New season, same old shite…..

After a season that can at best be described as disappointing, Benfica boss Parfitt made a few changes to his squad ahead of the current campaign. Out went old pro’s like Lloris, Falcao and Reus, and in came the likes of Malcom, Cebalos and Benassi. Lafont was also promoted to the first team, and will be the custodian for the current campaign, with Mbappe filling the striker spot at the other end of the park.

The season has started with the Portuguese unbeaten in their opening three fixtures, although they have won only the once, against Sassuolo on the opening night. Successive draws against Sporting and Zenit have come since then, sandwiching a youth cup defeat away to Barcelona. Whilst the first team have started off in a similar fashion to last season, Parfitt was happy with his sides performance in Spain however, and feels that there is more to come from the kids as the season progresses.

Having had a season and a half in Benfica, and away from his first love of Levante, how does the man himself rate the performance of the players, and himself? This very question was posed by a journalist from the Portuguese newspaper Correio da Manha.

“Listen buddy, when you come from Spain to Portugal, you have to be prepared for a different challenge. Everything is different here. The culture, the weather, the language, the beer and food, even the amount of letters in the name of the country is different. I mean Portugal is three syllables ffs, shit like that takes some time to get used to.
I’ll tell you something though, I had a target of getting Benfica out of div. 2 in my first season, and we were within a gnats ball sack of doing it too. If we hadn’t had those couple of wins towards the end of the season, we’d have got out of the division no worries, but the lads decided that they would rather stay where they are for another season. Their choice I guess, but we’ll be trying to get out of the league again this time around. That said, I’ll be looking to get out through the sunroof rather than the basement this year.
All in all though, I’ve been feckin’ amazing. When I was at Levante, we were punching well above our weight, and now here at Benfica, it’s the same again. By rights we should be a mid-table div 4 side, but due to my high quality managerial skills, and the fact that a couple of the lads can play a bit, we’re doing alright at a much higher level.
And the flip side of that coin is in the motherland. Just look at Beddows. He’s got nervous in Milan coz he know’s Macca over at Inter us about to make the blue & blacks the best side in Milan, and bottled the challenge. He decided to try jumping into Keano’s grave at Real Madrid, and he’s giving their fans about as much satisfaction as I give my missus. It’s like chucking a cigarette down the high street, but you know what, if you try and try again, then you might accidentally stumble upon something that works. He’s got his work cut out though. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s out of a job by the end of the month. Even Nuno would’ve had Madrid in the top four, but Beddows is more likely to get them into division four. “

And what are his targets for the end of the season, and where will be if these objectives are not met?
“Well if I’m honest, I see us as runaway champions, along with youth cup champions, and WCC semi-finalists as a minimum. I haven’t set the lads any official objectives, but that’s what I feel is possible based on my opinion of me as a manager. As for the end of the season, who knows? Obviously I’ve got unfinished business back at Levante. I promised to get them into div 1, and one day I’d like to go back and do that. I’d also like a stab at Santos at some point in the future, but that’s all for another day”

The paper also asked Parfitt to comment on rumours that he was seen with some of the players on a night out prior to the sides fierce derby match with Sporting.
“So me and the lads were out on the proper lash, smashed a few jars already, and my boy Mbappe says he’s proper Hank Marvin. It’s well past pasty o’clock so Greggs is out and it ain’t a Thursday so we can’t hit cuzza club down ‘spoon. Then Goretzka drops a shout for Nandos so we go get some chicken. We smashed that bad boy and headed off for a couple more late ones. Bumped into Wheels & Barbs, played in the snow with them for a bit and the top notch bantz just started flowing. The boys had a belter, me and Wheels too, and we still managed to get a point the next day”