The Spoon Army Travelogue #1 Bilbao

‘When in Bilbao’, as our tealady Edith Smithers always said, ‘you have to visit the Guggenheim Museum’, so after dropping another few tabs for luck we set off for the subway.
The sun was shining, people were smiling it was a beautiful day & we were in good spirits as we turned the corner for the subway. The sight that greeted us froze the very blood in our viens. Right in front of us was a monstrous giant sluglike creature emerging from the ground. It appeared to have hypnotised nearby people and was devouring them like prawns.

Well the Spoon Army are nothing if not defenders of the people so we attacked that monster with every spoon we had and it wasn’t long before the thing lay defeated, in a million pieces on the ground from whence it came.

We fled from the scene before any of its friends came looking for revenge and indeed, we saw others out & about in the city including this one trying to swallow a whole train.

 We thought it best to avoid the centre and head to the Guggenheim on foot along the calming, flowing river. The water worked its magic & pretty soon our heads were level & our pace steady. ‘Good acid’ we all congratulated ourselves feeling smug, but then this apparition came into view…

We were in some kind of alien futurescape, a crazy colony built by unimaginable creatures, we had to go on.
We walked around its smooth, featureless surface marvelling at its sheer otherworldliness when suddenly the area opened out into a square & we were faced with the colonies abhorent inhabitants. 

Giant insect like creatures bigger than houses were standing in amongst people, devouring them one by one. We were terrified, more so than when the Boca fans booked Michael Mcintyre to present our end of season awards.
We got them back the next year though, by booking Robbie Savage & Joey Barton to present their player of the season awards dinner. 

 That was the most riot police to ever attend a single incident since Pablo Escobars capture I believe.

We were frozen to the spot but it doesn’t take long for the Spoon Army to mobilise & that’s exactly what we did, attacking those vile creatures with everything we’d got. Things didn’t look good, the inhuman abominations seemed impervious to our spoon attacks until Mad Dog Insua had the brilliant idea of setting them on fire. Pretty soon not only the creatures, but their whole vile colony was ablaze and the people of Bilbao could once again rest easy thanks to the heroic Spoon Army.

We were shattered and decided, on seeing approaching blue flashing lights to retire to our hotel before any more nightmare aliens arrived.
Now the Spoon Army never does things by halfs and thanks to our lucrative gambling, drug & extortion endeavours we weren’t short of a Peso or two. 
We had THE luxury hotel in town and that’s where we headed, straight up to our rooms, drawing the blinds and getting ready for some down time.
Unfortunately no-one had thought to bring any downers so we dropped some more acid and started on the mini bars.
A few hours we felt recovered enough to take a look at the the city below and plan our way to the stadium.
I lifted the blind, opened the window and stifled a scream as the face of a giant dog peered in at me, drooling and licking its foul lips. 

RUN! I shouted & thats what we did, tearing through the hotel screaming at the guests & staff  to get the fuck out before the giant dog eats them alive. They didn’t seemed moved by our yelling, choosing to carry on with their business, poor bastards must be mincemeat now.
We reached the hotel lobby & spilled out into the street but it was too late, the giant puppy had our scent and was onto us in a flash.

We fought back hard, no huge canine was gonna defeat us & pretty soon our spoons were taking huge chunks out of its hide. In 15 minutes it was all over, the puppy was compost and we were on our way to the San Mames stadium for the game.
Huge numbers of police appeared to escort us to the game, no doubt the Mayor would greet us at half time to thank us for saving his weird but well, yeah, weird city.

This is where my travelog ends, the game has kicked off, the acid is flowing & the Spoons are flying onto the pitch. It’s gonna be a good night for the Spoon Army!