatpump got a mention. If she thinks she is going to be as famous as me then she can kiss my clit. Anyway, it’s a big thank you to Mark for taking part in the interview and I wish him and Flamengo good luck in their Division 5 campaign.
That’s it from me and the RNG will be selecting the next manager to be interviewed later tonight so watch for the message in your inbox. Thanks for taking the time to read this article and I will be back again in a fortnight’s time.



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