OLE! it’s the south american round up!

Sau Paulo

The Spoons are currently occupying 2nd position in league 4 however a poor run of form has seen no wins in 3 games for the Brazilian club. It’s a well known fact that their squad is amongst the weakest in the league & that it’s only the astute tactics of manager Wheels that has kept them in the title race.

Off the field activities such as the recent dressing room siege by a disgruntled bloc of the infamous ‘Spoon Army’ has led to Wheels issuing a ‘unity’ cry, much like Jeremy Corbyn & miraculously, the S.A. has responded, ceasing all hostilities until the final game of the season is over. Wheels now needs to build bridges with keeper Kivrak & top striker Ibarbo in order to secure a play off spot. Anything else is unthinkable.

Boca Juniors

It all seems to have gone tits up for manager Kevin Wallace & his Boca squad. Despite some great early season results their form has tailed off & they are now without a win in 9 league games.

It’s surely time for Wallace to read the riot act to his big name stars such as Banega & Insua to ‘insua’ they remain in Division 2 next season, a feat that is looking increasingly unlikely with each game

This seasons marks 4/10

RIVER PLATE (Argentina)

The Plates as they may well be known, looking at Division 4, seem to be struggling this season.

But in true Div 4 style they are only 5 points of a play off position.

Inconsistency, like many div 4 teams has been the Plates problem this year. Manager secasiu calin-mihai has bought in some good young players such as Demaria Gray, Dwight Gayle & Cardona to add to his core of players with potential – not too many golden oldies here. If the gaffer has the patience to stick with his younger players the Plates could be spinning into div 3 in the not to distant future.

This seasons marks: 6/10

Flamengo (Brazil)

Mark Phelp’s Flamengo are now unrecognisable with 19 players leaving this season & 27 arriving.

Club sources claim the revolving door array had to be closed after creating a rare violent thermal vortex in the club main terminal building. This caused mayhem in the newly opened branch of Greggs when a tray of newly baked pizza slices swirled into the air nipping Joao Pedro & Mathius Doria in some sensitive places, whilst in the next door Tie Rack Bruno Alves was nearly choked by several red & yellow stripey numbers resulting in him handing in his transfer request.

Flamengo are sitting 3rd & if Phelps can continue to motivate his players to achieve the results they have been, then promotion looks very likely.

This seasons marks 8/10

Santos (Brazil)

Santos started the season ok, had some good promotion form mid season & now seem to have slumped as we head towards the seasons end. Manager IanD has a strong squad with star players like John Obi Mikel & Pablo Piatti plus some promising youth players but mid table mediocraty beckons unless IanD can pull a motivational rabbit out of the metaphorical hat. Perhaps a team talk from renown spoon bender Uri Geller might help. That is if he’s recovered the use of his limbs after he tried his spoon bending during half time at The Morumbi recently.

This seasons marks 5/10

Independiente (Argentina)

Manager nikolas NIKKIS nikolaou has a good youth base with some useful 1st team players like Layun & N’Zonzi to call on. However the home crowd would be forgiven for thinking the gaffer had sent out the volleyball team by accident as results have been less than impressive this season.

Personally I feel a club mascot is needed, a large furry hernia maybe, or perhaps a rabid squirrel, something to shake up the crowd & get those players going cos the pre-match armed Taliban salute just isn’t working.

This seasons marks 4/10

SC International

Despite managing a club that sounds like a large discout warehouse (open to the public 7 days a week), Robérto Downinho has done a sterling job guiding the club into 3rd position in Division 3.

A not necessarily ‘strong’ team but a very well balanced one has done the gaffer proud & if they can remain consistent, could find themselves playing in a higher league next season. Paul Ntep has done especially well and Roberto must be hoping he can keep this form going till the seasons end.

This seasons marks 9/10

Cruzeiro (Brazil)

This Brazilian club got it’s name from its first chairman, who it’s rumoured, used to cruise around the red light district of Belo Horizonte in his Ford Capri attempting to pick up prostitutes. However when the ladies of the night heard what depraved acts he wanted them to perform they refused to go with him & threw used condoms & egg whisks at his car. This happened so regularily that the club he owned, Horizonte Rovers became Cruzeiro. Manager Isak Bellman has only been in place for 4 games & in that time has recorded 1 win, 2 draws & 1 defeat, 5 points from a possible 12. Not promotion form you may say but if the gaffer can get some more belief in the dressing room then they are well placed to secure a play off spot.

This seasons Marks 7/10

OLE! it’s the south american round up!