2018
Signs of promise for ASSE
Villa Chew Toffees Up And Spit Them Out
Results from last nights Youth Cup Group fixtures, with updated tables here: https://smtop100.blogspot.co.uk/p/youth-cup-group-tables_28.html.
Group A
Group B
Group C
Group D
Group E
Group F
Group G
Group H
Group I
Season 7 D5 stats and facts.
Division 5 Season 7 stats and facts. Two teams should dominate but will they ?
At least for now my own Celta Vigo team sit top of the pile. With a midfield worthy of D2 at least it is no surprise they haven't lost in any serious competition so far. Weaker at the back but strong enough for this league. West Ham have a stronger defense but a weaker keeper which could be their downfall.
Basel have a more balanced approach with no overall weakness, unlike Twente who load up the keeper and forward line at the expense of all else.
Dnipro should be an interesting team if they can get enough possession to do damage to the opposition. River Plate 6th in the stats currently lead the division , a good start by a team good enough to challenge all season long. Lille in 2nd probably don't have what it takes ,mainly a weak defence is likely to let them down.
Rubin Kazan are in last place stats wise and are waiting for the Portuguese ratings to buff their keeper up to the 86 /87 he deserves , so expect them to do better. Augsburg, Bremen , Flamengo will suffer all year with their current set ups.
Division 5 is 2 pts per club weaker on average or roughly 1pt per player position only really the top half statisically should hope for promotion.
| GK | DEF | MID | ATT | Top18 | Ave | ETOT | Epr | ||
| CELTA VIGO | 88.0 | 88.0 | 89.8 | 88.5 | 87.0 | 88.3 | 220.73 | 1 | |
| West Ham United | 87.0 | 89.0 | 89.0 | 88.5 | 86.0 | 87.9 | 220.69 | 2 | |
| FC Basel | 88.0 | 88.0 | 88.0 | 88.5 | 86.0 | 87.7 | 219.21 | 3 | |
| FC Twente | 91.0 | 87.0 | 87.8 | 89.0 | 85.0 | 88.0 | 218.77 | 4 | |
| River Plate | 88.0 | 88.5 | 88.3 | 87.0 | 85.0 | 87.4 | 218.71 | 5 | |
| Dnipro Dnipropetrovsk | 88.0 | 87.3 | 87.8 | 88.5 | 86.0 | 87.5 | 218.41 | 6 | |
| Santos FC | 88.0 | 87.3 | 88.5 | 87.5 | 85.0 | 87.3 | 218.24 | 7 | |
| Independiente | 87.0 | 88.3 | 87.5 | 87.5 | 85.0 | 87.1 | 218.12 | 8 | |
| Cologne | 89.0 | 87.5 | 87.5 | 87.5 | 85.0 | 87.3 | 217.76 | 9 | |
| Feyenoord | 88.0 | 87.5 | 87.5 | 87.5 | 86.0 | 87.3 | 217.76 | 10 | |
| Málaga CF | 87.0 | 88.0 | 87.5 | 87.0 | 86.0 | 87.1 | 217.71 | 11 | |
| Udinese Calcio | 87.0 | 87.8 | 87.0 | 88.0 | 85.0 | 87.0 | 217.64 | 12 | |
| Lille OSC | 87.0 | 86.8 | 87.5 | 88.0 | 85.0 | 86.9 | 217.24 | 13 | |
| West Bromwich Albion | 88.0 | 86.8 | 87.3 | 88.5 | 82.0 | 86.5 | 217.13 | 14 | |
| Club Brugge KV | 87.0 | 86.8 | 87.8 | 87.5 | 85.0 | 86.8 | 217.12 | 15 | |
| Montpellier HSC | 88.0 | 86.5 | 87.0 | 88.5 | 85.0 | 87.0 | 217.09 | 16 | |
| Flamengo | 87.0 | 86.0 | 88.0 | 87.5 | 86.0 | 86.9 | 216.84 | 17 | |
| Bremen | 87.0 | 87.0 | 87.0 | 87.5 | 85.0 | 86.7 | 216.72 | 18 | |
| Augsburg | 88.0 | 86.8 | 86.8 | 87.5 | 84.0 | 86.6 | 216.32 | 19 | |
| Rubin Kazan | 83.0 | 86.5 | 86.5 | 87.5 | 84.0 | 85.5 | 215.32 | 20 |
Season 7 D4 Stats and Facts
Division 4 in many ways better than Division 3.
With one exceptional club in AS Monaco who could succeed in D1 the average D4 side is as good as the average D3 side.
At least statistically speaking D4 has a better club than anything in D3 and D3 has a worse club than anything in D4. The world has gone mad!.
This should give you the idea that D4 is a wide open mad world where almost anyone who gets promoted could then go on to have a second good season , so probably D4 sides could see a double bounce as a quite reasonable prospect.
Monaco's big problem is a weak keeper for such a good side. They will prosper in D4 but everyone knows , bye pass the midfield lump the ball up to a big striker. This leaves them vunerable to the likes of Espanyol, Anderlecht, Hellas and Aston Villa all who could challenge them.
Espanyol are the most balanced side and should concede the least goals.
Anderlecht should expect a good finishing position but do they have the depth for a full season push. Their Belgium rivals don't have that issue but a weak offense is likely to be their achilles heel.
There are a number of relegation possibilities all the way up to Bordeaux should be concerned. Zagreb are strong enough at the back , but where will the goals come from, Stuttgart doing well for now but lack depth and have defensive frailties. Dynamo Moscow more than any team can not afford a single injury without the team suffering.
So finally D3 and D4 seem to have merged ratings rise, at least for now, however some old timers may see their last few season in D4 and the rating drop will come sooner or maybe much further in the season.
| GK | DEF | MID | ATT | Top18 | Ave | ETOT | Epr | ||
| AS Monaco | 88.0 | 88.5 | 90.0 | 91.0 | 88.0 | 89.1 | 223.07 | 1 | |
| RCD Espanyol | 90.0 | 88.3 | 89.8 | 90.5 | 87.0 | 89.1 | 222.47 | 2 | |
| RSC Anderlecht | 88.0 | 88.8 | 89.3 | 91.0 | 85.0 | 88.4 | 222.31 | 3 | |
| Hellas Verona | 89.0 | 88.0 | 89.8 | 90.0 | 86.0 | 88.6 | 221.70 | 4 | |
| Aston Villa | 88.0 | 88.5 | 88.3 | 90.0 | 86.0 | 88.2 | 220.78 | 5 | |
| Standard Liège | 89.0 | 88.3 | 89.3 | 87.5 | 87.0 | 88.2 | 220.00 | 6 | |
| Olympiacos | 89.0 | 88.0 | 88.0 | 88.5 | 85.0 | 87.7 | 219.21 | 7 | |
| Stoke City | 88.0 | 88.3 | 87.3 | 88.5 | 85.0 | 87.4 | 218.69 | 8 | |
| Crystal Palace | 87.0 | 88.3 | 88.0 | 87.5 | 86.0 | 87.4 | 218.64 | 9 | |
| Torino | 89.0 | 87.8 | 87.8 | 88.0 | 86.0 | 87.7 | 218.60 | 10 | |
| Levante UD | 87.0 | 88.0 | 88.0 | 87.5 | 86.0 | 87.3 | 218.44 | 11 | |
| FK Partizan | 88.0 | 88.3 | 87.8 | 87.5 | 85.0 | 87.3 | 218.44 | 12 | |
| Atalanta BC | 88.0 | 87.0 | 88.8 | 87.5 | 86.0 | 87.5 | 218.36 | 13 | |
| Girondins Bordeaux | 87.0 | 87.3 | 87.5 | 88.5 | 86.0 | 87.3 | 218.09 | 14 | |
| São Paulo FC | 88.0 | 87.5 | 87.5 | 88.0 | 86.0 | 87.4 | 218.08 | 15 | |
| Olympique Marseille | 87.0 | 87.3 | 87.8 | 88.0 | 86.0 | 87.2 | 217.96 | 16 | |
| Beşiktaş JK | 88.0 | 86.8 | 88.0 | 88.0 | 86.0 | 87.4 | 217.88 | 17 | |
| Dynamo Moskva | 87.0 | 87.5 | 87.5 | 88.0 | 83.0 | 86.6 | 217.60 | 18 | |
| Stuttgart | 88.0 | 86.5 | 88.0 | 87.5 | 85.0 | 87.0 | 217.24 | 19 | |
| Dinamo Zagreb | 88.0 | 87.0 | 87.5 | 86.5 | 85.0 | 86.8 | 216.59 | 20 |
Season 7 Division 3 Stats and Facts
Division 3 stats and facts, are you the best or worst at being average?
PSV and Lazio head and shoulders above the rest.
Good news for those in division 3 , there are probably 10 or more clubs down to Shaktar who if they were promoted wouldn't get relegated straight away. A 90 rated attacking line is sure to do well against the generally weaker defences and keepers of D3, the only way to keep them at bay would be to deny possesion. This gives PSV a huge advantage as they should also get most of the ball. Only Lazio and Lyon can match them in that respect.
These should be the promoted teams with Hertha , who have another 90 attacking team on their tails.
Leicester , Newcastle, CSKA, Hamburg all very similar teams , who could push for a play off spot.
At the wrong end there is a fairly steep decline. We see 87 or even 86's in defence and if this is combined with a weak midfield their is only one way this will go. The two Turkish sides Cruziero and Swansea look hot to drop. With the exception of Galatasaray they fill the lower 4 positions along with Boca Juniors who are rated 5th from last in any case.
| GK | DEF | MID | ATT | Top18 | Ave | ETOT | ||
| PSV | 89.0 | 89.0 | 89.8 | 90.0 | 87.0 | 89.0 | 222.62 | |
| SS Lazio | 89.0 | 89.0 | 89.8 | 89.5 | 87.0 | 88.9 | 222.30 | |
| Olympique Lyonnais | 90.0 | 88.3 | 89.0 | 89.5 | 86.0 | 88.6 | 221.10 | |
| H. Berlin | 88.0 | 88.0 | 88.5 | 90.0 | 86.0 | 88.1 | 220.58 | |
| Leicester City | 89.0 | 88.5 | 88.5 | 89.0 | 87.0 | 88.4 | 220.57 | |
| Newcastle United | 89.0 | 88.8 | 88.8 | 88.0 | 87.0 | 88.3 | 220.32 | |
| CSKA Moskva | 89.0 | 88.5 | 88.5 | 88.5 | 87.0 | 88.3 | 220.25 | |
| Hamburg | 88.0 | 87.8 | 88.3 | 89.0 | 86.0 | 87.8 | 219.54 | |
| Shakhtar Donetsk | 89.0 | 88.0 | 88.3 | 88.0 | 85.0 | 87.7 | 219.08 | |
| Athletic Club | 89.0 | 87.5 | 88.3 | 88.0 | 86.0 | 87.8 | 218.80 | |
| Lokomotiv Moskva | 88.0 | 87.5 | 88.0 | 88.5 | 85.0 | 87.4 | 218.69 | |
| Dynamo Kyiv | 87.0 | 88.0 | 88.8 | 87.0 | 85.0 | 87.2 | 218.59 | |
| AZ Alkmaar | 89.0 | 87.5 | 87.5 | 88.5 | 86.0 | 87.7 | 218.53 | |
| Spartak Moskva | 87.0 | 87.8 | 88.0 | 88.0 | 85.0 | 87.2 | 218.44 | |
| Chievo Verona | 87.0 | 87.0 | 88.5 | 88.0 | 85.0 | 87.1 | 218.24 | |
| Boca Juniors | 88.0 | 87.3 | 88.3 | 88.0 | 82.0 | 86.7 | 218.00 | |
| Galatasaray SK | 88.0 | 86.8 | 87.8 | 88.5 | 85.0 | 87.2 | 217.89 | |
| Swansea City | 87.0 | 87.3 | 87.8 | 88.0 | 85.0 | 87.0 | 217.84 | |
| Fenerbahçe SK | 89.0 | 87.0 | 87.5 | 88.0 | 85.0 | 87.3 | 217.68 | |
| Cruzeiro | 87.0 | 87.0 | 87.0 | 87.0 | 85.0 | 86.6 | 216.39 |
Piece of Caique for Flamengo, Robert Skov's the Lot for Leverkusen, and City Taught Spanish Lesson
A quick and dirty round-up of all last night’s Youth Cup action.
Group A
Group B
Group C
Group D
Group E
All three English clubs lost at home to their Iberian opponents in Group E.
Group F
Sassuolo played for an hour with ten men, but still managed an important victory in Kyiv.
Group G
Inter recorded a comfortable win in Florence, while Berlin ran riot in North London, thanks in no small part to three assists from Hassane Bande.
Group H
All three games finished 0-3 in Group H.
Group I
All three games finished 1-3 in Group I.
Season 7 Division 2 stats and fact.
Is there an impossible gap between D2 and D1. The stats suggest yes. Can a top manager prove otherwise.
To not get instantly relegated the ETOT, the experimental ratings total in D1 is around 224.5
As you can see from the table below only AC Milan and Leverkeusen have a strong enough squad to survive more than one season. This sets up the dilema, get promotion get the sack next year..
In any case neither of these teams has had a great start.
Leverkeusen and AC Milan should be there or there abouts at the end of the season and in theory 1 / 2. Leverkeusen lack depth and have a shaky defence but in every other aspect have a great starting 11.
Milan are steady throughout and should be hard to break down by any team.
Ajax , Inter and Southampton are more or less AC Milan clones and except for Inter, none have had a great start , is there a shift to individual performance in the game dynamics or perhaps morale is more important.
Valencia should push for a higher place but goalkeeping has always been a weak point. Giroud has never really done the business for them and perhaps he should be sold on.
Everton have a well balanced side and depth which has set them off on the right course during the early part of the season.
At the wrong end the lower 4 teams dip below 220, each has an obvious exploitable fault. Sporting the keeper, Sunderland the midfield, Sampdoria the keeper and AS St Etienne the defence. Now there may be transfers coming in but Sunderland will stuggle for possession and that seems to count for so much .
| GK | DEF | MID | ATT | Top18 | Ave | ETOT | Epr | ||
| Leverkusen | 91.0 | 89.5 | 90.5 | 92.5 | 83.0 | 89.3 | 225.01 | 1 | |
| AC Milan | 90.0 | 90.3 | 90.5 | 90.5 | 88.0 | 89.9 | 224.79 | 2 | |
| Ajax | 90.0 | 90.0 | 90.3 | 90.5 | 87.0 | 89.6 | 224.27 | 3 | |
| Valencia CF | 89.0 | 89.8 | 91.0 | 90.0 | 86.0 | 89.2 | 224.10 | 4 | |
| Internazionale | 91.0 | 90.3 | 90.0 | 90.0 | 87.0 | 89.7 | 224.06 | 5 | |
| Southampton | 90.0 | 90.0 | 90.3 | 90.0 | 86.0 | 89.3 | 223.82 | 6 | |
| SL Benfica | 87.0 | 89.3 | 91.0 | 90.0 | 87.0 | 88.9 | 223.58 | 7 | |
| Everton | 89.0 | 89.5 | 90.5 | 89.5 | 87.0 | 89.1 | 223.30 | 8 | |
| Villarreal CF | 88.0 | 89.8 | 90.5 | 89.5 | 86.0 | 88.8 | 223.26 | 9 | |
| Genoa CFC | 89.0 | 89.3 | 88.3 | 91.5 | 85.0 | 88.6 | 222.36 | 10 | |
| Sevilla | 89.0 | 89.5 | 90.0 | 89.0 | 85.0 | 88.5 | 222.33 | 11 | |
| Sassuolo | 88.0 | 89.3 | 89.0 | 89.0 | 86.0 | 88.3 | 221.33 | 12 | |
| SC Internacional | 90.0 | 88.3 | 89.0 | 89.5 | 86.0 | 88.6 | 221.10 | 13 | |
| Zenit Saint Petersburg | 91.0 | 88.5 | 88.8 | 89.0 | 87.0 | 88.9 | 221.01 | 14 | |
| Celtic | 86.0 | 88.5 | 88.8 | 89.5 | 85.0 | 87.6 | 220.50 | 15 | |
| Hoffenheim | 88.0 | 89.5 | 87.5 | 88.5 | 86.0 | 87.9 | 220.01 | 16 | |
| Sporting CP | 87.0 | 88.0 | 88.3 | 89.5 | 86.0 | 87.8 | 219.98 | 17 | |
| Sunderland | 90.0 | 88.0 | 88.0 | 89.0 | 87.0 | 88.4 | 219.89 | 18 | |
| Sampdoria | 87.0 | 88.3 | 88.8 | 88.5 | 86.0 | 87.7 | 219.89 | 19 | |
| AS Saint-Etienne | 88.0 | 87.3 | 87.8 | 88.0 | 86.0 | 87.4 | 218.08 | 20 |
Season 7 Division 1 stats and facts.
Shock as new prediction formula predicts Barcelona will win the league .
Will Chelsea , Bayern or Juve have enough to push them out the way?
First of all the usual warning.
None of the statistics are an opinion based, neither do they in anyway reflect the hard work or inate managerial skill you all obviously all have.
I also have, at some points , had to make difficult choices around the kind of formation you will put out.
The new "experimental " formula slightly downgrades the effect of a singular good keeper and the importance of depth. Why ? well on testing over the last season it seems to get it right more often.
Barcelona and Chelsea have much the best starting sides, but lack some depth. So they should do well early in the season until fatigue and injury starts to bite. They will need to build up a good lead as Juventus and Bayern have more depth and will worry less.
Real Madrid should also prove a hard side to break down. Man Utd on the otherhand could well suffer at the hands of the big sides.
Fiorentina and Liverpool look like the obvious favourites for relegation. Despite a fair start Fiorentina seem to be relatively weak in all categories, meaning teams just need to play their normal game to beat them. Liverpool less so and have a stronger defence but will that be enough as the draws start to mount up. Then any two of 4 out of Porto, Wolfsburg, Schalke and Monchengladbach should fill up the remaining spots.
Don't read anything into Dortmunds poor start , look at the fixtures, they have played all the top sides statistically and will now be looking to climb up the table.
| GK | DEF | MID | ATT | Top18 | Ave | ETOT | ||
| Barcelona | 96.0 | 93.3 | 94.5 | 97.0 | 85.0 | 93.2 | 234.97 | |
| Chelsea | 93.0 | 93.3 | 93.3 | 97.5 | 85.0 | 92.4 | 233.94 | |
| Bayern | 92.0 | 93.3 | 94.3 | 95.5 | 88.0 | 92.6 | 233.68 | |
| Juventus | 95.0 | 91.3 | 93.5 | 94.0 | 90.0 | 92.8 | 231.10 | |
| Manchester United | 89.0 | 91.3 | 94.3 | 92.5 | 87.0 | 90.8 | 229.65 | |
| Real Madrid | 93.0 | 91.8 | 92.3 | 93.5 | 87.0 | 91.5 | 229.58 | |
| Arsenal | 91.0 | 91.3 | 91.3 | 93.5 | 88.0 | 91.0 | 228.26 | |
| Manchester City | 90.0 | 91.0 | 91.0 | 94.0 | 87.0 | 90.6 | 227.94 | |
| Tottenham Hotspur | 90.0 | 91.3 | 92.5 | 91.5 | 88.0 | 90.7 | 227.84 | |
| Paris Saint-Germain | 94.0 | 91.8 | 91.3 | 91.0 | 87.0 | 91.0 | 227.27 | |
| Dortmund | 92.0 | 90.5 | 91.5 | 92.0 | 86.0 | 90.4 | 226.76 | |
| SSC Napoli | 90.0 | 90.0 | 91.8 | 92.0 | 87.0 | 90.2 | 226.44 | |
| AS Roma | 92.0 | 89.8 | 92.0 | 90.5 | 86.0 | 90.1 | 225.59 | |
| Atlético Madrid | 89.0 | 90.5 | 91.0 | 91.0 | 87.0 | 89.7 | 225.47 | |
| FC Porto | 90.0 | 90.5 | 90.3 | 90.5 | 88.0 | 89.9 | 224.79 | |
| Wolfsburg | 90.0 | 90.5 | 90.8 | 90.0 | 87.0 | 89.7 | 224.74 | |
| Schalke | 89.0 | 89.5 | 90.8 | 91.0 | 87.0 | 89.5 | 224.47 | |
| Monchengladbach | 90.0 | 89.5 | 90.8 | 91.0 | 86.0 | 89.5 | 224.47 | |
| Liverpool | 90.0 | 90.0 | 90.0 | 90.0 | 87.0 | 89.4 | 223.74 | |
| ACF Fiorentina | 89.0 | 88.8 | 90.0 | 89.5 | 86.0 | 88.7 | 222.18 |
The Turin Mystery
what really happened that fateful day in Turin
The game had been hyped up. Turin Mayor & Manager Gino Kinnear had been claiming the Spoon Army would not be allowed into the Stadio Olympico by the security forces, even going as far as to advocate placing a giant ribbed condom over the stadium!
The Spoon Army retaliated claiming they could and would take both the City and the Stadium whenever they liked, regardless of any oversized contraceptive obstacles placed in their way.
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| A ribbed condom |
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| The Stadio Olympico Grande Torino last thursday |
The gauntlet had been dropped and the Spoon Army were not ones to shirk a challenge.
My name is Python Lee and I accompanied a hardcore element of the Spoon Army on what has now become known as: 'The Turin Mystery'.
6000 away tickets had been sold for the sell out league clash between Turin & Sao Paulo. Mayor Kinnears' tactics of hyping the games' potential for disorder had obviously borne dividends.
As expected the masses the Spoon Army descended on Turin and apart from isolated incidents of arson and looting the security forces did a pretty good job and the visiting supporters were largely peaceable.
As it approached kick off the fans began to stream south towards Santa Rita and the Torino Stadium shepherded by the security forces in a vast carnival of blue lights and sirens.
However that was not where we were heading.
I was with around 500 of the more hardcore of the Spoon Army, veterans of both the mass incarceration and the escape into the mountains. These people were survivors....and fanatics.
Their passion for Sao Paulo and it's people ran deep and they weren't about to let Mayor Kinnears' slurs against them go unanswered.
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| A man holding several gelatos today |
At this point I had no idea what our destination was, as a journalist I was tolerated, befriended even but totally trusted? Not yet.
We strolled around the monument taking selfies and drinking tiny coffees until 3.17pm, the exact time Nicola Sansone scored the first of his brace for Sao Paulo..
This was our signal. Gelatos were jettisoned, gesticulations ceased as we strode purposefully back into the centre.
I recall approaching an imposing Cathedral and vaguely recognising it from somewhere, 'Cattedrale di San Giovanni Battista', where did I know that name from?
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| The Cattedrale di San Giovanni Battista earlier today |
I was about to find out as we entered the Cathedral at jogging pace, an air of menace now exuding from the 500 strong group. It was then that I saw the first glint of stainless steel in the air, heard the first clink and clatter of the much fabled Spoons. Tourists and the faithful shrank back in fear leaving our path forward clear.
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| The altar yesterday |
We reached the Altar and formed a protective circle as 50 or so elite Spoons decamped into the bowels of the building. My attention was distracted when a group of altar boys tried to make a run for it only to be horribly brought down by some well placed Spoons to the knees.
One tourist, a massive American tried to take a photo of us, big mistake, a deftly aimed sugar spoon shattered his expensive camera lens followed by a dessert spoon to the neck, felling him faster than the Lehman Brothers empire.
Minutes later we were out in he bright Italian sunshine, heading out to the University campus where a fleet of luxury coaches were waiting to whisk us north, over the border into Switzerland and Geneva airport.
It wasn't until we were back in Sao Paulo that I saw the reason for our days work and I still can't believe my eyes.
We had the Turin Shroud. Yes the Turin Shroud, the Shroud of Turin, however you want to say it, we had it.
I broke the story via Reuters and the reaction around the world was predictably one of shock and horror.
Days later the Spoon Army issued a communique denouncing religious fervour and explaining they would be putting the shroud to a new and more fruitful purpose that would be revealed at their next home game against Besiktas. However, Python Lee your intrepid journalist has a world first, and it's really gonna shock you.
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| The Spoonin Shroud |
The Shroud has been renamed The Spoonin Shroud and it now bears the imprints of the the most rare and precious Spoons in the Spoon Army's possession.
It is to become the new club flag and will be paraded aloft in the terraces at every home game as a symbol of the strength and determination of this unique fan army.
It wasn't just the club that benefited either, a few trinkets liberated from 'Cattedrale di San Giovanni Battista' fetched a nice price on Brazilian EBay and as a result many Paulista Favelas received decent plumbing, hot water and some brand new automatic weapons.
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| Some Automatic weapons earlier today |
I guess if there's one thing to learn from all this it's don't fuck with the Spoon Army, that's it mainly.
Oh, and as for Mayor and Manager Kinnear, his team Torino lost the game 2-0 somewhat against the run of play and he's no longer Mayor. In the public furore that followed the theft he was stripped of the title and sentenced by a clerical court to polish the urns, light the candles and arrange the flowers in every Cathedral in Turin for the next 5 years.
And so ends the Turin Mystery.
New season, same old shite.....
After a season that can at best be described as disappointing, Benfica boss Parfitt made a few changes to his squad ahead of the current campaign. Out went old pro’s like Lloris, Falcao and Reus, and in came the likes of Malcom, Cebalos and Benassi. Lafont was also promoted to the first team, and will be the custodian for the current campaign, with Mbappe filling the striker spot at the other end of the park.
The season has started with the Portuguese unbeaten in their opening three fixtures, although they have won only the once, against Sassuolo on the opening night. Successive draws against Sporting and Zenit have come since then, sandwiching a youth cup defeat away to Barcelona. Whilst the first team have started off in a similar fashion to last season, Parfitt was happy with his sides performance in Spain however, and feels that there is more to come from the kids as the season progresses.
Having had a season and a half in Benfica, and away from his first love of Levante, how does the man himself rate the performance of the players, and himself? This very question was posed by a journalist from the Portuguese newspaper Correio da Manha.
“Listen buddy, when you come from Spain to Portugal, you have to be prepared for a different challenge. Everything is different here. The culture, the weather, the language, the beer and food, even the amount of letters in the name of the country is different. I mean Portugal is three syllables ffs, shit like that takes some time to get used to.
I’ll tell you something though, I had a target of getting Benfica out of div. 2 in my first season, and we were within a gnats ball sack of doing it too. If we hadn’t had those couple of wins towards the end of the season, we’d have got out of the division no worries, but the lads decided that they would rather stay where they are for another season. Their choice I guess, but we’ll be trying to get out of the league again this time around. That said, I’ll be looking to get out through the sunroof rather than the basement this year.
All in all though, I’ve been feckin’ amazing. When I was at Levante, we were punching well above our weight, and now here at Benfica, it’s the same again. By rights we should be a mid-table div 4 side, but due to my high quality managerial skills, and the fact that a couple of the lads can play a bit, we’re doing alright at a much higher level.
And the flip side of that coin is in the motherland. Just look at Beddows. He’s got nervous in Milan coz he know’s Macca over at Inter us about to make the blue & blacks the best side in Milan, and bottled the challenge. He decided to try jumping into Keano’s grave at Real Madrid, and he’s giving their fans about as much satisfaction as I give my missus. It’s like chucking a cigarette down the high street, but you know what, if you try and try again, then you might accidentally stumble upon something that works. He’s got his work cut out though. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s out of a job by the end of the month. Even Nuno would’ve had Madrid in the top four, but Beddows is more likely to get them into division four. “
And what are his targets for the end of the season, and where will be if these objectives are not met?
“Well if I’m honest, I see us as runaway champions, along with youth cup champions, and WCC semi-finalists as a minimum. I haven’t set the lads any official objectives, but that’s what I feel is possible based on my opinion of me as a manager. As for the end of the season, who knows? Obviously I’ve got unfinished business back at Levante. I promised to get them into div 1, and one day I’d like to go back and do that. I’d also like a stab at Santos at some point in the future, but that’s all for another day”
The paper also asked Parfitt to comment on rumours that he was seen with some of the players on a night out prior to the sides fierce derby match with Sporting.
“So me and the lads were out on the proper lash, smashed a few jars already, and my boy Mbappe says he’s proper Hank Marvin. It’s well past pasty o’clock so Greggs is out and it ain’t a Thursday so we can’t hit cuzza club down ‘spoon. Then Goretzka drops a shout for Nandos so we go get some chicken. We smashed that bad boy and headed off for a couple more late ones. Bumped into Wheels & Barbs, played in the snow with them for a bit and the top notch bantz just started flowing. The boys had a belter, me and Wheels too, and we still managed to get a point the next day”













