Presents from Portugal for Division 1

What to give to those that have it all? Well it is Christmas.

  

Top team has to go to Bayern Munich who are the shining stars that we all must follow this Christmas.

Here the WAGS celebrate their awards in traditional Germanic costumes,

 

They are awarded a free adopt a snow leopard pack.  Here the Bayern snow leopard is making it's way to the match. You can play spot the snow leopard. Anyone sending in a correct entry , wins absolutely nothing .

 

 Apparently the Barcelona WAGS with prompting from manager Scott Mckenzie were not happy and found the snow leopard as seen below.


Most improved team goes to Valencia, they win some Valencian oranges to put in their stockings as seen below.

This young lady is the champion orange squeezer of Valencia, apparently if she squeezes your oranges , the juice will be flowing in a few seconds.

Best player goes to Luis Suarez ,14 goals in 16 games , he gets a Christmas pudding, something to get his teeth into 



Best Young player goes to Areola of PSG and we all hope to see Areola this Christmas if we are lucky. Some Turkey breast for him..

To one and all have a Merry Christmas.


 

Something for the weekend

Or, why I became a soccer manager.


Not Top 100, SM or even football-related. Three years out of date. Depending on the success or otherwise of this last stab at pop stardom, I will be resigning from my post as Hamburg boss in the New Year, to focus - Pablo/Dani Osvaldo-style - on my musical career.

https://www.mixcloud.com/widget/iframe/?feed=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.mixcloud.com%2Fdavidmarsden%2Fjarxmas2%2F&hide_cover=1&light=1

Ode to Beddows - Milan fans gift Beddows with a song

Being such a ledge is tough work and with Beddows orchestrating a fantastic feel good story in Milan in a gameworld hit by so much corruption, greed and player hogging it is no wonder that Beddows is overworked - as it is Xmas the Milan board have asked the AC Milan choir to get together and produce a song to show their appreciation of the great man.

Merry Xmas to all.




[youtube=www.youtube.com/watch

Twas The Night Before a T100 Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through T100
Not a creature was stirring, not even Rahul;
Football socks were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that 3 points soon would be there;




The managers were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of league titles danced in their heads;
And Frank in his Pool scarf, and DP in his Spurs cap,
Had just settled down after their Xmas Eve crap,

When out on the pitch there arose such a clatter,
Beddows sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window he flew like a flash,
Wearing only a nightie and a handlebar moustache,

The moon on the breast of his poster of J Lo

Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to his wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,

With a little old driver, so lively and lean,
He knew in a moment it must be Roy Keane.
More rapid than Ruts his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, HARMER! now, MARSDEN! now, PARFITT and FOSTER!

On, NOISY! on CRISP! on, GINO and DOCTOR!

To the top of the terrace! to the top of the wall!

Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"


As dry leaves that before the wild Gurismiran fly,
When they see a Mckenzie has got a Cup bye,
So to the top of the stand the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of Strongbow, and Roy Keano too.

And then, in a twinkling, Beddows heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As he hitched up his nightie, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Keano came with a bound.

He was dressed all in claret, from his head to his shoes,
And his clothes were all tarnished and stunk high with booze;
A 4 pack of Stella he had flung on his back,
And his pocket it bulged with a bottle of Jack.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, Beddows feared for his cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like Mike Bowes,
And the beard of his chin dripped with snot from his nose;

The butt of a reefer he held tight in his teeth,

And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
A stream of piss ran down his leg and half filled his welly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
But Beddows was scared and half shat himself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave him know Milan had plenty to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And took 6 points from Beddows; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And flashing a rod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, AC Milan truly are shite,

HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!

Merry Christmas from a Summer Wonderland

Just wanted to send a Christmas greeting from New Zealand to all the managers in Top 100. And as we’ll be spending the next two weeks at the beach contending with sand and sunburn I thought I’d share this view of New Zealand Christmas courtesy of Air New Zealand. I hope you enjoy 😀 Link https://youtu.be/QmfIfqZc-jE

More Christmas goodies to divisions 3 and 2.

More Christmas joy from Papai Noel.

Who have been the good boys and girls this year.

 

 

Well as I like giving stuff to myself, it's obvious that Sporting Lisbon are the best team in division 3. So I receive the traditional Bolo Rei or King cake. 

Most improved team are Boca Juniors so they get the Bolo Rainha or Queen cake.

Best player goes to Adriano of Swansea , he gets some dried figs and walnuts.

Best young player Victor Fischer of Besitkas who gets some azevias' and 'felhozes' ( biscuits and sweets )

 

Division 2. The Toffees rules the roost at the moment so they obviously get "Balas de caramelo ".   Most improved team has to go to my old side Fiorentina who are battling back towards division 1. They get a lump of coal.

 

Best player Burak Yilmaz of Fenerbahce  he gets a turkey for Christmas. 

Best young player Martial of Man Utd. He gets to pull a cracker at the office party , although he seems to have no problems with that as shown by his new girlfriend Melanie da Cruz shown below

 

 



 

Bem-vindo a Portugal e Feliz Natal some Christmas gifts to divisions 5 and 4

From the warmth of Lisbon , Mrmalcolm settles down with a couple of Portuguese tarts and awards a few Christmas gifts to those most in neeed in Divisions 4 & 5

 

 

Yum. What lovely food they have in Portugal, I have been given a life time supply of these lovely dishes for turning around the fortunes of Sporting. Already named Portuguese manager of the year. Mrmalcolm dishes out some pre Christmas gifts.

Division 5.

Top side so far. Has to go to current leaders Celtic, leading by 2pts into the pre Christmas fixtures and above early expectations.   2 Bottles of Port for you.

Most improved.  Independiente. Batting well above their weight and pushing Dynamo Moscow who are also playing well.  1 Bottle of Port.

Best Player  Alvaro Negredo at Torino , best rating, most goals , who can argue with that. 2 Bottles of Vinho Verde.

Best Young Player. While slightly over the U21 limit that goes to Simon Tibbling also at Torino , 1 Bottle of Vinho Verde

Division 4

Top side so far Hellas Verona. Seem to be capable of giving other teams a good shallacking in most games with +17  in 15 games. 100 Azulejos ( famously expensive tiles )

Most improved Sassuolo , playing well above their predicted position, and challenging for promotion. 50 Azulejos

 Best Player.  Raffael at liege , leading scorer and rating so far . A lovely real cork wallet.

Best young player : Not awarded at this time. An actual cork to all the U21 players in D4.

 

 

Revised Divisions Based Upon Club Results Over the 1st 3 Seasons - Where's Your Club?




Mondays another quiet day in SM and everybody enjoys a bit of Connie Lingers so I've asked her back to give another statistical tweak to the T100 Divisions.





Thanks David, typical though I don’t come for ages and then you make me come twice in quick succession.

Anyway, apparently the Divisions re-arranged based upon manager ratings raised a few eyebrows in the T100 community so continuing the statistical sideways look at the league I’ve done a similar exercise based upon each clubs league results over the first 3 complete seasons.

Over the 3 seasons a total of the 5700 league matches that were played 4256 resulted in a win/loss with 1444 being stalemates. The total points achieved being 15656 out of a possible 17100 with a total of 15401 goals scored at an average of 2.7 goals per game

Statistically each season AFC Average would have the following record which would naturally see them sitting midway in our theoretical Division 3.

P-38 W-14 D-10 L-14 GF-51 GA-51 GD-0 Pts-52

So enough of the pointless facts and figures and on to the pointless revised Divisions, where will your club be?


Division 1


Division 2


Division 3


Division 4


Division 5


The New Era!

With 14 games of the season gone the Espanyol board released a statement in regard to a meeting discussing their future. Currently on a 4 game losing streak, the side are struggling majorly and the need for change was recognised. With the reality of this seasons expectations dawning the board turned their attention to the future. At the start of December Earle was issued a new team layout to be implemented by next season.

Earle was given the following squad requirements;
- 40% of the 50 man squad must be Spanish
- The club must select a Spanish Captain
- 40% of the 50 man squad must qualify for the youth team
- The club must enter the youth cup next season

With these restrictions in place Earle has already set about making changes to the squad. Roberto Torres was signed from fellow Spaniards Osasuna for £2.7 million. Earle has said that he expects the midfielder to develop this season and may look to keep the 27 year old for the long term if he impresses. Youth signings Roberto Nunez, Miguel Garci and Javier Bicho all joined for a combined fee of over £3 million. The three Spaniards are expected to be long term development members of the squad with Earle stating that all thee have the potential to be world class. Yuri Berchiche signed a 3 year contract with the club after joining from Levante. Fans have long requested the club to move for the 26 year old who should look to take up a starting role at left back once he has proved himself in training. Earles 6th Spanish signing of December came in the form of keeper Jose Antonio Caro. The free agent signed a 4 year contract and will hope he can develop into a 1st team player in that time. The likes of Gerard Moreno, Sergi Enrich and Dani Garcia were all targets for Earle but all had offers rejected for them. 30 year old keeper Sergio Alvarez is now believed to be at the top of Earles shortlist with Celta Vigo having received a bid earlier tonight.

The first team now needs to be trimmed by 11 players by the start of next season. With this in mind we have made a list of 5 players who surely wont leave and 5 who surely will.

5 Players Who We Think Are Safe.
1) Nathan Redmond - This ones obvious. At just 22 years old the attacker has time on his side, Earle picked up the youngster early in his Espanyol career and clearly has faith in him by stating he is the future of the club. Redmond has made 54 appearances in his 3 seasons in Spain contributing 8 goals and 7 assists.
2) Benjamin Moukandjo - Last seasons player of the season has been just about the only thing fans are happy about this season. He is currently the clubs top scorer despite being used on the wing. The Cameroon international was Earles record signing when he joined last season and has repaid the club with 17 goals and 12 assists in his 49 games.
3) Ricky Alvarez - Midway through his 2nd full season in Spain the Argentine is still yet to pick up last seasons form. An average rating of 7.08 last season is yet to be replicated so far, however, the Argentine did suffer an injury early on and may look to improve now he’s found his feet.
4) Guido Carrillo - Still yet to make a major impact in Spain is 25 year old Carrillo. He has been used 3 times off the bench but is yet to start. Earle said upon signing him “He is a long term prospect, but keep an eye out for him this season cos he’s always gonna be an option for us”.
5) Jony Rodriguez - Another who is yet to cement his position is Rodriguez. Recently speculation has been afloat about his future but given the new squad specifications we believe he will stay. The winger has made 8 starts in 3 seasons but has also been used as a sub at left back.

5 Players We Think Aren’t Safe.
1) Willy Caballero - With the young Jose Antonio Caro joining and interest in several other keepers it looks as though Earle is ready to offload the 35 year old. Caballero held down the number 1 spot last season and has carried on this season, however, his performances have left a lot to be desired and fans are calling for him to leave.
2) Mathieu Flamini - When he joined the club many believed he would make a major impact, but this wasn’t so. He has made just 2 league appearances since arriving and has been struggling for a spot on the bench due to the loan signings of Koziello and Gerhardt,

3) Marques Lucas - Upon signing for Espanyol the right back was poised to be a starter. The signing of Torres Nilo quickly changed this though and the Brazilian has only made 3 appearances this season.
4) Patric Lalau - Similarly to Lucas, Lalau was bough in due to the right back crisis as back up. However, with 1st choice Lucas replaced and further competition bough in in the form of Zaldua fans are yet to have seen the 27 year old play. 
5) Nabil El Zhar - When he signed for Espanyol earlier this season many fans weren’t sure what to think, but 5 games and 4 assists later they seem to have warmed to the 30 year old. Unfortunately the Moroccan may find himself without a place due to the decrease in squad space and the lack of a Spanish nationality. 

Revised Divisions Based Upon Manager Ratings - Where Are You?




It’s Friday and that means not a lot happening in the World of SM so we asked resident analyst (yes I spelled that correctly) Connie Lingers to play around with some figures and come up with something to keep you amused for 5 seconds.





Been a while but I’m back and today I’ve been casting my eye over manager ratings. The SM manager ratings are based upon the total number of points a manager has achieved, obviously longer standing managers in a Game World are likely to accrue more points than newer managers and therefore much likelier to lead in the ratings.

So I wondered what would happen if I took the points gained by each manager over the games they had played and then prorated that up to the highest number of games played by any one manager, which happens to be 202 by Mr Roy Keane, this would then give a standardised rating based on average performance so far.

From this I then tabulated the revised ratings and split them into divisions, top 20 managers being Division 1, etc.

The following are where managers and their current clubs would be based upon the findings and remember that the games played and points totals aren't just league matches, they include cups, friendlies, etc.


Division 1


Division 2


Division 3


Division 4


Division 5