LIVERPOOL REVEAL NEW BOSS


 
 
Liverpool have moved quickly to name a new boss after the resignation of Clive Short on Friday. After going through a very strong shortlist they finally decided to go for the experience of 53 year old Gordon ‘Gino’ Kinnear. Kinnear who had spent the first season of the Top 100 at Club Brugge, where, with a very average squad, he managed to get to the play off Final only to lose to River Plate in a game where many feel that the better team lost. Liverpool chairman, Tom Werner, was delighted to get his man and feels that this is the way ahead for the Merseyside club.

Kinnear arrived at the club early this morning and has already been around the ground along with a couple of selected pressmen. Next up is the press conference where Kinnear will be officially unveiled.

New boss Kinnear has had a look round the ground

LIVERPOOL PRESS CONFERENCE

Liverpool spokesman:  Welcome ladies and gentlemen to Anfield and I would like to introduce from left to right, Chief Executive Ian Ayre, Chairman Tom Werner and Director Mike Gordon. I will now pass on to Tom Werner who will introduce the new manager of Liverpool FC.

Tom Werner:  Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen and we are here today to unveil the new manager of Liverpool. We had a very strong list of candidates and it was one of the hardest jobs we have had here at the club but finally we decided on a man that we feel can take this club forward and can bring trophies to Anfield. Without further ado, I would like to introduce to you, the new Liverpool manager, Gordon Kinnear.

Applause, with a few cheers mixed in and one decidedly loud boo. How did Roy Keane get in here?

Tom Werner

Tom Werner:  I will now hand over to Gordon and he will say a few words and then will take questions. Thank you. Gordon?

Gordon Kinnear:  Thank you Tom. First I would like to thank Tom, Ian, Mike and the rest of the board for giving me this fantastic opportunity to manage one of the biggest clubs in the world. It is an honour to take on this job and I will be giving it 100% from first minute to last. There were rumours that I was close to retiring from the Top 100 completely and I can tell you that it was a rumour that was true. While I enjoyed my time at Club Brugge, I felt that I had maybe taken them as far as I could and the loss in the play off Final last season hit me hard. I would say I was days from retiring but when the opportunity arose to manage a club of this stature, I couldn’t refuse. It now means, of course, that I will not be retiring and will work on as manager of Liverpool no matter what the surrounding conditions are. I would also like to thank Club Brugge for their swift co-operation in allowing me to come to Anfield. I had a great time there and I have some good moments to remember. I will keep an eye on how they are progressing with whoever their new manager is. Ok, I will take some questions:

Fannie Licker (Freelance):  Gordon, this is obviously a big step up for you. Do you think you will be a success here and how long do you expect to be given to show you are indeed the man for the job?

GK:  Hah, Fannie by name, fanny by nature. You always try to trip me up with your questions but anyway, yes of course I think I will be a success. I thought that was quite obvious or I wouldn’t take the job. You would have to ask Tom about how long I have to prove myself but, trust me, I will know when it’s time to go. I always set myself a target in terms of achievement. My aim will always be to win more points than I did the previous season and to keep improving on it until I win the title so as long as I do that, I hope that the board will keep faith in me.

Judy Swallows (Free Dierdre): I think the fans will be completely underwhelmed by the appointment when there were other names out there such as John Vinnicombe, Frank Hirst and Roy Keane. How do you plan to win the fans over?

GK:  You don’t think I am a big name? Well looking at your name I am glad to see that you are a good girl. The other names that you mention are great managers and are doing well at their clubs. It would have been easy for the board to play safe and go for someone like John or Frank. There was no chance in hell that they would have approached Roy Keane after his dodgy dealings of last season. It is clear that he didn’t want to win the title last season so that his idols, Manchester United, would be champions. How he kept his job at Real is a disgrace after throwing the title. He has already said that he can’t wait to face Looneypool, as he called the club, and I can say that the feeling is mutual. I can’t wait to lock horns with him and his so called superstars in Madrid. When we beat them, I will make sure it makes headline news and I will make sure Roy’s gutted face is on the back page of every newspaper in Europe even if I have to take the photo myself. If that doesn’t win the fans over then nothing will. Don’t you worry about the fans Judy. I am sure if I send them round to your house that you will live up to your name.

Mike Litoris (Liverpool Gossip): Hi Gordon and welcome to the club. As well as a journalist, I am a big fan of the club. Have you thought on what you are going to do with the squad? I know, first hand, that there were some players who were not happy at their treatment by the previous manager and they wanted to leave. What will your approach be to players that aren’t happy at the club?

GK:  I want to wipe the sheet clean but that’s another matter. I promised I wouldnt get her pregnant so what else was I supposed to do. Erm, sorry, that didnt actually happen. Yes, your question. Well, I will gather the squad together tomorrow morning and I will lay down the rules and anyone who doesnt like the rues or anyone that doesnt follow them will be free to find a another club. Well, not free as we will want a fee for them but you know what I mean. Everyone will get their chance to show what they can do. I am a fair manager, I don’t have favourites and I only pick the players that are on form or the players I think are right to play against the opposition. I will also be looking to put my own stamp on the club and will want to bring players in that I think can do a job for us. I am happy to know you are also a supporter Mike and I will give you Judy’s address later on.

Yolanda Squatpump (Health and Fitness):  Do you have any special training methods? If you are looking for something new then I can hep you. You could give me a job as fitness coach and I won’t cost much cos I am a bit of a slut and I like football players especially.

GK:  Thanks for your interest Yolanda and we will get back to you on that. Mike, there’s another for you. Ok one more question.

Yolanda Squatpump

Roy Keane (Real Madrid):  So you were retiring and changed your mind. You were the only manager on the shortlist that didn’t win anything last season. You are the right man for Looneypool right enough. IT’S A KOP OUT!!

GK:  Sorry Roy, do you have a question or are you just here to run your mouth off. You have a lot to say and to me that sounds like you are a worried man. The only kop out was you meekly surrendering the title last season so your heroes could win. Be afraid Roy, be very afraid. I am here to take that runners-up spot from you. When we meet you better have a bottle of wine for after the game so you can drown your sorrows and also give me some. White preferably. I will bring some cheese.

Keane unhappy at the Liverpool appointment

Ok, that’s enough for today. Thanks for coming and let’s hope for a Liverpool win tonight to get my career off to a good start.

Ciao

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