Presents from Portugal for Division 1

What to give to those that have it all? Well it is Christmas.

  

Top team has to go to Bayern Munich who are the shining stars that we all must follow this Christmas.

Here the WAGS celebrate their awards in traditional Germanic costumes,

 

They are awarded a free adopt a snow leopard pack.  Here the Bayern snow leopard is making it's way to the match. You can play spot the snow leopard. Anyone sending in a correct entry , wins absolutely nothing .

 

 Apparently the Barcelona WAGS with prompting from manager Scott Mckenzie were not happy and found the snow leopard as seen below.


Most improved team goes to Valencia, they win some Valencian oranges to put in their stockings as seen below.

This young lady is the champion orange squeezer of Valencia, apparently if she squeezes your oranges , the juice will be flowing in a few seconds.

Best player goes to Luis Suarez ,14 goals in 16 games , he gets a Christmas pudding, something to get his teeth into 



Best Young player goes to Areola of PSG and we all hope to see Areola this Christmas if we are lucky. Some Turkey breast for him..

To one and all have a Merry Christmas.


 

Something for the weekend

Or, why I became a soccer manager.


Not Top 100, SM or even football-related. Three years out of date. Depending on the success or otherwise of this last stab at pop stardom, I will be resigning from my post as Hamburg boss in the New Year, to focus - Pablo/Dani Osvaldo-style - on my musical career.

https://www.mixcloud.com/widget/iframe/?feed=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.mixcloud.com%2Fdavidmarsden%2Fjarxmas2%2F&hide_cover=1&light=1

Ode to Beddows - Milan fans gift Beddows with a song

Being such a ledge is tough work and with Beddows orchestrating a fantastic feel good story in Milan in a gameworld hit by so much corruption, greed and player hogging it is no wonder that Beddows is overworked - as it is Xmas the Milan board have asked the AC Milan choir to get together and produce a song to show their appreciation of the great man.

Merry Xmas to all.




[youtube=www.youtube.com/watch

Twas The Night Before a T100 Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through T100
Not a creature was stirring, not even Rahul;
Football socks were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that 3 points soon would be there;




The managers were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of league titles danced in their heads;
And Frank in his Pool scarf, and DP in his Spurs cap,
Had just settled down after their Xmas Eve crap,

When out on the pitch there arose such a clatter,
Beddows sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window he flew like a flash,
Wearing only a nightie and a handlebar moustache,

The moon on the breast of his poster of J Lo

Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to his wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,

With a little old driver, so lively and lean,
He knew in a moment it must be Roy Keane.
More rapid than Ruts his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, HARMER! now, MARSDEN! now, PARFITT and FOSTER!

On, NOISY! on CRISP! on, GINO and DOCTOR!

To the top of the terrace! to the top of the wall!

Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"


As dry leaves that before the wild Gurismiran fly,
When they see a Mckenzie has got a Cup bye,
So to the top of the stand the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of Strongbow, and Roy Keano too.

And then, in a twinkling, Beddows heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As he hitched up his nightie, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Keano came with a bound.

He was dressed all in claret, from his head to his shoes,
And his clothes were all tarnished and stunk high with booze;
A 4 pack of Stella he had flung on his back,
And his pocket it bulged with a bottle of Jack.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, Beddows feared for his cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like Mike Bowes,
And the beard of his chin dripped with snot from his nose;

The butt of a reefer he held tight in his teeth,

And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
A stream of piss ran down his leg and half filled his welly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
But Beddows was scared and half shat himself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave him know Milan had plenty to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And took 6 points from Beddows; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And flashing a rod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, AC Milan truly are shite,

HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!

Merry Christmas from a Summer Wonderland

Just wanted to send a Christmas greeting from New Zealand to all the managers in Top 100. And as we’ll be spending the next two weeks at the beach contending with sand and sunburn I thought I’d share this view of New Zealand Christmas courtesy of Air New Zealand. I hope you enjoy 😀 Link https://youtu.be/QmfIfqZc-jE

More Christmas goodies to divisions 3 and 2.

More Christmas joy from Papai Noel.

Who have been the good boys and girls this year.

 

 

Well as I like giving stuff to myself, it's obvious that Sporting Lisbon are the best team in division 3. So I receive the traditional Bolo Rei or King cake. 

Most improved team are Boca Juniors so they get the Bolo Rainha or Queen cake.

Best player goes to Adriano of Swansea , he gets some dried figs and walnuts.

Best young player Victor Fischer of Besitkas who gets some azevias' and 'felhozes' ( biscuits and sweets )

 

Division 2. The Toffees rules the roost at the moment so they obviously get "Balas de caramelo ".   Most improved team has to go to my old side Fiorentina who are battling back towards division 1. They get a lump of coal.

 

Best player Burak Yilmaz of Fenerbahce  he gets a turkey for Christmas. 

Best young player Martial of Man Utd. He gets to pull a cracker at the office party , although he seems to have no problems with that as shown by his new girlfriend Melanie da Cruz shown below

 

 



 

Bem-vindo a Portugal e Feliz Natal some Christmas gifts to divisions 5 and 4

From the warmth of Lisbon , Mrmalcolm settles down with a couple of Portuguese tarts and awards a few Christmas gifts to those most in neeed in Divisions 4 & 5

 

 

Yum. What lovely food they have in Portugal, I have been given a life time supply of these lovely dishes for turning around the fortunes of Sporting. Already named Portuguese manager of the year. Mrmalcolm dishes out some pre Christmas gifts.

Division 5.

Top side so far. Has to go to current leaders Celtic, leading by 2pts into the pre Christmas fixtures and above early expectations.   2 Bottles of Port for you.

Most improved.  Independiente. Batting well above their weight and pushing Dynamo Moscow who are also playing well.  1 Bottle of Port.

Best Player  Alvaro Negredo at Torino , best rating, most goals , who can argue with that. 2 Bottles of Vinho Verde.

Best Young Player. While slightly over the U21 limit that goes to Simon Tibbling also at Torino , 1 Bottle of Vinho Verde

Division 4

Top side so far Hellas Verona. Seem to be capable of giving other teams a good shallacking in most games with +17  in 15 games. 100 Azulejos ( famously expensive tiles )

Most improved Sassuolo , playing well above their predicted position, and challenging for promotion. 50 Azulejos

 Best Player.  Raffael at liege , leading scorer and rating so far . A lovely real cork wallet.

Best young player : Not awarded at this time. An actual cork to all the U21 players in D4.

 

 

Revised Divisions Based Upon Club Results Over the 1st 3 Seasons - Where's Your Club?




Mondays another quiet day in SM and everybody enjoys a bit of Connie Lingers so I've asked her back to give another statistical tweak to the T100 Divisions.





Thanks David, typical though I don’t come for ages and then you make me come twice in quick succession.

Anyway, apparently the Divisions re-arranged based upon manager ratings raised a few eyebrows in the T100 community so continuing the statistical sideways look at the league I’ve done a similar exercise based upon each clubs league results over the first 3 complete seasons.

Over the 3 seasons a total of the 5700 league matches that were played 4256 resulted in a win/loss with 1444 being stalemates. The total points achieved being 15656 out of a possible 17100 with a total of 15401 goals scored at an average of 2.7 goals per game

Statistically each season AFC Average would have the following record which would naturally see them sitting midway in our theoretical Division 3.

P-38 W-14 D-10 L-14 GF-51 GA-51 GD-0 Pts-52

So enough of the pointless facts and figures and on to the pointless revised Divisions, where will your club be?


Division 1


Division 2


Division 3


Division 4


Division 5


The New Era!

With 14 games of the season gone the Espanyol board released a statement in regard to a meeting discussing their future. Currently on a 4 game losing streak, the side are struggling majorly and the need for change was recognised. With the reality of this seasons expectations dawning the board turned their attention to the future. At the start of December Earle was issued a new team layout to be implemented by next season.

Earle was given the following squad requirements;
- 40% of the 50 man squad must be Spanish
- The club must select a Spanish Captain
- 40% of the 50 man squad must qualify for the youth team
- The club must enter the youth cup next season

With these restrictions in place Earle has already set about making changes to the squad. Roberto Torres was signed from fellow Spaniards Osasuna for £2.7 million. Earle has said that he expects the midfielder to develop this season and may look to keep the 27 year old for the long term if he impresses. Youth signings Roberto Nunez, Miguel Garci and Javier Bicho all joined for a combined fee of over £3 million. The three Spaniards are expected to be long term development members of the squad with Earle stating that all thee have the potential to be world class. Yuri Berchiche signed a 3 year contract with the club after joining from Levante. Fans have long requested the club to move for the 26 year old who should look to take up a starting role at left back once he has proved himself in training. Earles 6th Spanish signing of December came in the form of keeper Jose Antonio Caro. The free agent signed a 4 year contract and will hope he can develop into a 1st team player in that time. The likes of Gerard Moreno, Sergi Enrich and Dani Garcia were all targets for Earle but all had offers rejected for them. 30 year old keeper Sergio Alvarez is now believed to be at the top of Earles shortlist with Celta Vigo having received a bid earlier tonight.

The first team now needs to be trimmed by 11 players by the start of next season. With this in mind we have made a list of 5 players who surely wont leave and 5 who surely will.

5 Players Who We Think Are Safe.
1) Nathan Redmond - This ones obvious. At just 22 years old the attacker has time on his side, Earle picked up the youngster early in his Espanyol career and clearly has faith in him by stating he is the future of the club. Redmond has made 54 appearances in his 3 seasons in Spain contributing 8 goals and 7 assists.
2) Benjamin Moukandjo - Last seasons player of the season has been just about the only thing fans are happy about this season. He is currently the clubs top scorer despite being used on the wing. The Cameroon international was Earles record signing when he joined last season and has repaid the club with 17 goals and 12 assists in his 49 games.
3) Ricky Alvarez - Midway through his 2nd full season in Spain the Argentine is still yet to pick up last seasons form. An average rating of 7.08 last season is yet to be replicated so far, however, the Argentine did suffer an injury early on and may look to improve now he’s found his feet.
4) Guido Carrillo - Still yet to make a major impact in Spain is 25 year old Carrillo. He has been used 3 times off the bench but is yet to start. Earle said upon signing him “He is a long term prospect, but keep an eye out for him this season cos he’s always gonna be an option for us”.
5) Jony Rodriguez - Another who is yet to cement his position is Rodriguez. Recently speculation has been afloat about his future but given the new squad specifications we believe he will stay. The winger has made 8 starts in 3 seasons but has also been used as a sub at left back.

5 Players We Think Aren’t Safe.
1) Willy Caballero - With the young Jose Antonio Caro joining and interest in several other keepers it looks as though Earle is ready to offload the 35 year old. Caballero held down the number 1 spot last season and has carried on this season, however, his performances have left a lot to be desired and fans are calling for him to leave.
2) Mathieu Flamini - When he joined the club many believed he would make a major impact, but this wasn’t so. He has made just 2 league appearances since arriving and has been struggling for a spot on the bench due to the loan signings of Koziello and Gerhardt,

3) Marques Lucas - Upon signing for Espanyol the right back was poised to be a starter. The signing of Torres Nilo quickly changed this though and the Brazilian has only made 3 appearances this season.
4) Patric Lalau - Similarly to Lucas, Lalau was bough in due to the right back crisis as back up. However, with 1st choice Lucas replaced and further competition bough in in the form of Zaldua fans are yet to have seen the 27 year old play. 
5) Nabil El Zhar - When he signed for Espanyol earlier this season many fans weren’t sure what to think, but 5 games and 4 assists later they seem to have warmed to the 30 year old. Unfortunately the Moroccan may find himself without a place due to the decrease in squad space and the lack of a Spanish nationality. 

Revised Divisions Based Upon Manager Ratings - Where Are You?




It’s Friday and that means not a lot happening in the World of SM so we asked resident analyst (yes I spelled that correctly) Connie Lingers to play around with some figures and come up with something to keep you amused for 5 seconds.





Been a while but I’m back and today I’ve been casting my eye over manager ratings. The SM manager ratings are based upon the total number of points a manager has achieved, obviously longer standing managers in a Game World are likely to accrue more points than newer managers and therefore much likelier to lead in the ratings.

So I wondered what would happen if I took the points gained by each manager over the games they had played and then prorated that up to the highest number of games played by any one manager, which happens to be 202 by Mr Roy Keane, this would then give a standardised rating based on average performance so far.

From this I then tabulated the revised ratings and split them into divisions, top 20 managers being Division 1, etc.

The following are where managers and their current clubs would be based upon the findings and remember that the games played and points totals aren't just league matches, they include cups, friendlies, etc.


Division 1


Division 2


Division 3


Division 4


Division 5


Outside The Box #8







Chelsea are said to be investigating James Mckenzie after rumours circulated that the first team coach went out of control and got completely smashed after Thursday nights result against Barca.
Show


Hamburg gaffer David Marsden denied claims that modifications made to the playing surface at the Volksparkstadion during half time gave his side an unfair advantage.
Show


New City supremo Paddy d has had to take drastic steps during training in an attempt to ensure the majority of his squad remain fit and available for selection.
Show


Celtic boss Ruts has denied his new signing was influenced by a cash injection to the club by The Lord of the Rings franchise.

INTER FIND THEIR FEET IN DIV 2 - EARLY SEASON REVIEW.

Where to start? I know - a nice big pic....here you go!


Dyson Supersonic Hairdryer - For The Discerning Scouse Anywhere!



What an almighty shock!

To suddenly be given the reigns of a genuine super club after toiling at Olympiacos, looking for bargain 88's without a penny to spend, and then, THEN, to find yourself with Trump like riches...the responsibility dawns on you like a Storm troopers jackboot. A sickening thud of crushed bones and brain matter as you realise the enormity of the challenge to, not only succeed, but to avoid the crushing humiliation of embarrassment.

You rise up, you shake that stultifying, brain shattering assault and decide to fight back. To fight the best way you know how. With quality, with intelligence, with sheer guts and the will to never give in and never give up. The same things that brought you here in the first place.   

There was no way I was going to suffer the mid-table mediocrity of the previous incumbent. It had to be a decent promotion challenge.
To that end out went some very, very good young talent and in came experienced, high rated, proven quality to assist in this endeavour.

The 1st to go was Geoffrey Kondogbia.  I struck Gold with Alonso in exchange. A terrific piece of business. Michael Bowes is feeling the pressure of that transfer as I write, but he will, ultimately, be  the winner of that exchange. I feel good about the transfer, especially since Alonso is a Bayern mainstay under Ancellotti and has just signed a contract extension . Alonso is quality through and through - just ask any Liverpool fan!

Then there was William Carvalho to my beloved. I won't lie. The deal suited both parties. Citeh got a world class CM that just needs a move to a bigger club, and Inter got....Frankenstein! Brilliant.
Everybody knows that Frankie loves to score goals, and indeed he is our top scorer! Even if he drops he will still be an important addition to our squad - but we are mindful that age is against him. He won't be here long.

Here is another big picture to break it up -

Canada's Tar Sands - Earth Killing



 The next big move was Fernandinho for Jovetic and Jesus Juan to City. We felt, erroneously, that with Guardiola taking over City in real life, that Fernandinho would be a good bet for a 93. How wrong we were! The Guardiola rev has fallen apart as he deals with English clubs realities of 'we will not be beaten'. The self styed 'magician' was left with egg on his face as commentators rightly pointed out 'Did you not see Leicester play last season?'
A shocking result, a shocking case of hubris and mismanagement. He is only saved by the fact 'it is not his team yet' - must do much, much, better. Although the Barca result lives long in the memory. Thank you!!

I have also brought in old faves like Evra, Mathieu and Huntelaar from my previous club, for which I am extremely grateful, if not a mite surprised.

Al in all we have boosted he first XI to 92 as stands, and brought in some kids, the best of which is Tete at 86, Stepinkski who is now 84, and Fernandes, whom we have retained, at 82 due for a +1 or 2.
The youths we have bought look good and would have done well in the youth cup.

We have also padded out the squad as best we can with players around the 85-88 mark due for a rise. We have bought smart.
The squad as stands is definitely my own. We have 4 players only from the previous administration.

RESULTS
---------------

I knew that, despite our newly strengthened  squad, that it would take time to gel. But even I was surprised to see draws against teams we ought to have beaten handily. You have to take these results on the chin, especially against Everton where we were minus Alonso and Ribery, and against Genoa - a freak result! But for those 2 matches we would be top of the league!

All in all I am happy with managing Inter. It is a short term appointment as I will resign if I gain promotion to Div 1 and after a season there trying to push above our weight.

Their is only one club for me, you know it, we all know it, I know it. That is Manchester City!

But for now,  I am managing a band of lunatics. I will give all I have to serve this club and will not falter with every breath I can muster. We are Inter. We are The Crazy Gang! 



TalkBack with Sao Paulo manager, Nick Wheels







Welcome to this weeks TalkBack.


We caught up with Sao Paulo Manager Nick Wheels in a pensive mood, a very different side to the manager we normally see joking with the fans, blaming the referee, inciting violence against the opposition. 
Here's what he had to say:

Mr Wheels, welcome to TalkBack, are you happy with the season so far?

Well, we are currently 10th in Division 3, for me that is a good thing to be in this division.

So you are happy with 10th place?

I am not happy, no, but I am a realist.

Are you referring to lack of financial support from your chairwoman?

No, My chairwoman is not a problem, I can only do what I can do.

Ok, we'll come back to that later. In terms of the notorious Spoon Army, several of whom are currently serving jail sentences for their part in the shooting dead of 4 members of Zenit St Peterburgs' right wing 'ultras' 6 weeks ago...

yes, and your question is?

You associate freely & publicly with the Spoon Army when they are known to commit violent & criminal acts, how can you justify this?

The Spoon Army come from the poor sections of Sao Paulo, they may seem violent to you but that is how their lives are, both men & women. What you don't see are the community initiatives, providing food banks, a free advice centre, protection from the police & other criminal elements, ensuring public transport runs safely in the Favelas. Yes they can go over the top sometimes but that is because like me they live & breathe Sao Paulo, we are symbiotic this city & this club. 

Let me ask, whom do you support?

Me, oh I support Arsenal, you know The Gunners.

And what is it about Arsenal you love the most?

Oh, I love the Emirates, such a good view from my seat and no-one ever stands up & blocks your view, everyone is well mannered too, I've had to tell someone near me to pipe down because I couldn't hear my phone call before and they did, straight away. We're going to win the league this year, we better or I'm cancelling my Platinum membership.

Anyway, back to you, you don't seem happy with the club this year, are you considering a move?

Absolutely not, but yes, I am unhappy but only because I cannot change reality.
Sao Paulo got where they are, into division 3 largely with experienced older players near the end of their careers. If we want to push on we need younger, hungry players with the potential to become good, if not great players to play here, we cannot keep buying older players.

Is that why you controversially sold Michel Bastos to Espanyol?

Yes, he was 33 and his time had come. I like to think the Spoon Army agreed with me, see what you think from this clip:

[youtube=[www.youtube.com/watch](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awj_0jP58Y4&w=320&h=266])

So how do you attract those younger players?

That is the big question, it is very difficult which is why when I say I am not happy with 10th place in division 3, I am realistic enough to know that this may be our glass ceiling. 

Mr Wheels, may I wish both you & Sao Paulo the best of luck for the rest of the season.

Thank you Ivana.

The Interview the World has been waiting for

[youtube=[www.youtube.com/watch](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AghTs3sGnSk&w=320&h=266])


Click Read More for the full content

Beddows and Balotelli being interviewed after the Liverpool game

PARKINSON: In this special edition of Parkinson we welcome two gentlemen from the planet of the famous Top100 Soccer Manager World. Will you welcome all the way from Italy and from the AC Milan football club, Mr Stephen Meadows and Mario Balotelli!!! What? Oh yes, apologies to all, I meant Mr Stephen Beddows, yes, Beddows (nervous laugh)....

Well first of all can I congratulate you both on gaining promotion to the top Division of the whole world last season and ask you both how does it feel?

Stephen: It was some weeks ago now and since then we have gone on to win the World Cup with Italy and been producing some masterful football that has led some of my rivals to claim I’m some sort of managerial genius! Beating small teams like Liverpool, drawing with wankers like Juventus and big sides like Barcelona - so far it has been a hoot!

Mario: Well obviously I played a huge role last season, my 31 goals, 10 assists and 19 man of matches were key… but the credit must go to Beddows he is unique!

PARKINSON: Stephen, in all this celebration of the promotion, the fact that you led the team to relegation the season before last seems to have been swept under the carpet. Is it just a case of that being in the past and this promotion is now?

Stephen: Relegation? I don’t recall any relegation… (laughs hysterically.)

PARKINSON: Mario, you had quite the season, scoring 31 goals in 36 games, not forgetting 10 assists. It is even more incredible considering that for 33 of they games, you were an injury doubt just hours before the game. How can you explain these remarkable recoveries or is it, like most people think, that you are just a big fat liar?

Mario: Parky – you are a funny old man – mind games – I was pretty much 100% fit all of the time – in fact Beddows has cotton wool insulation put around my house and my car!

PARKINSON: Did you have anything to do with these 'illnesses' Stephen?

Stephen: Only the cotton wool bud!

PARKINSON: One of the main things I wanted to ask you Stephen was did you know that Sun Life offer the most popular over 50's funeral plan in the UK? It has a guaranteed pay out after you die and you get a Parker Pen just for enquiring. Don't even try to say you are under 50 because no one is falling for it.

Stephen: Well I’m nearly 32 which is a tad depressing if I’m honest but Parky you must have tonnes of Parker pens? Right? More than the Liverpool manager? 

PARKINSON: Mario, you are known as a bit of a loner but you must have had an influence that helped you have such a great season. Who would you like to thank?

Mario: Beddows was that influence – an inspirational leader, motivator of men the like I have never seen before or ever will. And the World Cup – wow… being top player in the whole of T100 in Season 3 was special – but golden boot winner and MVP was something else and I owe everything to the belief Beddows has in me.

PARKINSON: On a serious note Stephen, your links with the so-called journalist Gino Kinnearo has aroused suspicion of wrong doings with Gino Kinnearo having underground links to the Mafia network. An underground network that has stops in Scicily, Naples, Milan and Rome. Can you sit there in front of tens of people watching this and deny that you have been riding the Mafia train of ... of ... of ... erm .. underground stops? (shrugs shoulders while looking at the director).

Stephen: What Silvio does is none of my business. To be honest I regularly put in cash bids for top players in T100 yet they are never accepted – maybe it is due to the money being counterfeit? Dunno.

PARKINSON: Back to you Mario and defences in the top flight are a lot more difficult to crack. Michael Bowes' Arsenal, in particular, say they have a special defence lined up just for you. Do you have any new moves that no one has seen to try and score enough goals to stop you being referred to as a 'diddy'?

Mario: I have 7 in 11 this season which is outstanding in my opinion. I’m just baffled that I’m yet to be in TOTW! To add to that Bowes mocked me last season and we played them like 3 times in the WCC and I scored in all of them - I'm looking forward to playing them this season! 

PARKINSON: Stephen, the fans seem to have taken to you after calling for your head the previous season. Are they likely to turn on you again when you, I mean if, yeah if, you struggle. Should they be looking at trying to invent their own identity and entertainment, like the spoon army at Sao Paulo, rather than watch the pish you might put on the park?

Stephen: Pish? Is that a Scottish word? Michael we are performing very well – above expectations and we intend to try our hardest to at the very least to finish 3rd bottom. Time will tell though and we will see.

PARKINSON: Candreva to Liverpool. Fact or fact? The rumour is Mr Candreva wants to play in England with a team that has a chance.

Stephen: Candreva scored inside the 1st minute against Liverpool yesterday – did you see that Mr Parkinson? And why would anyone want to live in Scouseland? Rats are not a delicacy? And Candreva likes to eat throughout the year not only at Xmas time! 

PARKINSON: Just to round things up Stephen, I have a question sent in by a fan, well about 25,000 fans at the last count to be honest. What will it take for you to resign from the club?

Stephen: The loss of Barbara’s affections towards my project.

Well, thank you Stephen and Mario for coming along tonight and good luck for the rest of the season. It has been a pleasure .... for you.


Now guys we have the exclusive video of a particular T100 manager showing his moves to his players after a recent important league victory.

Who is? 

Watch to find out. 

[youtube=[www.youtube.com/watch](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCb_VI9C9_s&w=320&h=266])

Espanyol Ratings: What We Expect.

With the major league ratings due soon I have had a look over my squad and have a general idea of what I expect to see in terms of rating changes. Being a Division 5 team we struggle to sign top names and so must focus more on lower rated players and hope they get the rating they deserve. Obviously this isn’t always the case and many players have been left at low ratings and had to be sold off to bring in new potential risers. Having been at Espanyol for nearly 2 seasons this process is both time consuming and often frustrating. Obviously some of my expectations wont come off and so I’ve split them into “likely rises” and “hopeful rises” and on top of that this is SM and so ratings are pretty unpredictable. I have also only included those with potentials of 86+ and will make a shortlist of the others at the bottom.
Keepers

Tom Heaton (85>87) Likely
Do I even need to explain this one? The 30 year old has been fantastic this season and has earned many expecting a chance in goal for England. Some stats don’t look great such as 19 goals conceded in 12 games and only 3 clean sheets, but considering the squad he’s in it’s hard to blame him. Top performances against Southampton, Everton and Manchester United show he deserves a rise.

Defence

Raul Albentosa (85>86) Likely
Spending last season on loan at Malaga saw the 28 year old recieve a one rating rise from 84. Having joined Deportivo from Derby in the summer he has started all but one game this season in La Liga. With an average rating of 6.8 Albentosa has been Deportivos best centre back of the season (out performing Sidnei who is rated 87). Surely a rating of 86 is deserved despite the teams league position.

Pedro Bigas (85>86) Likely
Another one from La Liga is Las Palmas defender Bigas. His last rise came in 2013 when he went up by 5, since then he has improved further making 27 appearances last season with an average rating of 7.2. This form has been replicated this season with ratings averaging around 7.1 in his 10 showings. Considering the impressive season Las Palmas had last season he could push for 87 (or maybe I’m just being biased… probably…)

Benjamin Hubner (85>86) Likely
Joining Hoffenheim from Ingolstadt this summer the German made a slow start. Hubner was left out of the squad for the first 5 games but was a starter against his former side in the 6th league game. An impressive debut led to him being awarded a rating of over 7.85. He has started the past 7 games helping the team to an undefeated run and earning a rating of 7.2 on average.

Ragnar Klavan (87>88) Hopefully
Following his shock move to Liverpool in the summer I’ve been pretty intrigued to see how he does. Unfortunately he’s not done too much. A total of 6 appearances (4 in the league) has shown he is capable at the back with rating of around 6.85. It was disappointing to see Leiva played at CB ahead of him against Watford. The only real reason I may expect a rise is due to the level Liverpool are and that he has mad a few strong appearances.

Joseba Zaldua (85>86) Hopefully
Having started the season well appearing in 6 out of 7 games a rise looked likely. However, a foot injury has halted his season and with his return date unknown it could be costly. I hope his good start earn him his rise but if not it’s easy to see why.

Patric Lalau (85>86) Hopefully
Currently playing in Brazil Lalau has scored 4 in 19 games and assisted 4 more. My knowledge of the Brazilian league is pretty poor but Atletico MG are 4th and the league has a number of solid teams in it. Another one I hope can get a plus one but wouldn’t be shocked if he doesn’t.

Midfield

Roque Mesa (85>87) Likely
Another one from Las Palmas with the rapidly improving Roque Mesa. The midfielders value has increased by around 6x since February and has started all 12 games with pass success of over 92% this season. The 27 year old is surely going up 1 but I feel that a plus 2 would be more fitting.

Amir Abrashi (85>86) Likely
An impressive season in the Swiss league earned the 26 year old a move to newly promoted Bundesliga side Freiburg. With 9 appearances in the league and the club looking to have a solid season I’d expect the Albanian to go up to 86.

Lukas Rupp (85>87) Likely
Having had a good season in 2015/16, Rupp couldn’t save Stuttgart from relegation and was picked up by Hoffenheim in the summer. He has featured in all but one league game this season scoring twice and averaging a rating of 7.11 when he has started. On top of that the club is undefeated and so surely a rise to 86 is sure and 87 is likely.

Wing

Nathan Redmond (86>88) Likely
I’m including him as a winger despite being used as a forward at Southampton. I expected him to rise last season despite relegation and was a bit disappointed that he didn’t but it has played out well as he got a huge move to a top club where he has hit great form. 3 goals so far for a young player fresh from a new move and being used in a new position is good in my opinion and surely the 22 year old deserves a plus 2.

Nabil El Zhar (86>87) Likely
The ex-Liverpool winger has been very strong this season at Las Palmas (yeah I like these guys aha). He started the first 5 games of the season and scored twice assisting 2 more, he missed 4 games through injury but if he can get back into his early season form then he will surely go up but deserves the rise anyway.

Sabin Merino (85>86) Likely
Aged just 24, the winger hasn’t stamped his spot in the starting line up yet, however, he has featured in 7 games so far this season helping Bilbao to 8th in the table. Considering the level of the club and some decent performances I feel Merino deserved at least a plus 1.

Forwards

Sandro Wagner (86>87) Likely
Another new recruit for Hoffenheim this season having joined from Darmstadt in the summer. The tall German has started 11 out of 12 games this season scoring 5 goals. He has also netted in the cup and averaged a rating of 7.27 overall this season. Considering the teams unbeaten run and that Wagner is their current top scorer the forward deserves a rating of 87.

Guido Carrillo (86>87) Likely
The super sub for Monaco is a tricky one to predict. His side currently sit top of the French League and he has definitely had a hand to play in their success. Carrillo has scored 2 goals from 4 starts and a further 3 off the bench. With the position in the league and an average rating of 7.00 the 25 year old deserves a rise.

Ivan Santini (84>86) Likely
Since joining Caen this season the forward has been very strong. With 5 goals in 12 league appearances along with goals in the Belgian cup and league for Liege from before his move his total so far is very impressive. Playing in a poorer team it’s harder to perform well but Santini surely deserves a rise and hopefully it’ll be to 86.

Others

Erick Cabaco (80>83)
Gideon Jung (82>85)
Jean Makengo (78>80)
Paulin Puel (76>79)
Joel Pohjanpalo (82>84)
Pedro Tana (83>85)
Jorge Burgui (82>85)

That was the week that was

Tell you what, I was a bit nervous before that game against Augsburg last week. Augsburg may well be gash, but they beat us twice last season. Obviously they’re one of those sides that raise their game for the big matches, but don’t fancy it the rest of the time.




We sorted them out good and proper this time though. 3 – 1, and a 10/10 performance from big Leo D up top. Honestly, signing him was one of the best things I’ve done at this club, although bringing in Filip Djuricic is pretty sensational as well.the price we’re paying too. Clearly we’re sad to see Gezza and Bolanos go, they’ve been good servants, but Filip is someone who’ll be around for years to come. He’s one of the players I can see still turning out for us when we make division 1 in a few seasons time.


Clearly we’re good enough for that level already. We smashed Lyon 5 – 0 in the World Club Cup, and they are a div 2 side. If we can do that to a div 2 side, we’d be alright in div 1. We’re flying in the World Club Cup too. 3 – 0 win in Verona tonight.


And don’t forget our youth program too.They were mugged off good and proper with the group they were given. Dortmund, Wolfsburg, Everton, Udinese and Broon’s Fannybashers. Well, we’ve already taken a point each from both the German sides, and 3 from Broons mob. I reckon my youths could win the competition, but again, as with the senior side, things will probably conspire against us in some miraculous manner later on in the competition.


Now as you know, I’m not one for hyperbole, not like PMW and the like. He’s been a bit quieter this season actually. To be fair, all that BS he was spouting last season, and look what happened. We above them, and he doesn’t even pick up the phone to say hello. Ever since we battered his side last season, and his naive attempts to lure Lana failed, I haven’t seen him. He’s been like the invisible man.


Reminds me of this time around James Fosters’s house actually. I wasn’t really invited exactly. To be fair, none of us were invited, but Davy V’s a bit of a lad, and he put something on Facebook about a party there.


Well you know how it is. Somebody says party, mentions free booze, including, but not restricted to everything you can find in the house, you go along to see what it’s like. Well, for a start Frank Hurst & DP were locked in a tender embrace in the greenhouse. I’m not sure exactly what they were doing, it was hard to tell through all the condensation on the glass, but from the moans and groans I heard, they were happy enough and best left to some privacy.


Shereiff was letting his hair down too. Him and Broon were getting stuck into a bit of snakebite. Not the booze, no, they had stolen Percy, Dave Senior’s pet Diamondback Rattler. They were taking turns to bite it while trying not to get bitten themselves. Look liked they were getting about a 50% success rate. Not bad given the situation I guess. Honestly, it was crazy. All sorts going on, and none of it the sort of thing you want to tell your mum about.



Anyway, Foster came home, and I’ll tell you what, he wasn’t angry. He wasn’t upset. He completely lost his tits over it. He went absolutely Jurassic. I’ve never seen a man so angry since that time Greg Earle was taken to task by your boy Ryan Chisholm over that private photo leak.



Foster had been out with his missus for a bit of tea. He treats her proper, took her to her favourite restaurant in the whole World, Nandos. They were both dressed to the nines as well. Her in this sexy little red dress, and him like the number 9 from Numberjacks. Looked a proper class couple.





You can tell who wears the trousers though. She went straight to bed and told him to sort it. Well he gave it his best shot.


I say he gave it his best shot, as soon as Mrs F was up the stairs, the only shot he was interested in came out of a JD bottle.


He was cracking out the acid with old Wheelsey, Senior and Kinnear. The boys were absolutely blasted and having the time of their lives. Just because it was something funny to do, while they were tripping I rustled a horse, stuck an ice cream cone on its head, got it inside and told them I’d found a wild Unicorn. They were going ape shit over it. Unbelievable scenes.


Anyway, it came to an end, as all good things must, when Foster went upstairs and caught PMW in bed with his missus. I honestly thought Foster had shot him. There was this loud bang, and PMW was bleeding like a bastard. Well it looked like that anyway, but in the end it turned out that the Royal fella had fallen asleep, fallen out of bed and landed on his part used fanny pad collection, squeezing out some of the moisture.

Milan Release A Teaser to their Christmas No 1 Song Contender

AC Milan have released an official video which is part of their bid to be Christmas No 1.

The release of the video follows on from a good start to life in Division One from the leagues weakest team - which included a magnificient victory in Madrid against Atletico proving that Beddows can even destroy Time Lords.

Beddows said: “Great start, we are delighted and we will keep trying to prove that the dinosaurs were never actually extinct - it is all an urban myth - we do believe in miracles."



[youtube=www.youtube.com/watch

The Spoon Army Travelogue #1 Bilbao

The Spoon Army Travelogue


 #1 Bilbao



Sao Paulo are playing Althletic Club in a division 3 top of the table clash & non of us Spoon Army hardcore wanted to miss this one, if only for a bit of sightseeing & R&R in the capital of the Basque Country.

As soon as got off our chartered plane & cleared customs (our reputation goes before us) we hit the bars. Literally we hit them with bricks & paving slabs & anything else we could lay our hands on. After we'd got that out of our system & announced our presence to the locals we decided  it was time for some culture, a bit of sightseeing before the game this evening. 
After dropping several tabs of acid to get us in the mood we set off for our day out in Bilbao.



'When in Bilbao', as our tealady Edith Smithers always said, 'you have to visit the Guggenheim Museum', so after dropping another few tabs for luck we set off for the subway.
The sun was shining, people were smiling it was a beautiful day & we were in good spirits as we turned the corner for the subway. The sight that greeted us froze the very blood in our viens. Right in front of us was a monstrous giant sluglike creature emerging from the ground. It appeared to have hypnotised nearby people and was devouring them like prawns.


Well the Spoon Army are nothing if not defenders of the people so we attacked that monster with every spoon we had and it wasn't long before the thing lay defeated, in a million pieces on the ground from whence it came.

We fled from the scene before any of its friends came looking for revenge and indeed, we saw others out & about in the city including this one trying to swallow a whole train.

 We thought it best to avoid the centre and head to the Guggenheim on foot along the calming, flowing river. The water worked its magic & pretty soon our heads were level & our pace steady. 'Good acid' we all congratulated ourselves feeling smug, but then this apparition came into view...


We were in some kind of alien futurescape, a crazy colony built by unimaginable creatures, we had to go on.
We walked around its smooth, featureless surface marvelling at its sheer otherworldliness when suddenly the area opened out into a square & we were faced with the colonies abhorent inhabitants. 




Giant insect like creatures bigger than houses were standing in amongst people, devouring them one by one. We were terrified, more so than when the Boca fans booked Michael Mcintyre to present our end of season awards.
We got them back the next year though, by booking Robbie Savage & Joey Barton to present their player of the season awards dinner. 
 That was the most riot police to ever attend a single incident since Pablo Escobars capture I believe.

We were frozen to the spot but it doesn't take long for the Spoon Army to mobilise & that's exactly what we did, attacking those vile creatures with everything we'd got. Things didn't look good, the inhuman abominations seemed impervious to our spoon attacks until Mad Dog Insua had the brilliant idea of setting them on fire. Pretty soon not only the creatures, but their whole vile colony was ablaze and the people of Bilbao could once again rest easy thanks to the heroic Spoon Army.

We were shattered and decided, on seeing approaching blue flashing lights to retire to our hotel before any more nightmare aliens arrived.
Now the Spoon Army never does things by halfs and thanks to our lucrative gambling, drug & extortion endeavours we weren't short of a Peso or two. 
We had THE luxury hotel in town and that's where we headed, straight up to our rooms, drawing the blinds and getting ready for some down time.
Unfortunately no-one had thought to bring any downers so we dropped some more acid and started on the mini bars.
A few hours we felt recovered enough to take a look at the the city below and plan our way to the stadium.
I lifted the blind, opened the window and stifled a scream as the face of a giant dog peered in at me, drooling and licking its foul lips. 
RUN! I shouted & thats what we did, tearing through the hotel screaming at the guests & staff  to get the fuck out before the giant dog eats them alive. They didn't seemed moved by our yelling, choosing to carry on with their business, poor bastards must be mincemeat now.
We reached the hotel lobby & spilled out into the street but it was too late, the giant puppy had our scent and was onto us in a flash.


We fought back hard, no huge canine was gonna defeat us & pretty soon our spoons were taking huge chunks out of its hide. In 15 minutes it was all over, the puppy was compost and we were on our way to the San Mames stadium for the game.
Huge numbers of police appeared to escort us to the game, no doubt the Mayor would greet us at half time to thank us for saving his weird but well, yeah, weird city.

This is where my travelog ends, the game has kicked off, the acid is flowing & the Spoons are flying onto the pitch. It's gonna be a good night for the Spoon Army!

#1  Bilbao

World Club Championship; Game Week 1


Game Week 1





Franks Genoa side roll over unsurprisingly against his favourite club in what will surely be reported in the media as more match fixing from those at the top in Top 100.

2 time Division 1 champions, Barcelona, see off fellow Spaniards Athletic Club in what is predicted to be a strong campaign.



Levante pull over the result of GW1 by seeing off Warrens Lyon side 5-0, highlights of the game have been taken down from various sites online due to 'Graphic Material'.

Previous winners from S2, Real Madrid started slowly tonight as they were held by Michaels title favourite Torino side.



Current front runners in Division 1, Bayern, got off to a good start against Broons Fenerbache who'll trudge off back to 'hell' with "sore fannies". 



Rahul saw out his first game as United boss tonight where fans were not calling for his head at the end of 90 minutes, perhaps a Fergie like change of fortune ahead.

Torino in Turmoil


After a terrible season last season in a tight Div 4, Torino were relegated and many are saying that manager Michael Hudson “Huddo” was lucky to keep his job.   The gafer did take a 4 week holiday to travel Europe and his focus wasn’t totally on SM as he got a leave pass from the missus to do a Footy tour of Europe taking in some great games including Barcelona’s 1-1 draw with Atletico Madrid in front of 99k fans at the Nou Camp, Bayern Munich’s 3-1 win over Ingolstadt then on to Emirates for Arsenal finally breaking their hoodoo over Chelsea with a 3-0 demolition and the highlight being Liverpool’s 4-1 win over Leicester and the start of the great run that the Reds have been on at the opening of the new Main Stand in front of a full-house at Anfield. 



Back to reality and Huddo has promised Torino’s fans of a more attacking brand of football and so far Torino have begun life in Div 5 reasonably well with 3 wins and 2 draws after 5 games and put 14 goals in the back of the net.  Proving the gafer is committed to bring the Italian side back to Div 4.

Torino haven’t been that active in the transfer market with the main deal being Negredo arriving from Valencia with Menez and Pankov going the other way.  Another deal appears on the card with AC Milan and there is no Italian Mafia insider trading going on here I promise. 

In a complex deal Origi arrives along with some cash to add some youth and another attacking option to Torino with Baselli, Avelar and Barreca going to AC Milan.  It’s a big price we are paying but we are happy with the deal.

Manager Huddo has a managerial stipulation that it must be a top 6 finish or his fired, with many pundits tipping Torino to do well in Div 5 this season it should be ok for the Aussie to keep his job.  However, the same was said last season and we all know what happened there…..


Whatever does happen this season it should be a fun ride and asked if there was any club he would love to manage in T100 it would be Liverpool.  But Gino’s doing a great job there and I’m happy just being part of the T100 fabric and what is the best gameworld on SM hands down!!!