Signs of promise for ASSE


Powell content with 'steady' start 


As the eleven St.Etienne players strode off the pitch at the Geoffroy-Guichard last night, there was a renewed sense of optimism emenating around the stadium, as Les Verts continue to show why they won't be a pushover and will fight with every tooth and nail to stay in Division 2 this season. A 2-0 win over a Southampton side who had beaten the league leaders Everton just a few days earlier, put a halt to a slightly worrying winless run of four games, but there is no doubt that last night's result could be a vital one in terms of the season as a whole.

"We're doing relatively well" said Powell in his post-match interview. "I can't really ask for much more from the boys at the moment. We've been on a poor run in the league recently, and having dropped into the relegation zone, plenty of sides in our position could have crumbled and started to fade away. But we're determined not to let that happen. I'm delighted with the three points."

In what was a very tight game, it was Japanese international Genki Haraguchi, one of a number of new signings, who proved to be the hero, bagging a brace, with the goals coming in the 73rd and 81st minutes to secure an unlikely, but impressive, victory. "The game was on a knife edge for the vast majority of the 90 minutes" said Powell, with the relief in his voice proving just how crucial a result this could be. "Both sides were very evenly matched, we had a goal ruled out for offside in the first half, but, especially towards the end of the opening 45, we were under a fair bit of pressure from Southampton, but we stood strong. I thought we managed to limit the superbly. Considering the quality they've got, with the likes of Chicharito, Denis Suarez, Bernard and more, they're players we could only dream of having at ASSE. We managed to ride the storm though, and for the whole 2nd half, it looked like we'd cancel eachother out. But then up stepped Genki, not for the first time this season, and he's gone and scored two excellent goals for us. He really is turning into a fantastic player for us."

Powell is right, Haraguchi has been oustanding so far this season, and the stats don't lie. The former Monchengladbach man has played all 9 games so far this season, scoring 4, and assisting 4 as well. He's played in a number of positions, and last night played in both an attacking midfield role, as well as up front, scoring a goal while playing in each position. Powell also reserved special praise for 18 year old Kai Havertz, on loan from Juventus, who had an excellent game. "Kai was fantastic, it was his league debut for us and he came up trumps, grabbing the assist for our second goal. Despite his rating being lower than some of our other options, he's certainly giving me something to think about."

ASSE host FK Partizan on Tuesday in the 2nd round of the Top 100 cup, before playing our first home match of the World Club Shield against Club Brugge. On Thursday there is a visit to fellow newly-promoted side Sevilla, before league leaders Everton come to France on Sunday. 

"It certainly won't be easy to stay up." concluded Powell, "but if we can keep the points ticking over, you never know. Everyone always says you need to reach the magic 40 point mark. We're currently 29 points off, with 29 games to play. A point a game is doable, and we're going to put everything into making it happen." 





























Villa Chew Toffees Up And Spit Them Out

Results from last nights Youth Cup Group fixtures, with updated tables here: https://smtop100.blogspot.co.uk/p/youth-cup-group-tables_28.html.


Group A


Bayern 2 - 1 Barcelona
Juventus 1 - 2 Genoa CFC
SL Benfica 1 - 1 Manchester United










Group B


Arsenal 1 - 0 Real Madrid
Chelsea 0 - 2 Atlético Madrid
Hellas Verona 1 - 2 Dortmund

Group C


Flamengo 0 - 0 Marseille
Independiente 1 - 2 Hoffenheim
Leverkusen 1 - 0 Valencia CF











Group D


AS Roma 0 - 2 AC Milan
Everton 2 - 5 Aston Villa
Stoke City 1 - 2 SSC Napoli


Group E


Manchester City 3 - 1 Liverpool
RCD Espanyol 1 - 1 Newcastle United
Sporting CP 1 - 0 Sevilla










Group F


FC Basel 3 - 1 Sassuolo
RSC Anderlecht 1 - 1 Dynamo Kyiv
Swansea City 2 - 3 Sunderland


Group G


Augsburg 3 - 0 Tottenham Hotspur
Internazionale 1 - 1 H. Berlin
Shakhtar Donetsk 4 - 2 ACF Fiorentina








Group H


Club Brugge KV 1 - 2 Girondins Bordeaux
Udinese Calcio 0 - 3 SS Lazio
Villarreal CF 4 - 0 Beşiktaş JK


Group I


Celta Vigo 1 - 1 São Paulo FC
Cologne 1 - 1 Crystal Palace
Leicester City 2 - 1 Lokomotiv Moskva









Season 7 D5 stats and facts.

Division 5 Season 7  stats and facts.  Two teams should dominate but will they ?

At least for now my own Celta Vigo team sit top of the pile.  With a midfield worthy of D2 at least it is no surprise they haven't lost in any serious competition so far.  Weaker at the back but strong enough for this league. West Ham have a stronger defense but a weaker keeper which could be their downfall.

Basel have a more balanced approach with no overall weakness,  unlike Twente who load up the keeper and forward line at the expense of all else.

Dnipro should be an interesting team if they can get enough possession to do damage to the opposition.   River Plate 6th in the stats currently lead the division , a good start by a team good enough to challenge all season long. Lille in 2nd probably don't have what it takes ,mainly a weak defence is likely to let them down.

Rubin Kazan are in last place stats wise and are waiting for the Portuguese ratings to buff their keeper up to the 86 /87 he deserves , so expect them to do better. Augsburg, Bremen , Flamengo will suffer all year with their current set ups.

Division 5 is 2 pts per club weaker on average or roughly 1pt per player position only really the top half statisically should hope for promotion.


GK DEF MID ATT Top18 Ave
ETOT Epr
CELTA VIGO 88.0 88.0 89.8 88.5 87.0 88.3
220.73 1
West Ham United 87.0 89.0 89.0 88.5 86.0 87.9
220.69 2
FC Basel 88.0 88.0 88.0 88.5 86.0 87.7
219.21 3
FC Twente 91.0 87.0 87.8 89.0 85.0 88.0
218.77 4
River Plate 88.0 88.5 88.3 87.0 85.0 87.4
218.71 5
Dnipro Dnipropetrovsk 88.0 87.3 87.8 88.5 86.0 87.5
218.41 6
Santos FC 88.0 87.3 88.5 87.5 85.0 87.3
218.24 7
Independiente 87.0 88.3 87.5 87.5 85.0 87.1
218.12 8
Cologne 89.0 87.5 87.5 87.5 85.0 87.3
217.76 9
Feyenoord 88.0 87.5 87.5 87.5 86.0 87.3
217.76 10
Málaga CF 87.0 88.0 87.5 87.0 86.0 87.1
217.71 11
Udinese Calcio 87.0 87.8 87.0 88.0 85.0 87.0
217.64 12
Lille OSC 87.0 86.8 87.5 88.0 85.0 86.9
217.24 13
West Bromwich Albion 88.0 86.8 87.3 88.5 82.0 86.5
217.13 14
Club Brugge KV 87.0 86.8 87.8 87.5 85.0 86.8
217.12 15
Montpellier HSC 88.0 86.5 87.0 88.5 85.0 87.0
217.09 16
Flamengo 87.0 86.0 88.0 87.5 86.0 86.9
216.84 17
Bremen 87.0 87.0 87.0 87.5 85.0 86.7
216.72 18
Augsburg 88.0 86.8 86.8 87.5 84.0 86.6
216.32 19
Rubin Kazan 83.0 86.5 86.5 87.5 84.0 85.5
215.32 20

Season 7 D4 Stats and Facts

Division 4 in many ways better than Division 3.

With one exceptional club in AS Monaco who could succeed in D1 the average D4 side is as good as the average D3 side.

At least statistically speaking D4 has a better club than anything in D3 and D3 has a worse club than anything in D4. The world has gone mad!.

This should give you the idea that D4 is a wide open mad world where almost anyone who gets promoted could then go on to have a second good season , so probably D4 sides could see a double bounce as a quite reasonable prospect.

Monaco's big problem is a weak keeper for such a good side. They will prosper in D4 but everyone knows , bye pass the midfield lump the ball up to a big striker.  This leaves them vunerable to the likes of Espanyol, Anderlecht, Hellas and Aston Villa all who could challenge them.

 Espanyol are the most balanced side and should concede the least goals.

Anderlecht should expect a good finishing position but do they have the depth for a full season push.  Their Belgium rivals don't have that issue but a weak offense is likely to be their achilles heel.

There are a number of relegation possibilities all the way up to Bordeaux should be concerned.  Zagreb are strong enough at the back , but where will the goals come from,  Stuttgart doing well for now but lack depth and have defensive frailties.  Dynamo Moscow more than any team can not afford a single injury without the team suffering.

So finally D3 and D4 seem to have merged ratings rise, at least for now,  however some old timers may see their last few season in D4 and the rating drop will come sooner or maybe much further in the season.


GK DEF MID ATT Top18 Ave
ETOT Epr
AS Monaco 88.0 88.5 90.0 91.0 88.0 89.1
223.07 1
RCD Espanyol 90.0 88.3 89.8 90.5 87.0 89.1
222.47 2
RSC Anderlecht 88.0 88.8 89.3 91.0 85.0 88.4
222.31 3
Hellas Verona 89.0 88.0 89.8 90.0 86.0 88.6
221.70 4
Aston Villa 88.0 88.5 88.3 90.0 86.0 88.2
220.78 5
Standard Liège 89.0 88.3 89.3 87.5 87.0 88.2
220.00 6
Olympiacos 89.0 88.0 88.0 88.5 85.0 87.7
219.21 7
Stoke City 88.0 88.3 87.3 88.5 85.0 87.4
218.69 8
Crystal Palace 87.0 88.3 88.0 87.5 86.0 87.4
218.64 9
Torino 89.0 87.8 87.8 88.0 86.0 87.7
218.60 10
Levante UD 87.0 88.0 88.0 87.5 86.0 87.3
218.44 11
FK Partizan 88.0 88.3 87.8 87.5 85.0 87.3
218.44 12
Atalanta BC 88.0 87.0 88.8 87.5 86.0 87.5
218.36 13
Girondins Bordeaux 87.0 87.3 87.5 88.5 86.0 87.3
218.09 14
São Paulo FC 88.0 87.5 87.5 88.0 86.0 87.4
218.08 15
Olympique Marseille 87.0 87.3 87.8 88.0 86.0 87.2
217.96 16
Beşiktaş JK 88.0 86.8 88.0 88.0 86.0 87.4
217.88 17
Dynamo Moskva 87.0 87.5 87.5 88.0 83.0 86.6
217.60 18
Stuttgart 88.0 86.5 88.0 87.5 85.0 87.0
217.24 19
Dinamo Zagreb 88.0 87.0 87.5 86.5 85.0 86.8
216.59 20

Season 7 Division 3 Stats and Facts

Division 3 stats and facts, are you the best or worst at being average?

PSV and Lazio head and shoulders above the rest.

Good news for those in division 3 , there are probably 10 or more clubs down to Shaktar who if they were promoted wouldn't get relegated straight away. A 90 rated attacking line is sure to do well against the generally weaker defences and keepers of D3, the only way to keep them at bay would be to deny possesion. This gives PSV a huge advantage as they should also get most of the ball. Only Lazio and Lyon can match them in that respect.

These should be the promoted teams with Hertha , who have another 90 attacking team on their tails.

Leicester , Newcastle, CSKA, Hamburg all very similar teams , who could push for a play off spot.

At the wrong end there is a fairly steep decline. We see 87 or even 86's in defence and if this is combined with a weak midfield their is only one way this will go. The two Turkish sides Cruziero and Swansea look hot to drop. With the exception of Galatasaray they fill the lower 4 positions along with Boca Juniors who are rated 5th from last in any case.


GK DEF MID ATT Top18 Ave
ETOT
PSV 89.0 89.0 89.8 90.0 87.0 89.0
222.62
SS Lazio 89.0 89.0 89.8 89.5 87.0 88.9
222.30
Olympique Lyonnais 90.0 88.3 89.0 89.5 86.0 88.6
221.10
H. Berlin 88.0 88.0 88.5 90.0 86.0 88.1
220.58
Leicester City 89.0 88.5 88.5 89.0 87.0 88.4
220.57
Newcastle United 89.0 88.8 88.8 88.0 87.0 88.3
220.32
CSKA Moskva 89.0 88.5 88.5 88.5 87.0 88.3
220.25
Hamburg 88.0 87.8 88.3 89.0 86.0 87.8
219.54
Shakhtar Donetsk 89.0 88.0 88.3 88.0 85.0 87.7
219.08
Athletic Club 89.0 87.5 88.3 88.0 86.0 87.8
218.80
Lokomotiv Moskva 88.0 87.5 88.0 88.5 85.0 87.4
218.69
Dynamo Kyiv 87.0 88.0 88.8 87.0 85.0 87.2
218.59
AZ Alkmaar 89.0 87.5 87.5 88.5 86.0 87.7
218.53
Spartak Moskva 87.0 87.8 88.0 88.0 85.0 87.2
218.44
Chievo Verona 87.0 87.0 88.5 88.0 85.0 87.1
218.24
Boca Juniors 88.0 87.3 88.3 88.0 82.0 86.7
218.00
Galatasaray SK 88.0 86.8 87.8 88.5 85.0 87.2
217.89
Swansea City 87.0 87.3 87.8 88.0 85.0 87.0
217.84
Fenerbahçe SK 89.0 87.0 87.5 88.0 85.0 87.3
217.68
Cruzeiro 87.0 87.0 87.0 87.0 85.0 86.6
216.39

Piece of Caique for Flamengo, Robert Skov's the Lot for Leverkusen, and City Taught Spanish Lesson

A quick and dirty round-up of all last night’s Youth Cup action.

Group A




Genoa CFC 1 - 3 Bayern
Manchester United 2 - 1 Barcelona
SL Benfica 0 - 2 Juventus


A dominant performance from reigning champions Bayern in Genoa sees them top of the table after two games. The game was all square at one each at half-time, but the German team showed much more attacking intent in the second half. Man of the Match Ante Coric scored two fine goals leaving the Italian side rock bottom at this early stage.

Manchester United fairly comfortably overcame Barcelona with new signing Gabriel Barbosa playing for the first time, following his £19M transfer from Marseille. Gabigol marked his debut with a goal in the first minute the Man of the Match award, to leave United level with Bayern in the table.

Two red cards for Benfica saw their hopes of a first point fade after the hour mark, and Juve recovered well last week's defeat against Bayern to take the three points back to Turin. Adrain Semper recorded a clean sheet and won the Man of the Match award for his efforts.

Group B


Atlético Madrid 1 - 2 Dortmund
Chelsea 2 - 2 Arsenal
Real Madrid 3 - 1 Hellas Verona

Another goalkeeping Man of the Match performance, this time from Dortmund's Pedro Silva, helped his side to a second successive victory, and a second defeat for Atletico Madrid.

Arsenal twice came from behind at Stamford Bridge, thanks to a double from Man of the Match Tammy Abraham. First point each for both clubs.

Real Madrid swept aside Hellas Verona with two goals and an assist from match-winner Jose Luis Sierra. The three points puts Madrid top on goal difference.

Group C


Hoffenheim 0 - 3 Flamengo
Leverkusen 4 - 1 Independiente
Valencia CF 0 - 3*
Olympique Marseille

Hoffenheim saw lots of the ball, but Flamengo finished their chances clinically, and their goalkeeper Caique made saves look easy as pie with his second consecutive clean sheet.

A disappointing Independiente side were torn apart in Leverkusen. Robert Skov made three first half goals, then scored the fourth to earn a well-deserved Man of the Match. The German team are joint top with Flamengo, while the Argentines sit pointless with Hoffenheim at the bottom of the table.

* Marseille were awarded a 3-0 win after Valencia played their first team.

Group D


AC Milan 0 - 1 Aston Villa
SSC Napoli 1 - 3 Everton
AS Roma 0 - 3* Stoke City

Aston Villa continued their great start with a well-deserved victory in Milan. Keeper Kamara kept a second clean sheet, while Man of the Match Lautaro Martinez set up the decisive goal for skipper Joachim Anderson to put the Villains top of the table.

A brilliant counter-attacking display saw Everton take home all three points in Naples to join Villa at the top of the table.

A default 3-0 for Stoke in Rome, as the home side fielded their senior team, means all three English clubs won in Italy.

Group E


Liverpool 1 - 2 Sevilla
Manchester City 2 - 3 Espanyol
Newcastle United 1 - 2 Sporting CP


All three English clubs lost at home to their Iberian opponents in Group E.

Reigning Youth Shield champions Sevilla deservedly won at Anfield to go top of Group E, leaving the Merseysiders propping up the table.

In one of the matches of the day at the Etihad, City came from behind to lead 2-1 just after the hour. Despite dominating the play and the chances, they somehow threw it all away as Isaac Mbenza scored a late stunning free-kick to mark his hat-trick and three points for Espanyol.

16 year old Pietro Pellegri, on loan from Genoa, scored the winner for Sporting in their game at Newcastle.

Group F


Dynamo Kyiv 1 - 2 Sassuolo
RSC Anderlecht 2 - 1 Swansea City
Sunderland 1 - 2 FC Basel


Sassuolo played for an hour with ten men, but still managed an important victory in Kyiv.

Anderlecht came from behind to beat Swansea, who finished the game with nine players following two red cards.

New signing Isaac Success was an instant hit scoring both goals in a Man of the Match performance at the Stadium of Light. Basel are joint top with Anderlecht.

Group G


ACF Fiorentina 0 - 1 Internazionale
Augsburg 0 - 3*
Shakhtar Donetsk
Tottenham Hotspur 2 - 4 H. Berlin


Inter recorded a comfortable win in Florence, while Berlin ran riot in North London, thanks in no small part to three assists from Hassane Bande.

* Augsburg played an overage team gifting Shakhtar the win.

Group H


Beşiktaş JK 0 - 3* Udinese 
Club Brugge KV 0 - 3* Villarreal CF
Girondins Bordeaux 0 - 3 SS Lazio


All three games finished 0-3 in Group H.

Lazio took all their chances to take three points from a very unlucky Bordeaux.

* Brugge and Besiktas both fielded overage players.

Group I


Leicester City 1 - 3 Cologne
Lokomotiv Moskva 1 - 3 São Paulo FC
Crystal Palace 1 - 3 Celta Vigo


All three games finished 1-3 in Group I.

The Spoon Army, fresh from victory in Turin, marched on Moscow to witness another double from Sofian Kiyine.

A stunning hat-trick from Bassem Srarfi saw Celta Vigo win easily in South London to go top of the table.

Season 7 Division 2 stats and fact.

Is there an impossible gap between D2 and D1. The stats suggest yes. Can a top manager prove otherwise.

To not get instantly relegated the ETOT, the experimental ratings total in D1 is around 224.5

As you can see from the table below only AC Milan and Leverkeusen have a strong enough squad to survive more than one season. This sets up the dilema, get promotion get the sack next year..

In any case neither of these teams has had a great start.

Leverkeusen and AC Milan should be there or there abouts at the end of the season and in theory 1 / 2. Leverkeusen lack depth and have a shaky defence but in every other aspect have a great starting 11.

Milan are steady throughout and should be hard to break down by any team.

Ajax , Inter and Southampton are more or less AC Milan clones and except for Inter, none have had a great start , is there a shift to individual performance in the game dynamics or perhaps morale is more important.

Valencia should push for a higher place but goalkeeping has always been a weak point. Giroud has never really done the business for them and perhaps he should be sold on.

Everton have a well balanced side and depth which has set them off on the right course during the early part of the season.

At the wrong end the lower 4 teams dip below 220,  each has an obvious exploitable fault. Sporting the keeper, Sunderland the midfield,  Sampdoria the keeper and AS St Etienne the defence. Now there may be transfers coming in but Sunderland will stuggle for possession and that seems to count for so much .


GK DEF MID ATT Top18 Ave
ETOT Epr
Leverkusen 91.0 89.5 90.5 92.5 83.0 89.3
225.01 1
AC Milan 90.0 90.3 90.5 90.5 88.0 89.9
224.79 2
Ajax 90.0 90.0 90.3 90.5 87.0 89.6
224.27 3
Valencia CF 89.0 89.8 91.0 90.0 86.0 89.2
224.10 4
Internazionale 91.0 90.3 90.0 90.0 87.0 89.7
224.06 5
Southampton 90.0 90.0 90.3 90.0 86.0 89.3
223.82 6
SL Benfica 87.0 89.3 91.0 90.0 87.0 88.9
223.58 7
Everton 89.0 89.5 90.5 89.5 87.0 89.1
223.30 8
Villarreal CF 88.0 89.8 90.5 89.5 86.0 88.8
223.26 9
Genoa CFC 89.0 89.3 88.3 91.5 85.0 88.6
222.36 10
Sevilla 89.0 89.5 90.0 89.0 85.0 88.5
222.33 11
Sassuolo 88.0 89.3 89.0 89.0 86.0 88.3
221.33 12
SC Internacional 90.0 88.3 89.0 89.5 86.0 88.6
221.10 13
Zenit Saint Petersburg 91.0 88.5 88.8 89.0 87.0 88.9
221.01 14
Celtic 86.0 88.5 88.8 89.5 85.0 87.6
220.50 15
Hoffenheim 88.0 89.5 87.5 88.5 86.0 87.9
220.01 16
Sporting CP 87.0 88.0 88.3 89.5 86.0 87.8
219.98 17
Sunderland 90.0 88.0 88.0 89.0 87.0 88.4
219.89 18
Sampdoria 87.0 88.3 88.8 88.5 86.0 87.7
219.89 19
AS Saint-Etienne 88.0 87.3 87.8 88.0 86.0 87.4
218.08 20

Season 7 Division 1 stats and facts.

Shock as new prediction formula predicts Barcelona will win the league .

Will Chelsea , Bayern or Juve have enough to push them out the way?

First of all the usual warning.

None of the statistics are an opinion based, neither do they in anyway reflect the hard work or inate managerial skill you all obviously all have.

I also have, at some points , had to make difficult choices around the kind of formation you will put out.

The new "experimental " formula slightly downgrades the effect of a singular good keeper and the importance of depth. Why ? well on testing over the last season it seems to get it right more often.

Barcelona and Chelsea have much the best starting sides, but lack some depth. So they should do well early in the season until fatigue and injury starts to bite. They will need to build up a good lead as Juventus and Bayern have more depth and will worry less.

Real Madrid should also prove a hard side to break down. Man Utd on the otherhand could well suffer at the hands of the big sides.

Fiorentina and Liverpool look like the obvious favourites for relegation.  Despite a fair start Fiorentina seem to be relatively weak in all categories, meaning teams just need to play their normal game to beat them.  Liverpool less so and have a stronger defence but will that be enough as the draws start to mount up.  Then any two of 4 out of Porto, Wolfsburg, Schalke and Monchengladbach should fill up the remaining spots.

Don't read anything into Dortmunds poor start , look at the fixtures, they have played all the top sides statistically and will now be looking to climb up the table.


GK DEF MID ATT Top18 Ave
ETOT
Barcelona 96.0 93.3 94.5 97.0 85.0 93.2
234.97
Chelsea 93.0 93.3 93.3 97.5 85.0 92.4
233.94
Bayern 92.0 93.3 94.3 95.5 88.0 92.6
233.68
Juventus 95.0 91.3 93.5 94.0 90.0 92.8
231.10
Manchester United 89.0 91.3 94.3 92.5 87.0 90.8
229.65
Real Madrid 93.0 91.8 92.3 93.5 87.0 91.5
229.58
Arsenal 91.0 91.3 91.3 93.5 88.0 91.0
228.26
Manchester City 90.0 91.0 91.0 94.0 87.0 90.6
227.94
Tottenham Hotspur 90.0 91.3 92.5 91.5 88.0 90.7
227.84
Paris Saint-Germain 94.0 91.8 91.3 91.0 87.0 91.0
227.27
Dortmund 92.0 90.5 91.5 92.0 86.0 90.4
226.76
SSC Napoli 90.0 90.0 91.8 92.0 87.0 90.2
226.44
AS Roma 92.0 89.8 92.0 90.5 86.0 90.1
225.59
Atlético Madrid 89.0 90.5 91.0 91.0 87.0 89.7
225.47
FC Porto 90.0 90.5 90.3 90.5 88.0 89.9
224.79
Wolfsburg 90.0 90.5 90.8 90.0 87.0 89.7
224.74
Schalke 89.0 89.5 90.8 91.0 87.0 89.5
224.47
Monchengladbach 90.0 89.5 90.8 91.0 86.0 89.5
224.47
Liverpool 90.0 90.0 90.0 90.0 87.0 89.4
223.74
ACF Fiorentina 89.0 88.8 90.0 89.5 86.0 88.7
222.18

The Turin Mystery

 what really happened that fateful day in Turin





The game had been hyped up. Turin Mayor & Manager Gino Kinnear had been claiming the Spoon Army would not be allowed into the Stadio Olympico by the security forces, even going as far as to advocate placing a giant ribbed condom over the stadium!
The Spoon Army retaliated claiming they could and would take both the City and the Stadium whenever they liked, regardless of any oversized contraceptive obstacles placed in their way.


A ribbed condom 

The Stadio Olympico Grande Torino last thursday

The gauntlet had been dropped and the Spoon Army were not ones to shirk a challenge.

My name is Python Lee and I accompanied a hardcore element of the Spoon Army on what has now become known as: 'The Turin Mystery'.

6000 away tickets had been sold for the sell out league clash between Turin & Sao Paulo. Mayor Kinnears' tactics of hyping the games' potential for disorder had obviously borne dividends.

As expected the masses the Spoon Army descended on Turin and apart from isolated incidents of arson and looting the security forces did a pretty good job and the visiting supporters were largely peaceable.
As it approached kick off the fans began to stream south towards Santa Rita and the Torino Stadium shepherded by the security forces in a vast carnival of blue lights and sirens.

However that was not where we were heading.
I was with around 500 of the more hardcore of the Spoon Army, veterans of both the mass incarceration and the escape into the mountains. These people were survivors....and fanatics.
Their passion for Sao Paulo and it's people ran deep and they weren't about to let Mayor Kinnears' slurs against them go unanswered.



A man holding several gelatos today
Wearing chinos and sunglasses, gesticulating and slurping gelatos we blended in effortlessly with both the locals and tourists alike as we made our way towards the Monumentale de Torino just east of the city centre. 
At this point I had no idea what our destination was, as a journalist I was tolerated, befriended even but totally trusted? Not yet.

We strolled around the monument taking selfies and drinking tiny coffees until 3.17pm, the exact time Nicola Sansone scored the first of his brace for Sao Paulo.. 
This was our signal. Gelatos were jettisoned, gesticulations ceased as we strode purposefully back into the centre. 
I recall approaching an imposing Cathedral and vaguely recognising it from somewhere, 'Cattedrale di San Giovanni Battista', where did I know that name from?

 
The Cattedrale di San Giovanni Battista earlier today


I was about to find out as we entered the Cathedral at jogging pace, an air of menace now exuding from the 500 strong group. It was then that I saw the first glint of stainless steel in the air, heard the first clink and clatter of the much fabled Spoons. Tourists and the faithful shrank back in fear leaving our path forward clear.


The altar yesterday

We reached the Altar and formed a protective circle as 50 or so elite Spoons decamped into the bowels of the building. My attention was distracted when a group of altar boys tried to make a run for it only to be horribly brought down by some well placed Spoons to the knees. 
One tourist, a massive American tried to take a photo of us, big mistake, a deftly aimed sugar spoon shattered his expensive camera lens followed by a dessert spoon to the neck, felling him faster than the Lehman Brothers empire.

Minutes later we were out in he bright Italian sunshine, heading out to the University campus where a fleet of luxury coaches were waiting to whisk us north, over the border into Switzerland and Geneva airport.

It wasn't until we were back in Sao Paulo that I saw the reason for our days work and I still can't believe my eyes.
We had the Turin Shroud. Yes the Turin Shroud, the Shroud of Turin, however you want to say it, we had it.
I broke the story via Reuters and the reaction around the world was predictably one of shock and horror.

Days later the Spoon Army issued a communique denouncing religious fervour and explaining they would be putting the shroud to a new and more fruitful purpose that would be revealed at their next home game against Besiktas. However, Python Lee your intrepid journalist has a world first, and it's really gonna shock you.


The Spoonin Shroud

The Shroud has been renamed The Spoonin Shroud and it now bears the imprints of the the most rare and precious Spoons in the Spoon Army's possession. 
It is to become the new club flag and will be paraded aloft in the terraces at every home game as a symbol of the strength and determination of this unique fan army.
It wasn't just the club that benefited either, a few trinkets liberated from 'Cattedrale di San Giovanni Battista' fetched a nice price on Brazilian EBay and as a result many Paulista Favelas received decent plumbing, hot water and some brand new automatic weapons.


Some Automatic weapons earlier today


I guess if there's one thing to learn from all this it's don't fuck with the Spoon Army, that's it mainly.

Oh, and as for Mayor and Manager Kinnear, his team Torino lost the game 2-0 somewhat against the run of play and he's no longer Mayor. In the public furore that followed the theft he was stripped of the title and sentenced by a clerical court to polish the urns, light the candles and arrange the flowers in every Cathedral in Turin for the next 5 years.

And so ends the Turin Mystery.







New season, same old shite.....

After a season that can at best be described as disappointing, Benfica boss Parfitt made a few changes to his squad ahead of the current campaign. Out went old pro’s like Lloris, Falcao and Reus, and in came the likes of Malcom, Cebalos and Benassi. Lafont was also promoted to the first team, and will be the custodian for the current campaign, with Mbappe filling the striker spot at the other end of the park.


The season has started with the Portuguese unbeaten in their opening three fixtures, although they have won only the once, against Sassuolo on the opening night. Successive draws against Sporting and Zenit have come since then, sandwiching a youth cup defeat away to Barcelona. Whilst the first team have started off in a similar fashion to last season, Parfitt was happy with his sides performance in Spain however, and feels that there is more to come from the kids as the season progresses.

Having had a season and a half in Benfica, and away from his first love of Levante, how does the man himself rate the performance of the players, and himself? This very question was posed by a journalist from the Portuguese newspaper Correio da Manha.

“Listen buddy, when you come from Spain to Portugal, you have to be prepared for a different challenge. Everything is different here. The culture, the weather, the language, the beer and food, even the amount of letters in the name of the country is different. I mean Portugal is three syllables ffs, shit like that takes some time to get used to.
I’ll tell you something though, I had a target of getting Benfica out of div. 2 in my first season, and we were within a gnats ball sack of doing it too. If we hadn’t had those couple of wins towards the end of the season, we’d have got out of the division no worries, but the lads decided that they would rather stay where they are for another season. Their choice I guess, but we’ll be trying to get out of the league again this time around. That said, I’ll be looking to get out through the sunroof rather than the basement this year.
All in all though, I’ve been feckin’ amazing. When I was at Levante, we were punching well above our weight, and now here at Benfica, it’s the same again. By rights we should be a mid-table div 4 side, but due to my high quality managerial skills, and the fact that a couple of the lads can play a bit, we’re doing alright at a much higher level.
And the flip side of that coin is in the motherland. Just look at Beddows. He’s got nervous in Milan coz he know’s Macca over at Inter us about to make the blue & blacks the best side in Milan, and bottled the challenge. He decided to try jumping into Keano’s grave at Real Madrid, and he’s giving their fans about as much satisfaction as I give my missus. It’s like chucking a cigarette down the high street, but you know what, if you try and try again, then you might accidentally stumble upon something that works. He’s got his work cut out though. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s out of a job by the end of the month. Even Nuno would’ve had Madrid in the top four, but Beddows is more likely to get them into division four. “

And what are his targets for the end of the season, and where will be if these objectives are not met?
“Well if I’m honest, I see us as runaway champions, along with youth cup champions, and WCC semi-finalists as a minimum. I haven’t set the lads any official objectives, but that’s what I feel is possible based on my opinion of me as a manager. As for the end of the season, who knows? Obviously I’ve got unfinished business back at Levante. I promised to get them into div 1, and one day I’d like to go back and do that. I’d also like a stab at Santos at some point in the future, but that’s all for another day”

The paper also asked Parfitt to comment on rumours that he was seen with some of the players on a night out prior to the sides fierce derby match with Sporting.
“So me and the lads were out on the proper lash, smashed a few jars already, and my boy Mbappe says he’s proper Hank Marvin. It’s well past pasty o’clock so Greggs is out and it ain’t a Thursday so we can’t hit cuzza club down ‘spoon. Then Goretzka drops a shout for Nandos so we go get some chicken. We smashed that bad boy and headed off for a couple more late ones. Bumped into Wheels & Barbs, played in the snow with them for a bit and the top notch bantz just started flowing. The boys had a belter, me and Wheels too, and we still managed to get a point the next day”