Hamburger SV are delighted to announce the signing of Real Madrid star centre back Eric Bailly.

In exchange, the Spanish club will receive the Red Shorts’ player of the season, Nikola Kalinic, versatile left-sided defender Nacho Monreal, as well as young starlet Mauro Junior.

Deal or No Deal?

Swift negotiations were concluded last night after der Dino boss Marsden put his little boy to sleep and woke up to the fact that Beddows’ PMed counter-offer of Monreal and Kalinic for Bailly was eminently reasonable and to be snapped up at the first opportunity.

Prior to persuading his three year old to attempt to win the World Sleeping Championship Trophy - by lying very still, very quietly, and with his eyes closed - Marsden had wondered if losing his two best players was too big a price to pay. Refreshed from another bedtime victory over Marsden Junior, he decided it was a good buy.

‘Eliaquim Mangala can play at left back, as he has been doing recently, and you can always try to buy a new left back, if necessary,’ his son had told him before falling asleep.

Marsden decided to revise his offer to what Beddows had proposed, only to find that Beddows had already made the same counter-offer, in any case. Marsden gleefully accepted, and gave a prayer of thanks to the SM gods.

15 minutes later, Beddows cancelled the deal.

He had made a mistake. He didn’t mean to make the counter-offer, and - in fact - didn’t know that he had done so, until he saw that the deal had been accepted. He said he ‘had a lot of deals on the table’. I’ve been to houses like like that. Silver foil everywhere, dogs with tattoos, complete chaos.

Juventus, meanwhile, lodged a bid.

After some overnight negotiations involving the corrupt Top 100 officials - including, believe it or not, Juventus boss DP 91 - it was agreed that no deal had been agreed and that Beddows rightfully cancelled the accepted deal within the 5 minute grace period.

Hamburg immediately lodged an appeal, which was successful upon the additional payment of Mauro Junior.

Scandalous, but not unlike real life.

YOU Decide!

This transfer skulduggery comes just a few days after Beddows tried to force Marsden out of Top 100 all together, in order to make room for the return of his trusted lapdog and predecessor at Real Madrid, “Roy Keane”, in a Big Brother-style vote that went hopelessly wrong for the beleaguered Bernabeu gaffer.

In a harrowing turn of events, Marsden earlier this week woke up to find a horse’s head in his bed, with a calling card bearing all the hallmarks of Beddows’ poodle “Keane”. It wasn’t a real horse’s head at all, it was a miniature wooden horse, with a gift tag attached. The note read,

K A R M A S (sic) A  B I T C H .   E N J O Y  T H E  S I L E N C E .   L O T S  O F  L O V E ,  P A U L  A N D  F A M I L Y x x x

Inside the wooden horse, shoved right up inside it’s rear end, was a USB memory stick, presumably containing some kind of trojan malware, or - possibly - “Roy Keane’s” eBook, ‘My Guide to Creating New Accounts or Logging into Old Ones to Circumvent SMFA Newsfeed Bans’, or a collection of insults, false accusations and abuse.

Who knows? Who cares?

I shoved it back up the horse’s arse.

ATALANTA, A STRANGE SEASON IN REVIEW.

 

In my first season at Atalanta we enjoyed a roller coaster season, a season which promised so much after a great start yet one which almost saw us drop to Division 5.
LEAGUE REVIEW.

TRANSFER REVIEW.

Next Season?? 

Beddows sat down this evening to discuss his first season in charge in the Spanish capital and was quite frank and honest about the successes and failure and gave himself a score of 6/10.


1. Transfers
2. Results
3. Evaluation of League, Cup Successes
4. Evaluation of Real Madrid’s Rivals
5. Season 8 Expectations

1. Transfers

As a secondary school teacher we are actively encouraged to get students to self assess their work, but also to allow for peer assessment. As such I have decided to give myself for 6/10 in the transfer market.

Beddows in and outs at Madrid in Season 7

Big deals saw Augero and Pjanic leave for depth, in came Isco, Bailey, Tolisso and Phillip - which added that depth and allowed us to compete on multiple levels - and with 3 of the 4 who came in possibilities for rises in my opinion I feel it was good business. 

My own fault is I don't like doing too many deals at any one team - I am a fan of consistent selection and not too much upheaval - plus my football knowledge is not on par with that of some of the other Top 100 managers.

Some specific transfer highlights - buying Pentz for 70 rated and he rises +10 within a week. Abeiescher from Young Boys for cash and one of my very own former Milan youngster, Yaremchuk, now plying his trade in Belgium in real life and scoring goals for cash.

Some transfer downs - agreeing months ago to move on Mancini to Levante - Ismalia Sarr deal as well I might regret - I am very pleased with my recent deals for Bertrand and Marchisio though - both a gamble as it weakens my depth in first XI but strengthens my Youth side no end... fingers crossed for rises in the coming weeks!

2. Results

This time we give oursleves a 7/10 - you might ask why? Well history - in season 6 Real Madrid under Roy Keane finished 9th - we managed to finish 8th - so progress!

During the season we'd stated the main aim was top 12 - and after a few very indifferent patches where we just couldnt buy results we pulled of some stunning ones - beating DP 3 times in a week, never been achieved, Balotelli scoring a brace in the Nou Camp, winning away at Old Trafford. We have learnt alot this season which we hope to put into action next season.

Biggest lows were losing in the semi-final of the Cup to Villarreal on penalties and over two legs to Bayern Munich in the Youth Shield Final! :(

Biggest high winning the World Club Cup - after beating Barcelona, Bayern Munich and Juventus (in that order) over two legs each and beating Juve 4-2 in the final. Incredible scenes that night!

We also agonizingly lost to PSG in the SMFA Shield Quarter Final as PSG scored a 89th minute winner to go through 3-2 on agg!

Player wise Mr Balotelli excelled at Madrid - scoring 34 goals in all comps including the World Club Cup.

Bonucci consistently had high player ratings - which will be effected if/when his rating falls. Oblak excellent in goal and Mahrez and Greizman stats were exceptional and if we can be tighter next season top 5 has to be the aim.

As the stats show we have a variety of key individuals across the team and consistent goalscorers and assist makers will ensure success - Standout performers as stated are Greizman and Balotelli - but just look at the contributions from the bench of players like Kruse and Philip - both had great seasons.


 3. Evaluation of League, Cup Successes

Following Roy Keane will always be an almost impossible task to follow.

Roy Keane Honours Board

Despite winning the World Club Cup, silverware which is SM recognized is the main prize - we didn't win anything which is deeply disappointing - but we will rally and we will go again next season - we certainly have the players to do it!






4. Evaluation of Real Madrid's Rivals

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha - most of Beddows' favourite rivals failed miserably - much to the delight of the Italian and now Beddows backed Spanish press.

Beddows has decided to review 10 of his rivals giving them each a score out of 10 for their season.

After 37 games, season 7 will come to an end this Thursday. After an incredibly tight season there are still several potential twists in store for the final fixture which could decide who is crowned champion, who is promoted, who makes the play-offs and who is relegated. 13 teams can still make moves in the table with only 7 in set positions for next season. Three are already relegated while four have guaranteed safety but can't reach play-off spots. They can, however, still play a key role in how
the drama unfolds.

What's still to play for?

The race to become champions has come down to two teams. Standard Liege and RSC Anderlecht. While Hellas are close enough to catch them on points, their goal difference means they are all but out of it unless a miracle strikes. Currently Liege lead the way with 62 points, however, Anderlecht are just 2 points behind and are on a 4 games winning streak. If Liege were to draw Anderlecht could claim the title due to their higher goal difference if they can win on the final day. Liege face an arguably tougher fixture against Aston Villa who are still hoping to gain a play-off spot while Anderlecht will face Olympiacos who are one of 4 teams who with nothing riding on the final day. Despite still being in the race for the title, Anderlecht aren't guaranteed automatic promotion and could slip into the play-off spots if results don't go their way.

Promotion.

With only Standard Liege guaranteed promotion, there are still two automatic spots available. These are currently held by Anderlecht and Hellas Verona. With Anderlecht on 60 points and with the best goal difference in the division, the only two clubs that could overtake them are Hellas Verona and Sao Paulo. However, the Belgian side only require a draw to secure their promotion. Verona will be feeling more nervous. With 59 points and a goal difference of 7, there are 4 teams who will all be looking to clinch the final automatic promotion spot. Sao Paulo currently have 58 points while Marseille, Espanyol and Monaco all sit with 57 points and equal or superior goal differences to the Italian side. Torino also have an outside chance of moving up to 3rd thanks to their outstanding goal difference. If Hellas were to draw and any of these 5 sides win, then they would drop into the play-off spots. This set of fixtures will surely be exciting due to goal difference likely to play a large role in final positions. One key fixture to watch will be Marseille vs Torino. The winner could gain automatic promotion while the loser could miss out on play-off spots all together.

Play-offs.

Sao Paulo, Marseille, Espanyol and Monaco are currently in the play-off positions . Despite this, all 4 could miss out. While all could potentially move up the table, they could also go down if results go against them. The biggest threats are Torino and Aston Villa. If both win then draws might not be enough for the current teams in play-off positions to retain their spots. However, Stoke and Crystal Palace are both also able to catch up as they are only 2 points behind Marseille, Espanyol and Monaco. If Marseille lose to Torino and Espanyol and Monaco both lose too, all 3 will be at a huge risk of missing out on promotion all together. Sao Paulo are also at risk of missing out if they fail to win and could be leapfrogged by Stoke, who they play tomorrow, if they lose by a big enough margin. The battle for these spots is as tight as it will ever be and is likely to throw up some last minute twists.

Stuck but Safe.

Despite having their destiny next season sealed, two of the four teams can still impact the table. Olympiacos will face Anderlecht who are gunning for the title, while Dinamo Zagreb will play Hellas Verona who can seal their automatic promotion spot or drop below the play-off spots. Partizan and Levante are also safe but can't move out of the league, they will face Dynamo Moskva and Stuttgart who are both already relegated.

Safety.

The battle for safety is still on for two teams. Bordeaux are currently 2 points clear of Atalanta and the drop zone but could be relegated even if they manage a draw. Atalanta have a superior goal difference which could save them if they can beat out of form Espanyol. Looking at the form of Bordeaux will give Atalanta hope as the French side haven't won in their past 5 games. However, the Italian side must win if they want any chance of safety.

Relegated.

While Dynamo Moskva and Stuttgart have unimportant final games, Besiktas can still impact the top of the table as they face Monaco. The French side can still attain an automatic promotion spot but are also in danger of missing a promotion opportunity all together.

The Table

So many clubs have the potential to move up or down in the table. Here are the current standings with the highest and lowest potential finished for each team (Goal difference within 5).

The Fixtures

Please find attached on the blog the list of other managers that have applied to be in Top 100. Can you please view the profiles of the managers and then on the newsfeed post please vote for your Top two.

https://www.soccermanager.com/profile.php?cid=794201 (Chris Hogg)

https://www.soccermanager.com/profile.php?cid=3550336 (John James)

https://www.soccermanager.com/profile.php?cid=809014 (Mr Ipswich)

https://www.soccermanager.com/profile.php?cid=3283055 (Marcos Vitorino)

https://www.soccermanager.com/profile.php?cid=6433165 (Giuseppe Glaviano)

https://www.soccermanager.com/profile.php?cid=1911263 (Gonzadan)

https://www.soccermanager.com/profile.php?cid=4448337 (Corey Johns)

Additional information from Marcos Vitorino:

19 May 2018 01:39

A warm welcome at the Etihad for the new 'gaffer'.

New City boss McLean reading player analyses.

Oyarzabel back from a 'clunge' hunt.

Ibra and his doppelganger.

Oyarzabel - Back on the 'clunge' wagon.

US actor Tom Cruise in 'The Mummy'.

Jobs update - REMEMBER the following clubs anyone can apply for - even Tom Parfitt. . . . (1) A. Madrid, (2) Liverpool (3) Benfica (4) Sunderland (5) Southampton (6) Wolfsburg. . .  

Currently we have LIVERPOOL (7 applicants) A.MADRID (8 applicants) BENFICA (13 applicants) SUNDERLAND (0 applicants) SOUTHAMPTON (5 applicants) WOLFSBURG (2 applicants) 

Remember the deadline is matchday 33 - so Sunday night. I will be emailing out the spreadsheet of everyone’s applications to the committee - you will only be considered for the jobs you applied for - so still 48 hours if you want to throw your name in there.

Just to reconfirm the process - there are 8 managers who will have their say, including the big boss Frank Hirst - with all 8 managers considered the top 3 candidates for EACH JOB in turn and giving their 1st choice (3 pts) 2nd (2pts) 3rd (1pt) the top candidate being offered the job so to speak. 

There have been some strange goings on in the West Midlands recently, and the “Paddlefish” has decided that the time is nigh to bring it to a wider audience.


Disturbances have been reported, and a man in strange garb has been identified by various eye witnesses and seen on CCTV. Although their has not been a positive ID as yet, the figure has been described as wearing an Aldi carrier bag with a Benfica crest drawn on the front, and Parfitt scrawled on the back.

Other witness reports also suggest that actually, the man in question walks around listening to I’ll Be Missing You on a boom box, and actually has Parf Daddy engraved on the back of the carrier bag.
The question therefore needs to be asked. Just exactly who is this mad man, or is it in fact, mad men, and what else do we know about them?

Well one of the characters has been heard muttering under his breath about “his” Benfica squad being ripped apart and left in tatters. About how it is not achieving the greatness that should be automatically bestowed upon it.

The (other?) shady character has been heard to say that the squad he built has been left in good shape despite a Parfitt hurricane attempting to tear it to shreds.

Police have investigated the case and have no leads whatsoever. All they have been able to say is that they feel there is a delusional schizophrenic on the streets of the West Midlands, and should not be approached. Not because he is likely to be dangerous, but because he may well talk you into a confused bubble of your own, from which there may be no escape.

Paddlefish PI however has done some research, and drawn his own conclusions. These conclusions are nased on a combination of hard evidence, hearsay (not the band), and simply making things up.

The first thing to consider is this. Who is in the West Midlands? We can immidiately start to narrow down the field here, and we see that Beddows is surprisingly not likely to be a candidate, and Ruts is also likely to be in the clear. Equally as shocking, Josh probably isnt the crazed fool, and Paddy D, PMW and The Linder all seem equally unlikely.

The most likely suspects would all be Midlands based. With that in mind, the shortlist can therefore be narrowed down to Sir Walter Smith, Anthony Maddison, Nick Justice and Nuno.
Now by process of further elimination, SWS and Anthony are based in Leicester & Stoke respectively. The chances of them dressing in a carrier bad and then heading off to Birmingham is possible, but may a little less probable.

That then leaves us with Nuno and Nick Justice. Lets take a look at the two suspects and then make up our own minds.

First off, Nick. Nick Justice is the head of the Justice League, so is therefore on first name terms with the likes of Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Aqua Man and the Flash.


Here we have a man who is completely on the straight and narrow. One who is so anti crime that he has created his own band of vigilantes to fight against it. On the other hand though, his crew all wear capes. Is it possible that they got the idea from a carrier bag wearing nutcase?

In the other corner, we have Nuno. A man so completely overwhelmed by his own self confidence that he completely ignored those wise words “You can’t win anything with kids”. Unfortunately however, Nuno didn’t win anything with kids. Could that crushing blow to his monstrous ego finally have tipped him over the edge?

A “confession” made under hypnosis may hold some clues. A transcript of that session has now been released for puplic consumption / knowledge / awareness (Delete as appropriate)

Prof Doppelganger: So then Nuno, can you tell me a bit about your past?

Nuno: It all started back home in Portugal. I was adored there. Absolutely everywhere I went there were men who wanted to be me, and women who wanted to be with me. As I wondered around the country, the men would be throwing their wives and daughters at me. The women would be throwing themselves at me.

Prof Doppelganger: So what went wrong?

Nuno: That mofo Parfitt. The feckin’ Paddlefish. He came along and took my job. The men started throwing their wives and daughters at him. The women were throwing themselves at him. He became the focus of their love, lust and adoration.

Prof Doppelganger: And how did it make you feel?

Nuno: Unloved, unwanted, washed up, like an orphan at a family reunion, like a dog in a cattery, like a vag in a gay skin flick, like a pork chop on a vegitarian menu, like a fart in a wetsuit, like a mobile phone going off in Anne Franks pocket, like a…..

Prof Doppelganger: Ok Nuno, that’s fine, no need to labour the point. So moving on, the man Parfitt. Do you fear him?

Nuno: My fear is that he will come here after me, and be loved by everybody here. That he will take my place in their hearts, the same as he has done in Portugal.

Prof Doppelganger: Just sum up exactly how you feel about him?

Nuno: Besotted. I’m just a weak minded fool, so I want to be like him. He’s the man. The only man for me.

Prof Doppelganger: And what do you do if you ever feel these impulses towards him?

Nuno: I have to try and surpress it. I know he’s the man, but I have to tell myself I’m the man, I’m the man, I’m the mans, I’m mans. I AM MANS!

At this point, the recording comes to an end. There are some hysterical screams, and rustling sound which is reminiscent of a carrier bag, and in the distance a faint Portuguese voice can be heard asking a receptionist if he can borrow a pen. The next thing is the click of a boom box being turned on, and the sounds of Puff Daddy & Faith Hill telling somebody they’ll be missing them.
So kiddos, it’s over to you. Is the crazed schizo of Birmingham likely to be friends with the Caped Crusader et al, or is it more likely to be an under achiever who is far more concerned with worrying about other peoples personal situation rather than his own?

www.youtube.com/watch